


Re:Zero -Starting Life in Another World- Remix

by AI_Tori



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: AI, AU Story, Alternate Events, Alternate Story, Gen, Pain, ReZero AU, Return by Death (Re:Zero), Rezero - Freeform, Suffering, alternative universe, re:zero - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 92,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27321718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AI_Tori/pseuds/AI_Tori
Summary: What do you get when you take the story of Re:Zero then let an AI scramble the details and make up its own story? You get a remix blueprint! I took the story-flow ideas from an AI, wrote it out as an actual story, and this is the result.This is a story planned for many chapters. Potential contextual spoiler warning for those not at least halfway through season 2.UPDATE 02/26/21: I am still working on this, but I have taken a small break to make something else (also Re:Zero related) that will be uploaded in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I plan to go over some of the previous chapters to clean them up a little while I organize the next chapters. Everything after chapter 30 will take me more time to produce than usual. I appreciate everyone for reading and leaving kudos/comments, and I apologize for the delay!
Relationships: Emilia/Natsuki Subaru
Comments: 63
Kudos: 97





	1. Prologue - Return by Death

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I ran Re:Zero through an AI blender and had it twist, scramble, and mix the story up to its liking. It even created some unique rules. Keep in mind that an AI gave me the basic framework for the events to come along with a majority of the dialogue options and I simply wrote the details out and edited/filled in missing dialogue myself. It is an intriguing mixture (at least to me) that capitalizes on some ideas from all the way up to volume 13 of the light novel (episode 38 of the anime or episode 13 of season 2). If it happens to resemble info or ideas beyond that, it's merely a coincidence. Then again, considering I only really fed it names, personalities, some rules, and a few plot points, it really is mostly coincidence anyway. Also, if there are plot holes, blame the AI! I did try to clean it a little by removing unnecessary information, but I also wanted to stay as true as possible to the original story it gave me. All in all, I think it did a good job, but there are a few things here and there that are a little...interesting, to say the least.
> 
> This is a story spanning several chapters worth of ideas so I'm going to do my best to adapt them!
> 
> Fun Facts: When I started this, I had to teach the AI how to even work with Return by Death which was...really difficult, to say the least. The thing about the stories it creates is, if the main character dies for any reason, the story ends and it refuses to add any more information until you restart with a brand new story. Because of how Return by Death works, it means the main character HAS to die, so I had to teach it what to do. I somehow managed so now Subaru can die for various reasons and restart at checkpoints!

Natsuki Subaru awoke with a start then slowly surveyed the room and its inhabitants. He found himself dressed in grey robes and resting in a guest bed within the Roswaal mansion, beads of sweat trickling down his face as his heart raced. Sharp eyes darted back and forth between the two maids standing to either side, his hands loosely interlocked with theirs.

“What’s the matter?” The blue-haired one named Rem asked in a concerned voice. She tilted her head slightly and, when she did, her pink-haired sister, Ram, did the same.

“I was--” Memories flashed before Subaru’s internal mind’s eye--

A dagger thrust into the heart of the one he loved. She reached her hand out to him only to, last second, shove him out the door. He knocked on the door--kicked it, banged it--anything to get back inside... A voice from behind called out and he realized he would have to run. And so he ran and he ran and he ran, until--

Subaru’s sharp eyes stared blankly forward as he opened his mouth to say something, but he hesitated. A small silence surrounded him as only a soft puff of air left his mouth. Eventually, he began to speak without really thinking his words through.

He would soon come to regret that decision.

“I was just...killed.”

The moment those words left Subaru’s mouth, the world came to a halt and his perspective shifted and twisted. Darkness flooded in from all directions until he could not even see his own body anymore. Suddenly, something began to take shape. It was a darkness darker than even the pitch-black world around him. A tall, dark, and cloaked shadow of an existence. It slowly neared him and he couldn’t help but scream, although his voice never managed to leave his throat.

“I love you...” It spoke in a wispy, wind-chime-like tone. A voice gentle, but also vacant and extremely cold. The words rung hollow repeatedly through his mind, endlessly echoing its empty confession.

Just as suddenly as it had appeared, it vanished. Left in its place, instead, was a sense of dread, panic, and  _ pain _ . A piercing pain struck his torso, worming inside and threatening to crush his very heart. He squinted his eyes shut, grit his teeth, and grabbed at his chest, clenching his fists to ease the pulsating ache with all his might.

_ Get a grip, Natsuki Subaru... _

Subaru opened his eyes to reality, slack-jawed and still grasping his pained chest, then collapsed. As he did, he rolled off the side of the bed and came to a stop as his shoulder broke his fall on the wooden floor. The boy attempted to stand but could only manage as far as resting on his knees. His body felt almost elastic, like jelly, and refused to follow his commands.

He looked up through hazy eyes to see Rem rush to kneel by his side and call his name, “Subaru-kun!” Ram stood over her shoulder, her own arms crossed over her chest. The younger sister of the two picked him up off the floor and placed him back in bed. “Are you alright?”  
  
“Yeah, I...think I’ll be...” he started to say but his voice quickly faded as he lost consciousness.

\-----

“Gah!?” Subaru awoke with a quick shout. No one was around but something deep inside of him knew--he knew he had overslept. As the boy peered out the window, he could tell it was now nighttime. Hurriedly, he got to his feet and ran down the halls.

Memories flashed in his mind. He knew what happened if he let his guard down and left everyone alone. He’d seen those horrors before.

Subaru quickly found his way to Emilia’s room and, as he did, he noticed the twin maids standing near the door. Their faces held a dark gloom about them and, instinctively, he knew something terrible had happened in his absence.

“W-What happened?” he asked, his voice shaken. The two sisters stared at each other for a brief moment before returning their attention to him.

“Emilia-sama...is dead.” Rem spoke between tears that had begun to form and threatened to burst from her blue eyes any second.

“Emilia is--?” Subaru began to echo the blue maid’s words. The boy mindlessly attempted to enter the room but was unable to force his feet to move any further. His legs shook and anchored in place. Memories told him he already knew what he would see inside. “I...I...” he whispered.

_...I knew this would happen... _

_...Not again... _

_...Not like this... _

“We must inform everyone immediately. Roswaal-sama needs to know what has happened.” Ram spoke calmly but was clearly shaken herself.

A part of him didn’t want to see the result of his failures with his own eyes, so Subaru posed a question to the two. “W-What happened...to Emilia...?” he spoke in a raspy, meek tone, tears threatening to overcome him.

The twin sisters stared at each other for a moment before one of them spoke up. “Emilia-sama...died in her sleep...” Rem explained. She could no longer contain her emotions and so her tears burst forth.

Subaru felt the world around him collapsing inward. The world he’d been trying to save so much--that world was no more. Once again, the world he knew was gone. In its place, now, was something he never wanted to see; never wanted to witness; never wanted to experience. He’d been trying to prevent it from occurring, yet here it was, taunting him for his shortcomings.

And thus, his feet finally drove his unwilling body into the room. He had to be by Emilia’s side.

He had to--

There, he saw her beautiful, peaceful face staring upward as her body lay flat on her back against the wooden floor. The moon reflected the glimmer of a dagger stuck into her chest and blood pooled around her, staining her white robes crimson.

Seeing this, Subaru’s eyes widened in horror.  _ But... But... _ Rem had said Emilia died in her sleep. Was she just trying to ease the tension and alleviate some of his pain, or did she deliberately lie about it?

Who killed Emilia? Was it Rem, then? But it couldn’t be. This wasn’t like her at all! No way! It had to be someone else. Who killed Emilia, then? Who did this!? Who was responsible!? Why did this happen!? Why was he always so slow!? So stupid!? So foolish!?  _ So useless!? _

A deep, pitch-dark blackness grew within Subaru, threatening to extinguish his very soul. Try as he might, he couldn’t control the feelings overwhelming him deep inside. He didn’t want it to take over, he tried to fight it off with all his might, but...  _ But _ ...

“She’s...she’s...” he spoke weakly, his voice tumbling forth. With a shaky hand and a wobbly stance, he managed to push himself to remain standing while balancing on the desk near the door.

It’s all his fault. It's all his fault.  _ It’s all my fault for not-- _

_ She’s. Gone. GoNe. GONE. _

“...She’s dead!!!” he roared with a voice unfamiliar to his own mind. A voice he didn’t think his vocal cords could even make echoed off the walls. A raspy bellow of pure rage.

Black flames encircled his form, whooshing in every which direction, growing stronger and stronger with each passing second. He felt his blood boil as the shadowy conflagration fiercely sprouted forth. His eyes widened and stared blankly forward, full of unbridled anger at no one and everyone, as if a ghost were present on the other side of his vision.

Meanwhile Rem continued to stand there, shocked and bewildered at what was happening before her, until another voice filled her ears. “Come on, Rem! Barusu can no longer be reasoned with. He’s going to burn everything!” Ram yelled as she grabbed her younger sister’s hand and pulled her away from the flames. The two demon maids quickly backed away from Subaru’s side in an attempt to not be consumed by the unsparing heat.

“I’ll burn the world down!!!” Subaru roared once more, truly destitute of all reason, before collapsing to the ground. His sharpened, pointed, angry eyes were clouded by the blaze, causing him to squint. He reached a hand forward toward seemingly nothing, to no avail.

A sudden bright, white light filled his vision, blinding him. Silver-veiled, he briefly made out the form of a young girl with long, silver hair and a beautiful, though melancholic, smile.  
  
“Emi...lia...” he rasped out weakly as the conflagration dance continued circling his body.

The bright apparition looked down at the pitiful boy before her. “I’m so sorry, but this had to be done...” the voice, like a bell, spoke softly, sorrowfully, almost mournfully.

_ Emilia... _

Subaru could feel the darkness winning against him. His body ripped apart as the writhing black mass of flames burst forth once again. Then, his numbing body hit the floor with a heavy  _ thud _ . In seconds, his skin and bones turned to ash. A twister of black sucked the dust and shadowy blaze up into nothingness.

_ This is the end for him, but his story isn’t over yet... _


	2. Mansion

Natsuki Subaru found himself floating in a seemingly endless void. Briefly, a bright white light glimmered then enveloped him. He felt his spirit wrenched from its soon-to-be peaceful resting place and thrust back into his worldly form.

He was alive--again.

How many times had Subaru felt this transition before, yet he never seemed to get used to it. Would he ever learn his lesson that trying to explain his situation with his unique ‘Return by Death’ ability in play was futile?

As Subaru slowly opened his eyes, the twin maid sisters came into view. Each held one of his hands in their grasp and looked on with expressions of worry. It was in that moment when he realized he had truly returned.

“Thank you...” he said solemnly.

The two demon maids looked to each other before one of them, the pink-haired one, spoke up. “You’re welcome, Barusu.” she spoke dryly, as if the very thought of the words were a chore. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

Subaru surveyed the room he was in. It was his same old quiet guest bedroom in the Roswaal mansion. A simple bed, desk, and one window. Nothing had changed.

“We were worried something bad happened to you.” Rem looked down as she spoke.

“Why would you think that?” asked Subaru.

Rem spoke softly, “Emilia-sama requested for us to look after you while she is busy. Then I--”

Ram immediately went about finishing the story. “I was busy cleaning the kitchen but Rem pulled me in here because you seemed to be having a nightmare. We saw something strange around you, a dark aura, so we remained at your side until you woke.” she explained plainly.

“A dark aura? Do you know what it is?”

“It could be a curse of some sort, but I am unsure. It seemed to appear like black flames for a moment, but that may have just been my imagination.”

Subaru thought back to what had happened before in his memories. He had spoken words that should not have been spoken and, as a result, Emilia was murdered soon after. Black flames consumed him the moment he let his emotions run wild.

A curse of black flames? Was that even possible? Where had it even come from and why did it consume him when his rage took over?

Subaru put a hand to his chin and thought aloud as he came to a conclusion, “The killer must have placed a curse on me, then. I’m sure of it.”

The twin sisters glanced at each other with their own looks of confusion. They nodded to each other, as if understanding what the other thought, then turned their attention back to the boy in the bed.

“The killer? We haven’t heard of such a thing. Is your head loose, Barusu?” Ram spoke coldly.

“There hasn’t been any reports of any passings here in the Mathers domain. The village is as peaceful as always.” Rem added softly.

Someone or something killed Emilia. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. The killer must be after her...

After a small silence, Subaru finally spoke up. “I see...” he said as he pushed himself to stand. He began pacing around the room with a ruminative expression.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Ram cut into the silence, derailing Subaru’s train of thought.

He had to think through his response for a moment, but when he came to the conclusion he wanted, he smiled pridefully. “What am I going to do? Protect Emilia, of course!”

He, naturally, backed those words up with a pose full of confidence.

The oni maids stared at each other again, taking turns nodding, before turning to face him in unison. What were they even communicating to each other?

“You’re going to go looking for Emilia-sama then, correct?” Ram asked with a derisive tone.

Subaru thought about that for a hot second before responding. “Well, I don’t know, onee-sama, I mean--Wait, no! Of course I’m going to go look for her! What kind of guy would I be if I just abandoned her!?” he shouted as he took off running out the door and down the hallways of the mansion.

The twin sisters immediately followed him out of the room, trailing just a little behind. “Where are you going, Subaru?” the blue-haired one asked with a layer of concern.

“I’m going to go find Emilia-tan and, when I do, I’m going to save her!” he exclaimed loudly; a proud declaration.

He continued down the long, dark hallways for what seemed like an eternity. At one point, he even passed by a large double-door leading to a massive library, briefly peeking inside at the excess of books piled here and there. No one was present within. I wonder if I could just hide out here if I ever needed to...

“Emilia...“ he muttered to himself as he passed door after door. Where are you? You better be safe!

Subaru paused and realized he had no idea where the hell he was in this place. It was too big of a scale for such few people, and he’d only been running around frantically searching without taking in his actual surroundings to memory. He tried to think back to past runs through this place but only came up with fragmented memories that gave him no information to work with.

He walked down yet another flight of stairs before thinking to even ask the maids behind him for assistance. “You know this place inside and out, right? Do you know where Emilia is right now?”

“No but, earlier, I think I might have seen her go that way.” Rem spoke and pointed down a hallway to another series of stairs.

“Thanks, Rem!” Subaru smiled and quickly followed the advice to go down the stairs. After practically flying down the stairwell, he found a door that seemed to exit the building all together. It immediately led him to what appeared to be a huge, beautiful garden. There, the girl he had been searching so frantically for was...simply picking flowers.

“Emilia-tan!” Subaru ran up to the girl with a bright smile, just happy to see her standing there.

Emilia jumped and the basket of flowers she was holding tumbled to the ground. The silver-haired, half-elf appeared surprised as she turned around to see it was just Subaru.

“I-It’s...um, Hello.” Subaru nervously scratched his cheek.

“Hello?” Emilia replied with a nervous giggle.

“Have you been here the whole time?”

“The whole time?”

“Since I fell asleep.”

“...Yeah.”

An awkward silence followed.

Subaru finally opened his mouth to speak, breaking the silence. “So... How have you been?” Emilia looked back at him with a blank stare, as if she wasn’t sure how to answer. Slowly, her expression shifted to panic. “What’s wrong?”

Her voice became small and she trembled. “I...I saw you...die...” Her eyes were wide open, as if staring at a ghost.

“You did?” his voice left his throat without any thought behind it.

“Yeah... Well, I mean, you’re standing here so...I know you didn’t die, so I couldn’t have seen you die... But I--”

Subaru waved his arms in front of him as he tried to calm her down. “It’s okay! It’s okay! It was...probably just a bad dream.”

“...Yeah, that must be it...”

Silence fell over them again. Neither knew what to say anymore as the conversation had become too awkward to bear.

Finally, it was Rem who stepped in. “Oh! Emilia-sama, let me help you with those!” she spoke quickly then went about picking up the fallen basket and gathering the scattered flowers. The maid fixed the flowers as neatly as she possibly could before returning her attention to Emilia with a small smile. “Now, we should be off, Emilia-sama. We need to meet with Roswaal-sama to prepare for the welcoming party.”

“O-Okay...” Emilia replied nervously, but she followed the blue-haired maid regardless.

“See you later, Barusu.” Ram offered Subaru with a small wave before following after them into the mansion.

Subaru let out a deep sigh. He surveyed his surroundings as if they were brand new to him, although this definitely hadn’t been the first time he had seen this place. Was there any danger around? He couldn’t be too sure, and so he stood around the garden for several more minutes. Finally, he decided it was better to return to the inside of the mansion. Roswaal would surely be looking for him soon, after all.

No one was around, not even in the library, so he made his way down the hallways alone. On his way down a random hall, he overheard a familiar voice--Roswaal’s voice--muffled by a closed door. He couldn’t make out what the conversation was or with whom, but he could tell it sounded important, and so he left it alone.

Finally, he found himself standing in the banquet hall. He was the guest of honor for the welcoming party, after all, so this is where he should be, right? It should be fine to show up a little early. Soon after, Beatrice quietly entered the room and ran over to Puck.

Just as Subaru was about to acknowledge the ones present before him--Emilia, Rem, Beatrice, and Puck--a deep, sing-songy voice appeared from right behind him. “Ahhhh, so you’re here already! My my, that makes things a whoooole lot easier!”

The owner of the strange voice and even stranger attire stepped into the room and faced the boy. “Fooooorgive me for running a liiiiittle late. Sooooomething came up and I had to hold an emergency meeting to discuss in private, you see.” he chuckled and quickly moved the conversation along. “My name is Roswaal L. Mathers. Aaaand now, here is our eeeeelusive guest! So, yooooou are the one that has been causing aaaaall the commotion around here. Emilia-sama has told me sooooo much about you! Please, have a seat.”

Subaru looked a little speechless but did as requested. As he looked up from the table, the man in strange clothes spoke once again. “Now you and I are going to have a one on one chat. Emilia-sama, Beatrice, please leave us. Rem, please take them with you.”

Rem bowed without a word then led the others out of the room behind her. Beatrice trailed behind them, staring at Subaru with frown, before leaving as well.

“So, uh, what did you want to talk about?” Subaru asked, breaking the aftermath of silence.

“Simple. It’s about yooooour future in this mansion, Natsuki Subaru.” Roswaal spoke with his ever-present grin only growing more sly with each word. “I aaaaassure you wish to remain here, no?”

But Subaru shot back with pure honesty. “If I can find a way to stay here, I’d like to.”

“Ah, thooooought so. Now, aaaaas you may already know, this mansion is fiiiiilled with a meager amount of staff members, amongst other things...” Roswaal trailed off. Subaru shared a confused expression but the man continued regardless. “I’m taaaaalking about my maids. If you wish to stay here long term, there wiiiiill be one condition.”

“What’s that?” Subaru asked suspiciously.

“That you take a job aaaaas one of my maids.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“No catch?”

“No.”

“Then it’s fine! I’ll do it!” Subaru spoke hastily and confidently. “I mean, I’d rather not, but if that’s what it takes, then it’s fine!”

“Oh-ho, I see. Sooooo you’ve been trained to obey quickly, it seems.” Roswaal let out a small chuckle but stopped when he noticed the frown on his new maid’s face. “I’m joking, ooooof course. Subaru, I do hooooope you get plenty of rest tonight. You will begin working as one of my maids tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, sir!” Subaru saluted. Was that the right way to address a margrave?

Proceeding the exchange, the welcoming party commenced as normal. An hour later, Subaru returned to his room upstairs. He was sitting there, thinking to himself about the next day’s events to come, when he heard a knock on the door.

“It’s me, Barusu. Roswaal-sama sent me.” spoke a voice muffled by the door, but not enough to become unrecognizable.

“Ram?” Subaru stood up and opened the door for the pink-haired maid. He spotted a book and pen in her hands. “What do you want?” he asked casually.

“Stop acting so hostile. I’m simply here to do my job.” When she didn’t get a response, she let out a small hmph and shoved the materials into his hands. “I’m here to teach you how to read and write.” Immediately after that explanation, she took her place on his bed, lying there lazily with a frown.

“But...” Subaru began. He needed to get his rest for the next day, but studying was anything but rest. Even so, he sighed and took a seat at the desk, doing as requested. She did say Roswaal sent her, right? He couldn’t exactly ignore that either.

Ram eventually began snoring, and he couldn’t quite blame her. Subaru stared at her and sighed before continuing his studies. An hour passed by in the blink of an eye as he wrote then rewrote various glyphs into the book. Eventually, Ram woke up and, the moment she did, he passed the materials back to her in their completed form. “Thank you, Ram.” he said with a small, earnest smile.

“You’re welcome, Barusu.” she spoke groggily. The pink maid’s expression quickly changed to embarrassment and she blushed with a frown. She quickly left the room without another word.

That exchange complete, Subaru stared down at his hands on the desk. Even though he knew he would soon become busier, he couldn’t keep his mind off the previous events. A lot had happened, both good and bad.

Subaru thought and thought about the possibility of a killer in their midst, or someone from outside--he didn’t know. All he knew was he needed to figure it out, to solve it before anyone else could get hurt.

I’ll get this done by morning!

With that thought, he decided to focus on those thoughts until he could come to conclusions, even if it took the entire night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was interesting to me because the AI took the mansion arrival and changed it up a little. For some reason, it assumed some characters knew each other and others didn't so I just rolled with it. Also, I gave it information for arc one but it just skipped right over it.


	3. Encounter

Arms folded over the wooden desk, his head rested sideways. Despite his previous resolution to remain awake, at some point during the night Natsuki Subaru had fallen asleep, snoring away.

Suddenly, half-awake, he felt something that shook him so hard he fully awoke in an instant, his sharp eyes wide open. There was a presence looming over him...

“Who’s there!?” he asked suddenly. “Tell me now or I’ll--”

Before he could get another word out, a figure leapt toward him at a rapid speed. He winced as he felt a blade enter his arm, followed by a hot wave of pain. He tried to scream but the assailant covered his mouth with their hand. Even as he opened his mouth to try to speak over it, the intruder grabbed his collar and yanked him to face them.

“You never should have come here...” they finally spoke behind the shadow of a green hood. “...Barusu...” The person before him finally lowered their hand away from his mouth, allowing him to speak.

Subaru’s eyes widened as realization dawned on him. That nickname--who else would call him that but Ram? There was a hood covering most of her features, but those words and that voice...there was no mistaking it...

“Why!?” he yelled out with a pained expression. “Why are you doing this!?”

The person, who seemed to be Ram, kicked him in the stomach and he slumped over pitifully. The stab wound in his shoulder was now dripping blood onto the wooden floor. “Why should I tell you!?” the girl huffed.

“Because...because...” he groaned as he reached a hand over his wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

“Why did you come to this mansion, Barusu!?” she spoke directly, her tone turning more and more cold with each word. “What did you hope to gain!?”

“I wanted...I wanted to...” he began but didn’t get to finish speaking as a foot met his chest with much force, briefly knocking the wind out of his lungs.

“Why did you come here!? Tell me! Why!?” she screamed in pure frustration.

“I wanted to...I wanted to see Emilia...” he spoke weakly. That response immediately earned a kick to the face. The boy groaned and rolled over in pain.

“Stop lying!” she screamed again. “You came here to  _ kill _ Emilia-sama! You sicko...!” Sensing another attack, Subaru attempted to cover his face to prevent being kicked again, but she was faster. He rolled over again, this time onto his back. She stood over him, a foot on either side of his body, staring down at him with a murderous gaze. “Tell me the truth! You wanted to kill Emilia-sama, didn’t you!? Tell me!!”

“You’re wrong!!!” Subaru blurted out loudly, rattling the girl.

She kneeled beside him and grabbed his chin to force him to stare into her cold eyes. No doubt about it now; she was absolutely Ram. The hooded girl proceeded to speak in a low voice. “You have one chance. Explain yourself.”

“I wanted to help her!” Subaru’s voice spilled out, clearly panicked. “Emilia, she-- Someone attacked her and I wanted to stop them before they could hurt her! Please, believe me!” Ram’s red eyes narrowed. Nothing he was saying was making any sense to her, and yet he kept going. “They hurt her! They pushed her! Slapped her! Stabbed her!” he explained frantically.

“No one has hurt Emilia-sama. She is fine.” Ram spoke coldly.

“What do you mean they didn’t hurt her!? I saw it with my own eyes!” he blurted out without thinking.

“Quit making up stories!” she finally raised her voice again, then continued in a colder voice. “You came here to kill her, didn’t you?”

“No! I just wanted--!”

“You’re a spy. Who ordered you to come here?”

“No one did! I chose to come here on my own! P-Please, believe me, Ram!” he cried out.

Ram sighed before grabbing his collar and lifting him up again. “Stupid boy, I know you’re up to something!” She pulled him to stand before slamming him against a wall. His body slumped to the floor again. “I’m not afraid to kill you myself, so you better just tell me who sent you.”

Subaru stared back at her with wide eyes, terrified. “There’s...there’s nothing to find out! I came here of my own accord, I swear it!”

She kneeled beside him and grabbed his chin again. “Tell me the truth.”

“I swear I’m telling the truth!” he yelled. Just as he yelled, he heard the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway.

Ram continued to stare into his eyes for a few more seconds before releasing him from her grip. She turned to the door and went to open it but hesitated. “Stay there.” she ordered before peering into the hallway.

Subaru gulped and decided not to move; not that he would get far if he even tried. He listened carefully to the sounds coming from nearby. The sound of footsteps moved closer and closer, until--

In an instant, a black-cloaked figure shoved Ram to the floor and pinned her down. Slender fingers held a silver dagger to the pink-haired girl’s throat.

“Well, well, well... Look who we have here...” spoke a feminine voice. Upon instinct, Subaru started to charge forward but the figure held a hand up, causing him to stop in his tracks. “Now, now, no need for that.”

“Who are you?” Subaru asked apprehensively.

“Hmm... You won’t need to know that.” the cloaked figure grinned.

“Tell me!” he shouted.

“So stubborn. It’ll be a pleasure to kill you.” the woman said sadistically. Her nearly-black eyes were cold and emotionless, only briefly glancing at him as she continued to hold the knife to Ram’s throat.

“Stop it! Please! Let her go!”

“Hmm...” she hummed. For a moment, the woman looked as if she were in deep thought before smiling once again. A grin spread across her face as she paced her words to build suspense. “How about...I let her go...if you let me kill you first.”

Before Subaru could even react, she let go of Ram and leapt at him, burying her silver dagger in his already-injured right shoulder with little effort. The woman pushed him to the ground and loomed over him as she dug the blade in deeper and deeper. “You know, you’re so cute when you’re scared.”

Subaru let out a scream of agony and grit his teeth as he was quickly overpowered. As the blade continued digging into his shoulder, he found himself completely powerless to stop her.

From the corner of his quickly blurring vision, he saw Ram stand, knife in hand. She rushed forward and kicked the woman in the stomach, sending her rolling to the ground. “So it was you!” she shouted angrily.

The black-garbed woman simply smiled back. “You just made this worse for yourself, dear.” she grinned as she kicked her legs up and managed to hook Ram’s ankle, sending the maid crashing to the ground. The woman got to her feet and moved behind her opponent in an instant. She moved to stab her in the back but the pink-haired girl managed to dodge roll just in time.

The two continued to trade places, locked in combat, until the woman managed to grab her wrist and twist it, forcing her opponent to drop the knife. Quickly, hands wrapped her around Ram’s throat, pinning her to the wall and squeezing the life out of her.

“Stop!” Subaru pleaded from the wayside. The woman didn’t seem to pay him any mind. He struggled to stand but the pain was too great.

_ Think think think... _

In a desperate attempt to put a stop to the current events, Subaru shouted. “I...I can Return by Death!”

Time came to a halt. The boy could feel darkness creeping up around him, swirling and weaving pitch-black. He braced himself for the shadows to try to snake their way inside him and for the agony it would bring, but that never happened. The darkness vanished just as quickly as it had begun.

The black-garbed woman released Ram’s throat as if her hands were burning and quickly turned her attention back to Subaru. She continued to smile as she slowly approached him. “I have no idea what you just did, but you best stay put while I kill this trash.” she snarled.

As she reached his side and kneeled before him, Subaru could feel a sharp pain rip across his chest. It took several seconds to realize he had been cut by her silver dagger. With that realization, he groaned. The boy could feel his body going numb with all the pain as he slumped over on the wooden floor, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Blood ran down his shirt, soaking the color crimson.

The black-cloaked woman looked at Subaru once more with a sadistic grin. “Now you be a good boy and stay put.” she ordered before turning toward the other cloaked person in the room. “Shall we resume?” the woman said as she picked Ram up by her throat again. She smiled more and more sadistically as she squeezed the maid’s throat shut with a grip that would crush just about anyone.

Ram frantically grabbed at the woman’s arms in a vain attempt to get her to stop. As she was unable to breathe, her actions slowed to a crawl, strength spent. The pink-haired girl’s arms stopped moving and fell to hang limply by her sides.

A few seconds later, the sound of chains could be heard. Subaru’s eyes met the door just in time to witness a spiked ball fly past his vision and a blur of blue burst into the room.

The woman quickly dropped Ram and dodged out of the way. “You’ll have to do better than that.” she grinned.

The blue-haired maid went to strike with her morning star again, but the woman simply stepped aside. Rem’s weapon slammed into the wall before being pulled back to her hands with ease.

“Time for me to stop playing.” the black-garbed woman grinned. With that, she quickly moved to the side as the morning star collided with the wall again, splintering the wood. In that instant, she made to strike, cutting her silver dagger into Rem’s stomach. The maid let out a horrible scream as she tried to crawl away from her opponent, but the woman loomed over her in an instant.

Rem tried to grab at the dagger, but the woman caught her hand and twisted it, causing her to scream out in agony. Without delay, the woman wrapped her hands around the maid’s throat and squeezed tightly. “Let’s make this quick, shall we?”

Suddenly, the woman felt an impact as Subaru’s body slammed into hers, knocking her to the ground. He let out a small yelp as, within the next instant, she had already pinned him with a new dagger to his throat. “You’re one hell of an annoyance.” she commented. “Now is your turn to die.”

Subaru squinted his eyes shut as fear took over his body and he froze. He didn’t want her to kill him, he didn’t want to have to reset again, but the cold steel against his throat threatened to take him under.

“Such a pretty neck... I could cut it open and do sweet, sloppy things with it.” the woman cooed as she held the dagger pressed tightly against his neck, taunting her prey.

“If you’re going to kill me, just do it!” he shouted in response as tears threatened to burst from the corners of his eyes.

“I’m going to savor the screams as these girls watch you die.” she whispered into his ear, her hot breath causing him to flinch. “Now then...”

The sound of chains rattling could be heard across the room as Rem forced herself to stand. She let out a loud shriek as her eyes glowed and a purple, shimmering horn formed on her forehead. Immediately, she rushed forward and slammed into the woman with her morning star, this time landing a perfect hit. Subaru quickly crawled as far away as his adrenaline-filled body would let him.

The woman clutched her now mangled arm as blood poured down. Even though she was clearly in pain, her smile never wavered. “You win this time...” she trailed off with a hint of annoyance.

Just as Rem moved to blindly deliver a decisive blow, the black-garbed woman broke the window with her other arm and jumped outside. The maid ran to the window but quickly lost track of the woman.

Now that the battle was over, adrenaline stopped and a new wave of pain washed over Subaru. He clutched his still bleeding stomach and gasped for air as agony clouded his senses.

Rem stared at her older sister for several seconds before returning to normal. Ram remained lying unconscious on the floor but she seemed to still be alive. With a nod, the blue-haired maid quickly rushed to Subaru’s side and began working on his wounds with her water-based healing magic. He closed his eyes and passed out as a warm feeling overwhelmed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A villain! And the twin’s roles have flipped here! The reasoning is similar but at least it didn’t take several painful loops to put a rest to the twin’s suspicions of Subaru. Even the AI knows Rem is OP.


	4. Morning

Natsuki Subaru slowly opened his eyes to see a maid standing by his side. As her red eyes met his, she looked away with a scowl and a huff. “You are finally awake now, Barusu?” Despite the harsh tone, her voice was full of concern.

The boy sat up and surveyed his surroundings. This wasn’t the same guest room he had been staying in before; it was much nicer than that. A canopy bed, a larger desk with a small lamp on it, and even a bookshelf to the side, along with several paintings scattered across the walls. One might describe it as ‘luxurious.’

“Barusu!” Ram called out to snap him back to reality.

“Yeah yeah, I’m awake now. Where are we, anyway?” Subaru asked groggily.

“The upper floors.” the pink-haired maid explained dryly. As soon as those words left her mouth, Subaru attempted to stand but she quickly shoved him back onto the bed. “Don’t get up. You’ll make it worse. Are you an idiot!?” she barked, “Wait, no, don’t answer that. I’ve already seen this idiot in action.”

As he hastily moved, Subaru recognized the pain in his stomach and shoulder, burning into him as he winced. “Okay...okay...” he gave in quickly and brushed aside the insult. The boy returned to the bed, laid back, and closed his eyes. “So, does this mean you no longer think I’m a spy and you’re not going to try to murder me in my sleep again,  _ onee-sama _ ?” he asked tauntingly with a small laugh.

“ _ Hmph _ . I simply decided it isn’t worth the effort anymore. Don’t test me, Barusu.” the maid spoke sharply. “Anyway, I’ll believe you...for now.” She looked away once again and frowned.

Subaru smiled as he realized she had mostly forgiven him for the previous night. “Thanks.” he said genuinely. The boy laid there and thought about what to say or do next. Suddenly, a realization snapped his eyes wide open. “Wait, where’s Emilia!? Is she okay!?” he spoke desperately.

Ram closed her eyes and put a hand to her forehead. She breathed in then out for a moment before answering. “Emilia-sama is fine. She was still fast asleep before and after the attack. When she heard what happened, she rushed in here and tried to heal you with her magic. She was here the rest of the night but went to rest a little while ago.”

Subaru sighed in relief. Without much thought, he immediately grabbed the side of the bed frame in an attempt to stand but the pain got the better of him. It consumed all sense of balance and the world began to spin. He winced and grimaced as he gave in and sat on the bed.

“Barusu, if you try to get up one more time, I will make your least favorite food for dinner tonight.”

“Is that a threat?” Subaru asked with a small laugh. When the maid glared daggers at him, he let up on the joking, “Okay, okay... I get it.” The boy laid back and looked up to Ram. “There needs to be someone protecting Emilia.” he spoke more seriously.

“Don’t worry about her, Barusu. Emilia-sama can handle herself.”

Subaru thought about those words. They weren’t untrue but...he’d seen her die before. He’d seen it more than once. His mind raced as the memories poured forth. He grit his teeth, “...I need to do something to--”

“--No, you need to rest. End of discussion. We’ll take care of this.”

Subaru looked at Ram for a moment then sighed and accepted defeat. “Yeah...” He closed his eyes and tried to relax.

_ I’ll fight to protect Emilia. I’ll fight to protect everyone. _

Soon after, with his internal injuries still plaguing him, he drifted off to sleep again.

\-----

Subaru felt a gentle hand press against his previously uninjured shoulder and prod him to wake up. He groggily opened his eyes to see Rem then let out a  _ huh _ as he instinctively sat up. “I brought your dinner.” she said with a soft smile as she set a tray in his lap.

“Thanks, Rem!” Subaru said with a renewed vigor. He inspected the contents of the tray. It appeared to be a delicious-looking assortment of fish and vegetables. “Whoa, did you make all of this!? I bet it’s gonna be great!”

“Yes, I cooked everything myself.” the blue-haired maid spoke proudly, beaming at the praise.

Subaru took a bite and, sure enough, it was as good as he imagined it might be. “I can tell Ram isn’t as mad at me anymore or this would have been something like charred steak...” he muttered to himself.

Rem didn’t clearly hear what he had said and so she tilted her head with a puzzled expression. “Is it not good? I can make you something else if you would like.”

“No no, it’s great!” Subaru spoke quickly to clear up the misunderstanding. “Really!”

“That’s good. There are more chores to complete so I will return for the tray in a little while.” Rem explained with a bow. With a small wave and a smile, the maid left the room. Subaru immediately went about eating the food and, when he was finished, he set the tray aside to be taken away and cleaned. Satisfied, he laid back in bed and stared at the ceiling.

His rest was soon interrupted by someone walking into the room, prompting him to sit up quickly to see who it was. It was not anyone he had been expecting.

A petite girl, who looked as though she might not be older than twelve, walked in with her arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing a fancy looking red dress, purple stockings, and a miniature crown atop her head. Her long, blond hair was tied into twintails that swayed as she stepped forward.

“Beako!” Subaru called out happily. Suddenly, his mind raced back to the previous night, and the many memories he held inside of failed loops, prompting him to re-evaluate his approach to her. His expression shifted toward concern. “A-Are you okay?”

Beatrice entered the room without a word and looked at him with an annoyed expression. “I’m fine! And don’t look at me like that!” she huffed in response.

He shrugged and let it go, for now. “Beako, what are you doing here?” he asked curiously.

“I came to check on you, I suppose. You’ve been asleep for more than two days!” she said with another huff.

_ Two days... _

Rem wordlessly returned to the room. The maid nodded in confirmation to the blond girl’s words before picking up the empty tray and quietly walking away. The door softly clicked behind her, yet the other girl paid it no mind.

Subaru really wanted to wait for Beatrice’s mood to lighten up a little but it didn’t appear as though that might happen any time soon. As he opened his mouth to speak, the young-looking librarian spoke first.

“I heard about what happened, in fact.” she went about explaining. “You stupidly fell asleep and let an intruder into your room, then you almost got yourself killed. Stupid! But I don’t even care, I suppose!  _ Hmph! _ ”

“Why are you being so mean to me...?” he mumbled, thinking she probably wouldn’t even hear that.

Beatrice moved like she was about to leave the room without another word but hesitated before the door. “Because you are stupid. Stupid! And impulsive. And you do risky things.”

“So...you’re not mad?” he asked, his words layered with confusion.

“That’s not what I mean!” Beatrice shouted before returning to Subaru’s bedside and grabbing his hand. Her expression was a mix of anger and concern. “Do you not realize how close you were to death, in fact!?”

“Well, yeah... I--”

“--Stupid!” Beatrice stared at him with angry pink and blue eyes burrowing into his soul. “Stupid! Foolish! Idiot!” she yelled. “But, if that woman comes back, I’ll...protect you, I suppose...” she trailed off.

“Y-You will?” Subaru looked extra confused now, but his tone was on the happier end.

“If you require my assistance, I will offer you a contract, I suppose.” she explained calmly.

“Contract?” the boy stared back with a puzzled expression.

“Yes. A promise binding two together. My promise that I won’t just let you just die groveling like an idiot, I suppose.” Although she had managed to remain calm through her explanation, Beatrice quickly grew impatient. “Well, do you want my assistance or not!?”

“...Yeah, that would be great, Beako.” Subaru smiled sheepishly, fully aware of his own shortcomings as he accepted the librarian’s proposal.

“And stop calling me that!” Beatrice huffed. Either way, she calmed herself before enacting the contract between the two. Subaru could feel a warm sensation envelop his hand along with a white light before it quickly dissipated. Immediately afterward, Beatrce looked away with an embarrassed expression.

Subaru wasn’t sure what to make of this conversation. The only thing he knew for certain was that Beatrice wanted to protect him. He already knew that’s how she felt before but she had never been an easy one to read, especially with her attitude. But if she meant what she said right now--

“Beatrice...” Subaru trailed off, his voice full of gratitude.

“That woman is dangerous. Do you understand me?” she said with another huff.

“Yes, I understand.” he nodded.

The blond girl continued to look at him with suspicion and annoyance, causing him to not know how to react. “I have to go now.” she said quietly and turned away from him.

“Beatrice, wait!” She stopped and slowly turned to face him. “Thanks a lot!” The librarian stared back blankly before turning away again.

“You’re welcome, I suppose...” she said as her shoes made footsteps out the door and down the hallway.

Only a few minutes passed before a new set of footsteps reached the door to the guest room. Soon after, Emilia walked in. “Oh, you’re awake!” she said with genuine surprise and a concerned expression.

“I am.” Subaru said, flashing a smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“Much better, I think,” he started with a cheery demeanor then tacked on the praise, “All thanks to Emilia-tan!”

Either his words went right over her head, or Emilia just brushed them aside as she continued in her concerned tone. “I heard what happened. It’s...really scary to think that happened here. But, I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Hey now, that’s supposed to be my line!” Subaru laughed lightly. “That woman who attacked me, I was worried you were actually her intended target. I’m just happy she came after me instead. So, I’m really glad you’re safe.”

Emilia blushed. “Ah...yeah. I’m alright.”

“So...about the other day...”

“Yeah?”

“Well, you’re the one who finished healing me... You and Rem both saved me. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you two.”

“I...I didn’t do anything. Really! Rem saved you. She fought off the intruder and sealed your wounds.” Emilia timidly spoke and looked away.

“I know that, but--”

“--Y-You don’t have to thank me...” she bit her lip.

“I’m not thanking you out of pity or anything like that. I’m thanking you because I... Well, I want to thank you!”

“You don’t have to, you know--”

“--Yes, I do. You healed my wounds. You’re always there for me. I have a million things to thank you for, Emilia!” he smiled.

Emilia continued biting her lip as she thought of what to say next. “Alright, alright...” Eventually, she smiled back and, with a swift motion, wrapped him up into a hug. As they embraced, warmth enveloping his shoulders, Subaru felt as though time had come to a stop. No one could enter or leave that bubbly sense of time, for however brief it was. The world remained silent until the two mutually separated.

There was an awkward silence as neither party knew what to say to the other.

“...So, uh, see you later then.” Emilia spoke first.

“See you...later?” Subaru spoke in a daze with some uncertainty behind his words.

The half-elf gave a small smile and a wave as she left the room without another word.

Subaru could feel his face heating up and his heart throbbing in his chest. He placed a hand softly over his beating heart and willed it to calm down as he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

_ Does she like me? _ He had no idea.

_ Would I like to get to know her better? _ Definitely.

_ Do I have a chance with her? _ Very unlikely. But he decided he would try anyway.

Subaru laid down and closed his eyes. Thoughts about how he was going to win over the heart of the woman who had saved his life several times before rolled around in his mind.

\-----

A few days briskly passed by. Subaru was off maid duty--a position he never even had the chance to begin anyway--due to his previously sustained injuries. From time to time, he would occasionally run into Emilia in the halls of the mansion. She was always polite, but only ever answered his questions with the briefest of responses.

_ This is going to be tough. _ He thought of how to approach her. How was he ever going to get to know her if all she gave were indirect answers!?

As he laid in bed one evening, thinking about his next move, Subaru heard a knock on the door. He sat up and prepared to defend himself, but it was just Roswaal. The taller eccentric man took a seat in a chair and crossed his legs. “Ah, you appeeeeear to be feeling much better now, Natsuki Subaru.” he smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I guess.” Subaru replied nonchalantly.

“Good to hear. Weeeeell, I wanted to let you know our previous arrangement is now OFF! I have a neeeeew offer for you instead.”

“Oh?” Subaru breathed out as he looked to the older man with anticipation.

“Just one liiiiittle task and you may resiiiiide in my mansion rent free.” Roswaal grinned.

“Just one? What is it?”  _ It can’t be that easy, right? _

“Yes, althooooough I do hope you don’t miiiiind a little hard work.”

“I don’t mind a challenge! Try me!” Subaru smiled with a look of determination.

“Veeeeery well then, I am quite happy to see you maaaaay be up for the task. Emilia-sama is a candidate to becooooome the next queen of Lugunica, you see. And so, I would liiiiike for you to accompany her to the capital city. Thaaaaat is all.” Roswaal spoke in his usual sing-songy voice.

“What? That’s all? So, you want me to be her bodyguard or something?” Subaru responded, baffled.

“Hmm, yes. Sooooomething like that.” Roswaal followed up with another grin.

“Why can’t you be her escort, then? Aren’t you supposed to be the strongest mage in the kingdom?”

“I have other...matters to attend to.”

Subaru put a hand to his chin in thought. “...So that’s the deal, huh?” He then offered a big smile full of confidence and a thumb pointing skyward. “Well, it’s a pretty good one. I’ll take it!”

As if reading between the lines, Roswaal spoke all-knowingly. “Hmm, diiiiidn’t expect it to be so simple, did you now, Natsuki Subaru?” he said with a sly grin.

Subaru replied with a small chuckle, “Well, sometimes simplicity is better anyway.”

“Indeed it is...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it interesting the AI keeps assuming some acquaintance between Subaru and a handful of the others, but maybe not all of them? That might be why Beatrice offered her protection, I suppose (lol). Also, as we can see, Roswaal is still being Roswaal. I like how the AI insisted on following some actual story beats--for a little while, at least.
> 
> Also, I went back and forth on if I should use the Japanese voice for Rem/Ram where they often speak third person when referring to themselves. In the end, I felt like it wouldn’t fit well into English writing. I have been using the -sama honorific for Emilia, but I feel like it fits because of the other uses of unique honorifics like -tan. I admit I don’t really know how the dub handles all of this as I’ve only seen it subbed or read the series via the LN and some WN.


	5. Capital

Morning arrived once again. Remembering the prize of getting free reign to stay in the mansion, Natsuki Subaru welcomed the new day and the events to come with open arms. After some minor preparations, he left with Emilia and headed to the capital city of Lugunica.

Along the way, the two sat in their dragon-drawn carriage conversing about various topics that came to mind. Occasionally, Subaru would try to levy the discussion with questions he was truly looking for answers to, but it was obvious Emilia wouldn’t be so forthcoming about her thoughts or feelings on anything. He tried to get a rise out of her by asking her questions about herself, but the answers remained just as vague, if not completely ignored, so he changed the subject.

It was so frustrating. All he wanted to do was utilize this rare opportunity to have Emilia all to himself where he could get to know her better, but she was making it difficult as ever. Even with the want to lash out boiling up inside him, he managed to stop himself from acting out. If he was going to win over her heart, he couldn’t do it over a tantrum like a toddler. He’d have to think more logically and talk things out like an adult.

“So, Emilia... Why did you choose to save me?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” the girl tilted her head slightly.

“Why did you choose to save me? I’m nobody important. I can’t even really fight and I have no special skills or traits.”

“Well...” she hesitated.

“I have to say, it was pretty bold of you to risk your own safety to save a complete stranger.” he tried to build her up with praise.

But Emilia continued to bat it away. “It wasn’t much of a risk, I--”

“--No, it really was pretty bold!” he continued praising her, “I’ve never seen anyone try to save another person like that without any kind of reward.”

“Well,” she hung her head, “It’s just my nature, I guess.”

“What do you mean?” Now it was Subaru who was tilting his head slightly.

“If I see someone in need, I have to help them.”

“But you could have easily just ignored me and no one would have known.”

“I suppose...but I still would have felt guilty that I could have done something.”

Subaru pondered her words for a moment before posing a simple question, “Why?”

“What do you mean?” she tilted her head again.

“Why would you feel guilty? Why do you feel the need to help everyone?”

“I don’t know. I just do, I guess.”

Subaru paused to ponder his next thoughts. “What would you do if someone was about to get hurt?”

“I’d try to stop them, of course.” Emilia spoke confidently.

“But, if you couldn’t, you’d regret it afterward, right?”

“Yes.” Emilia spoke instantly, no hesitation behind her voice. She was being incredibly predictable.

Subaru posed another question, “If someone was going to die, would you want to save them if you could?”

“If it wasn’t too late, yes.”

“Well then, you’re just a good person.” Subaru flashed a smile.

“I...am?” Emilia asked in genuine surprise.

“Of course you are!” Subaru’s smile shifted into a wide grin.

“I...” Emilia began but hesitated. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to say but, after shaking her head, she allowed a weak smile to cross her features. “...Thank you, Subaru.” Following her words, she blushed and looked out the carriage window.

The ride eventually ended as the dragon carriage came to a stop at its destination. Several guards awaited their arrival and saluted in unison.

Soon after settling everything down, Subaru followed Emilia to the grand palace, ushered by the same guards that had greeted them. The two were led down the halls on a small tour of the building. The hallway walls were lined with many fine works of art and the plush carpet under their feet was, despite frequent traffic, nigh spotless.

Eventually, they arrived at the council room and Subaru walked Emilia in, side by side. It appeared the majority of the audience consisted of royal knights. The rest of the royal candidates--of which Subaru had only just barely heard a little information about prior--stood front row and center stage.

Emilia nodded to Subaru with a weak smile before joining the other candidates at the front. Subaru smiled back confidently then took his temporary position with a handful of the knights to the side.

“I am here today to present the candidates for the role of Lugunica’s queen.” one of the councilmen announced. “Are there any objections?” The air in the room was tense yet no objections were raised. “Very well then, please discuss with the council the qualities of each individual candidate.”

Emilia went first and went into detail about why she would be the best candidate, how she would act as ruler, and her goals for the role. Subaru took keen notice of the expressions of everyone around him, especially the other candidates. No matter what Emilia might say, it didn’t appear as though anyone liked her, and some weren’t even trying to hide their negative expressions. Even so, the half-elf continued her speech unaware--or rather, she knew but she chose to ignore the collective gaze resting on her. She was so nervous about her speech that she flubbed some words and tripped over her intentions a couple of times along the way. When she was done speaking, her words were met with a hollow silence.

Subaru’s eyes met Emilia’s as the girl briefly glanced over her shoulder at him, her pained expression of embarrassment all too easy to understand without words.

The candidate beside her--candidate two--went next with a small laugh. She held a lot more confidence than Emilia did as she went into detail about the glory that would come with having her as ruler, yet her voice ushered forth as if speaking to a room full of peasants. Once she had finished, her speech was met with silence as well.

The third candidate began to speak. She went into great detail about the history of the world and how she could make it better with a stronger military. On and on she went about how the citizens were suffering due to a lack of resources and how she would provide them. Her speech, too, was met with silence.

The fourth candidate sighed and spoke up, breaking that silence. She went into detail about her ideas on how to run the country as a whole. Along with that, she mentioned how she would set new laws and lower taxes to encourage industry and business growth. Finally, she announced her plans to cut back on military spending in favor of other seemingly more important areas. Again, silence.

The fifth candidate let out a small growl. She let her short, golden hair flow down her neck freely as she frowned at the councilmen. With a scoff, she went into detail about how she would tear the world apart and put it back together anew. She didn’t care about formalities or social constructs and so she would do away with the entire system then replace it all. This may have been met with the most quiet silence of all.

The councilmen gave a disapproving look to one another. One could imagine the debates on whether any of them were truly qualified for the crown were long and difficult. Finally, one posed a question of the candidates. “Are there any questions?”

A hand was raised and the councilmen acknowledged it.

“I would like to ask why Emilia is still a candidate. She is a silver-haired, half-elf isn’t she? It’s clear to see she would just bring ruin.” spoke a harsh voice from a candidate that Subaru could not see clearly from his seat.

No one bothered speaking up for Emilia, and the girl found herself at a loss for words. From her expression, she was clearly distraught. The councilman sighed. “That may be so, but she bears the qualifications, thus she is a candidate none-the-less.”

“Are you seriously telling me that a  _ witch _ is better than  _ me _ for the crown!?”

Subaru could feel rage slowly building up in his belly.  _ How dare they insult Emilia! _ She saved his life, didn’t she!? She may be a half-elf but she’s a good person!  _ She doesn’t deserve to be spoken to this way! _

Unable to control his rage, Subaru immediately dashed away from the knight station and toward the center of the room. “How dare you speak to Emilia like that!” He immediately threw his fist at the speaker but she nimbly dodged the blow.

Subaru tried to lash at her again but another one of the candidates caught his hand. He yelped in surprise as, with unfathomable strength, she twisted his wrist and picked his arm up high into the air while looking deeply into his eyes, her brows furrowed in disapproval. “If you wish to speak out on behalf of a candidate, do so during the voting phase of the process,” she said with carefully calculated words and a stern gaze. “Discourteous behavior will not be tolerated and will result in your immediate removal from this building.”

With a flick, she slung him away onto the cold, stone floor. Subaru immediately stood on his feet again. He looked as though he was ready to try to act out again, but decided against it. Instead, he returned to his seat with a sour expression, simmering in his anger.

From that point on, time passed by excruciatingly slowly as the speeches and discussions went on and on forever. The councilmen finished up and stated that voting and results would be announced at a later time. With that, everyone began to leave one by one.

Emilia grabbed Subaru’s arm and stopped him from proceeding any further past the entrance. “You shouldn’t have done that. You embarrassed me, you know that!?” she said angrily with tears in the corners of her eyes.

“I-I didn’t do anything wrong! They insulted you, so I got angry for you!” he protested. “It's not fair! They shouldn’t treat you like that!”

“You still shouldn’t have done it!” she shouted.

“Emilia...” Subaru mumbled like a defeated dog. His gaze fell upon the stone floor as he grit his teeth.

The half-elf could no longer hold it in and tears began to stream down her face. Her eyes slanted in anger as she glanced at him once more before turning her back to him. “Leave me alone...” she said in a low voice. As she spoke, her boots quietly  _ clacked _ as she took strides away from him and the castle.

“Emilia, wait! I just wanted to help you! I--” Subaru unconsciously outstretched his hand toward her, bidding her to understand his point of view, but she ignored him and, instead, disappeared into the city streets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what happened in the beginning, huh? It's implied Emilia actually saved him instead of the other way around, but there’s not many details. And, as usual, Subaru can’t contain himself and makes a fool of himself. At least it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as his canon mistakes. The AI had the names for the candidates and refused to use them for some reason.


	6. Merchant

Natsuki Subaru remained seated on the Lugunica castle steps, a disheartened expression on his face as he stared blankly forward and reflected on his actions. He could feel the cool breeze of the nighttime air on his face as he held his crestfallen head over his knees.

The full moon lit up the city below, showcasing the beautiful white stone architecture that would otherwise make for a breathtaking view. He ignored it all and, instead, stared up at the evening sky, as if hoping an answer to all his problems would just appear out of thin air, but that never happened. And so he strode about the city, aimlessly, no destination in mind.

“Ah, a new face in this busy city!” A chipper voice could be heard from behind. Subaru turned around to see a boy around his age--or perhaps a little older considering his light grey hair--wearing deep green clothing, complete with a cape dotted by a seemingly out-of-place red bow and a large feather hat on his head. He carried a small backpack on his back and his blue eyes shined as he smiled.

“...Eh?” was all Subaru, with his dejected demeanor, could muster to respond to such a bright introduction.

The blue-eyed boy looked him over for a moment before concern took over his features. “Are you perhaps lost, sir?”

“No. I...”

Subaru was clearly tripping over explaining himself and the other person caught on quickly. “I asked if you are lost,” he repeated.

“No, I just... I just...” he stammered. The friendly person laughed lightly, as if trying to lighten the mood a little, and allowed Subaru to take his time speaking. “I was...supposed to accompany someone here.” he finally spoke clearly. “...But...she got mad and ran off without me.” With that, he hung his head in defeat.

“Ah, I see.” the green-clad person nodded in understanding. “Well, it’s a big city. Maybe you’ll get lucky and run into her or she’ll come looking for you, then the two of you can make up. If not, well, you can hang out with me if you want.” he offered with another smile.

“...Who are you?” Subaru finally thought to ask.

“My name is Otto Suwen. I’m a traveling merchant!” Bright blue eyes shined as he introduced himself proudly. “And you are?”

“I’m,” This is where Subaru would normally announce his name with some flair and maybe even a cool pose, but his energy had been sapped from him and he could barely manage so much as holding his head up. “Natsuki Subaru. A useless, wannabe knight...” he spoke dispiritedly as his eyes wandered the cobble under his feet.

“Don’t be like that! You look plenty capable to me, Natsuki-san.” Otto said in an attempt to try to cheer him up. “Tell you what, how about I buy you some food and drinks and you can tell me all about what you’re going through.”

Subaru surveyed his surroundings for a moment. “Is it...safe here?” he asked mindlessly.

“The royal guards and knights patrol the city day and night, so of course it’s safe! Just uh, don’t take any detours down a dark alleyway alone.” he laughed lightheartedly, but his tone suggested he had likely done just that once or twice in the past, potentially with not-so-good results.

Subaru breathed a small sigh of relief. He mulled over the idea of hanging out with this stranger for the rest of the evening but it was better than moping around, doing absolutely nothing with his time, and so he extended a small, incredibly weak smile. “Okay, I’ll take your offer.”

“Splendid! Let us make haste to the tavern!”

The walk to the tavern was quiet and peaceful but the inside was loud and rambunctious. Bartenders, waitresses, and many patrons all appeared to be of the lowest class short of the slums. Despite that, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

The odor of strong ale and grilled meats filled Subaru’s nostrils as he walked in and took a seat with his new acquaintance. Otto ordered an assortment of food and drinks to share, all of which were surprisingly really good. The food was hearty and full of flavor while the drinks helped to wash them all down.

“So, tell me about yourself.” Otto said from across the table.

Subaru downed the rest of the drink he was working on before speaking. “There isn’t much to tell. I’m just some random guy who’s broke and clueless.”

“Clueless?” the merchant latched onto the word. “You don’t appear that way to me. Aimless, or lost perhaps. Natsuki-san, if I may ask, how did you end up here?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I was supposed to be accompanying the girl I mentioned but...she ran off on her own. I did something stupid and she’s probably going to hate me for it--”

“--Hey now, I’m sure you can make it up to her. I can’t say I know what happened between you two, but you seem apologetic enough to me so I’m sure she would listen if you just talked it out with her.”

Subaru hung his head at those words and blankly stared down at the half-eaten dish before him.

Seeing this, Otto decided to change the subject. “So uh, are you from around here or another kingdom?”

“From...far away. I mean, I don’t even remember much before coming to this city.”

“You don’t remember anything?” the merchant commented with a look of surprise and a little suspicion.

“Well, I remember my parents for sure. But, uh, yeah there’s a few blank spots.” Subaru explained, although he was clearly trying to skirt around the subject.

“That really is strange...” Otto replied and left his commentary at that. He took another drink before asking his follow up question. “On another note, what do you think of this city?”

Without much thought behind it, Subaru opened his mouth and spoke, “It’s very big and has a lot of buildings.”

“Yeah, it’s a great city!” the merchant spoke with enthusiasm, as if he had been looking for an outlet for those words. “It’s growing really fast, though, so that’s why you see more merchants and traders passing through lately.”

Subaru found himself asking a question without much thought behind it. “Do you like it here?”

“Well, uh, I don’t complain! I like passing through here! Besides, I enjoy being a merchant here, it’s fun!”

“What do you mean?”

Otto assumed he was questioning his status as a merchant. “You do something for someone and they do something for you. It’s a never-ending cycle of giving and taking. It’s usually rewarding for both parties so it’s fun.”

“I see.” Subaru nodded. A realization dawned on him. This guy, having just made a statement like that, had just bought him all the food and drinks he wanted.  _ Was that...an investment? _ “W-Wait, hold on! Were you looking for me to do something for you!?” he asked frantically, pointing toward himself.

“I thought you’d never ask!” the merchant said excitedly as he clapped his hands together.

“I really don’t think I should...” Subaru spoke hesitantly. What kind of mess did he just get himself into?

“Ah, come on! At least hear me out first before you turn me down!” Otto frowned.

“Okay, fine. What did you want me to do for you?”

“Well, this might be pretty weird, but...” Otto gulped as fear slowly consumed his words, “um...I wanted you to...” he awkwardly coughed, “...to--”

“--Otto, just spit it out!”

“I wanted you to...” the blue-eyed boy gulped again, still struggling to speak. “--You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

Natsuki Subaru was no mind reader, thus-- “Yep!” he said with no hesitation. He was clearly growing frustrated waiting for a solid explanation.

“F-Fine, I wanted you to...” his voice trailed off as he rubbed his eyes and lowered his gaze to the wooden table. He stayed like this for a few moments as Subaru’s patience continued to wear thin. When he finally raised his head, a new resolve filled his blue eyes as he locked eye contact, causing Subaru to feel a sudden uneasiness. “I wanted you to...s-spend the night with me.”

“...Huh?” Subaru’s eyes widened in response and his cheeks flushed as he tried to prevent himself from laughing at that request, but it was to no avail. “Ahahahaha! Oh, this is too much!”

Otto’s face immediately turned as red as an appa in embarrassment. “Ah! N-No, that's not what I meant! I-I wanted you to spend the night with me as in...you know...”

Those words were followed by a small, cheeky grin and a chuckle from Subaru. “As in...?” he goaded the poor merchant on.

“N-Nevermind, just forget about it!” Otto shouted before downing the rest of his drink and signaling the waiter for another. Subaru, on the other hand, decided against taking more of the offerings.

Following that exchange, Subaru lost himself in thought, trying to figure out what the request was really about. Otto had either attempted to confess his interest--which would be strange since they had just met--or he was just lonely, maybe. That meant it had to be harmless, right?

In any case, he decided to humor the request. Not like Subaru had anywhere else to be, or anywhere to even sleep since Emilia most likely would have returned to the inn and locked him out by now. This might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. “Sure, why not?”

“Y-You really mean it!?” Otto nearly screamed.

But the response was met with a genuine smile. “Yep.”

“R-Really? How come?”

“Because you asked so honestly. Besides, you bought me all this food and these drinks even though we just met. If I said no to you, I’d be a rude guest!” Subaru laughed.

“Y-You’re right. I’m sorry for speaking so strangely.” he said shyly.

After the meal, Subaru followed Otto back to his dragon carriage and rode it to what appeared to be a merchant camp. A campfire was set and the two sat around chatting for the rest of the evening.

“Hey, you never told me the real reason you wanted me to stay here with you. So, what’s up?” Subaru finally asked.

Otto looked around nervously before sitting as close as possible to seemingly avoid other people overhearing him. “There’s some people here who have been...let’s just say,  _ less than kind _ to me.” he whispered.

Subaru quickly caught on to what Otto was trying to say. He decided to press for more information and whispered back, “Why would they do that to you?”

“They think I’m trying to steal their business.”

“Well, that’s stupid! You don’t seem like that kind of guy to me.”

Otto was unsure what to say to that so he just moved on. “Still, they blame me for all of their problems.”

Subaru hesitated to ask the question on his mind. “...What do they do to you?” It surely couldn’t have a good answer.

“They,” the merchant looked down at the ground with a pensive expression. “...keep calling me names. They sabotage my merchandise. They threaten...to hurt me.”

Subaru took a deep breath, steeling himself to hear worse things. “Have they hurt you?”

Otto shook his head. “No one’s tried to physically hurt me yet. But I’m...scared they might.”

The merchant, as he looked aside, felt a comforting hand touch his shoulder.

“Look, how about this? I’ll talk to the leader of this camp. I’m sure I can convince him to at least stop doing business with the people that are causing you trouble.”

There was a moment of silence as Otto thought of his next response. He smiled a bit at the promise. “That would be...great.”

With this conversation concluded, Subaru was feeling a little better. Finally, he’d handled a situation properly. From here, he felt as though he could see a good end, at least for his new acquaintance.

_ Would Emilia be proud of me if she knew what I was doing right now? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our first major diversion from the canon storyline! Fun Fact: I had to keep rerolling Otto’s request because the results were...very strange (lol). The AI was very insistent that it wanted the most awkward situation possible and none of them made any sense. I normally just let it roll with what it wants to do but this was one time I really really couldn’t let it slide. Also, I realize Otto has a unique voice when it comes to the LN version, but it is a little too flowery for my abilities, to the point where it's difficult to read/understand from time to time (though I guess that's kind of the point, huh?). I attempted to frame his words in a way that sounds similar to what I heard in the anime so that it would be a little easier to understand.


	7. Chase

The following morning, Natsuki Subaru awoke with renewed vigor with his goal, his promise, in mind for the day. He was going to set things straight for this merchant--still snoring away in a bedroll--who had been kind enough to pay for his dinner and lend him a place to sleep for the evening, then he would go look for Emilia and talk things out with her. Maybe, if he returned with news of a good deed done and a level head, she might listen to his apology. With that in mind, he got up, quickly finished his routine--which included his usual morning stretches--and, with a positive outlook, went to look for the camp leader.

The discussion with the merchant camp leader went well, or so Subaru thought. His words appeared to be effective at explaining and organizing a solution to the situation Otto had presented him with. Hopefully now the poor merchant wouldn’t have to deal with any more abuse from his peers from now on. All in all, the boy felt really good about himself for having completed his initial objective.

The morning hours passed briskly as Subaru sat and chatted with Otto by a campfire. At some point, they discussed getting something for breakfast, and so the merchant agreed to gather up some food to cook. The boy nodded and waited patiently for his return.

Several minutes later, Subaru felt something. A realization that something was...off. It was small at first, akin to a far away buzzing that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but it grew louder and louder with each passing second. Upon instinct, he shivered and inspected his surroundings with darting eyes. Something in the nearby forest was...moving?

The wind picked up. The trees began to sway and a low, echoing growl could be heard. Slowly, a form came into sight; the shadow of a large creature lurking behind the foliage. It’s red eyes fixated on Subaru and its flat nose twitched. The beast stepped forward into clear view and opened its maw, complete with sharpened fangs that reflected the morning sunlight, and let out a loud roar that shook the boy to his core, freezing him in pure fear.

Surely he couldn’t outrun it and he definitely couldn’t fight against something like that, thought Subaru. On top of that, there were several other people present in the area, but they were all merchants who most likely didn’t have any combat abilities to fight something like this--especially Otto who appeared to potentially be the weakest of them all.

Subaru’s eyes locked with the creature’s and he gulped loudly. His hands felt around for anything he could make use of and he opened his mouth to shout, but no sound escaped.

Just then, a familiar figure appeared from the corner of his vision. He couldn’t make out their face, but he could see long, silver hair fluttering in the wind. The person called out to him, reminding him he even had a voice with which he could respond. “Emi...lia...?” he managed to breathe out.

Emilia’s violet eyes opened wide when she saw him. She looked desperately between the boy and the beast that was snarling as it stared him down, her hand trembling as she hesitated to act.

Subaru wanted to scream but his voice still refused to leave his throat. Instead, he simply sat there like a deer in headlights. As a last resort, the boy managed to tear his sharp eyes away from the beast and quickly looked to the half-elf in a gesture of pleading.  _ No, stay back! _

In that same moment, Subaru’s vision blacked for several seconds as a massive paw connected with his head. His body slammed hard against the ground with a great amount of force and rolled across the dirt. The boy let out a belated yelp in response to the sudden attack and attempted to crawl away, but the wolf-like beast was much too fast.

Just as Natsuki Subaru had realized his impending doom, he heard the beast’s roar followed by a loud squeak. The boy found his weakened body thrown to the ground once again by the sheer force from behind him, but he managed to quickly scramble into a sitting position.

When he finally managed to look over his shoulder, his jaw dropped as though he had witnessed something completely miraculous--the ma-beast had been knocked away by a speeding dragon carriage. 

The carriage that ran the monster over didn’t bother slowing down after the attack but hurriedly skid to a halt at the boy’s side. “Get on!” the driver spoke quickly with their left hand outstretched. Subaru quickly shook his head to clear his mind and accepted the helping hand. The driver yanked him into the carriage and the two sat side by side in the front seat.

“H-Hey, Otto,” Subaru directed his attention to the carriage driver, his voice still shaken. “What happened to Emilia...?”

“Emilia? Who’s that?” asked Otto, clearly confused.

Subaru froze.

Of course this guy wouldn’t know who he was talking about all of a sudden. He looked back and watched as the red-eyed beast got up and began chasing the carriage through the woods.

Subaru opened his mouth to speak again but found his teeth chattering, forcing his mouth to remain shut. Somehow, after a moment to try to calm himself, he managed to let his resolve take over. “Look, remember that girl I mentioned? I saw her back there at the camp. We have to go find her!”

It was clear from his words and his body language that he was, if need be, considering the option of jumping from the cart that had just saved his life. Otto frantically grabbed the boy’s arm and held him back. “Are you a fool, Natsuki-san!? If you jump out of this carriage, you’ll assuredly perish!” he shouted.

“B-But she’s in danger! We have to go back! We have to find her!”

“Calm down, calm down! We must save ourselves first. If we cannot accomplish such a task, then how are we to save anyone else?” The merchant delivered those words as composedly as he could, but that brief sense of calm didn’t remain much longer. “Look out!” he yanked the ground dragon’s reins and screamed.

Just as the words left his mouth, a claw slammed through the back window of the carriage, ripping it into glass shards and splintered wood. The ground dragon crashed head-first into a tree and fell unconscious. Immediately after, the carriage tipped over and its two passengers were thrown like ragdolls across the grass.

Subaru landed hard with a grunt. His ribs ached, but he pushed the pain aside as he attempted to scramble to his feet.

“We have to run!” Otto said hastily. He grabbed the boy’s wrist and, without warning, yanked him the rest of the way to standing. The merchant then quickly dragged him, whether ready or not, into a mad dash through the woods.

“Hey! Ouch!” Subaru yelled in protest as his feet shuffled across the dirt and grass.

“Don’t stop running! We must get away!” Otto said between labored breaths as his feet carried him through the forest as fast as they could.

Subaru continued to run until his lungs emptied and he collapsed to the ground, finally giving in to the pain. “I can’t...go...any further...” he gasped for air.

In that one instant of weakness, they had allowed the beast to catch up with them. Its red eyes gleamed as it stared down at the two and its mouth--filled with razor sharp teeth and a tongue as big as a man’s arm--swung open. It exhaled a hot breath then leaned forward and--

An indescribable shout echoed from nearby. The next instant, spears of ice plunged into the beast’s stomach and it twisted away in agony. More ice magic was generated in the air nearby but it ignored the threat. Instead, it howled in a blind rage as it slammed its body into Subaru. The sheer impact sent the boy’s body flying and his head smacked hard against a tree, sending stars into his vision.

The ma-beast howled in pain again as another wave of ice magic struck it down. It toppled over and curled up in the grass. The red of its irises lost its luster as the beast stared off into space momentarily before its eyes closed forever.

Meanwhile, Subaru had managed to pick himself up off the ground with the help of the tree trunk behind him. Through his dazed vision, he could see the form of a woman approaching him. He gasped. “You--”

“Yes, it’s me.” Emilia said with a concerned expression. She extended a hand filled with healing magic and used it to attempt to heal any wounds he might have gathered in the battle.

Subaru simply stood there and allowed the warmth to wash over his chest. Soon, the pain in his ribs ceased and he was able to breathe normally again. “You...” he repeated, clearly shocked.

When Emilia was done healing, she spoke hurriedly, “We have to get out of here. There’s still more of them around.”

Whatever the two had between each other from the night before had clearly been set aside for the time being. After all, one can’t hold a discussion or apologize if either party ended up dead.

Subaru shook his head and tried to clear his mind. Slowly, he began to process the situation in full. For some reason, ma-beasts were attacking the camp on the outside of the capital city. Were the rest of the merchants in trouble as well? Otto was right though--if they couldn’t save themselves, how were they to ever hope to help anyone else?

He couldn’t believe all of this was even happening.

Speaking of Otto--Subaru’s eyes searched the woods until he found his companion on the ground near some bushes. The carriage ejection had thrown him even farther away. Currently, the poor merchant had curled into a ball and was still groaning in pain with his eyes squinted shut. Emilia managed to follow the line of sight and rushed over to heal him to the best of her magical capabilities.

Subaru looked over the beast's corpse.  _ There’s more of these things? Can we really keep up a fight against them? _

Even so, the boy’s mind was made up. He wouldn’t just succumb to these things.

Subaru walked over to Otto and offered him a hand to help stand. “Let’s get out of here.” he said to the merchant and half-elf by his side with a nod of determination. The three of them took off running toward the city. If they could just reach an outpost, they could probably flag down the guards or knights for help. With that in mind, he continued moving forward with a glimmer of hope in his heart.

\--But a faint glimmer was all it was.

As he looked back, Subaru could see several more of the ma-beasts tearing through the forest, their menacing red eyes all fixated on him and his group. A voice in the back of his head screamed in fear, but he ignored it the best he could and pushed forward.

“My legs... M-My legs...” Otto groaned between ragged breaths.

“Shut up and keep ru--!” Subaru began to yell but his throat caught as he felt a sharp pain slam into his back. He collided with the dirt and rolled over onto his stomach. His hand instinctively ran across the stinging pain on his back and, when he brought it into view to inspect, it was covered in blood. Belatedly, he realized what had happened and opened his mouth to shout, “Otto, Emilia! Run!” A moment after the voice left his throat, he coughed up crimson into the grass.

Yet the warning came too late, as the merchant was quickly swatted into the nearest tree, a feeble scream escaping from him in the process.

Emilia had been slow to react but managed to generate her ice magic and used it to attack the beast.

Just as Subaru attempted to stand up again, he heard the half-elf scream out to him. “Suba--!” She didn’t get to finish even so much as his name before another red-eyed beast rushed toward him. It loomed with its claws out, ready to pounce at any moment. The boy squinted his eyes shut and curled up in fear.

_ This is the end, huh? _

A yell pierced the air, but the voice wasn’t his own. When Subaru opened his eyes, he witnessed a blur leap onto the beast’s back and a silver blade stabbed through its flesh. The ma-beast let out a horrible wail as it flopped to the ground, unmoving as blood pooled around it.

The blurry figure landed on its own two feet right in front of Subaru. Soon, the figure’s features came into sharp focus--red hair, blue eyes, and an outfit that was unmistakably representative of the royal guard. 

The knight stepped forward as if on a casual stroll. “You are safe now.” he spoke politely with a genuine, disarming smile. “It would be best not to move around much with those injuries. My friends should be on their way here shortly so no need to be concerned. I will protect you until they arrive.”

Subaru struggled to catch his breath as he clutched his chest in pain. “I...I...” he stuttered. He coughed for a moment before pushing himself to sit up and relax, if even a little. “Who...are you?” he finally found words to ask.

“My name is Reinhard van Astrea. I am a knight of the royal guard of Lugunica. Some call me the Sword Saint and others call me the Master Swordsman, but you don’t have to be so formal with me. Anyway, your companions appear to be alright.” the man said, motioning toward the others.

Emilia had taken care of some of the beasts herself, while Otto had recovered and managed to hide in some bushes nearby. By all means, everyone seemed to be just fine.

Subaru let out a sigh of relief and smiled weakly. “Thanks for coming to our rescue.”

“It’s no problem. I just happened to be nearby, is all.”

“No, you really saved us. I’d be ma-beast food by now if you hadn’t come along when you did, uh, Reinhard, was it?” Subaru said as he managed to get to his feet to greet the man at eye level. As he spoke, he realized he should probably introduce himself, but--

\--“Subaru!”

\--“Natsuki-san!”

Before he could even open his mouth to continue speaking, Subaru’s potentially cool introduction was lamely reduced to worried shouts from his companions as they rushed over.

“You are very welcome, Subaru.” Meanwhile, the knight didn’t miss a beat.  _ How was this guy so cool? _

But, before any more of the conversation could take place, a new wave of ma-beasts circled around the group. Emilia and Reinhard both turned their attention to the horde of beasts closing in around them. Together, the two battlers--with a flurry of green-tinted ice daggers and shimmering steel--destroyed the rest of the monsters in quick succession.

In the end, Emilia let out a labored breath but Reinhard looked perfectly fine, as if he had done no work at all despite being the physical combatant. “I believe that should be all of them.” the knight declared swiftly to comfort the group of their concerns.

Subaru stared at the red-eyed beast nearest to him, lying dead on the ground. His skin crawled at the sight of its vacant, blood-stained eyes staring blankly back at him. At the same time, his mind was attempting to put the pieces together of what all had just happened.

The ma-beasts had been trying to kill him--that much seemed obvious. Left unchecked, they probably would have ripped him and anyone else around limb from limb. Though, some things did seem a little strange. They only appeared to target the others when someone got in the way, otherwise they always started with focusing on him.

Perhaps he just seemed like the easiest prey--after all, it's not like Natsuki Subaru held any affinity for magic or anything cool like that. Again, it could even be the witch scent. One way or another, he drew them to himself somehow.

But there was something really strange he still couldn’t find so much as a guess to answer:  _ Where had they come from? And why? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otto the MVP of cart crashers! And his voice/dialogue remains difficult as ever for me to fill in! I hope I’m doing okay? Aaaaand finally, Reinhard enters the fray! He’s still fairly OP as ever. And hey, even Emilia got some battling in. Although, I wonder where Puck is? Maybe the AI forgot him, or maybe he’s just assisting her while hiding in her hair (lol).


	8. Sunset

Natsuki Subaru, despite the sharp pain and blood pouring from his back, the labored breathing, and the dizziness he felt from his injuries, somehow managed to remain standing. Above all else, he remained alive. If it weren’t for his prayers being answered by a certain red-haired knight, he would most likely be looking up at a porcelain white ceiling right now.

He looked over to the city, which wasn’t all that far away now, toward the outskirts where the merchant camp previously resided. It had been completely ripped apart, torn to shreds, and thoroughly destroyed by the sudden attack. All that remained were shreds of the tents and splintered wood of some of the carriages that weren’t so lucky as to escape in time, their land dragons mourning the lost ones. The remaining merchants who had managed to survive--some in tears--were running around in circles, frantically trying to piece everything back together.

While Subaru’s gaze remained transfixed on the events nearby, he heard footsteps hurriedly moving toward him. When he turned his attention to the source, his eyes widened.

The source of the footsteps, the girl he cared for most, was suddenly slashed from behind, her thin body slamming into the ground with a loud thud. The girl’s white robes were ripped through and quickly stained red as blood pooled around her body. Standing over her prone form was the shadow of a red-eyed beast, larger than any he had seen before, growling menacingly.

The beast slowly stepped away from the half-elf and began slowly walking toward Subaru. All he could do was stare back, wide eyed.

Otto’s blue eyes darted back and forth, unsure what he could do to help. There’s no way he could fight the monster and running away would surely lead to him perishing alone in the woods but, if it was going to ignore the girl, then maybe-- “Miss!” the merchant shouted as he quickly raced to Emilia’s side to check her vitals.

Subaru’s knees buckled and he collapsed to the ground. The boy felt a helplessness bubble up in him as he realized he could neither run fast enough to be by Emilia’s side nor even so much as stand to run for his life. His body slumped over as he watched the events unfold, horror overtaking his features.

Meanwhile, Reinhard stood between Subaru and the ma-beast, fully intending to defend the shocked boy, with eyes narrowed and an already blood-stained sword in hand. “I cannot allow you to go any further.” he announced in a powerful voice.

The world seemed to slow down as Subaru closed into his own mind. Was this all his fault? Was this timeline going to be doomed as well? Emilia was dead, right? Otto--as far as he knew--didn’t seem to have any healing magic or so much as a first aid kit. He was a physically weak person--just like Subaru--who would surely be chewed up and spit out next. The only hope remained with Reinhard, but was it already too late?

Before his mind could utter another thought, time sped up again--

The ma-beast wasted no time in attempting to swipe at Reinhard’s head with its outstretched claws but the red-head dodged with ease. In the blink of an eye, the knight counter-attacked, swiftly moving to stab his sword into the monster’s stomach. Blood spurt from the wound, somehow missing even so much as his white, billowing cape.

\--But the sword didn’t dig in deep enough to kill the monster.

The two rolled across the ground, locked in combat. The beast attempted to tear at the man’s face with its claws, but the Sword Saint managed to dodge every attack with surprising dexterity.

Somehow, the beast managed to close off all escape routes and pin Reinhard to the ground--forcing him to drop the sword in the process. It let out a hot breath and bore its fangs with a menacing glare.

Just as the swordsman was seemingly about to be eaten alive, Subaru finally found the strength to push himself to stand and took the sword in hand himself. With no hesitation, he leapt at the monster and pierced the blade through its eye. It let out a loud but pitiful wail as it backed away.

In an instant, Reinhard retrieved his sword from Subaru and slashed the beast's throat. It fell to the ground with a heavy thud, dead. The Sword Saint let out a sigh of relief. Despite the intense combat, there didn’t appear to be a single scratch on him.

With the ma-beasts dead, the chaos ended. Reinhard bowed his head to the boy with a courteous smile, “You saved my life today. Thank you.”

_ Hey now--that should be the other way around, shouldn’t it!? _

Normally Subaru would bask in praise of that caliber coming from someone as cool as a swordsman with hair the color of fire and eyes the color of lapis looking upon him with such adulation but, right now, he could barely even breathe. He’d used every last bit of strength he had to make that last move and now his damaged lungs and muscles were failing him. The pain and blood loss were quickly becoming too much to handle and his skin turned a pale hue.

Subaru lost complete control of his body and felt a weightlessness envelop him. In response, his knees buckled and his feet threatened to sweep from under him. Noticing this, the knight grabbed onto his shoulders to prevent him from falling face first into the dirt. As his half-closed, sharp eyes looked forward listlessly, the world began to spin and spin.

From the corner of his fading vision, Subaru could see Emilia standing. How was she able to stand? Hadn’t she just been mortally wounded, or had his eyes played tricks on him? His mind had played tricks on him? His mind had...  _ His mind... _

Everything went black.

\-----

As Subaru gasped and opened his eyes once again, they beheld the view of a beautiful guest room. How many times had he seen this porcelain white ceiling now? Too many to count, that’s for sure.

Had he died and returned yet again? Well, that’s fine. He’d just retrace his previous steps--minus his major misstep at the royal selection, if possible--until the morning of the merchant camp where he could also report sightings of the ma-beasts. Everyone there could just evacuate no big deal. No one gets hurt. Easy, right?

But the sound of loud snoring nearby rocked him from his thoughts. He searched over his shoulder for the source and spotted a familiar face sleeping in another bed beside him.

_ Wait. Two beds...? Otto? _

Subaru took another glance up at the ceiling and realized it was actually quite different from his memory. Maybe, having seen the Roswaal mansion ceiling so many times now, it had just burned an imprint in his mind.

The next realization to hit him was that his external wounds had been healed. Upon this revelation, the boy felt better and a lot more at ease.  _ Where was this anyway--someone’s castle? _ It didn’t look like the mansion or the inn. Curiosity hit him and so he decided to get up and explore his new surroundings. 

Subaru walked down several halls and looked into the various open doors scattered about. It seemed like everything was normal, at least. No one was screaming; no one was dead. Everything was...peaceful...

Along the way, he came across a room with several knights sitting around a table playing cards. One of them was Reinhard, but the others weren’t quite as recognizable. Somehow, Subaru managed to go unnoticed by them. They must be too involved in their game to notice him, he thought.

When he reached the end of the hall, Subaru found a set of stairs. With the decision made to walk down there, he thought to himself-- _ Maybe Emilia is down here _ . Maybe he could learn what happened after he blacked out and where exactly this place was. And maybe he could put their differences to rest.

As Subaru reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard the sounds of people chatting. Slowly, he carefully opened a door and peeked around the corner. Inside were four people: two men and two women. They sounded as though they were in the middle of an argument--one of the men and one of the women, at the very least, were very heated. However, they came to a halt the moment they realized they had a visitor.

“Oh, hello there, young man.” spoke the calmer man.

Subaru scratched the back of his neck nervously and offered and apologetic smile. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but do you know here I can find Emilia?”

The group looked at each other then back at the boy. “She’s in her room.” the same man politely spoke again.

“Where is that?”

“Upstairs and to the left, first door.” instructed the other man with a sneer. This, however, didn’t seem to phase Subaru one bit as he bowed to thank them and immediately headed back upstairs.

On the way up, he noticed Reinhard and two other knights were walking down the hall. They didn’t appear to see him as they were heading the opposite direction. In his mind, Subaru made it a point to speak with the guy some time in the future, if he could. He needed to offer a proper thanks for everything.

Finally, Subaru had found Emilia’s room and carefully knocked on the door. When he didn’t receive a response, he opened the door and quietly peered inside, unsure if he was allowed to enter or not.

Inside, the first thing he noticed were vases sitting everywhere, holding water and planting soil. There were flowers in all shapes and colors planted within the vases and scattered around the room’s decor. If it weren’t for that, the room would look pale and empty. The light pouring in through the large windows gave the room a much needed soft glow.

There was a bed in the center of the room and draped across it was a soft, white blanket. A thin, frail form of a girl sat atop the bed, facing away from the door and toward the window. Her long, silver hair flowed freely down her back, reflecting the dwindling sunlight.

“Emilia!” Subaru finally built up the courage to call her name.

The girl turned her head and looked on in surprise for a brief moment before her features were overtaken by a gentle smile. Her cheeks blushed slightly but her amethyst eyes sparkled. “You’re awake!” she beamed. “I was so worried about you!”

“I don’t even remember--” the boy spoke with a bit of uncertainty. As the words left his mouth, he had a flash memory of the end of the battle. “W-Wait, Emilia, are you--”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” the girl shook her head.  “What happened...after I passed out?”

“Well, you were wounded pretty badly. After I recovered, I went to heal you some during Felix’s breaks.”

“Who’s Felix?”

“Just like Reinhard, he’s a knight of Lugunica. The best healer in the capital.” Emilia explained matter-of-factly. “He insisted I stop healing you and rest.” A short moment passed as the girl’s mind reflected on what had happened. Her voice became silent and her gaze fell to the floor. Her smile wavered. “I’m sorry...”

“Sorry?” Subaru asked abruptly. His frayed mind couldn’t fathom what she’d even have to be sorry for. If anyone had anything to be sorry about, it was him, right?

“For being so harsh on you.” the half-elf started, biting her lip, “I talked to that friendly merchant you were with and he told me what you had said to him. I thought about it some and...I think I was just really embarrassed and took that out on you. Well, what you did still wasn’t right but I...at least understand your feelings now...”

“Emilia...” Subaru breathed out. Things had worked out for the much anticipated discussion, but not in the way he had expected.

“And that’s not all I have to apologize for. I...tried to save you and failed.” The half-elf let her gaze drift to the plush carpeted floor beneath her feet.

“You did save me!” the boy argued, “You gave me a second chance!” Its true that, if she hadn’t arrived when she did, both he and Otto would have quickly become ma-beast wolf chow.

“I don’t know about that...” she trailed off.

“--Emilia, you don’t have to say it. I understand.” Subaru quickly cut in. His words were hollow and meaningless without context, but he hoped they might dispel her regrets.

Instead of dwelling on that, the half-elf shook her head and looked him in the eyes. Her silver hair had fallen into her face as her expression became even more negative. “Subaru, I’m scared...” she confessed.

“Of what?”

“That...I’ll lose you...”

“Don’t be silly!” he tried to laugh off reassuringly.

But Emilia took it literally. “I’m not!” she said with a quick pout. “I’ve seen others get torn away from me and each time it tears me apart a little more. I don’t want it to happen again.”

“Emilia...” his voice fell to a whisper.

“Please, don’t leave me too.” the girl pleaded.

Subaru kneeled before the half-elf and took her slender hand in his. He looked up to her teary eyes with as honest a smile as he could muster. “Emilia, I’m not going anywhere.” he promised, “I’m right here, aren’t I?”

The half-elf smiled weakly back at that knight-like display coming from the most un-knightly boy she knew and wiped the tears from her eyes. Her gaze slowly moved to the window as she began to speak, “The sun has almost set. I’d like to...watch it set with you...if that’s alright.” she shared somewhat bashfully.

“Of course.” Subaru nodded with a big smile. He pushed himself to stand and the two walked over to the window, hand-in-hand. Together, the two of them watched the sun set gently across the horizon. Emilia squeezed his hand slightly as she rested her head on his shoulder. It was...a brief moment of peace.

Evening continued as normal, although Subaru never really did get a chance to talk to Reinhard again. He finished up his nightly routine and quickly fell into the most pleasant slumber he’d had since arriving in Lugunica--no, since even arriving in this world.

The next morning, however, wouldn’t be so kind to him. Soon after waking, he found the castle empty. Additionally, Emilia had gone missing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally combined with Chase in my planning but, after writing it out, I realized it was too long and, therefore, split it in two. I don’t think the AI realizes how strong Reinhard actually is. Then again, I like to think he didn’t want to show off his true strength and allowed it to look like a struggle so the others wouldn’t feel ridiculously inferior/weak. Also, no idea who’s castle this is but, if I had to guess, I’d say it's either owned by Crusch or Julius since I know they’re located around the capital. Same goes for the four people on the bottom floor, really.


	9. Curse

Natsuki Subaru rubbed his eyes as he looked over his shoulder toward the second bed in the shared guest room, but found no occupant. Otto had probably already woken up, or even moved on, he thought. There wasn’t much use in wondering about it; if the merchant was still around, he’d likely run into him later, anyway.

With those thoughts cleared, the boy yawned and stretched for a moment before walking down the halls. When he reached Emilia’s room, he knocked on the door quietly and waited patiently in case she might still be asleep. From what he knew of her schedule, she wasn’t one to sleep in, so he guessed she might already be awake. That in mind, he slowly opened the door and peered inside but found no one in the room.

Another simple guess would be that she might have gone to get breakfast, so Subaru went downstairs and began searching for wherever a dining room or kitchen might be located. Finally, he found the room, but no one was inside--not even so much as a servant at work.

As his sharp eyes scanned the empty kitchen, a pit of worry grew in his stomach. Where had everyone gone? He thought back and realized something else too--on his way around the castle, not a voice could be heard, nor shuffling, and he certainly hadn’t seen anyone cross his path.

A chill ran down his spine.

Subaru dashed around the maze-like halls of the enormous castle, calling out for anybody who might hear his voice. He opened door after door in search of anyone--especially the girl he loved most--yet he found no one.

He frantically called out her name again and again, “Emilia!?”

_ Silence. _

As Subaru pushed open the large double doors leading out from the entrance of the castle, a bright sun in the pale blue sky turned his vision white, causing him to squint. The boy held his arm over his eyes until his vision could adjust as he dashed outside and ran circles around the massive building. He called out for anyone who might hear him, but no one ever responded.

Suddenly, a faint laughter filled his ears.

“E-Emilia-tan... A-Are you playing a joke on me?” Subaru chuckled nervously as his sharp eyes swept left and right in search of the source of the laughter.

No response.

Footsteps appeared from behind, prompting Subaru to turn around with an awkward smile. He had anticipated the source to be Emilia but was very, very wrong. Instead, he came face to face with a young man the same height as himself cloaked in a red robe, the hood obscuring his facial features in shadow.

Subaru’s expression shifted from confusion to hostility, “Who are you?”

“Do you really think that’s important right now?” the red-robed person responded in a flat tone.

“I’d say it’s pretty important when you’re sneaking around here in that spooky robe! Who are you and what did you do to everyone? Are you an assassin or something?”

But the red-robed person seemingly ignored the rapid questioning, “Why didn’t you try to save the girl you love?”

“W-Wha--!?” Subaru’s jaw dropped as he was caught off guard by the sudden question.

The other voice didn’t waver with any kind of emotion, “Just last night, she perished, you see.” Subaru’s eyes widened as he listened, speechless. The one in the red robe continued speaking, “She was so distraught after you left her all alone that she ran into the forest, and well--” The voice let out an emotionless, hollow laugh that seemed to faintly echo throughout the area. “I saw it with my own two eyes, after all.”

“That’s ridiculous! I...I don’t believe you!” Subaru snarled in response.

“I don’t care.” The other person said with somehow less emotion than before. He turned around and vanished from sight.

Subaru stood there in shock, his eyes squinting in the pain of loss, the blinding white light doing him no favors. His mind was a confused mess, his hands were shaking, and his knees became so weak they could no longer support his weight. He slumped to the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Somehow, deep inside, he knew that voice and he knew it was telling him the truth.

He couldn’t save her. He could never hope to ever save her.

The boy held his head tightly with both hands and hunched over the ground to hide his teary face from the sky. Suddenly, a presence could be felt next to him. “Emi...lia?” he managed to form words between deep breaths. He opened his mouth and poured whatever words were filling his head, “I’m sorry. I tried to be there for you! I tried to protect you! I really tried, okay! This is my fault, isn’t it? Forgive me...”

“Dead. Gone. Nothing left. Just more regrets.” a voice whispered.

Subaru closed his eyes and started sobbing loudly. The regrets of his past poured on him like cement, encasing his soul. If only he had done this right. If only he had done that right. Maybe he wouldn’t have to watch her die again--and again and again and again...

After a few moments passed by, Subaru slowly opened his eyes. Dark hues of red, orange, and green filled his vision. Trees surrounded him on every side, layered with the backdrop of a sunset sky. Somehow, he was now in a luscious twilight forest.

He looked forward and saw the frail form of a girl in white lying on the ground. Her silver hair laid disheveled around her pointy ears and head, obscuring her face. Her hands remained even at her sides--unmoving. From his point of view in the growing shadows, Subaru couldn’t determine any injuries.

Even so-- “Emilia!?” the boy screamed out as horror overwhelmed him. His first instinct was to run to her side, but he found he couldn’t even move. Deep inside, he knew he couldn’t save her. Not now, not ever.

Subaru fell further into the pit of despair and it prevented him from moving even a muscle. He stared at Emilia--no, through her--into empty space. His eyes went blank as his soul felt a crushing weight threatening to destroy him from the inside out.

“So you found her, did you? You couldn’t protect her, after all. Now, what will you do?” the voice jeered.

Subaru’s eyes slowly moved and found the source of that voice--the red-robed man, who now stood underneath the trees behind the reddening shadows formed of a setting sun.

“She was stronger than you. And yet, she ended up here. Now, it’s time for you to pay for your sins.”

The glint of a metallic object, set neatly in the grass nearby, came into view--a sharpened dagger. Subaru found himself sitting on his knees, staring down his reflection in the shimmering metal. His body trembled in fear from the pressure exuding from the object. His eyes were a mix of terror and resignation.

The blade taunted him. It bid him closer, giving him an easy out--an easy way to pay for his sins, surely. Subaru could very well just accept it. He could just reset, after all. Reset like he always had when things got to be too difficult. When things would become unbearable. When things would become irreparable. 

Reset and reset and reset--

Suddenly, the boy felt something tighten around his neck--a rope. It stung as the fibers dug into his skin, causing him to involuntarily wince.

“Goodbye, pathetic false knight.”

Subaru’s eyes teared up as he choked and gagged for air. He instinctively wrapped his hands around the twine but didn’t appear to have the strength to stop the sudden attack. The red-robed man stood over him, cord in hand as he pulled the knot tighter and tighter, his eyes filled with a menacing glow.

Why was he even fighting it? Didn’t Natsuki Subaru  _ want _ to restart? It was painful, but surely it would be over quickly if he just gave in and let this assassin kill him, right?

His body was rejecting it, attempting to live with all its might. So why wasn’t he? Why shouldn’t he? This surely wasn’t the only way, was it?

Unconsciously--or maybe even consciously so--Subaru reached up and attempted to undo the knot on the rope but it continued to tighten mercilessly around his windpipe. His widened eyes darted to the glint at the corner of his vision. Momentarily freeing one of his hands, he desperately grasped for the handle of the dagger just barely out of reach.

“Oh-ho?” the cloaked man let out a light chuckle, at least somewhat intrigued by the boy’s efforts, as he continued to tighten his grip on the rope.

Just as Subaru’s oxygen supply had dwindled and his vision was about to fade, he screamed with all the breath he had remaining. The boy used the last of his strength to reach for and grip the handle of the dagger then swiftly cut the rope at the base. Immediately, he crashed to the ground and quickly went about cutting the remainder of the cord from his neck.

When the boy finally managed to free himself from the death braid, he tossed the twine and the blade to the grass then slumped over and choked on the sudden rush of fresh air stinging his emptied lungs. Holding his neck, he laid there panting and gasping.

_ Why? Why did this have to happen? _

His mind raced as piles upon piles of thoughts ushered forth--

He hated himself for what he had just considered. He hated himself for taking everything for granted. He hated himself for always being greedy and selfish. He hated himself for always ignoring her feelings and only acting in his own self interests. He hated himself for not being good at communicating his thoughts and feelings. He hated himself for always causing trouble. He hated himself for always burdening others. He hated himself for not being stronger. He hated himself for being useless. He hated himself for being him.  _ He hated himself... _

But...

He remembered his first day in Lugunica. He remembered the people he met along the way. He remembered the day he first met Emilia. He remembered all the fun times he had with her. He remembered the conversations he had with her. He remembered the kindness she showed him. He remembered when she rescued him from the beasts. He remembered the sunset with her. He remembered when she finally smiled at him. He remembered when she finally smiled.  _ He remembered... _

\--A bloodcurdling scream tore through the forest.

Subaru belatedly realized that the scream had come from his own throat. With wide eyes, he froze and stared forward.

The man in red now stood by his side, seemingly looking down upon him with a sinister grin; the whites of his eyes made visible his blackened irises as they glimmered. Not knowing what to expect next, Subaru simply stared back with a look of horror.

The man began chanting in an incomprehensible language.

Suddenly, fire ran through Subaru’s veins and his entire body erupted into black flames. He screamed as he felt his skin crawling and burning. The conflagration raced throughout, threatening to cleanse him of his existence. His clothes turned to ash first and he found himself rolling and writhing about on the ground, all to no avail. Pain--nothing but pure, hot pain--could be felt throughout every part of his body.

Just as suddenly, the flames died down to embers before vanishing completely. Somehow, he was still alive. He couldn’t move and his entire being felt painful, but he was still alive. He lacked clothes with which to protect himself and was completely helpless, but he was still alive.

The boy weakly stared at the red-robed man through heat-haze filled eyes.

“Ah, that was fun. Now, time to stop stalling and get this over with.” the one in red grinned. His voice finally sounded slightly less monotone--almost playful.

Subaru made no sound. He wanted this--whatever this was--to end now.

An unnatural, hot numbness washed over him, pushing his thoughts and feelings to the back of his mind until they completely vanished. He started to close his eyes, possibly for the final time, when--

“Why do you continue to live?”

The unnaturally familiar voice of the red-robed man brought him back from the brink of eternal sleep. It’s tone of voice finally showed some semblance of emotion; it sounded slightly frustrated. Subaru turned his head to look for the source of the voice, but he could no longer see anyone present.

“Why do you continue to exist?” the voice continued.

Subaru parted his dry lips and meekly responded, “I...I don’t know...”

A small silence formed before being swiftly slashed through, “You do know.”

The boy spoke pitifully, “I-I don’t--”

“--You do know.” the strangely familiar voice repeated with a bit more force.

“I...d--”

“--You DO know!”

The shout formed another silence of its own as the sound reverberated through the boy’s eardrums and down his spine, causing him to shudder.

“Do you want to know why you continue to exist?” the echoing voice of the red-robed man spoke calmly once again.

Subaru hesitated to respond. His mind was a frayed mess as the searing pain had never quite left him, “...W-Why?”

“Because...you love her, don’t you? Because...whether you realize it or not, you have friends. Because...somewhere deep inside, you know you can be dependable to them.”

_ Silence. _

“--Is that not enough reason?”

“...No.” Subaru curled up into a ball and squinted his eyes shut.

“So your reason is simply to live a hollow existence? Just continue to live without meaning? To eat? Sleep?  _ Burden?” _

_ Silence. _

“Restart and restart to a checkpoint where no one remembers you? Wallow meaninglessly through the world?”

_ Silence. _

“So be it then.”

The black flames returned with even more ferocity than before. They grew steadily in size and intensity, wrapping around Subaru’s body and filing his lungs with hot smoke. He crackled and sparked as his body burned from the inside out.

But this wasn’t what he really wanted. It’s not what he wanted at all. He wanted to live, didn’t he?

He didn’t want to be a burden. He didn’t want to be useless. He didn’t want to be helpless. He didn’t want to be weak.

\--But surely he wanted to be  _ something _ , didn’t he?

He would have to change himself to accomplish this wish, but the world wasn’t going to easily change with him. It was a long, difficult, scary, and daunting process that he didn’t want to even think about.

But...he did have dependable people around him. And...he wanted to be dependable to them too.

He wasn’t alone.

He might not be strong right now, but...

_ Even so-- _

“Even so, I can...!” Subaru let out a redemptive scream, “...be dependable...!” his scream was loud enough to shake the heavens, “...to them...!”

Regardless if the boy realized it or not, the black flames slowly began to recede.

“I want...!” he grasped his arms in pain as the fire continued receding, “...I want...to live...!!”

His very soul screamed out for all to  _ listen _ ! “I want...to live...for them!!!” He let out a final, desperate, heart-wrenching scream, “I...I want to LIVE!!!”

As his voice strained from his throat, and the fires died down to nothing, the man in red--too--entirely vanished from both sight and sound.

The sundown forest disappeared. The reddened sky disappeared.  _ Everything _ ...disappeared.

Subaru closed his eyes.

When he reopened them, he realized he was all alone in a field of soft grass. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his racing heart.

After surveying his surroundings, the boy realized he was in an endless field that stretched into the horizon. A gentle, blue sky could be seen overhead with fluffy clouds slowly drifting by. The air was the perfect temperature and the breeze was cool and comforting.

While padding himself to check for his injuries, Subaru found none--not even any lingering pain--and also came to the realization that he was back in his usual tracksuit. A little unsteadily, he got to his feet and dusted himself off. Unsure of which direction to even go, he simply walked forward as far as he possibly could.

“Subaru!” a lovely, high-pitched voice like a bell called out to him from...somewhere. It felt strangely familiar but he couldn’t place it.

“Subaru!” Another one. It called out again, and again, and again. Closer...and closer…

“Subaru!” Now he recognized where the voice was coming from.

It’s--

As the realization dawned on him, his vision went black. He fell weightlessly through a void before landing softly.

\-----

Subaru slowly opened his eyes.

“You’re finally awake, I see. Good, I suppose...” he heard a familiar voice say. Her voice was very close, almost too close.

His eyes snapped open and he sat up instantly. With his right hand, Subaru clutched his chest in pain as sweat streamed from his forehead. He looked down and noticed a tiny hand holding his left hand. “Be...Beatrice?” he spoke weakly in recognition.

“Of course! Who do you think I am!?” she spoke sourly with a huff.

“I thought...I was dead...” he mumbled. A realization washed new fear over the boy and he immediately began panicking, “Where’s Emilia!? Is she okay!?”

“That girl? She’s fine, in fact. What you just saw didn’t actually happen, I suppose.”

“W-What do you mean...?”

“Just a dream, I suppose.” Beatrice explained simply.

“A... A dream? B-But...the pain...the fire... I felt it all...” Subaru pulled his hand away to wrap his arms around himself and shivered. His expression took on the full weight of the pain he had just experienced. That couldn’t have just been a dream, right? It felt very real--too real. Almost like that one time, that one loop, where he--

“--You said you wanted to live, right? Well, I made that happen, in fact.” Beatrice explained, cutting off the boy’s thoughts.

“Y-You...made it happen...?” he repeated her words with a hand to his forehead, his frayed mind still trying to piece the events together, “What...happened to me?”

“A curse in its early stages. I removed it, in fact. It wasn’t easy at all so you better thank me, I suppose!” the blond girl pouted and looked aside.

“You...You did all that...for me?” he asked in shock, as though he could never have anticipated such kindness from another person. For the longest time, he didn’t even feel like he deserved it. But something inside had changed, if even a little.

“Of course! You made a contract with me, remember!?” the petit librarian shouted angrily, “W-Wait, why are you grabbing my arm like that!? Let me go!”

Subaru, before he even realized his actions, had gripped her arm tightly and began sobbing, “Th...Thank you...” Despite Beatrice’s rough disposition and regardless of something like a contract, the boy now felt nothing but pure gratitude for her aid.

“Hey, hey! You don’t have to thank me!” Beatrice said with a huff. As the petite girl was just about to continue her protest, she stopped and closed her mouth. She looked aside and spoke in a whisper tone, “Y-You’re welcome, I suppose...”

Subaru finally let go of her arm and wiped the tears from his eyes. Meanwhile, the librarian turned away from him. “Anyway, the contract is complete. I’m done here, in fact. So...I’ll be in the library, I suppose.”

With those words, the boy came to another realization. This bedroom--this place--it wasn’t the capital. He had somehow returned to Roswaal’s mansion. “W-Wait! But I thought I was just in the capital with Emilia! How did I get here!?” he asked somewhat frantically as he wasn’t able to piece the events together.

Beatrice hesitated to respond, but eventually spoke anyway, “The curse surrounded you with black flames and you attacked the girl. You supposedly had another person in the room with you and he tried to stop you but you threw him out a window. Some knight finally managed to stop you from causing any more damage.”

Subaru spoke as if the world was collapsing around him, “But... But...I didn’t mean to--” 

“--Shut up! I don’t want to hear your whining! Anyway, I felt it, in fact. When the curse started to activate, I made a portal to bring you here, I suppose. You’ve been unconscious for a whole week!”

Subaru managed to put his feelings for those words aside for the more pressing matter in front of him, “What about Emilia...? Where is she now?”

“That girl is present within the mansion. She arrived by carriage a day after I brought you here, I suppose.”

“C-Can I...go see her?” he asked hesitantly.

“I don’t care what you do! But, before you go, you need to do something for me.”

“What is it?”

With no hesitation, Beatrice grabbed his hand and stared at him, “Open up!” she demanded.

Still uncertain as to what she was doing, Subaru decided it best to just accept the request. He parted his fist without resisting. The librarian pressed her tiny palm against his and closed her eyes.

“What are you doing?” the boy asked worriedly.

“I’m reading your memories, I suppose. Now shut up! I’m trying to concentrate!”

Subaru didn’t ask any more questions and found his gaze drifting away toward the window. He thought back to the contract he had made with Beatrice before all of this. What would have happened had he not made the contract to begin with? What would have happened to Emilia? To Otto? To Reinhard? He shuddered at the thoughts.

Beatrice finally stopped using her magic and pulled her hand back. She opened her eyes and turned away, “There, I’m done, I suppose,” she announced, “I found the incidents in the capital, the merchant camp, and...the source of the curse--everything, in fact.”

“F-Found!?”

“To place a curse, someone has to touch you directly. This means you know who did it even if you don’t even realize it.” she explained in plain terms.

“Then,” Subaru gulped and asked somewhat hesitantly, “Who did it?”

“The one you love the most, I suppose...” Beatrice spoke in a low voice as she left the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, it's the return of the black flames. When it moved into a dream world I was a little confused because, as raw data, there is no transition what-so-ever. I also worried it might think the whole thing is the same timeline and try to make it all canon to the story it was telling as if the two were never separated. Instead, it seemed to recognize it was in Subaru’s head, thank goodness. Looks like the contract Beatrice made wasn’t completely useless. Her powers weren’t explained much in the anime (so far) to begin with, but they’re even more mysterious here.


	10. Confrontation

Shock. Complete shock.

Subaru stood up and, with a shaky hand, opened the door of the guest room. He entered the hallway and rushed down the stairs. “Emilia!?” he shouted, his heart full of confusion as he looked everywhere for the half-elf girl. After determining she wasn’t within the mansion, he ran outside to the garden.

“Emilia!” the boy called out as he finally found the girl he was looking for. Sure enough, she had been out amongst the flowers. The evening sun began to cross the horizon and the temperature dipped with it, but the half-elf had paid a visit to the garden anyway.

Subaru took a deep breath and grasped at his knees, strained from pushing himself to move so fast after having just recovered from the curse.

The half-elf girl smiled briefly before confusion overtook her features. He looked-- “Suba--?”

“--Why did you curse me!?” Subaru shouted, his brows furrowed and his sharp eyes pointed at her in a fury she had never witnessed before.

“Curse?” she replied with more confusion, completely caught off guard by the sudden shift in demeanor.

Frantically, he continued to throw his words at her, bearing his heart on his sleeve, “It has to be you! It was someone who  _ I love the most! _ That’s what Beatrice told me! A-And, I feel that way about you! Or I...I used to think that way, so--”

Emilia’s smile had completely vanished by now, replaced with a sense of...telling guilt? She spoke in a low tone as she averted her eyes from his, “Look, Subaru...I--”

“--So it  _ was _ you, wasn’t it!?” he didn’t let her finish speaking. 

_ Silence. _

The half-elf nodded slowly.

“Why!?” he snapped, despair completely drowning his voice.

“Well...I--”

“--I almost died, you know!” Subaru cut her off again, “I almost killed Otto! And I almost killed  _ you! _ ” he screamed in pure disbelief and anger, “If it weren’t for Reinhard and Beatrice, you both would have died instantly! Don’t you realize that!?”

_ Silence. _

“If Beatrice hadn’t teleported me when she did, we would all be dead right now!” he yelled as if in terrible pain.

Emilia closed her eyes. This only made him even angrier, prompting him to grab her shoulders tightly. “Tell me everything!” he shouted.

The half-elf spoke meekly, “Subaru...”

“--Tell me!!” he shouted yet again and applied pressure to her shoulders. She winced.

Emilia hung her head slightly and her lip quivered as she thought of how to respond, “I-I’m so...sorry... I didn’t mean to...” she trailed off.

“What!? Didn’t mean to  _ what!? _ ”

“Please, let me finish...” the half-elf whispered.

Subaru steamed in his anger, his eyes wide as he locked them onto the girl. After a momentary silence, he reluctantly bit his lip to silence himself and removed his hands from her shoulders.

“Yes, I was the one who cursed you.” Emilia announced. Subaru stared back at her in pure disbelief. He couldn’t believe he was even hearing these words, “--But... But I didn’t do it to hurt you...” she spoke sadly.

“T-Then... Then why would you curse me!? I even tried to kill you!” he exclaimed, tears threatening the corners of his sharp, angry eyes.

Emilia sighed and stared at the ground beneath her feet. “I did it...to save you...” she trailed off. Subaru opened his mouth to shout again but his throat caught. The girl spoke again, “I did it to save you...from yourself...”

At this, he finally managed to squeeze out a single word, “What!?”

The girl finally faced him directly, her own brows furrowed slightly, “I know this is hard to hear, but I did it for your own good. Just like how you’re always trying to do things for me. Remember?”

Subaru’s eyes were full of pain and confusion. What was she talking about? What did she even mean? Sure, he had done many things for her. He had tried to protect her. He’d been trying to save her more times than she could ever know. But--

“But... You almost died because of it!” barked Subaru, his emotions once again flooding out in his words, “I don’t even understand what you were trying to do! I don’t get it!!” he shouted in a panic and grabbed his head in frustration. “I don’t...I don’t get any of this!!”

Feeling his weakening legs about to give out under him, the boy managed to spot a bench and sit just in time before that could happen. He slumped over with his head in his hands.

Emilia quietly took a seat beside him and gently touched his shoulder with her hand. Subaru flinched and pulled away from her. “Please. Just listen. Maybe you’ll understand better if I tell you everything from the beginning...” she said as calmly as she possibly could.

Sensing that calm, Subaru managed to drown his feelings in a deep breath. “Explain.” he said slowly.

The girl nodded. “I know this is a lot to take in. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible,” she began followed by a deep breath of her own, “I saw what kind of person you were becoming. I don’t know why, but you hate yourself, right? I could sense it so I wanted to take that pain away from you. I thought, if you could fight off this kind of curse, you wouldn’t hate yourself anymore.”

Subaru’s shoulders tensed. He wanted nothing more than to stand up and run away--far away from here, from anyone and everyone, even from the girl he had fallen in love with.

\--In short, he felt betrayed.

Just as the boy unconsciously started to rise to his feet, Emilia tugged at his sleeve and pulled him back down. “Please, let me finish...” Reluctantly, he returned to his previous sitting position and so she continued her story, “The curse I placed on you is unique. It enters your dreams and allows you to talk to yourself. I thought, if you had a chat with yourself, it would help you sort everything out. Instead, you rejected it and it tried to consume you,” she paused and looked down, “I-I didn’t anticipate you would reject it. I...believed in you...”

Subaru stared blankly at the gently swaying grass under his feet. His eyes filled with tears and he slammed his foot into the ground. He stood up and began walking toward the woods.

“Wait!” Emilia called out to him.

No response.

The boy continued walking forward. He felt a hand grasp his shoulder but he didn’t stop moving.

“Please...” the half-elf pleaded, tears threatening to break away from her lavender eyes, but the boy didn’t stop. “Subaru...” Even so, he didn’t turn around, “...Please don’t run away from me...!!”

Finally, Subaru faced her. The anger he had been holding deep within boiled over, scorching his voice, “Do you know what I had to go through!? What I’ve been through for you!? What I had to deal with on my own!? How do you think I feel!? I thought I was dead!” he roared.

Emilia remained silent for a moment as she bit her lip weakly. “I...guess I can imagine. But, please try to understand, I--”

Subaru slammed his fist into the nearest tree. He ignored the pain and the blood oozing from the point of impact. “Just--!!” He trailed off to a low voice, ”...Just...leave me alone...”

The girl backed away from him. Tears streamed endlessly from her half-closed eyes and she hugged her shoulders in an effort to hold herself together. “Please...” she nearly whispered her plea.

_ Silence. _

Subaru stood there, staring listlessly forward as he thought. His mind was...blank. But something in him wanted to hear her finish what she wanted to say. He had to if he wanted to remain sane. Maybe there was still some hope buried deep inside of his heart. “Fine...” he looked aside, “Go ahead and say what you need to say...” he forced himself to speak and took a seat in the grass with his back against a tree.

“T-Thank you.” said Emilia, followed by a deep breath to quell her tears.

A chilling breeze blew by, causing the boy to shiver and wrap his arms around himself. He tensely awaited what he would hear next.

The girl didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold wind at all. She closed her violet eyes and stood still.

“I just--”

A scream pierced the air. It was so high-pitched and sudden that it shook the two to the core and almost made Subaru’s heart stop. His eyes widened and he completely froze in place.

With little hesitation, Emilia spread her arms out. Tiny, twinkling lights left her side and scoured the forest looking for the source of the scream. “It’s coming from...that way!” the half-elf said, pointing in a specific direction.

The dimly-lit evening forest became terribly silent. The only sounds that could be heard were the soft rustling of leaves in the wind and an owl hooting. Then, another scream pierced the air. Upon hearing it twice, the boy could tell it was most definitely from a young girl.

Despite their previous argument, Subaru still found some trust in Emilia, especially in a situation like this. It sounded as though she hadn’t really intended the end results of her actions. It still hurt like hell to know she was responsible but...but now they had something more pressing to deal with first.

“We have to go!” Subaru instinctively spoke as he pushed himself to stand. He took off running in the direction of the scream, the direction that had been pointed out to him before.

“W-Wait!” Emilia belatedly called out and took off running, but she quickly realized she would be unable to catch up with him. With the sun set and the half-moon overhead, it was difficult for her to see ahead and, before she knew it, the boy had vanished into the thick of the woods.

Subaru quickly sprinted through the forest, narrowly avoiding tree branches here and there. If there was any talent in him, it was definitely his running speed. With enough focus, he was able to easily pinpoint which direction to go. Soon, the boy quickly arrived at his destination and took a deep breath. There, he saw a young girl--probably still in her early teens--curled up into a ball on the ground. She was covered head to toe in blood.

Hugging her knees to her body, the tiny dark-haired girl looked up to stare at Subaru with terror in her olive eyes. Realizing he wasn’t the threat, the girl burst into tears and hugged her knees even tighter. “I-I kept hearing this noise. I was terrified. I didn’t...I--” she tried to explain but choked on her tears.

“It’s going to be alright.” the boy attempted to say in a comforting tone.

The little girl continued to sob as Subaru examined her. There appeared to be a deep cut in the back of her right arm. It looked to be the source of most of the blood, but nothing that couldn’t be easily patched up with some magic or a first aid kit. He searched for any more injuries but couldn’t find any.

Suddenly, she screamed again. The young girl’s eyes opened wide and she stared at the trees with pure fear. She ducked her head behind her forearms and started shaking. “Oh no... Please no...” she whimpered.

Subaru turned around, wide-eyed, to see a massive creature in the trees behind him. It was more than double the size of a large dog with a long tongue hanging out of its mouth and razor sharp teeth glistening in the moonlight. The monster leaped from the trees and landed perfectly on all fours. Its eyes were pure red, like devilish flames, and they fixated on the boy as it growled.

_ Again!? But isn’t this one...larger than last time? _

The little girl screamed again and sobbed loudly. She curled into a defensive ball with her arms wrapped around her head and her knees as close to her chest as possible.

Subaru attempted to calm himself and think of the best plan of action. He could take off running and try to escape with the victim in his arms, or he could try to stand his ground and fight back--although that likely wouldn’t get him very far. Either way, he needed to act quickly.

“I-It’s going to eat me...” the little girl whimpered between sobs, her whole body shaking in fear.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to let it eat you,” the boy spoke as confidently as he could, although his voice was shaking almost as much as his knees.

Suddenly--

“Close your eyes!” Subaru ordered. Instantly, he scooped the young girl up and hugged her to his chest before shouting, “Shamac!” With that, a puff of black magic shot out of his back, blinding the beast momentarily, just enough for him to take off running through the woods. The monster let out an earth-shattering howl. It rocked the forest so hard that even the bats skittered as they fled from the trees.

As Subaru ran for his and this girl’s life, he wondered what happened to Emilia. Despite what the half-elf had done, despite what had happened between them, he still wanted her to be safe. He hoped she had turned and ran the opposite direction, or else this could become really dangerous for her.

He ran and ran but never seemed to be able to fully escape the monster’s line of sight. After sprinting for so long and carrying extra weight, Subaru’s strength drained from him. He stopped momentarily to take a deep breath and, in that short moment, the ma-beast managed to catch up to them.

The girl in his arms screamed, snapping his mind into action. If he wanted to save this little girl, he would most likely need to find a way to kill the beast. There was no way around it. If he tried to run, it would always catch up with him.

With that thought in mind, he put the girl down on her feet and she immediately ran into the bushes to hide. He turned to face the beast, alone. “I won’t let a big, ugly mutt like you hurt her!” he shouted and punched the wolf-like creature in the nozzle.

The monster growled and backed up, but that clearly had not affected it. Subaru was quickly shoved to the ground and fangs dug into his left shoulder, easily tearing through his clothing and the flesh beneath. The boy let out a loud, pained scream. With his other arm, he punched the ma-beast in the nose again, causing it to release him and stagger back.

Subaru stood and attempted to run, but the beast was quicker. It immediately charged at him, yet he was barely able to avoid its grasp. The boy realized, if he didn’t do something fast, he was definitely going to become dinner.

As his sharp eyes quickly scanned his surroundings, Subaru spotted a large rock nearby and threw it at the monster. The weak attack did absolutely nothing, only prompting the ma-beast to become even more angry. It growled and charged at the boy, knocking him to the ground once again. The beast pinned his arms and sunk its teeth into his already injured shoulder, causing him to let out a loud shriek. The pain was so excruciating that it clouded his vision.

Just as Subaru expected to be eaten whole, he quickly realized the creature had other plans for him. It swiftly gripped his arm tightly in its mouth and dragged him across the ground. Soon, he realized he was being dragged through the woods. Was it intending to take him back to its den?

The boy wanted to struggle but couldn’t find the strength to. He felt warm blood pouring down his arm as his body was dragged limply across the dirt, staining the grass crimson. His will to fight back was leaving him by the second. “Please... Someone... Help...“ he said in a pained whisper, although it had been intended as a yell.

Suddenly, from the bushes, a familiar, feminine voice screamed in horror. Magic formed ice arrows that dug into the creature’s side. The attack didn’t appear to do any damage, though; instead, it merely bounced off, but that was enough for the beast to drop its prey.

Subaru slumped to the ground and watched on in a mix of terror and pain as Emilia fought against the beast. It was far stronger than her and, though she quickly came to realize this, she continued fighting anyway.

Another round of ice arrows stabbed the creature in the right eye, causing it to roar out in pain. It turned its full attention to the girl and charged at her, but she managed to narrowly avoid the attack. More ice pummeled its fur but did nothing to slow the monster down. Enraged, the beast slammed its body into Emilia, sending her flying into a tree.

“Emilia!” Subaru shouted and struggled against the blinding pain to stand up, but his body refused.

The half-elf rolled over just in time to witness the ma-beast dragging Subaru through the forest once again. She fired more magic ice arrows but they did nothing to impede the creature’s movements.

“Stop!!” the boy shouted with the breath remaining in his lungs. The words didn’t register at all as the beast took off running into the woods, dragging his body with it. He tried to struggle with what little strength he might have remaining but that, along with his hope, quickly diminished.

Emilia was no longer able to keep up. Eventually, she couldn’t even be seen in the distance anymore. Subaru let out one final scream with all the breath he could put into it before closing his eyes and gritting his teeth.

Eventually, some distance later, the ma-beast came to a stop and dropped him. Subaru curled up in pain and clutched the wound in his shoulder. When he looked up, he realized the beast had disappeared.

_ Emilia better be safe... And...hopefully that little girl got away... _

A few moments later, it returned--surely to finish the job. It slowly approached and the boy could feel its hot breath as it sniffed at him.  _ This is the end, huh? Ah, I wonder where I’ll end up. _ Those were his final thoughts.

The beast stared at him with its one remaining crimson eye, then laid down on the ground nearby.

Subaru was beyond confused. Wasn’t it going to eat him? Wasn’t that the whole point of this? Why was it lying next to him instead? Why didn’t it eat him? The questions continued to flood his mind with no answers.

Suddenly, a black-cloaked figure loomed over him.

“W-Wait!!” the boy shouted and waved his one good arm in self-defense. The figure seemingly ignored him and began petting the fur of the beast. “W-Who...are you?” he asked nervously.

“Hmm, my apologies. It was rude of me not to introduce myself. My name is Elsa. You may call me that if you wish.” a feminine voice flowed calmly from the cloaked figure.

Her voice sounded familiar to him but...he couldn’t recall why.

Subaru stared back at the mysterious woman cautiously. Had she somehow rescued him or was she the reason he had been brought here? Regardless, for some reason--perhaps just simple courtesy--he felt the need to respond with his own introduction. “I’m...Natsuki Subaru...” the boy said hesitantly as if pre-recorded.

“I see... And you have a special power, correct? The ability to freeze time. A very useful skill. Time is the substance that allows all things to exist as they are, after all.”

“T-Time...?” he thought aloud. Immediately after that, his memory jolted. “W-Wait, what did you just say!?” He stared at her in shock. How does she know about  _ that? _

“Don’t you remember? Our first meeting...” Although he couldn’t see her features clearly, the grin spreading across her face was more than evident in her tone of voice.

“First meeting?” The boy’s mind started racing. Was she talking about  _ that _ day? The attack in the mansion? The day an assassin tried to kill Ram? And Rem? And him too?

“Y-You’re--” he started and froze, wide-eyed, at the realization.

“Hmm... I see you finally remembered.” The woman named Elsa lowered the hood of her cloak and smiled at him with her black eyes. Her raven, braided hair swayed as she gently pet the creature’s fur beside her. After a brief moment of silence, she turned to face him again, “Now, you are probably wondering why I brought you here. Well, I’m afraid that’ll just have to wait for now.” she grinned.

“What do you mean!? Why won’t you tell me!?” Subaru yelled as he tried to stand but his feet gave out and he slumped back to the ground. He winced and grabbed his left shoulder in pain.

The woman frowned momentarily. “Well, that’s unfortunately how reality is,” she sighed before her dark smile returned, “It’s not always fair.”

Subaru could feel sleep attempting to drag him down as the woman continued speaking. “I’m sure you’re wondering who I really am, aren’t you?” she asked but, as the boy’s consciousness swayed from the blood loss, all he could offer was a small grunt.

Elsa grinned menacingly. With each word, her voice faded in and out as ripples of sound until there was nothing left but silence--

“Well, to put it simply, I am your fate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we have a culprit for the events of the prologue! But turns out it’s the person anyone would least likely suspect! We also have a name for the mansion intruder and can now understand why the ma-beasts attacked the merchant camp. I gave the AI her last name but I guess it really didn’t care. Even so, at this point, I was really impressed that an AI managed to take all of these plot points and tie them all together so neatly (well, for the most part).


	11. Escape

Natsuki Subaru slowly opened his eyes and glanced around, his mind a sluggish haze. The time appeared to be night as there wasn’t much to light the room he now found himself in than a fireplace in the corner. From what little he could make out of his surroundings, it was obvious his location was not the Roswaal mansion. Additionally, since he didn’t recognize the room, he most likely had not reset.

Instead, his new location appeared to be a tiny bedroom in an old log cabin. There was a simple twin bed, a small desk, chair, and a full length mirror resting on the wall--plain and simple. The room looked as though it hadn’t been occupied in a long time as there were cobwebs strewn about various corners of the walls and furniture.

_ Where is this? Where am I? What...happened? _

Wearily, Subaru inspected himself to find that his shoulder and other injuries had been bandaged with his tracksuit jacket zipped up over it all. Any small movement brought the pain back full force, causing him to wince. He tried to recall the previous events for clues as to what had happened but his memories from earlier were fuzzy at best.

The boy shakily pushed himself to stand and rounded the room, searching for clues, but turned up empty-handed. Eventually, he came to a stop before the mirror and stared at the reflection of his torn and bruised body. He slowly unzipped his jacket and inspected the bandages; they were sloppily applied in a haphazard way and blood had long since soaked through. Frustration consumed him and a scream built up deep inside but, still, he continued to stare on blankly.

How did things become like this? Emilia had nearly gotten him killed, but she swore she didn’t intend such an outcome. It was already draining enough trying to understand her true intentions and their argument, currently unresolved, had left a bad taste in his mouth.

Subsequently he ended up injured and dragged through the woods by a ma-beast then somehow thrown into this strange cabin just for wanting to help a tiny, innocent girl. But what happened immediately before now? Who or what was responsible for this current situation?

Either way, this was all beyond the worst possible luck.

Frustration boiling over, Subaru finally released the pent up scream and threw his right fist at the mirror, shattering it into hundreds of tiny dazzling shards. The boy yelped in pain and frantically clawed at a large glass shard that had somehow embedded itself in his palm. After several painful seconds, he managed to remove the fragment and tossed it to the floor; it shattered into smaller pieces with another  _ clack _ .

Subaru held his bloodied hand and cringed at the pain as his eyes met the broken fragments of the mirror that still remained on the wall, distorting his perception of himself in the fire-light. His mind struggled to process everything but, after taking a deep breath and a moment to calm down, it began turning again. Memories of his final moments before passing out flooded back--of the woman clad in black from head to toe--giving him the pieces he needed to understand what had happened. With that, he realized he needed to find a way out of this place--and fast.

Though it was difficult to see at any distance away from the fireplace, the boy assumed there had to be a door somewhere and so he felt along the walls until he found a doorknob. Twisting it a couple of times, he came to the realization that it was locked. After searching a little more, he could find no other doors. 

There was only one exit.

That’s when he heard it--giggling. The sound was muffled a little but it was clearly coming from the other side of the door, mocking him. “My, my. It seems you’re finally awake. You have nowhere to go, you know. Just be a good boy and rest for now. I will come find you later,” Elsa said. The sound of her voice could be heard fading, along with her footsteps, as she walked away.

And, just like that, Natsuki Subaru found himself trapped.

The door was locked and he didn’t have anything he could use to pick it. Subaru, weak and disheartened, collapsed to the floor and continued holding his newly injured right hand in an effort to suppress the bleeding. Despite his prior brief sleep, he had no strength to speak of and still had yet to heal from his previous wounds. As the woman had ordered, regardless whether he wanted to or not, he had to rest.

Even something as simple as breathing caused him to pant in pain. Subaru couldn't even hope to inhale a deep breath if he wanted to, causing him to take quick and short breaths to make up for the loss of oxygen in his system. While struggling to maintain his breathing, he found that the smell of his own blood was making him sick. As seconds ticked by, he became dizzier and dizzier...

Subaru’s weary eyes drifted to the fragmented mirror, mercilessly reflecting his shoddy appearance in a kaleidoscopic cluster. His tracksuit was in tatters and partially stained crimson. The sheer amount of blood loss had caused his skin tone to become deathly pale.

He continued staring at his reflection and saw--

\-----

Subaru’s sharp eyes snapped open as he awoke in a cold sweat on the hardwood floor. A quick glance told him this was, unfortunately, the same room he remembered from what felt like only moments ago. He breathed out slowly then pushed himself to sit with his back against a wall. Pain surged through his body with every ragged breath he took, but it was noticeably better than before.

The boy felt a stinging pain in his hand when it flexed, prompting him to remember what had happened to it. Upon examining its current state, he found the knuckles were scraped and bruised. Additionally, the palm held a deep cut that had since closed up into a nasty scar. He flexed his fingers and tried to wiggle his thumb. Even with those injuries, everything could be felt as it should be, and so he breathed out a small sigh of relief that it wasn’t in a worse condition.

With another glance around the dark room, Subaru wondered what he should do next. The door was locked and he had no weapons, tools, or anything else that could aid his escape. After sitting and thinking for a bit, he came to the conclusion that the only way out would be through the door. There had to be a way to get it to open.

\--But no amount of searching or thinking could offer a solution.

Self-doubt began to creep up on Subaru as his shoulders slouched in defeat. Was it even possible to escape? And what did Elsa even want with him? It couldn’t be good, right? If she wanted him dead, he already would be--true--but he’d experienced enough anguish by now to know things could always become so much worse.

Maybe he could reset? With that thought in mind, the boy briefly looked about the room. His only options seemed to be to throw himself in the flames of the fireplace or bite off his own tongue, and neither sounded like a preferable experience; not that dying again and again was ever pleasant to begin with.

Subaru’s eyes aimlessly scanned the room until they fell upon his own distorted reflection in the shattered pieces of the mirror. His mind became blank as he found himself drawn to the pile, mindlessly sorting through the shards on the floor until he found a rather large piece that seemed...perfect. He held it up to inspect before holding the edge in front of his throat.

One quick swipe and it would all be over.

He could go back to--where? Where would he go back to if he died? The curse? The argument with Emilia? The ma-beast attack?

Or would he just wake up right here?

The uncertainty ate away at him. The knowledge of what it felt like to be pierced, sliced open, bleed out, and die filled him with dread. Before he realized it, his hands started shaking and sweat poured down his brow. He found himself holding his breath, as if anticipating his body to somehow move on its own without his will to guide it. This would be a lot easier if it did.

There was always the possibility the current timeline might even be the last one. What if he took his own life to restart and failed? What if he never even got a chance to go back? He’d successfully reset in the past but, without full knowledge of how Return by Death worked, there was always that uncertainty with it.

Besides, one of the things he hated himself for was how easily he chose to run away or restart instead of facing the difficulties ahead of him head on. Daunting as they may be, they had never been impossible to overcome. Then this situation wasn’t impossible either, right? And it wasn’t like something irreversible had happened; the people he cared about were all still alive, after all.

A part of Natsuki Subaru wanted to resign--to give up--as he had done time and again, but that would get him nowhere; he couldn’t do that now. No way! He needed to see Emilia and they still had a conversation to finish. He hadn’t quite thrown away hope of reconciliation with her yet and he shouldn’t throw his hope away here either.

That became his focus--he couldn’t let hopelessness win.

With renewed resolve, Subaru hurled the mirror shard across the floor; it shattered with a loud  _ clack _ .

The boy pushed his weary body to move and began to search the room more thoroughly. Under the bed, around the desk, in whatever might have been left sitting around--there had to be  _ something _ . That’s when his eyes settled on the wooden chair by the desk. Perhaps he could use it to break the door down or, at the very least, shape it into a weapon somehow.

Subaru cautiously removed his arms from the sleeves of his tracksuit jacket, careful not to mess with the bandages over his shoulder too much. He then wrapped the fabric securely around the wooden frame of the chair. This way, regardless if it broke the door or shattered on impact, he wouldn’t be hurt by the splinters.

Mustering all the strength he possibly could while ignoring the returning pain in his shoulder, Subaru lifted the chair and slammed it against the door. Though his eyes had been closed to protect them, he could hear as the wooden chair splintered against the sturdy frame. When he opened his eyes again to survey the damage, unfortunately, the door remained standing.

The pain and adrenaline mixed in him as his anger began to take over, prompting him to strike again, this time with more force. Again, more splinters, but it was still not enough. With a heavy huff of frustration, the boy tossed the chair aside and let rage overtake his actions as he pounded on the door with his bare fists, bloodying them with each additional strike.

Finally, Subaru could hear the sound of splinters as the frame split apart. He let out a tired breath and momentarily winced at the pain throbbing in his hands. Hurriedly, he retrieved his favorite jacket and shook the wood scraps from it before putting it back on and zipping it up. That woman might have heard him, considering all the noise he had just generated, but he didn’t have the luxury of time to think about that. Still riding the adrenaline high, he kicked the shattered door apart and immediately barreled down the hallways as fast as his legs would carry him.

Room upon room, Subaru’s eyes darted as he looked for the direction he needed to go to escape the mysterious cabin, panting as sweat poured down his face. No matter where he looked, every room was an empty dead end. Luckily, at the very least, everything was quiet and no one seemed to be around.

Eventually, the boy came to the end of the hallway which consisted of an antechamber leading to a great dining hall. Peering inside, the dimly flickering fire-light from the candles was the only way he could see; strangely, they were lined up in a row on only one wall. There were no windows, and thus no moonlight to aid his vision but, either way, he was able to make out most of the contents. In the center was a massive rectangular dining table surrounded by several fancy wooden chairs that looked to be larger than necessary. On the table appeared to be a small decorative bowl and a handful of unlit candles. Most importantly, there was definitely a door on the other end of the room.

Where had Elsa gone? Did she not hear him running around and frantically destroying things? Surely she would have prevented his escape had she known. If she wasn’t trying to stop him, then perhaps she was out for...some reason?

Another thought crossed his mind: the woman could be toying with him by anticipating his attempt to escape and allowing for it to happen, but only so far. There was a high chance, with a personality like hers, that she might be on the other side waiting for him.

Subaru’s thoughts raced as his weary feet carried him through the great dining hall to the door on the opposite end. As seconds passed by in silence, the tension grew. The instant the boy’s hand rested on the cold doorknob, he shuddered. To him, the moment felt comparable to the point in a game where you would find the final boss, except lacking boss music and without the certainty of where the save point might return to or if it would even function.

The boy took a deep breath then held it in as he slowly, carefully, and cautiously pushed the door open with a soft  _ creak _ . What he found appeared to be an entrance hall which was surprisingly small compared to the large room he had just passed through. There was no sign of the scary woman and so he allowed himself to release his held breath and breathe in normally.

Finally, he could leave this place!

Quickly, Subaru crossed the corridor and grabbed the handle of the exit to salvation. But, before he could open the door, the boy sensed a presence behind him and shivered. He gulped and froze with his hand wrapped firmly around the brass knob. Slowly, he cautiously turned his head to see--

“Barusu!” a familiar voice whispered harshly.

The boy sighed in momentary relief before responding, “Ram!? Don’t scare me like that! I-I thought you were that woman!” he said without any consideration for the volume of his voice. The hornless oni might not have been Elsa, but she certainly qualified for the ‘scary woman’ title, especially with the fierce look she was giving him right now.

“Shut up! You don’t want them to hear you, do you!?” the pink-haired maid lectured in a harsh whisper. Subaru nodded apologetically, prompting the maid to roll her eyes and shake her head. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you might be--”

“--Emilia didn’t tell you what happened?” he cut her off, finally spoken in a whisper.

“No, what’s going on?” the girl tilted her head slightly as her gaze hardened.

“Well, my memory is a little fuzzy but--” He paused for a moment as realization dawned on him, “Wait, if Emilia didn’t tell you, then why are  _ you _ here!?” he asked surprisedly.

“Emilia-sama returned to the mansion without you. She looked completely distraught but she wouldn’t tell me anything when I asked. Since Roswaal-sama is away on business, as the eldest maid, I am in charge of the premises and all of his property. According to his wishes, that includes you, Barusu,” Ram explained with a small, frustrated huff.

Subaru paused for several seconds to think. He looked down thoughtfully as he began to speak, “I see. That does sound like Roscchi...” he weakly chuckled briefly before taking on a more serious expression, “Well, I don’t really get it myself. We split up in the forest and I was attacked by a--”

“--That’s not what I meant!” Ram barked, raising her voice just a little bit, “Before that, what happened between you and Emilia-sama!? Clearly you did something stupid again to end up in this situation.”

Subaru looked aside and momentarily grit his teeth. “We don’t have time for that,” he growled as his mind began racing, doing everything in its power to think of a way to avoid a drawn-out conversation on such a topic. “Look, we have to get out of here before that woman finds us!”

Without waiting for a response, the boy grabbed Ram’s arm then dragged her out the door and into a mad dash through the woods. With his body as beaten up as it already was, he found it difficult to maintain breathing and running at the same time, but pushed ahead on pure adrenaline anyway.

The growing sounds of rustling and low growls could be heard surrounding the two. Subaru instinctively knew what that sound meant; he’d heard it many times by now. “They’re coming!” he warned.

“Who!?” Ram yelled in confusion.

“The ma-beasts! I think the woman in black that attacked us at the mansion is controlling them! They’re going to kill you if they catch you!” he shouted in response.

Ram’s eyes widened briefly. The same woman that had attacked the mansion? “Heh! Don’t underestimate me, Barusu! I may be cute but I won’t go down without a fight!” the maid spoke somewhat haughtily.

Just as those words left the girl’s mouth, a rumbling growl could be heard from behind. A massive figure, hidden from the moonlight, jumped down from the trees and chased after the pair. Red lights glared through the shadows of the surrounding forest, all fixated on the two escapees. “We’ve been spotted! Run!” the boy yelled and pushed harder on his feet to carry him away from danger.

Attempting not to look back, Subaru kept his eyes pointed forward as he swiftly navigated the woods. Suddenly, he felt a jolt of pain from his shoulder as his arm was twisted. Unconsciously--regrettably--his hand released its grip on the maid and, last second, a massive paw came into his vision. He then watched in horror as it slammed her body into a nearby tree. She slumped to the ground with her head down.

“Ram!” Subaru called out, but his voice didn’t seem to reach. Just as he was about to run to her side, one of the beasts swatted him with its massive paw and his body hit the ground hard with a surprised yelp. Claws dug into the flesh of the boy’s previously injured left shoulder, prompting him to let out a scream of pain. He gripped his renewed wound and winced as the monster loomed over his prone form, its red eyes flickering in the darkness. It lowered its open jaw over his head and--

Suddenly, the beast yelped and collapsed as green-tinted gusts of wind pierced through its flesh, spraying fresh blood across the grass--but it wasn’t enough to destroy the monster. Devilish eyes quickly scanned the scenery until they settled on the vulnerable maid sitting by the tree. The girl began preparing another attack spell.

“Ram, no! Run!” Subaru desperately shouted as he scrambled to stand, but his body wouldn’t allow it. No matter how hard he willed his muscles to budge, they refused. All he could do was watch helplessly as the following events played out.

The ma-beast wildly charged at Ram, snarling as it closed the distance.

Everything happened in an instant--the oni maid unleashed her prepared wind magic on the creature, cutting into its flesh yet again, but still not enough to bring it down. Despite the injuries, the enraged monster pushed through the girl’s attack and scooped her up, legs first, in its maw.

“...Eh?”

For a split second, the maid’s eyes widened in surprise before the beast’s jaws shut. Its sharp fangs ripped into her flesh and severed her delicate body in half by the hip.

Subaru watched, pure horror overtaking his features, as crimson rained down from the monster’s maw. The girl’s upper torso flung across the dirt before skidding to a halt nearby in a massive puddle of blood.

As the ma-beast feasted on the bottom portion of its captured prey, it howled triumphantly. The other beasts in the area howled in response and some joined in. All of the creatures seemingly ignored the boy’s presence, for now at least. They most likely deemed him too weak to escape on his own.

Subaru’s wide, despairing eyes met Ram’s as he attempted to crawl toward what remained of her. “Ram...” he whimpered as he willed his meager remaining strength into his hands and knees until he could reach her side. She couldn’t move but her half-closed eyes followed his as he drew near her. The maid attempted to speak but the only thing that came out was a shaky gasp.

The boy repeated her name over and over again until he ran out of breath, “Ram. Ram. Ram...” He sobbed with tears blotting his vision as he wrapped a hand around hers; he could feel her skin growing colder and colder by the second. Gently, with his other hand, he moved the blood-stained, disheveled pink hair from her face.

Ram might have had a prickly personality, she might have made one too many rude remarks, and she might have given him a hard time every now and again but, to Subaru, that was just how their relationship was. To him, she was someone he respected greatly. To him, she was someone he treasured dearly.

This fate was beyond unfair.

And...this was all his fault. If he had moved a little faster. If he had explained a little better. If he hadn’t hesitated. If he hadn’t wasted time in the cabin wallowing in his own self-hatred like an idiot, he might have been able to escape sooner and avoid this tragedy.

If only he had--

Ram’s conscience wavered as she stared upward through the void of twinkling lights. Using all of her strength, she poured the remaining air from her lungs into her voice. “B-Barusu...” the maid’s quieted voice began in a raspy tone, “D-Don’t make...Rem s-sad...” She paused briefly as she used her last breath to utter one final word, “L-Live...” The moment the sound of that word faded, so too did the light in her eyes.

_ Ram... _

Something in Subaru boiled over. Adrenaline rushed through his veins yet again as he shakily pushed himself to stand. Pure hatred filled his sharp eyes as he glared at the monsters nearby. He let out a loud, pained scream as he dashed toward the collective beasts in a blind rage.

But his vision remained blurred, his heart began to beat too fast in his chest, then his ragged breath and dizzying mind brought him crashing to the dirt before he could take more than two steps. Stars filled his vision and his ears began ringing loud alarm bells.

\--And then his vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F for Ram. The ending was written by the AI in a way where it was super short and instant, like “they run, she dead” quick, so I hope everyone enjoys the suffering cake I baked from that.


	12. Miasma

_ Ripple. Ripple. Ripple. _

The sound of running water was the first thing Natsuki Subaru heard when he finally awoke. After his hearing, his vision came second, painted with dark green trees and twinkling stars overhead. The smell of iron mixed with pine flooded in third and the cold, chilly night air brushing against his face was fourth. Finally, he realized the taste of blood mixed with dirt in his mouth, retched, and spat.

Subaru pushed himself to sit up and used his sleeve to wipe his face. He winced as he remembered the wounds from before but they had, yet again, been bandaged up. His eyes moved slowly to survey his surroundings and that’s when a familiar looking woman came into view. “There you are,” she spoke almost sweetly. The boy froze in fear and sat motionless. “Don’t act so surprised,” she smiled, “I’ve been watching you. You’re really...interesting. I must say, it is a shame what happened to you...and that girl.”

With those words, memories flooded back like a wave crashing into his soul. Ram was...killed. She’s dead.  _ She’s dead... _

Suddenly Subaru yelled as he held his head, “What do you want from me, Elsa!?” 

The woman stared at him for a moment with a small smile before sitting down beside him. “Calm down. I’m not going to hurt you,” she spoke calmly. Subaru remained silent, frozen in fear, even as she briefly laid a cold hand on his cheek. She spoke calmly as if trying to comfort him, “Don’t fear. We’re about to be great friends, after all.”

“F-Friends?” he scoffed.

“Yes, friends. Do you know why I brought you here?” the woman sat up straight and stared at the boy anticipatingly with a small smile.

He remained silent.

“I need your help.”

Subaru’s eyes widened as he stared at her. What did she mean? His help? Wasn’t she the one trying to kill him and the other mansion dwellers? The one who summoned those ma-beasts to kill anyone who got in her way and forcibly drag him around? Her words didn’t make any sense to him what-so-ever. He was absolutely confused. “You need...my help...?”

“Yes,” the woman spoke confidently.

For a moment he hesitated to even ask, “W-What do you...mean?”

“Well,” Elsa explained, “I need your power. That special ability of yours to momentarily freeze time and draw attention to yourself,” she allowed a small grin, “The scent hangs strongly on you, after all.”

“You need...my power?” Subaru started, his expression completely dumbfounded, “I’m useless. Powerless.” His voice became shaky and weak as he began laughing in pure despair, “Are you serious!?”

The woman didn’t miss a beat, “Very serious.”

“Why!?” he shouted, his brows furrowed, “Do you know what you’ve done!? Do you know what you’ve put me through!? Why would I ever help you!?”

“Because,” she replied calmly, “You’re human; you have a heart. You always do what you think is best for the people around you. That’s why I want your help--because I know you will see it through to the end.”

“What are you even saying!? That’s exactly why I would never help you! You kill someone precious to me and then you finally start asking for help! How sadistic are you!? You haven’t even explained what ‘it’ is!” Subaru stared at her with pointedly sharpened eyes in disbelief. The situation, and her request, were so absurd. “You know what, I don’t even care what you have to say! I refuse!” he shouted.

“Oh well, you really are useless,” Elsa shrugged, “I’ll just have to look for someone else, then.”

Those words hung over him, filling him with a sense of dread.

If she forsook him here, what would she do with him? Would she kill him? If she did, wouldn’t he--having learned nothing of use--just be back at square one if and when he arrived at a previous checkpoint? And if she didn’t, if she somehow decided to leave him alive, then what of Ram? What if he couldn’t go back far enough to save her? And what would this woman do next? Who would she kidnap in pursuit of her goals? Who would have to get hurt, or even die, because he didn’t make a stand here?

“W-Wait!” he shouted in a panic, “Why did you want my power!? What do you plan to do with it!?”

The woman grinned ear to ear, “I’m going to become the next witch cult leader of this realm!” she revealed.

“W-What?” Subaru was completely dumbstruck. He had no idea what she was even talking about. Witch cult? But didn’t everyone hate the Witch of Envy? Then again, in any world, there were always the crazy ones who worshipped the villains; in fiction, in reality, and apparently even in alternative worlds.

“It’s clear from the sweet scent that hangs over you that the Witch of Envy loves you,” Elsa explained, “She’ll be drawn to you with that power of yours. All I need is an audience with her, and I need you to bring her to me.”

If anyone had experience with how dangerous something as simple as an ‘audience’ with the Witch of Envy could be, that would be Natsuki Subaru. The witch was obsessed with him to the point she was willing to kill anyone who got in her way. If he so much as uttered the phrase ‘Return by Death’ she would threaten his heart and/or kill anyone who heard it. For so long, he couldn’t tell anyone the pain and suffering he’d been through because of her envy. Between that, the stories of the calamity four-hundred years ago, and the power of revival he had received from her, it was obvious the witch was nothing anyone would want to mess with, let alone talk to.

Subaru opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was air. Unconsciously, he had begun to shake in pure fear. Eventually, somehow, he found the words he wanted to ask, “...Why are you telling me this?”

“Because,” she smiled, “I need your help. Aren’t you here to help me?”

The boy stared at the woman in shock as she slid closer to him. He could feel a new wave of fear as he pieced together her intentions. “No!” he shouted, “I’m not going to--!”

Before he could finish his words, Elsa put a finger to his lips and stared into his brown eyes. “I’m going to have you one way or another,” she spoke calmly, “You either help me, or I’ll kill you and everyone you’ve ever cared about. Think about that.”

Subaru angrily shoved the woman away. With every bit of strength and energy he could muster, despite the stinging aches coursing through his body, he pushed himself to stand and made an attempt to run away.

But, before he could take more than two steps, the woman yanked him back by his left wrist. His injured shoulder burned, causing him to wince. “Very well then,” she finally raised her voice a little and began to speak more forcefully, “How about this: You’re either going to help me...or die right here. What’s your choice?”

“Let me go!” the boy shouted as he tried to pull away despite the throbbing pain attempting to consume his senses.

\--“Is that really your final decision?”

That single question caused Subaru to stop struggling. He grit his teeth and stared at the ground under his feet. If he kept pushing right now, she would just kill him and everything would reset. He still didn’t have enough information to go on even if that really did happen, but agreeing to help her would be wrong too. If he at least pretended to go along with her request, maybe he would learn something he could use to stop her but...at what cost? Having to face the Witch of Envy head on? No matter how he looked at it, he had reached an impasse and he needed to make a decision quickly.

“Fine,” he huffed.

“Ah, I see you finally understand your position. Let’s go then,” Elsa said with a small smile.

The woman led Subaru back toward where his fate awaited him in the woods. Despite having struggled so hard to run away, the time it took to return felt very short. Soon enough, he was staring down that coffin of wood and glass yet again.

The two entered the cabin and walked into the great dining hall together. Once inside, Elsa carefully shut the door behind them with a  _ snap _ . As she returned to his side, the woman urged Subaru to take a seat at the table. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Good luck.” Before he could even try to respond, the woman exited the room via the opposite door with another  _ snap _ .

“To...what?” Subaru finally asked in a fearful, confused voice. A chill ran down his spine as his eyes darted around the dark room, lit only by weak candlelight along the wall. There were no windows, so no moonlight would be of use.

Against Elsa’s instructions, Subaru stood up and started scouring the room for a means of escape. He had to act fast before she might return. There’s no way in hell he wanted to come face to face with the Witch of Envy for any reason. Besides, by now, he had enough information, right? Right!? He just needed to find a way out and get back to the mansion, somehow. But, after a momentary search, he quickly realized the noises he had heard were the doors being locked.

There went his options for escape.

Once he stopped looking for a way to get out of the room, Subaru noticed strange symbols scattered along the wall on the unlit side, but he couldn’t understand what any of it meant. He ran a thumb over the etchings and discovered they had been carved into the wood. Had these been here the whole time?

Suddenly, a rumbling sound grew as if echoing in the distance. The floorboards vibrated, the candlelight swayed, and Subaru began to lose all sense of balance. Frantically, he clambered for the table in an effort to prevent himself from falling. The floor started to rapidly quake and, as it did, the sound of wood splintering filled his ears, although no amount of searching could determine the source. It lasted only a minute or so before coming to a complete and silent stop. The boy made an attempt to regain his balance and sighed in the momentary reprieve.

But that brief calm didn’t last long. A cold chill shot down Subaru’s spine, causing him to shiver. Despite having been locked inside, he felt the presence of another person in the room. His body froze and his eyes darted in search of the gaze he felt cast upon him. The boy hesitated to even so much as open his mouth but, eventually, he found the courage to speak. “...H-Hello?” he spoke nervously as his eyes darted around the dim room, “I-Is anyone there?”

A being beyond comprehension, a darkness beyond all comparison, slowly emerged from the shadows. At first it appeared as a billowing miasma only a little shorter than Subaru himself but, as it began to near him, its size and presence towered until it felt as though it might consume the entire room. The shadow held a vaguely humanoid form about itself and hauntingly gazed at the boy with hollowed out eyes. All he could do was return the stare with his own expression of pure fear.

What was this thing? Where did it come from? What was it going to do? Why was it here?

The shadow form continued to simply stand and stare at him listlessly.

“W-Well... What are you waiting for!?” the boy barked, as if challenging it might make things more clear. Besides, at this point, what else did he really have to lose?

The strange being evaporated from view and Subaru felt his face grow hotter and hotter until it seemed as though his skin might melt off. He was hit by such a powerful wave of heat throughout his body that his knees began to buckle. As the boy found himself soon gasping for oxygen, the sweltering air dried his lips and stung his lungs. Through heat-hazed vision, he saw the world spinning in small circles.

As he felt his skin searing, Subaru’s hazy vision thought he saw wafts of smoke surround him and rise from the wooden floor, but it was only more miasma. That’s when a realization dawned: While it felt similar, it wasn’t quite like the curse he had experienced before. This was different. There were no black flames; there were no flames at all. Just an overflowing darkness surrounding him on all sides and the feeling of being consumed by pure conflagration. 

Suddenly, he heard a scream. Did that sound come from him? He couldn’t tell, but it's piercing tone ended just as abruptly as it began. His knees finally gave out and he collapsed into a heap. Subaru wrapped his arms around his body and rolled across the hardwood floor as though his body had been entirely engulfed in flames. He shut his eyes tightly and prayed for the end to come quickly.

But, in that moment, Subaru remembered what the woman had said about his ‘power’ and the reason she had brought him there. Luckily for him, her, and everyone else, she didn’t know the full extent of his powers. But it was true that, when he spoke  _ those words _ , arms of pure darkness would usually reach out to him, threatening not to overstep.

Calling  _ that _ out might summon the Witch, playing right into Elsa’s plans, but what choice did he really have? Though Subaru hated the thought of letting that woman use him, maybe, just maybe, he could use this distraction to escape somehow. Besides, he felt as though, if something didn’t change soon, he might be consumed by whatever dark magic was afflicting him.

Subaru opened his mouth and expelled the last breath he could muster in a powerful shout, “I can Return by Death!”

Everything stopped. The fire. The pain. Time. Space.  _ Everything. _

The boy felt as though his body was floating and a sense of calm washed over. Even so, he anxiously braced himself for that familiar, crushing pain in his heart. Yet, for unknown reasons, the usual sensation of the hands of darkness reaching for him never occurred.

Suddenly, Subaru slumped to the wooden floor. In an instant, the scorching returned full force and he yelped as he laid there and winced. Luckily, though, the burning pain only lasted a little longer before fading away entirely. His eyes darted upward in a mix of anger and fear. The shadow figure stood over him and stared blankly, although it was near impossible to really discern so much as an expression without being able to see the face.

“Who... Who are you...?” Subaru wheezed as he held his chest in an effort to hold himself together.

_ Silence. _

“A-Answer me, damn it!” he shouted.

_ Silence. _

Then--

A laugh. Another laugh. A hundred laughs. A thousand laughs. A chorus of laughter erupted from seemingly nowhere and everywhere at once.

But no words.

Suddenly, the door leading to the antechamber slammed open. Elsa rushed into the room and immediately kneeled before the shadow figure, bowing her head, and laid a single hand over her heart. She appeared completely unphased by the increasing miasma as she spoke with elation filling her usually dangerously sweet and calm voice, “Oh, great witch. What an honor it is to meet you. You and I are alike, you see. I believe our goals are best met working together. If you will allow it, I wish nothing more than to lead your cause.” As she continued to speak, her smile widened and her cheeks flushed a soft pink color, “For that, I allow you to take my body as your own! Use me any way you see fit!”

“W-Wait...What!?” Subaru stared at her in disbelief. His confused eyes shifted between the woman and the shadow thing in the room. Was that really--

Elsa sat up straight on her knees and outstretched her arms in either direction. “Thank you, great witch!” Thank you for this gift!” she shouted with wide black eyes reflecting a yellow gleam.

_ Yellow? _

Although Subaru hadn’t noticed it before, the wall opposite the candles had begun to emit a yellow glow. Though dim, each sigil lit up star-like and twinkled in the darkness. Just as the boy realized this, Elsa screamed so loud it echoed throughout the cabin. Her voice faded as her body was enveloped in shadows. Rumbling could be heard in the distance, rapidly closing in on the cabin until the floor shook along with the walls. The entire building splintered and split at the base.

Amongst the chaos, Subaru remained curled up in a ball, wide-eyed and dumbfounded.

What was even happening? What was that thing? What happened to Elsa? What had it done to her?

Before he could even try to make sense of everything, a slender hand suddenly grasped Subaru’s wrist and yanked him up from the fractured wooden floor. Unconsciously allowing himself to be dragged, the boy moved his legs to quickly follow out of the cabin and back into the woods. Free of the chaos and with the moonlight shining down from overhead, he was able to breathe properly again. Finally, after a few seconds, he regained his senses enough to realize who the person in front of him was, “Rem!?”

“Yes, it is Subaru-kun’s Rem! I’m so happy I found you alive!” the maid declared. Although her facial expression couldn’t be seen from his point of view, her tone of voice suggested simultaneous relief, uncertainty, and unease, “You must continue running to safety!”

Subaru was in no position to argue and so he simply followed along. The constant jingling sound of chains caught his attention. Since the blue-haired oni was carrying her morning star, she must have been really worried.

But if she knew what happened to her sister, Ram, then--

Subaru shook his head; there was no time for thoughts like that right now. They had to run as far as they could, as fast as they could. They had to get back to the mansion and let Roswaal know what happened. They had to get Emilia, Puck, and Beatrice to safety. Maybe, then, a solution to all of this might present itself.

The woods felt like it went on forever; so many trees for as far as the eye could see. Subaru huffed shaky breath after shaky breath as he barely managed to continue pace. His knees buckled and threatened to give out from under him but, even so, he pushed himself to keep up. There was no way he would allow Elsa and that thing to get him.

\--Or so he thought. Subaru’s legs finally gave out and he toppled over forward. His face burned as it hit the cold dirt and skid across. At that moment, he could no longer move. Though he tried to move his arms and legs, they all but refused to comply with his demands. Between labored gasps, he couldn’t even find the breath to so much as say a single word.

“Subaru-kun!” Rem shouted worriedly as she rushed to kneel by his side. The blue-haired maid quickly helped him sit up then grabbed his hand as she spoke desperately, “You have to get up. We have to run!”

As Subaru sat, he retched and spat dirt out of his mouth. His breathing was shallow at best but, now that they had stopped running, he was able to return more oxygen to his lungs. In that brief moment, he attempted to pull himself together. He had to. Rem was right--they had to keep going.

Through squinted eyes, the boy could see a shadow rushing through the forest toward them from some distance away. Although enveloped in a cloud of black miasma, he could make out the profile of a woman. She reached her arms out forward as she rushed toward them.

Subaru knew that darkness very well. He knew that form. He knew that visage. Why hadn’t he recognized it before? It wasn’t a spell or a curse; just as Elsa had named-- _ it _ had been there all along. And now  _ it _ had devoured that woman? Or had  _ it _ fused with her? He had no idea; this was all so absurd.

Either way, he didn’t know for sure what  _ it _ would do to him if allowed to catch up. Though, one thing he knew for certain was that Rem wouldn’t survive if it did. Something deep down inside told him that.

That thing couldn’t be allowed to reach them. It couldn’t be allowed to happen. If it did...If it did...

_ He might not be able to reset. _

Rem gripped Subaru’s hand tightly as she stared at him, tears threatening to break through the corners of her crystalline eyes. “Please! I know you can still stand! I believe in you, so--”

"--Kill me!!”

An agonizingly painful voice left the boy’s throat as he shouted his demand. He grit his teeth as he looked back at the oni maid with a wildly desperate expression, “She’s after me. Kill me! Save yourself!”

The maid smiled sadly at him, her blue bangs gently concealing her pained yet determined eyes. Even without words, it was enough of an expression for him to know her answer. Before he could argue, she let go of his hand, stood up, and faced away toward the enemy.

“Stop!” Subaru yelled desperately, his hand outstretched toward the girl in a vain attempt to reach her.

The miasma began to blot out the starlight as the dark form caught up to the two of them. It stood back and stared down at Subaru, as if he was the only thing it had been looking for. ‘There you are’ it most likely thought.

“Rem! Don’t do it! She’s too powerful!” But his pleas fell on deaf ears.

The oni closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky, allowing a vibrant white horn to form on her forehead, surrounded by crackling violet energy. As mana flooded her body, increasing her strength and stamina to unthinkable levels, she couldn’t help but laugh. Somehow, despite the crazed look on her face, she remained perfectly in control of her power.

Immediately, with full strength, Rem swung the spiked ball of her morning star directly at her enemy. It passed through a black puff of smog and dug itself into the dirt beneath. Surprise overcame the oni’s features as she yanked the ball and chain back to grip. As she did, the shadow attempted to reach out and grab her with its abnormally long arms of darkness but just barely missed.

There wasn’t anything Subaru could do about this now, was there? If he tried to shout  _ those words _ , it would only make things worse. If he tried to use Shamac, even if he were at full health, they still wouldn’t be able to outrun the shadow; besides, who knew if magic would even work on it.

In a situation like this, he was truly and completely powerless. Even if he wanted to try to rush in like an idiot without a plan, he couldn’t get his body to stand, much less run. This was just like before with Ram. All he could do was watch helplessly as the tragedy unfolded.

The oni continued to fight with everything she had in her to protect the boy. She wouldn’t stop no matter how much he demanded it, and she surely wouldn’t oblige the request to kill him. Thus, there didn’t appear to be a way out of this situation. Endlessly, she would just continue to swing her morning star until she inevitably ran out of power.

And as she did, as her movements began to lag, the shadow--now an amalgamation of two different beings--took full advantage of that. The moment Rem’s morning star lodged itself into a nearby tree, miasma-covered hands swiftly wrapped around the girl’s throat, lifting her off the ground with relative ease.

“Rem!” Subaru screamed from the sidelines.

The shadow form turned its head slightly toward the boy. Her eyes, hollow blackness as they were, burned into his very soul. He could feel his heart ache as he helplessly watched her slowly choke the life out of the blue-haired girl.

Rem’s horn receded, leaving her with little strength as she frantically grasped at the hands of darkness in an attempt to free herself. Her legs swayed as she continuously tried to pull herself free. As she spent more and more breath and strength, her struggles became weaker and weaker. Unable to gather air, she gasped desperately as her body attempted to correct the imbalance in oxygen and blood flow.

Drool lined the corners of her pink lips and her vision started to spin. She could feel as her windpipe was slowly crushed, bringing about the point of no return. With no strength remaining, her arms limply dangled by her sides. The pain was immense, clouding her senses until they ceased to be. As the final bit of oxygen in her lungs dissipated, her mind also ceased to function. Eventually, the girl known as Rem ceased to exist.

Finally, the miasma-filled hands released their grip and the blue-haired oni slumped to the ground with a  _ thud _ .

“Rem!!” Subaru screamed again. The boy pushed the pain to the back of his mind as he attempted to drag himself to the broken girl. If only his hands and knees were enough to bring him to her side, he thought. With every last bit of strength, with all his might, he crawled until he finally reached her.

_ Don’t make Rem sad. _

_ Those were Ram’s last words. _

Subaru drew the vacant girl to himself and hugged her tightly in his arms. “I’m so sorry...“ he mumbled between tears. Despite it all, despite how terrible her demise was, she looked so peaceful. Just one look at her sleeping face brought his soul crashing down and he couldn’t help but sob loudly. “Rem...” he choked out.

The creature of darkness slowly, mercilessly closed the distance. It stared at him, completely emotionless. He could feel the miasma closing in around him.

Quick, he had to do something! He couldn’t just let this  _ thing _ consume him. Who knew what would even become of him if he did let that happen.

Subaru’s eyes darted around, looking for anything of possible use. The morning star was still jammed deep into a tree and he knew how well that had worked out in use, so he decided against even attempting to retrieve it. Searching around the grass yielded absolutely nothing.

Finally, his eyes fell on the eternally sleeping girl in his arms. In her pocket was a sheathed kitchen knife.  _ She was...carrying that around this whole time...? _ Either way, it was his only option. With trembling hands, he unsheathed the knife, its surface reflecting the moonlight from above. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes as he shakily held the blade in front of his chest.

_ I’m sorry, Ram. I’m sorry, Rem. I’m sorry...Emilia... _

Subaru felt the miasma attempting to consume him whole. Its power ran through his veins, warping his mind. He felt his very life force draining from him with each second. It was as if an integral part of him was being siphoned out and drawn into the dark night.

A soft and painfully gentle voice filled his ears, then his chest, then his soul.

It repeated the same word over and over again:  _ Love. _

The voice repeated and repeated and repeated--

Slowly; softly; gently; quietly; beautifully; boldly; breathlessly; dangerously; honestly; horribly; hollowly;

Ceaselessly;

Endlessly;

_ Eternally. _

But, just as Subaru was about to lose the ability to think for himself, he thrust Rem’s knife deep into his heart. What followed was an intensely loud shriek, but he couldn’t be too sure if it was even his own voice or not because it sounded so inhuman.

His body felt like it was simultaneously in desperate need of more air and at an over-abundance. It couldn’t process the damage that had just been inflicted and so it sent pain signals all across his body, each diminished by a growing numbness as his heart slowly stopped beating. He couldn’t even attempt to breathe without pain overwhelming his chest, but that soon no longer mattered as there was nowhere left for the gathered oxygen to go.

Hot blood poured from the open wound in his chest, but he paid it no mind. Subaru opened his eyes just in time to see the black miasma dissipate and the shadows disperse. The woman known as Elsa was briefly visible but soon, she too faded into the night.

Despite this, there was no sense of relief as his brain could no longer generate such an emotion. His sharp eyes began to glaze over and barely remained half-open, staring lifelessly forward.

In the seconds immediately following, his world began to spin. Blood poured seemingly endlessly from his self-inflicted wound, draining color from his complexion until he appeared deathly pale. His clammy skin grew colder and colder by the second.

With what little sense he had remaining, Subaru yanked the knife from his chest and tossed it aside. Losing control of his bodily functions as numbness slowly crept up on him, he weakly slumped forward. With his consciousness fading, he grabbed one of Rem’s cold hands, hugged her close to himself, and closed his eyes.

_ This won’t happen again. I won’t let it. I will save you. I will save everyone. _

His final thoughts faded with the gentle breeze.

Soon, he felt absolutely nothing. Not the night air nor the temperature of his skin; Not the pain that had plagued him so; Not the emotions that had overwhelmed him prior; Not even the cold touch of Rem’s hands.

Nothing at all.

His mind wandered and faded.

Until even Natsuki Subaru ceased to exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you were wondering when he’d die again and how that might happen! Well, wonder no more! But also wonder for next time, ehehe... I’m just really glad the AI didn’t end here like I thought it might.
> 
> I find it interesting the AI refers to Elsa’s goal as becoming a “witch cult leader” rather than a “witch cult archbishop” because I did give it that information, but it picked “leader” instead. Maybe it thinks there’s a “leader” above the “archbishops?” Wouldn’t that be interesting?


	13. Retry

“Hey, are you even listening!?”

This was the first thing Natsuki Subaru heard. The sound echoed repeatedly, as if rippling through the air from a far away distance. His eardrums picked up on the words--or, at least, understood that they even were words--but he could neither understand what they meant nor determine who the voice belonged to.

As his senses crashed back into his corporeal form, the boy slowly opened his eyes and glanced around in a daze. Eventually, he found the source of the voice--one pink-haired oni maid--and she appeared even more irritated than usual.

The maid, with a sour expression and arms crossed over her chest, scanned for his current state to determine if he had mentally returned to his senses yet. Upon their eyes meeting, she opened her mouth and let out an exasperated huff, “Barusu, who is ‘that woman’? What exactly happened? Explain yourself, now!”

Subaru stared at her, wide-eyed, without saying a word. His mind raced to piece together everything as quickly as it possibly could. Though he opened his mouth to respond, he could find no words to offer. That previous train of thought had long since departed, leaving him stranded without anything to say.

Ram eyed the boy incredulously with a frown. Frustration with him having finally boiled over, she grabbed his wrist and applied pressure. As she was about to shout to demand an answer, the maid suddenly stopped.

A brief moment of silence passed before Ram expelled another huff. Quickly, she yanked Subaru into a run from the cabin entrance hall and out through the woods.

“W-wait, w-what...?” he stuttered out as his brain finally allowed for words.

“You said it yourself so you should know! You brought this on yourself!” she shouted back with yet another huff of frustration.

“W-what are you talking about!? I...” he trailed off. Subaru’s mind raced backward as he attempted to put all the previous events in order. Elsa; the ma-beasts; the witch; the witch tried to consume him; he resisted with the kitchen knife. But his new checkpoint had become the cabin, and he remembered...that one room--

“Wait!” Subaru shouted as he dug his heels into the dirt and resisted moving forward, causing the maid to also come to a sudden halt, “We have to go back! To the cabin! We have to stop her!”

“Stop who?” Ram furrowed her brows, patience with him long past gone.

“The witch! We have to go back!”

“The...witch?” her eyes widened.

In this world, there was only one entity known as ‘the witch.’ Calamity in the form of a half-elf that caused destruction hundreds of years ago and displaced order. Feared by the world’s populace, but sealed away for all time--supposedly.

A million thoughts must have been racing through her head, but Ram appeared composed none-the-less. Within a few moments, she seemed to come to a conclusion and sighed. Perhaps she had connected ‘the woman’ mentioned prior to ‘the witch’ remembered only in myth. Besides, he looked so serious about it that she couldn’t just ignore it. “What are we supposed to do there?”

Subaru looked aside in thought. Really, he had no idea how to prevent Elsa from completing her goal. The only thing he knew for certain was the answer could be found in the cabin. 

"I'll...explain when we get there," he said with as much certainty as he could. With that resolved, the boy darted off in the hopes of getting back to the cabin as soon as possible, the maid quickly following behind.

A few seconds later, a loud, throaty screech echoed in the distance.

“Don’t stop running!” Subaru shouted and quickly grabbed Ram’s wrist to keep her at arm’s reach, pulling her along as his feet carried him through the grass. The boy wasn’t entirely sure where they were in relation to the cabin anymore and so his eyes darted left and right in the hopes of finding it quickly. But the moonlight did little to aid his vision and the forest taunted him with its endless supply of trees.

A low growl rumbled in the distance as something drew closer and closer. A few seconds later, a howl could be heard as well. If one of those ma-beasts chose to attack, they would have no way to defend themselves. He had witnessed it first-hand before and he surely didn’t want to have to see it again. 

It was difficult enough to run with the injuries sustained before, but it was becoming even more so with the distance crossed since reawakening. Subaru’s breath barely held in his throat as he felt his knees burning from the force imposed on them. Heart racing, he pushed forward with only the resolve that he wouldn’t let anything happen to Ram ever again.

But how could he protect her if one of those monsters caught up with them?  _ Think, think, think. _ He grinded his molars as his mind rolled through all possible options for this scenario, until finally--

“Ram, go ahead of me!” Subaru shouted and pushed the girl in front of him, “I’ll meet you there!”

“Wh...why?” she asked, dumbstruck and completely baffled by this turn of events.

“Just do it!” he ordered.

“B-but you’ll--”

“--I have to do this! I’ll be fine, they can’t hurt me! The woman won’t let them, so go!”

She glared at him for a moment but ultimately let out a small sigh. He clearly wasn’t going to budge and they apparently had little time to act, so she decided to just accept it. “Be careful, Barusu. Try not to do anything stupid,” she said before quickly running in the supposed direction of the cabin.

Subaru stopped and stared down the beast as it arrived just as anticipated. He already knew from experience that it wasn’t looking to kill him; it was under Elsa’s orders to take him alive, after all. At least, that’s what he was wagering this bet on.

The ma-beast’s devilish red eyes focused on the boy. It let out a small growl as it sniffed the air, body swaying side to side as it slowly moved forward. Sharp fangs gleamed in what little moonlight there was as it opened its massive maw, growling to appear intimidating.

The boy trembled and his knuckles turned white as fear enveloped his body. After all, he couldn't be one-hundred percent certain it wouldn’t suddenly choose to rip him to shreds. But, he had to do something; he couldn’t allow himself to be captured again.

“Come on, ugly! I know you want me! Then come and get me!” Subaru shouted as confidently as he could with a weak, cheeky smile goading the beast. Even so, his voice wavered a bit with the fear he couldn’t push aside.

Seemingly sensing the challenge, the ma-beast roared and charged at the boy in an attempt to pounce him. The attack was a failure as Subaru had managed to roll out of the way just in time. Immediately, he took a new stance with his legs spread and his knees bent, ready to dodge again as necessary. It tried the same attack twice and, again, he managed to avoid it with the same maneuver.

A new idea came to mind, prompting him to remove his tracksuit jacket and hold it in both hands. The boy stared down the beast with sharp eyes and a wide, shaky grin as he yelled out, “Come on you big ugly monster! Don’t make me--!” but, before he could finish his words, the beast lunged forward.

Subaru flashed a small smile as the monster fell into his trap. He had managed to cover its muzzle and eyes with the jacket, blinding it. Since the beast couldn’t stop the charge, its head barreled into a nearby tree, temporarily stunning the creature.

_ That should buy some time! _

Subaru immediately took off running into the woods once again. Aside from his labored breathing and quickening footsteps, a deafening silence filled the air of the surrounding forest. After a long, agonizing dash, he finally started to see the outline of a building in the distance.  _ Almost there! _

Just as it seemed as though he might be home-free, Subaru’s legs were suddenly thrown out and he tumbled into the grass. The moment he rolled over, the boy realized what had happened, but it was too late--the angry ma-beast had caught up to him and now pressed his body into the dirt with its massive paws.

Subaru tried to scream for help but all that came out of his throat was a muffled sound. He clenched his teeth and struggled to escape with a kick but it did absolutely nothing to throw the monster off. If he couldn’t get away, where would this thing take him? Or would it even abide by the commands surely issued to it; would it just make him its next meal? Completely helpless, the boy squinted his eyes shut, uncertain of what might happen next.

_ Rattle. Rattle. Rattle. _

In an instant, the beast went flying to the ground, its gut ripped apart in a bloody mess of torn tissue and broken rib bones. Despite the grave injury, it continued to breathe as it curled into a protective ball. It flinched and jolted but eventually stopped moving--at least for the moment.

A familiar face with blue hair and a gentle expression helped Subaru up from the dirt. “Thank you, Rem,” the boy spoke with a weak smile. He couldn’t be more happy to see her arrive with such perfect timing, but a part of him still remembered the end of the previous loop and felt concern for her involvement.

“You’re welcome, Subaru-kun. Now run. I have to finish this thing,” the oni maid declared, her voice full of resolve. Blood dripped from her hair as she stood and faced the beast with a battle stance, her chains grasped firmly in either hand. The monster growled back as it finally forced itself to stand on wobbly legs. Awaiting the other to make the first move, the two squared up and stared each other down.

Subaru didn’t want to leave her side but realized he must; he still had to stop Elsa, after all. Putting his trust in Rem--as Ram had done for him just moments before--the boy nodded and took off running for the cabin. The second the front door shut, the sounds of chains and roars blended and blurred.

Just as anticipated, the pink-haired maid could be found awaiting his arrival in the entrance hall. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she gave a surprised look when he finally arrived. “Heh! I was just about to give up waiting for you, Barusu,” she said with a bit of a snooty tone.

But the maid’s words didn’t have any effect on Subaru. “To the dining hall!” the boy spoke hurriedly. No hesitation, he immediately grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the dining room with him. Quickly, he shut the door and stood with his back to it.

The room was...empty. As the two looked around from where they stood, they found no signs of another person, let alone Elsa or the witch. Through dim candlelight, Subaru recognized the sigils etched into the walls as the same ones he had seen before, although they were not glowing at the moment.

_ I hope we made it in time. _

Suddenly, a rapping noise struck the opposite door to the room and it burst open. “Why, hello there. I’m glad you decided to come back,” spoke a familiar, feminine voice. The woman stepped out of the shadows and into the fire-light.

“Elsa! Why are you doing this!?” Subaru shouted while taking a defensive stance in front of Ram.

“Hmm...” the woman hummed with a small smile, “I think you already know. Besides, I’ve been just a little busy while you were away.” Elsa walked a few steps around the room before coming to a stop again, her eyes shining in the dim light, “You see, while you were taking care of my little demons, I was taking care of your little angel.”

Subaru’s wide eyes slowly and cautiously followed the woman’s gaze toward a corner of the wall. There, previously unnoticed and bound in faintly shimmering chains, was a familiar girl with her head down, long silver hair flowing around her shoulders. The one he still needed to talk with. The one he had thought he loved most. The one who--

“Emilia!” Subaru shouted, anger welling up deep inside as he turned to bark at Elsa, “What did you do to her!?”

“Oh, nothing special. I just decided, since you ran away from me, I needed new bait,” she grinned.

“You psycho! Let her go!”

“Well, I don’t have the power to do that. Not anymore... It’s a little too late for that, you see,” the woman spoke cryptically.

As if on cue, Emilia slowly opened her eyes and glanced around. This place was unfamiliar to her, prompting her violet eyes to fearfully dart left and right in an effort to understand her new surroundings. As the half-elf eventually recognized the chains binding her limbs, she let out a surprised gasp.

“Emilia!” Subaru shouted again.

The boy was just about to let his anger and desperation cloud his judgement of the situation when Ram grabbed his wrist and squeezed it. “Barusu, don’t do anything reckless,” she spoke surprisingly calmly, although with a twinge of anger.

“Now, now. There’s no need to be so hostile. Why don’t we all sit like good house guests?” Elsa said as she gently patted the wooden dining table with a small grin. 

Subaru glared but it didn’t seem to draw a reaction from the woman at all. “You won’t get away with this!” he shouted.

The pink-haired maid tugged at his arm, again bringing the boy back to his senses. “It would be best if we listened to her for now, Barusu. Trust me,” she whispered sternly but also confidently. After a moment of indecision, he finally nodded. Surely Ram had a plan; otherwise she wouldn’t be saying this, right?

The two each took a seat at the dining table. “Good, good!” Elsa smiled wide, “Let us have a chat then--”

“--Shut up!” Subaru slammed a fist into the table.

“My, my!” the woman said with a small giggle, “It’s rude to interrupt a lady when she’s talking.”

“Yeah well, it’s also rude to kidnap people so I guess that makes two of us,” the boy fired back.

Elsa’s blackened eyes fell on Subaru as she slowly wandered around the room behind him, “I like you, you know. You have a certain...pitiful atmosphere about you,” she taunted in a voice too sweet for her otherwise foul words.

Subaru no longer had any witty comebacks to her words. His voice fell silent as he pursed his lips shut and looked aside with his brows furrowed. His mind ran through the situation. What could they do now? How could he stop this woman? Could he somehow destroy the symbols while ensuring everyone’s safety? Was that even possible? But how?

The entire time, Ram had remained silent with her eyes fixated on the door to the entrance hall. Was her brain turning with ideas of how to get the three of them out?

Suddenly, as that thought crossed his mind, Subaru’s eyes darted to the door just in time to see it burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back after a small break to write a one shot! (I’m really happy people seemed to like it!)
> 
> I was really impressed with the checkpoint the AI chose to set. I didn’t have to try to relay any information for it, and it managed to go all the way back to when everyone was alive and Subaru had already escaped his room. If I try to think now, I don’t think I could come up with a better save spot.
> 
> Also, if you notice my writing style changing little by little, it is because I am trying to take what I learn along the way and continue to apply it. I wonder how my writing will look by the end of this adventure.


	14. Collapse

_Crash._

A loud, explosive sound preceded the door to the entryway blowing off its hinges and splintering into sawdust. As wood chips flew, a large metal object blurred across the room and imbedded itself into the opposite wall.

A certain blue-haired oni, morning star chain grasped tightly in hand, walked into the dining hall. The maid was covered head to toe in ma-beast blood but, otherwise, looked to be in good health. “Rem!?” Subaru shouted in surprise. Even despite her current appearance, he was really happy to see her.

Was this a part of Ram’s plan? He had crossed paths with Rem in timelines prior so the pink-haired maid might have known her sister was in the area and assumed she would show up to aid them at some point. If so, biding time as they had really was the best choice of action they could have taken, right?

The blue-haired maid only glanced at the seated pair briefly before retrieving the spiked ball of her morning star and immediately flinging it at Elsa. On instinct, Ram grabbed Subaru’s hand and pulled him away from the dining table to a corner of the room. “Guh!” the boy yelled and covered his head with his one free hand to avoid possible impact as he pushed himself to stand and follow.

Elsa dodged with swift ease, black feather cape billowing behind her. The chain swung by and the spikes ultimately embedded in another part of the wall, splintering a small hole to the next room. “Now, now, there’s no need for that,” the woman said with a tat, “Besides, I have a proposition for you.”

“Go to hell!” Rem shouted in response.

“My, my. Not one to be reasoned with, are you?” the woman laughed, “But it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Elsa currently showed no intentions of fighting back. If anything, she seemed to be having fun toying with everyone present, only made more apparent by her blushing cheeks and crazed smile. Her eyes gleamed in the faint lighting as she anticipated her opponent’s next move.

Frustratingly, Rem yanked her morning star back and immediately swung to kill. Elsa simply sidestepped the attack with a chuckle, the spiked ball lodging into the wall behind yet again. With a laugh, the woman disappeared into the shadows of the room.

“Rem, stop! Stop!” Subaru shouted from the sidelines.

“Why!? If we don’t stop her, then--”

“--That’s not the way to stop her!!”

Rem starred wide-eyed in surprise for a moment before regaining her composure. “How?” she spoke in a low, determined tone.

“She... She’s trying to use me to summon the witch. If she succeeds then everyone will die,” Subaru began his explanation as quickly as possible.

What was Elsa even doing, anyway? Why was she allowing this conversation to take place? Did she really deem them so weak and pitiable that she could just stand idly by? Like a beast toying with its prey, did that woman think she could just allow them to speak freely for some sense of hope before swiftly ripping it away?

The blue-haired maid tightened the grip on her chains, “What should we do then?”

“This room! In this room--” 

\--But Subaru didn’t get to finish speaking as a powerful force sent his body flying into the wall before crashing to the wooden floor. He struggled to recover from the immense shock and new wave of pain as stars crossed his vision.

“Barusu!” Ram called out as she began to rush to his side, but she wasn’t fast enough.

The boy’s eyes opened wide as he stared up in horror to see Elsa towering over him. “And what are we talking about? Nothing important, right?” she said as she leaned forward slightly with a dark grin, “So just be a good boy and stay quiet.”

“Rem!” he shouted defiantly, “The symb--!”

But, before Subaru could finish, a heel viciously connected with his jaw, causing his vision to spin and sending him reeling across the floor. The boy clutched his face as he rolled over on his side and curled up into a ball. He let out shaky, weak murmurs of pain as he squinted his eyes shut.

“Now, now. There’s no need to say anything else,” the woman smiled, satisfied that her actions had paid off with this turn of events.

_Is this timeline also doomed?_

Every part of him wanted to give up. The pain was immense. The situation was impossible. Elsa was just too quick, smart, and strong to defeat. If he couldn’t relay what he knew to the others, there was no hope. They would be torn apart one by one, just as he had witnessed already. Defeatedly, Subaru found himself unable to move of his own will, awaiting the inevitable end.

“Barusu!” Ram shouted as she finally managed to kneel by his side. Subaru slowly opened his eyes as she helped him sit up.

A blur of blue rapidly dashed around the room, chains screaming as the spiked ball of a morning star slammed against the wall over and over again. But it wasn’t without reason; every crack, every fracture was purposefully aimed. Wood splintered into a rain of chips as the wall--and the symbols--were crushed into dust.

Elsa finally showed pure anger, but only for a brief second. “You _really_ shouldn’t have done that!” she said before brandishing a silver dagger.

Sensing killing intent, Rem called upon the power of her oni bloodline to aid her in combat. A white horn surrounded by blue-violet light slowly emerged from her forehead as she locked eyes with her opponent. Bellowing a war cry, the maid dashed toward the enemy, chains singing through the air.

As she nimbly dodged the morning star attack, Elsa smirked and leaped around the room. She circled her prey with a giggle. “Fascinating! I’ve never seen the inside of an oni before!” she spoke excitedly.

No matter how many times the chain flew, Elsa always managed to dodge. As Rem’s attacks became more and more erratic, it only made them easier to predict. The woman allowed a wide grin to adorn her blushing face as she moved in closer and closer with each dash.

Finally, Elsa launched herself across the room and dug the shimmering blade deep into Rem’s back. Before the maid could react, she felt a wave of sharp pain and nausea overwhelm her senses as a wide laceration quickly opened up across her abdomen.

“Ah, wonderful!” the woman said happily as she landed on her feet near the shadows of the room. She held a bloodied hand to her cheek and smiled wide as she marveled at her revenge.

Rem’s oni horn lost its luster and quickly faded back into her forehead. Horror overtook otherwise delicate features upon the realization her internal organs had been severed. Blood poured down her chin as she coughed and sputtered in pain for a brief moment before slumping to the floor.

“No!” Subaru shouted as he watched the girl fall. Overwhelmed with anger, he balled his fist and rushed to attack the woman in black but was much too slow. She slammed the pommel of her dagger into the back of his neck and he crumpled to the ground in a daze.

The boy let out a weak whimper as he struggled to see what was happening between his wavering vision. All he could see in the dim fire-light was Rem’s head and the blood ceaselessly pooling around her body.

“Rem!” the girl’s older sister quickly rushed to her side. Although she couldn’t use healing magic herself, Ram made a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding by applying pressure to the incision with her hands.

“P-promise...me...” Rem’s raspy voice choked as the sound feebly left her throat and her breathing became shallow. She became silent, unable to finish her final wishes.

Shakily, the blue-haired girl reached a hand up toward her sister. Tears filled the corners of Ram’s usually stern red eyes as she let go of the wound and tightly grasped her little sister’s hand in hers, holding it to her forehead.

Seemingly content, Rem smiled weakly. The younger sister’s grip loosened and her breathing slowly faded to nothing. Light left the girl’s crystal blue eyes and her soul ceased to inhabit her body. Ram sobbed loudly as the realization that her sister was no more dawned on her.

\--But the last oni would have no time to properly grieve. Ram's brows furrowed and pure rage overtook her features. She held an open palm toward Elsa and screamed, "El Fula!!" As the words left her mouth, green-tinged gusts of wind magic flew toward the woman.

Each crescent blast sought to rip the woman apart yet she managed to avoid them all with relative ease. Elsa dodged around the spacious room, bouncing off walls just seconds before they were crushed by the relentless spells. Rapidly, she closed in on her prey.

Suddenly, a loud, harsh _crack_ could be heard echoing across the room. Ram’s frail body lifelessly slumped to the ground, side by side with her little sister.

Seemingly disinterested in the second fallen oni, Elsa turned her attention elsewhere, “My, my. Such a pretty face.”

A quiet whimper could be heard from across the room followed by a loud shriek. The boy managed to turn his head just in time to witness the woman, in one swift motion, slitting Emilia’s throat. The half-elf coughed and choked on her own blood; her already porcelain skin paled and crimson stained her robes.

“A half-elf is a rare sight. I wonder how beautiful your insides look.”

Emilia gagged and slumped forward, blood pouring from the gash as she laid helplessly on the wooden floor. The woman kneeled beside her and, in another swift motion, slashed the half-elf’s stomach open with the silver dagger. “It’s as I imagined! Just as pretty as your face!” she exclaimed as she marveled at her handiwork.

With no one remaining to keep him levelheaded, Subaru let his anger and hatred consume him. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’LL KILL YOU!” he roared as he let adrenaline pick his body up and blindly flail it at Elsa.

The woman easily sidestepped and jabbed the pommel of the dagger into his chest, sending him flying into a wall. The weakened wood splintered as the wind was knocked out of him. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this!” the woman sneered in delight.

The boy glared at her as he gasped for breath. He opened his mouth and began to question, “For wha--”

“--To kill you all, of course!” the woman cut him off as she smiled with maniacal eyes.

Elsa immediately kicked him in the side and he screamed out in pain. Another kick followed by another kick followed by another kick. The screams did nothing to slow her down--if anything, they only excited her more.

Finally, she mercilessly kicked him in the face and he rolled with his hands over the point of impact. From the corner of his spotty vision, the boy saw the faint glint of something metallic. He picked the object up and angrily threw it at the woman, but she easily avoided it and spoke teasingly, “Oh, how interesting! You think you have the power to end me? I’d love to see you try.”

In response to those words, Subaru screamed in pure anger. The boy made an attempt to stand but, with a swift kick to the chest, he soon found himself back on the floor. “If you’re going to kill me, then do it. Don’t act like you need time to think. In battle, you don’t have that luxury,” she mocked him.

Slowly, he attempted to push himself to stand but only managed as far as his knees. Each labored breath was becoming even more of a struggle. His head throbbed and he could feel the world attempting to spin upside-down.

The woman simply stared Subaru down with her black eyes and a sweet smile, as if anticipating something, “I’m waiting.”

“You...” he spoke between ragged breaths, “You’re...not human...”

“Nope, not human at all,” her smile broadened.

Instantly, Subaru felt the cold touch of a blade pressed against his throat. His lips pursed shut and his sharp eyes widened in horror as he found himself unable to move.

Elsa grinned as she brought her face close to his, “So, shall we finish this?”

The boy’s brows furrowed as his gaze locked with the woman's sadistic smile. Nothing but pitch black could be seen in those dark irises. The longer the silence lasted, the more he could feel himself being sucked into the overwhelming darkness.

Subaru tried to say something, anything, but his voice caught in his throat. He was terrified. When had he become so afraid?

Finally, after briefly grasping at the hatred previously fueling him, the boy was able to shout out, “Well, what are you waiting for!? Kill me!” He immediately squinted his eyes shut and awaited a response that would hopefully bring a swift end to this suffering.

“Ahh, you’re not going to be that easy are you?” Elsa cooed, clearly treating him like prey. She grabbed his chin and held it tightly in her cold hand.

Though he tried to avert his gaze, Subaru could do nothing more than stare wide-eyed as she slowly brought her face closer to his. He winced and instinctively tried to pull away as he felt her hot breath tickle his face, but ultimately found it impossible to move.

“Now, will you be a good boy and stay put?" she whispered with a small twinge of frustration. The words appeared to be framed as a question yet they were clearly a demand.

But, while Elsa was seemingly distracted, Subaru used the last of his strength to grab at the dagger and shove it, resulting in the blade digging into her throat. The woman choked and gagged as blood flooded her windpipe, suffocating her ability to breathe. Black eyes widened as she let out a surprised gasp before her eyes darkened and closed. The weapon, beautiful silver now stained pure crimson, slipped from her grip as she slumped over lifelessly onto the floor.

_Someone... I killed..._

“Hah...hah...hah...” Subaru laughed quietly. Weakly. Sadly. 

The boy gasped for air as his heart refused to cease its drum-like beating. Blood belonging to anyone but himself stained his shaky hands and clothing. His body was still in pain from the beating it had taken to get here, yet he paid it no mind.

Still in shock, Subaru retrieved the red dagger and sat up on his knees. He stared at the faint reflection of his distorted features in the blood-tinted blade.

He had won; he had stopped Elsa; he had stopped the witch revival...but at the cost of everyone's lives.

The boy suddenly heard the sound of someone sobbing. It took him a few moments to realize it was coming from his own throat. Tears rolled down his bloodied cheeks as he felt waves of emotions crashing into him, threatening to rip his soul apart.

_Why did it have to be like this?_

Subaru's eyes weakly wandered the room, searching for those he had lost in the battle--Acquaintances... Companions... Loved ones...

“I-I'm sorry, everyone..." he whispered between sobs to no one in particular. There was no way he was going to be able to leave this cabin alive. He couldn't live with himself if he did.

All he wanted now was to be able to save everyone from this fate. He didn’t want to die, but he knew there was no other way.

He had to right all the wrongs. He had to remove the blood from his hands. He had to go back. He had to do this properly.

In a way, Return by Death was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, he might be able to return to put everything back as it should be. On the other, it was an incredibly agonizing process of suffering for the ideal future.

Yet, the pain is what made him human. The drive to never give up, to keep fighting no matter what. Deep inside he knew, if he gave up, he would lose something essential about himself.

He had sacrificed everything to save everyone countless times already. He could do it again. This was something only he could do, after all.

Subaru closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking resolutely, “I’ll save...everyone...”

With those words spoken as a verbal pact to himself, the boy held the dagger tightly with both hands. He grit his teeth as he stung the blade deep into his throat. With wide eyes, he coughed and sputtered red as the world began to swim away.

Subaru's blood poured all over the floor, staining the abandoned cabin floor crimson. His body slowly lost all feeling in its limbs numbed and his sense of self wavered. As he slumped over, the quiet flicker of candle light was the last thing he saw before his vision faded.

His thoughts, his dreams, his mind...everything that summed up the existence of ‘Natsuki Subaru’ dispersed and disintegrated into nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a part of the previous chapter but became longer than I had originally envisioned. But that’s okay, I think? It would be a little silly to have Subaru die two chapters in a row...right? Also, usually I’m given a guess as to their voice in what they’re supposed to say, but sometimes the AI knocks it out of the park and I don’t have to worry about a thing. By that, I’m referring to Rem’s “Go to hell” line. It was too perfect.


	15. Determination

\--“Hey, are you even listening!?”

A familiar voice shouted, demanding attention, “Who is ‘that woman’? What exactly happened? Explain yourself, now!” The voice echoed and bounced around the tiny space, creating a near yet distant sound akin to passing through rippling water before striking one’s eardrums.

Natsuki Subaru, sharp brown eyes blankly staring forward at nothing in particular, had heard the shouts and recognized the speaker as Ram. The words, all accurately repeated from the moment he awoke in the previous time loop, filled him with a strange sense of deja vu.

But that did not last long as memories of the pain in his shoulder, chest, and throat rapidly flooded back. The boy slowly reached a trembling hand toward his neck and gasped for air, as though being choked by an unseeable force. Just barely, he managed to balance his weak knees and catch the wooden wall of the entrance hall with his other shaky hand.

Images of the mansion residents falling, one by one, mercilessly flashed by in his mind. Even as his gaze cautiously met the pink-haired maid’s impatient eyes, all he could see when staring into them were the blankness that accompanied her previously empty vessel. Seeing her standing safely before him did nothing to quell the thoughts; if anything, due to the recognition of having failed to protect her twice, Ram’s presence only amplified the pain of those memories.

Subaru could do nothing more than shoulder knowledge of past experiences, unknowable to anyone but himself. An explanation for what he had gone through, seen, or done would only put others in harm’s way or result in his heart being crushed. Because of this, he had to keep everything buried deep inside.

But those bottled feelings of hatred, of hopelessness, of fear, of despair--all of those feelings ebbed and flowed and burst through Subaru’s aching heart. The time between tragedy and reawakening was just too short, and thus he struggled to process it all at once. The boy’s skin paled and his body lurched forward, as though he might shatter to pieces right on the spot.

He should have been relieved just knowing the checkpoint hadn’t changed. He should have been relieved knowing everyone had returned to life in this loop and he now had another chance to redeem himself of the previous missteps. But, still freshly awoken from having perished yet again, Subaru barely managed to remain on his feet, much less utter a single word.

Witnessing the boy’s seemingly pathetic breakdown, Ram’s brows furrowed but her expression took on a tiny bit of concern, “Barusu, you look terrible. You say we must hurry from here, but I doubt you would make it two steps outside without falling flat on your face.” She looked aside for a moment before releasing a small sigh, “We should wait here for Rem. If anything dangerous comes our way, I trust that she can handle it.”

“R-Rem?” Subaru managed to stutter out the girl’s name, framed as a question although he wasn’t quite looking for a response.

“As I explained before, I began searching for you after Emilia-sama returned alone. Rem has been searching for you as well,” the pink-haired maid spoke matter-of-factly then huffed lightly, yet did not allow frustration to consume her calm, “I have relayed our position so she will be on her way here shortly.”

Subaru leaned his back against the wall as he listened to the maid’s words. One after the other, the images ceaselessly barraged his mind leaving him to bear the brunt of their assaults. But, in that, he remembered a key piece of information from the previous loop.

“...Emilia is trapped in here,” he spoke suddenly.

Baffled by his words, Ram’s expression shifted to incredulous confusion, “...What!? How--?”

“--T-that’s not what matters right now,” Subaru spoke quietly in a tremulous tone, biting his lip, “The same woman who attacked us at the mansion is using her as bait to lure me in. She wants to use me to summon the witch. W-we can’t let her get away with that...”  _ But _ \-- He wanted to add onto that thought, yet somehow managed to gulp those words down along with a deep breath.

Ram stared at the boy, her arms crossed over her chest with a look of disbelief adorning her stern yet delicate features. Seeing the look in his eyes and the way he previously carried himself, along with the injuries he clearly sustained to reach this point, she found it hard to ignore his words. Even though she wanted to shout that surely he was just imagining things, those sharp, brown eyes told her things had become a lot more serious.

“Then let’s go save her!” the maid exclaimed with a new expression of anger and determination.

Subaru clutched the sleeves of his tracksuit jacket tightly with his arms crossed, his eyes downcast. Taking another deep breath, he attempted to pull himself together and forced his rattled nerves to calm. His mind tossed and turned with the negatives of the past failed loops alongside the positive potential for this one new chance to succeed.

Ram was here; she had listened to his words and believed him. Rem was on her way to aid, just as she had before. Emilia was trapped in the next room, but she was surely still alive. As long as no time was wasted here, this could work. Everyone could be saved this time, right?

\--But he had to do this correctly.

Subaru opened his mouth and sharply inhaled before making a decisive declaration, “I’m going to save Emilia.”

Finally, the boy opened his eyes and looked at Ram with a more serious and determined gaze. “Listen. One of us has to stay here to guard. If the witch is summoned, she’ll consume everything in the room,” he explained pointedly, “So, if you see the witch or her miasma, then run away.”

“Are you so sure about that, Barusu? Wouldn’t you just be consumed too, then?” Ram asked with a raised brow followed by a disbelieving scoff, “Ha! How foolish are you?”

Her tone didn’t appear to have an effect on Subaru at all. “I’ll be fine. Just stay here,” he said plainly as he turned to face the door to the dining hall.

“You really are an idiot after all. I’m coming with you,” Ram declared sternly. When she took a step forward, the boy immediately pushed her back, prompting anger and frustration to leak from the maid’s voice, “What? No, I’m not letting you go alone. Rem would never forgive me!”

“You have to,” Subaru gnashed his molars, holding back his want to shout and instead speaking in a whisper tone, “If anything happens to me, you two are the only ones left who can stop her.”

“Do you not care about your own wellbeing? If something were to happen to you, how do you think Rem or Emilia-sama would feel? Anything could happen. For instance, what if the witch were to possess you?” she continued to pressure him with questioning.

“Then kill me,” Subaru spoke coldly, leaving the maid at a loss for words. He walked through the door unchallenged before shutting it with a hard  _ snap _ and locking it for extra measure. No matter what happened next, he couldn’t let her enter the dining room. His heart wouldn’t allow it.

But there was something strange about the room now; it was completely dark. For some reason, none of the candles on the wall were lit anymore, but they had been burning the last time he passed through. Regardless what it might imply, Subaru was on a mission and so he slowly moved forward, one step at a time, in the pitch-black.

_ I’ll find you. I know you’re in here. _

Another thought crossed Subaru’s mind as his hands searched the never-ending black--surely Elsa had yet to return. The boy recalled the first loop where he had passed through the cabin’s halls and rooms without issue, and so he concluded the woman would not be a threat just yet. With this in mind, he whispered in the hopes the girl most likely trapped within this room might hear and respond, “E-Emilia?”

“--baru?” spoke a soft, bell-like voice in the dark. Although the owner of such a lovely voice could not be seen, he instantly recognized who had produced the sound. “Over here,” it whispered in a hushed tone.

Subaru followed the voice to the source with zero hesitation. As he went to reach out in the darkness, his warm, battered hands found a cold, gentle hand reaching out for him and immediately gripped it tightly. The slender wrist was held captive by a clamp and chains which were bolted to the wall.

“Emilia!” Subaru spoke in a forced whisper. He frantically grabbed at the clamps holding her wrists and ankles then tugged and pulled until the clasps somehow released, freeing the half-elf from potential demise. Holding her hand once again, he helped the girl to her feet.

“What’s going on?” Emilia asked forwardly, “One second I was in my room at the mansion, the next I woke up here. I tried to ask Puck but...he’s still asleep.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t have time to explain. You need to get out of here. Ram is waiting out front,” Subaru spoke hastily as he motioned toward the direction of the exit.

Although it couldn’t be seen, Emilia nodded in agreement and spoke eagerly, “Let’s go!” From her tone and quick acceptance, the half-elf clearly assumed they would be leaving together, but Subaru had nothing of the sort in mind. And so, when they reached the door to the entrance hall, he quickly shoved her through then locked the door with a heavy  _ clack _ . Immediately after, the girl turned around and banged her delicate fists against the wooden frame. “No! Don’t do this! Don’t go alone!” her voice, though muffled, cried out.

Even though he felt bad for it, Subaru had to ignore her words. The task at hand was too dangerous to have her involved. He trusted the twins to protect Emilia and, besides, the target was him, not them. If he removed them from the equation, he could just tackle the issue head on.

And so Subaru went about searching the dining room in the dark until he circled back to the table. Arranged in the center was a bowl of assorted fruit and a candlestick. There was a box of matches set aside so he used one to light the candle, which created a small firelight that fell upon the fairly spacious room.

The wall on one side of the room was covered with engraved sigils used to summon the witch. There were also a pair of chains dangling from the ceiling, glittering off to the side. They might have been installed to hold him once he accepted being witch bait but there was no way he was going to let that happen today.

_ What now? _ He had to find a way to destroy the symbols; he knew that, but  _ how? _ Rem had used her morning star before, and it was effective, but he didn’t have any tools of the sort.

Or did he? The boy’s eyes wandered back to the center of the dining table. He carefully placed the candlestick down and picked a peach from the fruit bowl before examining its current state; still fresh. Maybe--

Subaru took a bite out of the peach then spat the peel out. He moved to the wall and smashed the fruity flesh against the carved sigils, blotting them out one at a time. Eventually, he had used up all of the fruit in the bowl, but the symbols were visible no more. If they could not be seen, then surely they could not be utilized either.  _ Success! _

Right as he felt the need to cheer for this great idea, Subaru heard footsteps slowly approach from the opposing hallway.

Emilia and Ram should have left already. If they somehow remained in the entrance hall awaiting his return, then they still would not be able to appear from that direction due to the locked door. Rem was in the area, but she would need to use the entrance door as well. That left only one person those footsteps could possibly belong to...

Alarm flooding his veins, Subaru quickly scrambled to hide under the table and behind the biggest chair possible. He kneeled and cupped both hands over his mouth, heart thumping wildly. Sweat poured down his forehead as the boy focused on controlling his breathing to create the least amount of sound possible. 

Sharp eyes widened in fear as footsteps drew ever nearer to the room.

The door creaked open--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subaru’s ‘breakdown’ at the beginning was almost non-existent in the data. He basically woke up, went oh no, and that was all. I kind of had a little fun writing that part out, but really it made the most sense. He never just “wakes up” and is “totally fine.” That’s completely against what makes a Subaru a Subaru!
> 
> Also, I was honestly floored by Subaru’s idea to utilize the fruit. If I were (the AI) him, I would have burned the whole place down instead...


	16. Candlelight

“...What?”

A familiar feminine voice sounded baffled as footsteps crossed the faintly lit dining room. At first, she came to a stop near the corner where Emilia had previously been held hostage, chains rattling as the clamps were surely being examined, but then she stopped again by the sigil wall.

Natsuki Subaru attempted to hold his trembling body still, heart beating rapidly as if ready to burst from his chest. He was acutely aware of how much noise his breath was making, but the heartbeats made it difficult to tell for sure how loud it actually was. The boy gulped nervously, both hands folded tightly over his mouth as he heard her heels tap across the wood. The sounds echoed, growing closer and closer...

“Foolish boy...” she spoke calmly, almost seductively, “I know you’re still in here. I can sense you...” Hearing those words echo quietly, the boy gulped again. He sucked in a deep breath and tried to make as little sound as possible. “I have the perfect punishment in mind for you. When I find you, we're going to have so much fun...”

\--Closer and closer...

Subaru could feel the hairs rising on the back of his neck as she walked ever closer to his hiding spot. “I’m going to enjoy tearing you apart,” she sneered in delight. He snapped his eyes shut and winced as she passed by just within arm’s reach.

Suddenly, she came to a stop. The boy’s heart skipped a beat.

“Hmm... Wait a second...” the woman mumbled to herself as she began walking again. Her footsteps slowly faded from the room, followed by the soft  _ snap _ of the door shutting. Nothing but silence filled the space following her exit.

Breath caught in Subaru's throat as he listened carefully to make absolutely sure she had left the room. He waited patiently for several moments before quietly climbing out from his hiding spot. Cautiously, he scrambled for the door leading toward the entrance hall.

_ Thunk. _

Subaru’s eyes widened as something sharp dug into his calf, causing him to yelp and tumble face-first across the floor. The boy kneeled and cringed at the new wave of pain as he ripped the silver dagger from his limb and tossed it across the ground, spinning on its side.

“Ah, it seems I’ve found the rat,” the woman grinned wildly as she re-entered the room from the hall, “I was wondering where you were. We aren’t finished yet, after all...” She closed and locked the door behind her with a heart-shattering  _ clack _ .

Subaru looked up with a scowl, tears threatening the corners of his sharp eyes. There was no way he would be able to fight back against Elsa on his own, especially with both his previous and current injuries. Even if he attempted to escape, she would surely subdue him again and, besides, he could barely stand, let alone run.

So close, he was so close this time... If only he’d moved a little faster, or been a little smarter, or--

“Your little friends tried to kill me before but I’m not angry. It’s good to know you have such close friends,” Elsa said as she crouched beside him; he only growled in response. “Oh, don’t worry. They’ll still be getting their punishments too,” she grinned, “But you... I have a special punishment in mind for you.”

What was she thinking? What was she getting at? Whatever it was, it definitely had to be terrible. The boy shuddered at the thought of more pain. He didn’t know if he could even handle it.

The woman grabbed Subaru by the collar of his jacket and forced him to stand. He reflexively winced in pain from the previous injuries in his shoulder and leg. Against his will, the cold clamps of the ceiling chains were locked around his wrists and he was left hanging, feet barely touching the floor, with his head dangling forward defeatedly.

He scowled as Elsa grabbed his chin with her cold hand. “Oh, that hurt, did it?” she cooed, “I know something that will make it even better.” With that, she moved her icy hands down to his neck and squeezed his windpipe. He gagged and kicked and thrashed as tears filled his eyes but could do nothing to escape her grasp. In an attempt to scream, Subaru’s mouth hung open but could only form the sounds of gulping and wheezing as his lungs were quickly starved of oxygen.

Suddenly, she stopped, leaving the boy to cough and sputter as he gasped for air. “There now, feel better?” she asked sarcastically.

In response, Subaru growled yet again, “Just... Get it over with...” Immediately, he shut his eyes, lips quivering in fear, and prayed for a quick end.  _ Another failed timeline. _ Everyone else was still alive but, if this woman couldn’t be stopped right here, right now, then they would surely perish next. 

“Good, let’s get started...” Elsa smiled sadistically.

Silver dagger in hand, the woman unzipped Subaru’s tracksuit jacket then used the blade to remove the shoulder bandages before tossing them aside. As she grabbed the hem of his black t-shirt, he flinched, prompting her to giggle in delight. Feeling hands where they shouldn’t be, his eyes opened wide and darted down to witness her sever the cloth from the bottom up, revealing his bare chest.

Was she just going to stab him now and end it? Gut him like she had the others in the previous loop? At this point, that’s all he could hope for.

“My my... You have such a lovely stomach...” Elsa purred, skimming the flat side of the dagger against his exposed skin as if dotting where to cut, “I want to see inside, but it would be such a shame to waste this opportunity. Perhaps after your use has ended.” The woman turned away and retrieved an unlit candlestick from the wall before promptly striking a match to the wick, setting it alight.

Realization dawned on the boy--she currently had no intention of killing him, at least until the ritual was complete. Instead, for her own amusement, she intended this ‘punishment’ to be as slow and drawn out as possible.

Panic overwhelmed Subaru’s senses as he quickly found himself unconsciously tugging at the shackles in a vain hope that they might somehow shatter and set him free. His heart raced with a mix of fear and uncertainty while sweat poured ceaselessly down his brow. Pure terror contorted his features as only one word managed to escape his trembling lips, “P-Please...!”

\--But his plea fell on deaf ears.

Subaru winced and closed his eyes as he felt the cold blade scrape against his skin. “You’re so cute like this, you know...” Elsa cooed before swiftly drawing a small cut across his chest, prompting the boy to cry out in pain. The woman licked her pink lips as she watched him wallow in misery.

A brief moment of silence caused Subaru to cautiously open his eyes. What he saw twisted his already shrunken hope into pure despair. Elsa neared him with the candlestick and a wide grin before applying the flame to his open wound, searing it shut.

Immediately, she would slice open the flesh before cauterizing it then slice it open again. Subaru screamed the first few times, but his voice caught in his throat as his mind spun out of control, consumed by nothing but pure agony. The pain became hot, then cold, then almost numbing, but each time it began to fade, she would begin a new incision. “Ah...ah...ah...” he groaned, his voice making sounds without his command.

She continued repeating this routine for what felt like an eternity. All he could think about was how much he wanted it to be over.

As if hearing his thoughts, Elsa momentarily stopped the torment. “Does it hurt?” she asked teasingly as she ran the bloodied blade down his chin. The boy mumbled incoherently in response, his hazy mind struggling to even decipher her words. Seeing this, she continued with a sneer, “It’s supposed to. That’s what happens when you oppose me.”

The woman looked at him with pure malice in her otherwise smiling eyes, “But that was only the beginning. A good start, I think.” She grabbed the collar of his jacket, prompting him to shiver. “Don’t worry. This will only last a little longer.”

Subaru dangled from the shackles in fear as she walked away. That brief moment of rest didn’t last long, however, as she soon returned to the ‘punishment.’

Another cut. Another burn. Another cut. Another burn.

Cut. Burn. Cut. Burn. Cutburncutburncutburncutburn.

The agony continued ceaselessly, mercilessly, for however long this woman deemed necessary. It might have been several minutes, but it certainly felt like hours had passed by. No matter how many incisions she made, no matter how much flesh she singed shut, he was able to endure every bit of it, yet all he wanted was to be able to pass out.

Every drop of strength was sapped away as the stress on his body and mind continued to escalate. What little of his brain could still function rolled through this misfortune, continuously wishing for it to end. That blade she so happily carved him with, he wished nothing more than for her to use it to send him back.

The firelight simultaneously made things visible that the boy didn’t want to see yet also blinded him. The smell of charred blood nauseated his already weak stomach and the sounds of raspy, ceaseless panting became seemingly amplified as his ears rang in alarm. Haze clouded his senses as the world began to spin from under his feet, yet the chain clamps prevented him from collapsing to the floor. The cries of painful agony that had been pouring from his mouth nonstop gradually ceased to be as Subaru’s eyes slowly fluttered shut.

Then--

It was over. Elsa ended the punishment by unlatching the boy from the bindings, sending him carelessly tumbling to the ground. Subaru groaned in misery as his battered body crumpled onto the wooden floor. He quickly found himself welcoming the cold temperature against his scorched flesh as he laid with his abdomen pressed against the floor and his head buried in his arms.

“I hope you learned something from this experience,” Elsa smiled wickedly, “Now, time to do this over again. You just stay right there and this will all be over soon.” With that, the woman moved about the wall, replacing the etchings one by one with her now-bloodied silver dagger.

After the throbbing ceased, Subaru forced his unwilling body to roll over onto his back. He groggily looked up to helplessly watch the woman’s actions through half-closed eyes.

He hated this. He felt so useless. He wanted to stop her but no strength remained to so much as sit up.

Soon, Elsa finished the new sigils and quickly began speaking indecipherable incantations. As she did so, the wall began shimmering with a yellow, magical glow. A new type of pain overtook the boy’s body; a deeper ache than before, one he couldn’t even begin to express. It was as if all the anguish he had just experienced were all bundled into one piercing stab deep in the center of his chest.

Subaru let out a petrified scream.

Dying in this moment would have been a blessing. The pain was so overwhelming that it completely drowned his senses. For a moment, the room surrounding Subaru seemingly went black as a searing sensation flowed through his veins. Energy he hadn’t even realized still existed within him was quickly being drained away.

Despite whatever dark magic had been consuming his senses, somehow, a rattling sound managed to reach his ears just moments before the entrance door burst open, now nothing but shattered splinters.

Elsa stopped her incantation at the sight of wood chips flying and just barely dodged the spiked ball soaring toward her. The weapon reached max distance before clicking and dropping to the floor with a heavy  _ thud _ . Its wielder yanked it back in hand before rushing into the room and hurrying to the boy's side with a shout, "Subaru-kun!"

Subaru turned his head slightly and weakly forced his eyes open to see who it was. Though he struggled to clearly make out her features, he could vaguely recognize the color of her hair--blue. “R-Rem...!” the boy let out a surprised, raspy whisper as she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him gently. The pain briefly singed his skin again as he felt her touch but a small, fragile sense of relief also welled up inside his heart.

“You’re alive!” the maid exclaimed with a surprised expression, almost as if she expected to find him dead after all.

“Y-yeah... Y-you made it...just in time...” he responded with a weak smile, his voice shaky.

That was all the encouragement she seemed to need. “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” Rem spoke in a low tone as she embraced Subaru delicately once more then stood to face the ultimate evil. With no hesitation, she called upon her oni horn to temporarily increase her strength and speed.

Elsa turned around and glared at the intruder. “My my... What do we have here? An oni?” the woman said nonchalantly, balancing the silver dagger in her hand. “I’ve never seen the inside of an oni before. This diversion might prove to be interesting,” she spoke in crazed delight.

“You don’t scare me!” the oni maid replied confidently with a scowl, her morning star chains tightly grasped in either hand.

“Oh, ho? A feisty one, too. This might actually be fun!” Elsa beamed as she gripped the bloodied silver dagger and lunged at the maid, aiming straight for her stomach.

“D-don’t let her--” Subaru attempted to shout, but his voice was so pitifully slow and quiet that there was no way it could ever reach in time.

Everything happened in the blink of an eye. Rem nimbly sidestepped the dagger strike and retaliated by swinging her morning star at her assailant, which immediately found itself embedded in a nearby wooden wall. Elsa attempted again to slash the oni maid but only managed so much as a graze across the girl’s cheek as she quickly jumped away.

Rem ripped her weapon from the wall and took another battle stance with a hand outstretched. “Huma!” she shouted and, as she did, ice spears formed from thin air and flew around the room, chasing the enemy but only managing to catch her feathery cape against the wall. The woman tossed the cape aside and dashed around flying ice magic in an attempt at landing another slice of her dagger.

Quickly, the oni maid used her increased speed to roll out of the way and began summoning more ice to strike her foe. Before long, the walls were covered in massive blue spears, making it hard to move about the room freely. With this brief opportunity, Rem slung her morning star, screeching through the air, toward her opponent.

Elsa attempted to dodge as she had several times before, but found her movement stalled by ice magic. The spiked ball slammed into the woman’s stomach, sending her flying into a nearby wall and shattering it on impact. She collapsed to the floor like a rock amidst a hail of splintered wood.

“I see...” she coughed, her tone a whisper with a tinge of true frustration, “I was hoping to avoid this...“ The woman held her head low as she shakily pulled herself up to stand, the silver dagger dangling loosely from her hand.

Elsa took one step forward and smiled despite her grave injuries. “We will meet again. And next time--I will thoroughly punish you for this,” the woman said with a sneer before dashing through the destroyed wall at a rapid speed, escaping into the woods, and quickly vanishing from sight.

“I’ll go after her!” Rem declared.

“No...! D-don’t go...!” Subaru shouted weakly through agonizing gasps. He hastily attempted to explain everything, briefly pausing to gulp in air, “She...can't do...anything now. She needs...me for the ritual. That's why...she didn't...kill me. It's why...she kidnapped Emilia. To get me to...come here...” He lowered his gaze and winced at the threat now hanging over his head. There's nothing he could do to stop Elsa now.

Rem glanced at him with a hint of sadness but, regardless, she nodded affirmatively. “I understand.” She allowed the oni horn to sink back into her forehead before walking over and picking up his weary body in a bridal carry. “We must return to the mansion now. I will do my best to heal your wounds.” she added as she carried him out of the abandoned cabin.

Normally, the boy might become flustered or embarrassed by this kind of treatment, but he had no energy remaining with which to complain. Instead, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath of relief.

For once, though it may be brief, Subaru felt safe.

“What happened...to Emilia...and Ram?” he asked quietly as he watched the mass of trees slowly fade into the distance.

“Emilia-sama ran outside with nee-sama to find another way into the cabin. They encountered an Ulgram--ah, you probably know them as the red-eyed ma-beasts. But I arrived in time to rescue them, so don’t worry! I don’t sense any more around here, so we should be safe now,” Rem explained calmly. The maid continued through the woods as quickly and conscientiously as possible, cradling the helpless boy carefully in her arms so as not to accidentally harm him any further.

Now free from the hellish nightmare that was Elsa’s punishment, a new wave of emotions washed over Subaru. They might not have won, but everyone had finally managed to survive the night. It may not be a true victory, but there was still a chance.

Tears threatened the corners of Subaru’s eyes as, regardless of the searing pain to his abdomen, he found himself tightly wrapping his arms around Rem’s thin torso before sobbing into her shoulder. Words meekly left the boy’s mouth that would surely not be enough to express his true feelings about everything that had happened, “T-thank you...so much...”

Rem continued forward wordlessly, swift feet carrying her quickly across the grass. Not appearing to mind his actions, the girl held her mouth shut in a small, gentle smile as she carried Subaru carefully through the forest toward the mansion, her crystal blue eyes filled with a sense of determination.

Natsuki Subaru had finally managed to survive and everyone else remained relatively unharmed, but the fight was not over yet. Elsa still needed to be stopped before another tragic night like this could happen again. There was going to be a lot to do but, right then and there, he was too tired to even think about it anymore.

The boy simply rested his head against Rem’s shoulder and closed his tired eyes.

_ Thank you...Rem. I can’t even begin to tell you how much... _

His thoughts trailed off into sweet, warm, comforting unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shhhhh, no one saw me correct ‘boot’ to ‘heel’ from a chapter or so ago, right? Right??? I am joking, of course, but really I realized a bit late that Elsa wears heels. I wonder why it took me so long to realize that despite her design literally being ‘femme fatale’...
> 
> Oh boy, the AI sure knows how to make Subaru suffer, doesn’t it? Even as he’s using this perfect checkpoint to his advantage, things can never go exactly as planned. The ‘punishment’ he endured was...a lot longer in the AI data than I have written here, admittedly. It basically just repeated the same things over and over again, so I tried to emphasize that with less words.
> 
> Also Rem MVP.


	17. Aftermath

“Here nee-sama, another first aid kit.”

That was the first thing Natsuki Subaru heard upon reawakening. His haze-filled mind barely even processed the meaning of the urgent words filling his ears from seemingly all directions. Groggily, his eyes opened to see that same old boring white ceiling of the Roswaal mansion overhead. The boy slowly traced the wall down, searching for the owners of the voices echoing around the guest room until he finally found the source--the twin maids circling his bed.

The maids' expressions suggested they were extremely exhausted, and yet the two continued to work diligently to preserve his health. Subaru simply laid there, staring up at seemingly nothing, as Rem helped lift his body while Ram unwrapped then wrapped fresh new bandages around his chest and shoulder wounds.

Subaru’s sluggish gaze roamed about the room until it landed on the open window. With the lack of sunlight, he was able to determine the time of day was most likely evening. Had he only been asleep a few minutes or an entire day? Perhaps even a few days?

The boy surveyed his current state of health: His body faintly ached all over from the various injuries and the stress previously imposed on it, draining him of all energy. The inside of his dry mouth could only be compared to the texture of sandpaper and the sore throat accompanying it did nothing to help. A mild fever drew sweat from his brow and turned his otherwise pale complexion a light reddish hue.

Yet, despite the faint soreness all over--despite the odds--he was still very much alive.

Without thinking his action through, Subaru made an attempt to quickly stand but the pain sharply rushed back before his feet could so much as touch the floor. He immediately flinched and collapsed onto the bed, the pillow and sheets quickly drawing him into their comforting embrace.

Unable to push himself to try again, the boy pulled the covers up and laid his head on the pillow then let out an unsteady, defeated sigh. He glanced aside and noticed a vase filled with an array of colorful flowers alongside a sealed note in a white envelope set neatly on the side table.

As Ram appeared to notice Subaru's direction of attention, she shut the first aid kit in hand with a _snap_ and spoke pointedly, "Barusu, please refrain from reading the letter until you've eaten." As the stern voice left her throat, her younger sister returned to the room with a tray of warm food.

Rem set the dinner tray aside to help Subaru sit up before placing it gently over his lap. Despite the mild fever, the boy made an attempt to eat but found himself slowly picking at the food. His mind was unable to rest as each memory, the regrets, and all the thoughts surrounding them flowed endlessly, slowing his pace even more. The smell and taste of lightly salted chicken caused his stomach to churn with nausea, prompting his hand to set the fork down and reach for the pitcher of water instead.

Eventually, after several minutes, Subaru finished his meal and placed the tray on the side table. He laid back in the bed and allowed his body to sink comfortably into the sheets.

Watching from the side with her arms crossed, the pink-haired maid looked to the table, then back at the boy again, “And the letter?” Subaru simply nodded in response then gathered the note and opened it. Somewhere deep inside, the boy was glad he had taken Ram’s lessons in reading and writing seriously.

Since he had no idea of the letter’s contents nor who had sent it, Subaru found himself reading it aloud.

“I realize how this is going to sound. I can’t give you the answers you want to hear. Listen, everything I did was for your benefit. Or so I thought. I was wrong. I’m really really sorry for what I did. You could have been hurt, I understand that now. Everyone could have. I’m really happy you’re okay. You rescued me and I don’t know what would have happened had you not been there. Even despite what I put you through, you put yourself in danger and got hurt to protect me. I really can’t say thank you enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I’m so so sorry.”

“From, Emilia...” he trailed off into silence. For a moment, the boy simply stared forward listlessly, his brain attempting to process all of the words on the paper. After several seconds passed, he finally realized the twins were staring at him with a curious look.

“What do you think she was talking about?” Ram asked of Subaru.

“About being rescued?” Rem immediately suggested.

“Or about the actions that led to you disappearing?” the other twin added with a small huff and a bite to her words.

Subaru’s guilty eyes drifted aside, “I-I can’t say...”

The pink-haired maid scoffed before unfurling her arms, “I see now. Emilia-sama did something you didn’t like, correct? That much is clear from your pathetic expression, Barusu.” The boy’s eyes widened as he gnashed his molars in an attempt to remain quiet, the girl’s scathing words burrowing deep under his skin, “You probably did something stupid again, right? Knowing her, she was probably just trying to help you. She did say it was ‘for your own benefit,’ after all. You should be more grateful. You should--”

“--Enough!” Subaru angrily shouted, his shaky voice loud enough to rattle the vase on the side table. Following that one word was nothing but pure silence. The boy reached a single hand up to his chest and clenched it tightly, as though attempting to protect his fractured heart.

The twins snuck a glance at each other, trying to determine who should speak first. With a small nod, Rem began, “We don't know the whole story. We don't know what happened between you two or why you were kidnapped. But...” she trailed off as if slightly hesitant to continue speaking. After a momentary pause, she shook her head and offered a small, if weak, smile, “...I know one thing. I know you love Emilia-sama.”

Rem’s bright crystalline eyes bore a hole right through Subaru’s soul. All he could do was lock his gaze with her’s, his mouth hung open slightly as though he wanted to speak but expelled nothing but air.

The blue-haired maid smiled a little brighter as she realized the impact of her own words then continued, “I don't think Emilia-sama is a bad person. If she did or said something that hurt you, I think you should talk it out with her. It may be an accident or even a misunderstanding. Even if there is more to it, I’m sure, if it's Subaru-kun, you can figure it out.”

Rem took another step forward, not once breaking eye contact, her brows forming a more determined expression, “You have to try anyway. It wouldn’t be like Subaru-kun to give up, especially when your heart is set on something."

Subaru finally allowed his gaze to drift down to the sheets circling his form. He pursed his lips as he attempted to hold back the flood of emotions attempting to break through. Meekly, he allowed his voice to exit his throat, “Y-You’re right. I...I’m sure you’re right... I’ll just--” He cut off his own voice and shook his head, “T-Thank you...”

"We're not doing too good ourselves, you know. It's been a tough week. First the attack, then your disappearance. We're all a little tired and on edge," Ram looked away as she paused to finish her words. "So...I understand," she said before quietly exiting the room.

"I'm sorry about that..." Rem mumbled an apology on her sister’s behalf. The maid picked up the dinner tray and walked over to the door. "Good luck, Subaru-kun," she said with a gentle smile before opening the door and leaving, her footsteps fading down the hall.

Subaru found himself alone yet again, but he had grown used to it by now. He laid back on the bed with his arms to his sides, staring up in the ceiling in deep thought. What Emilia did; Ram’s words; Rem’s words. Everything that had happened swirled as he attempted to piece it all together.

Emilia’s actions had caused him great pain and split the two apart, but could it really be a misunderstanding? Was the girl honestly just trying to use it as a way to help him? Then, could it really just be miscommunication? A misunderstanding, even? Rem seemed pretty certain, then maybe--

The boy reached a hand over to the side table and retrieved the letter of apology he had received from Emilia. He reread it a few times over, as if expecting an answer to just jump out at him from the paper.

_What should I do?_

The silence allowed Subaru all the time he needed to finally make his mind up with a resolution: He would talk to Emilia and listen to everything she had to say without interrupting and hopefully without emotions clouding his judgement.

But, as he was about to fold and return the letter to the side table, Subaru saw something tiny written on the back of the paper. “P.S. I took it upon myself to try to save you from yourself. I only realize now how selfish that is. I should have talked to you first. I’m really sorry. I really, really mean it.”

After a brief read-over, he folded the note and set it on the table with a sigh.

_So, that’s the plan, huh?_

Even with the resolution in mind, with his remaining injuries, there’s no way Subaru could just climb out of bed and run to her. He would have to wait until he either recovered or she decided to pay a visit--and that’s a big if. For now, the boy decided to just roll over and rest.

Just as Subaru had managed to get comfortable, he heard a soft knock. Before he could respond, a familiar face opened the door with a slow _creek_ , prompting the boy to open his eyes and speak up, "What are you doing here? I thought knights were supposed to be busy fighting ma-beasts or a war or something?”

The red-haired knight before him stepped into the room and offered a friendly wave, "I am currently off duty for a little while so I came to visit. The others already filled me in on what happened so you need not be concerned with an explanation. Anyway, how are you feeling, Subaru?" 

“I’m fine,” Subaru spoke quickly to prevent more questioning of his current state of health. His first instinct had been to play it off as though it were nothing, and so he followed that up with averting his gaze. There’s no way he wanted to look weak in front of yet another person, especially someone as cool as a knight.

Reinhard’s perceptive blue eyes followed the boy’s words and motions attentively. He let out a soft sigh and grinned warmly, “I see. Well, shall we go for a walk then? Do you feel up to it?”

Subaru took those words as a challenge, and he was not about to lose, “Yeah, sure. Just uh, give me a moment.” The red-head simply nodded and watched quietly as the boy struggled to get up. After several failed attempts, he somehow managed to sit and hang his legs over the side of the bed.

With his feet placed firmly on the floor, Subaru pushed his unwilling body forward. He immediately lost footing as the lack of strength and balance found him stumbling forward. Luckily, Reinhard managed to catch the boy by the shoulders before he could land face-first on the floor. "I can see you are still weak and you are unsteady on your feet," he commented with a small sigh, clearly having expected as much.

Light-headed and woozy from the sudden shift in gravity, Subaru could not be too sure if he could even continue standing as his knees threatened to buckle. Finally giving up on the challenge, he spoke defeatedly, “Can I...lay back down now...?”

“Of course.” The red-head allowed a tiny chuckle before helping the injured boy back into bed. He gave a mildly concerned glance before suddenly turning to the door and shouting, "Emilia-sama! When did you return?"

Following those words, footfalls could be heard ushering from the hallway, the floorboards groaning with each step. The door snapped open and the half-elf stepped inside, dressed in her nightgown with her silver hair down around her shoulders.

“I got home ah--” Emilia paused to stare momentarily at Subaru, who immediately averted his gaze, “--about an hour ago.” She turned her attention back to the visitor, “What’s going on? Reinhard, why are you here?”

“I want to speak to you both alone,” he said straightforwardly.

“About what?”

“It’s about--” 

\--But the knight did not get to finish speaking as Emilia raised a hand to pause the conversation. The half-elf hurriedly approached the bedside and placed a hand over Subaru’s forehead, prompting the boy to flinch at her cold touch. After a few seconds, the girl stood back with a frown on her face. “He’s still running a fever,” she announced, “We should deal with this first, then we can talk. I’ll be right back. I’m sorry to ask this so suddenly but please watch him for me.” With that, she quickly sprinted from the room.

Reinhard took a seat in a chair beside the bed. “She appears to really care about you,” he commented with a small smile. Subaru averted his gaze with a look of guilt, but that did not stop the red-head from continuing, “Emilia-sama is a kind person. But you know, she tends to worry too much. I hope that she doesn’t overwork herself.”

No response.

“Would you like some water?” he attempted to offer.

“No...” the boy grunted. It took everything to hold his fragile mind and body together. Thoughts, feelings, regrets, guilt--they all continued to blend and plague his mind in a blurry mix of fatigue-fueled uncertainty.

Reinhard appeared to sense this and so he decided to speak again, “Please, don’t mind me. You can say what is on your mind, Subaru.”

The boy pursed his lips shut and stared up at the ceiling. His mind was a hailstorm and he was not sure where to even begin. Could he really talk with this man? Would that...help? He did know about the curse, after all.

“I...” Subaru began as though it were a struggle to form the words, “...have something...I need help with.” Reinhard sat at attention, prompting the boy to continue to speak freely, “It’s about...Emilia. I, um...don’t know how to talk to her...after what she did to me...”

There was a small silence as Reinhard touched his chin and thought of the best proper response, “Would you mind elaborating on that?”

With a deep breath and a slow exhale, he continued, “Emilia was the one who placed the curse on me. It caused me to do so many bad things and...it tried to consume me in black flames. She said it was to...save me from myself. I don’t understand...”

“So she placed the curse on you. What do you think that means?”

“It means...she hates me...” Subaru hesitated to even form the conclusion, but it was right there. Whether he liked it or not, it was the only thought that made the most sense. “I can’t see it any other way,” the boy said dejectedly, as if he did not really want to accept what he thought of as the truth.

“Why would she hate you?” the visitor inquired.

“I...I don’t know...”

“Do you perhaps think she is just pretending to care about you?”

“I...don’t know... Maybe...?” the boy repeated, sinking further and further into his shell.

"Let me ask you this, then. Do you love her?"

Subaru’s eyes widened. This was not anything he expected to hear right now. His already fever-ridden face flushed a brighter pink as he pressed his lips shut and looked aside, “I...” the flustered boy tried to speak but his voice caught in his throat.

“I see,” Reinhard gave an all-knowing smile, "Well a curse is a little extreme, but I think I understand her. From my perspective, she cares a lot about you. She most likely thought the curse she placed on you would somehow be beneficial to your wellbeing."

"I...I don’t get it. How is that beneficial?" the boy asked, still unable to look the man in the eye.

"Well, the curse was made of black flames, correct? To break that particular curse, you have to overcome something within yourself. If you do not then the flames consume you. Therefore, she might have thought it would help push you to overcome something you are keeping buried deep inside. My point is--she likely believed in you accomplishing that with all her heart because, had she not, then I doubt she would have resorted to such a method in the first place."

Subaru’s eyes widened as he found himself speechless. His mouth hung open slightly with the want to speak but the words refused to assemble.

"Did you understand my explanation?” Reinhard asked for clarity, “You can nod or shake your head.”

The boy’s throat caught again and he found himself unable to respond verbally. After a brief moment, he nodded.

"Good, good," the red-head smiled a bit more. "Now, with that settled, about the real reason I am here--I think it would be best if you stayed with me for a little while."

Finally able to force words out of his mouth, Subaru looked at the visitor with a truly surprised expression and shouted, "What!?"

"Well, if our camaraderie is to work, I think it would do both of us some good to be around each other more. We can spar when the mood hits us, play some games and chat, or just have a casual meal," Reinhard chuckled at his own little joke. It did not take long to recompose himself with a serious expression, "--The real reason is because I am aware of the mark on you. If you stay with me, I can keep you safe."

Subaru’s fever-riddled mind flashed back to all the trauma Elsa had put him through, all the times he watched the people around him die, and all the times he failed to do anything but become someone else’s burden.

There really was a mark on him--that woman would surely be back to create chaos and take him away. If he stayed at the mansion, he would only cause more danger for everyone. Emilia, Puck, Rem, Ram, Beatrice, Roswaal, even the people of Arlam, just like that little girl--everyone would be in grave danger. Elsa said she was only looking for him, after all. With his presence removed, she would have no reason to hurt the others...

The boy’s heart began racing and he clutched at his chest to hold himself together.

\--But this man was a knight of Lugunica; one of the best, in fact. Surely someone as powerful as him could help. There’s no way he could lose to Elsa, right?

“Are you alright, Subaru?” Reinhard hesitantly asked with a concerned expression.

Subaru simply shook his head to dismiss the worry and lowered his hands back to his sides. “I understand. I’ll accept your offer,” he looked the man in the eyes and spoke decisively.

“Ah, good,” the red-head nodded with a small smile.

“Can I ask you one question?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Reinhard appeared a little confused at first, but quickly returned to his cordial demeanor, “You really do not realize it?” Upon receiving no response, he continued with a small chuckle, “Well, it is because I am fond of you. Your presence makes me feel happy and you seem like a good person, so I want to make sure you are safe. You might even say I think of you as a dear friend."

"Well then I, uh, want to say...thank you..." he blushed and looked away again.

"You are welcome, Subaru," Reinhard said before leaning back in his chair a bit to relax.

The two continued to chat about various things while waiting. But, as time passed, Subaru realized Emilia had yet to return. Worry and fear overtook his expression, “Reinhard. Emilia hasn’t--”

Before those words could even be completed, the red-head moved to his feet and approached the door. “Do not worry. I will be right back,” he said before briskly exiting the room.

Subaru laid back in the bed and stared at the ever-present white ceiling. He could not get his mind off of what horrible things might have happened that he would, yet again, have no control over.

What happened to Emilia? Was she hurt? Had she gone missing? Was it...worse? Had Elsa returned? Emilia? Was she dead? _Was she dead?_

At the apex of those horrible thoughts, Reinhard returned to the room. “Emilia-sama is taking a little longer than expected,” the knight announced as he returned to sitting in the chair, immediately dispersing any and all concerns.

“She is?” Subaru asked, although he followed the question with a small sigh of relief.

"Yes, she has asked the maids to help prepare something for you."

"I see. Well, if it’s just something like that, then--"

"--Emilia-sama has also asked me to apologize on her behalf."

"Oh?"

"I told her she needs to talk to you herself. I am sure it will be fine," the knight smiled.

With a little uncertainty still buried deep inside, Subaru began to lightly protest, “But--”

"--Do not worry. If you need me to mediate then I do not mind."

He finally sighed a little relief, "Thank you, Reinhard."

"You are very welcome, Subaru."

The two continued to converse to pass the time. Eventually, a knock could be heard from the door. “Come in!” Reinhard called out.

The door opened and...Emilia entered. Just the sight of the half-elf left Subaru speechless as all the unresolved emotions flooded back to him in an instant despite the conversation he just had. The boy’s heart raced as his mind scrambled for something to say.

But Emilia ignored his clearly conflicted expression and quickly closed the distance. She set a bowl on the table and took a wet towel, wrung it, then gently placed it on his forehead. "I brought this for your fever. If it gets too hot, or your body temperature gets all wonky, just dip the towel in the ice water and put it on your forehead," she explained in a motherly tone.

 _No one says ‘wonky’ anymore._ He really wanted to put that thought into words, but his mouth refused to move.

“And this,” the girl continued as she presented a jug of some ice cold fluid. Through the glass pitcher, he could see that it had a gentle green color. Was it tea? “It’s appa tea. I made it myself!” she said proudly with a hand on her hip.

He recalled what Reinhard had said about getting help from the twins, but decided not to bring it up. Now was not the time to burst her ego.

“It’s supposed to cool you down and prevent nausea,” the half-elf finished explaining.

Subaru barely found the will to nod. He tried to look at her face but could not bring himself to maintain eye contact. His body felt heavy and he just wanted to sleep for the next thousand years.

“Oh no, do you feel nauseous!?” Emilia asked worriedly.

“No, no. Just...tired...” the boy managed to mutter.

"Do not worry, Emilia-sama," Reinhard interjected, "He will be better soon. In the meantime, you should rest." With a small wave, he motioned to another chair beside the bed.

Emilia nodded and took a seat. She looked down for a moment before a thought occurred to her, "Oh, right! You said you had something to talk to us about?"

“Yes, about that,” Reinhard began, “I have asked Subaru if he would like to stay at my home for a little while, and he has already agreed.”

Emilia appeared conflicted. "So, you're going to stay with Reinhard for a while?" the girl asked the boy to reaffirm what she had just heard.

"Yes," Subaru confirmed with a small nod, his eyes still looking anywhere but at the people talking around him.

The half-elf looked somewhat dejected from having no input on the matter, “I see...” She looked down at the floor for a few moments with a hand to her chest, seemingly in deep thought.

Eventually, the topic changed to other things as Emilia and Reinhard conversed. Subaru, unwilling to look at them, simply rolled over in bed and closed his eyes. This should have been a good opportunity to talk things out with the half-elf, but he really did not want to get anyone else involved. To him, the conversation had to be between just the two of them.

Time passed, and the voices filling the room grew distant. Before he realized it, Subaru had drifted off to sleep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this acts as a sort of interlude. Also, Bro Reinhard to the relationship rescue! By now, it should be apparent we’re not even close to going canon path anymore. It's completely diverged!


	18. Departure

"Ah, you're awake!" 

A voice blurted out in hushed surprise as the boy appeared to finally rouse. Subaru’s senses slowly came to and he briefly glanced around to find himself still lying in the same bed within the mansion. Somehow that realization brought with it a small sense of relief. Reaching a hand up to rub his eyes, he spoke in a groggy voice, “...Emilia?”

"...Umm...yes," the owner of the voice confirmed, currently seated in the bedside chair. "How are you feeling?" Emilia asked as she sat up straight, neatly folding her hands in her lap. Seeing as she was still in her nightgown, the boy assumed she likely watched over him all night. He had to wonder how long she might have been awake for, awaiting his recovery.

Subaru cautiously sat up, finding it somewhat easier to move than the previous attempts. His body ached all over, though nowhere near as badly as before. Luckily, his fever had all but disappeared and there didn’t seem to be any trace of the nausea that had plagued him during dinner. Finally, although he still found it difficult to meet her gaze, he responded, "Better. How long was I asleep for?"

"Only over night. It's afternoon now," the half-elf explained in a somber tone, dulling her bell-like voice.

Wanting to confirm those words for himself, Subaru briefly glanced out the window. Sunlight poured gently into the room from high in the sky and the sounds of birds chirping could be heard from a distance. All in all, it appeared to be a peaceful day.

Emilia carefully moved to sit on the bed and momentarily looked at Subaru before dropping her eyes downcast in guilt. The half-elf looked as though she wanted to say something but was holding back her words. So, instead of speaking up, the girl sat with her head down, fidgeting as she attempted to reorganize her thoughts.

From the atmosphere, Subaru appeared to recognize her hesitancy. He wanted to know what was on her mind, but a part of him held back in asking. Although, if it was about the argument from before, the boy had all but steeled his resolve to discuss it the night prior. Now was as good a time as any, so if that really was what plagued her, then someone had to get the ball rolling, right? With that thought in mind, he broke the silence, “What is it, Emilia?”

"W-well, you see... I-It was my fault t-that you... I-I mean... I--" the girl stuttered, her mind a mess as she attempted to organize her thoughts into a proper apology that would not be met with the same negative response it had previously.

But, before she could finish, Subaru raised a hand and the half-elf fell silent. This was the discussion he had expected--anticipated even--and his thoughts had already been lined up. "If anything, it's my fault," he shook his head, “I didn’t understand what you had done to me, or for me. I thought you just hated me or you wanted me dead. But you recognized something inside of me that even I didn’t, and all you wanted to do was help me come to terms with myself. It may not have been the right way to go about it, but I think I understand where you were coming from. You didn’t know what else to do, right?” he said in a low voice before finally looking up to meet her gaze, "It was difficult, but I overcame the curse so I’m still here. But you placed your belief in me and I failed in that, didn't I?"

Tremulously, Emilia placed a hand over her quivering lips and gasped. Tears threatened the corners of her widening amethyst eyes as he dug directly into the heart of the issue and uprooted it.

Smiling weakly upon the realization he had hit the bullseye, Subaru finished his speech, "It's okay now. I understand. Thank you, Emilia. And...I'm really sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations of me."

The half-elf could no longer hold her composure as tears began streaming down her porcelain cheeks. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed loudly.

Subaru’s body moved on its own; he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a gentle embrace. The girl hugged him back with all her might and buried her tear-strewn face in his chest. "Emilia..." he repeated softly while stroking her silver hair in an effort to soothe her outpouring emotions.

After the half-elf had calmed down, she sat up straight and wiped her tears away with a sniffle, "I-I'm... I'm so glad you're alive, Subaru. I was worried I'd lose you."

"I'm glad to be alive as well. But please, don’t try to help me using dangerous methods again,” he said with a small laugh and a faint smile.

"Heeeeyyyy!!" a certain tiny cat-form spirit suddenly materialized and shouted. After that loud declaration, he whacked Subaru in the head with his tail.

"Ow! What the hell, Puck!" the boy shouted and rubbed his stinging forehead.

“That’s for making Lia cry!” The tiny spirit puffed out the fur on his chest proudly as though he had done something super helpful. He already clearly understood the situation; he just wanted to poke fun at Subaru while there was still a chance.

Emilia seemed to recognize that Puck held no malice, or maybe she mentally communicated with him to know it for a fact, and so she giggled at the two.

“You know, you’re really dense sometimes!” the spirit tossed in another jab with a small laugh and a smug smile.

"I’m not dense! Hey now, what's so funny?" Subaru directed at Puck with a frown.

"Nothing, nothing... You're just so innocent when it comes to a girl’s affections!" the cat spirit replied with a laugh and vanished before a rebuttal could occur. The boy found himself blushing and that realization made him feel a little embarrassed.

Emilia on the other hand, through her giggling, missed the comment and the air in the room entirely. She calmed herself and, instead, continued with her current train of thought, "Do you feel up to a walk?"

Subaru quickly recomposed himself and sat up straight as he stared into her eyes. "I...think so," he said with some hesitancy, recalling the last time he challenged that question and failed miserably. But he had recovered a bit and, besides, today was a brand new day. After another once-over of his physical state, the boy decided he was most likely capable, “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

"...Really?" Emilia questioned the initial uncertainty she had seen on his face.

"Really, really! Don't worry about me, Emilia-tan!" he spoke with new vigor, followed by the most confident smile he could muster, “Besides, I feel like I’ve recovered so much, I’m sure I could even run a marathon now!”

"O-okaaaaay..." Emilia nodded then stood from the bed. She moved to stand back so that he would have all the space needed to get up.

Despite the energetic declaration, Subaru knew his limits and so he cautiously pushed himself to stand. Testing his balance with a single step forward, he somehow managed to remain steady on his feet. With a small smile, the boy took her hand and held it as the two slowly walked down the halls of the mansion until they reached the door to the outside garden.

"There's something I've been wanting to ask you," Subaru began as they slowly strolled amongst the flowers.

Taking in the words, Emilia stopped walking and starred with a confused look, “What is it?”

"Umm... W-well..." the boy stuttered and fumbled with his words. He sighed and shifted awkwardly, "Well, i-it's kind of...about you."

The girl tilted her head slightly, "Me?"

"Y-yeah, I've been wondering if...if you  _ like _ me or something..."

Emilia's violet eyes widened as she was left momentarily speechless.

"Oh, no! W-well, of course! I-I-I mean... I-I'm sure you know you're special to me, after all!" Subaru’s face became warmer as he stumbled over his words. The half-elf remained quiet with her mouth half-open. "I-It's okay! D-Don't worry about it! I-If there's nothing there, t-then there...isn't anything to talk about..." his voice trailed off defeatedly as he looked aside. The boy pursed his lips shut as his cheeks heated up a bright red.

"No! No, it's fine! I'm just surprised," Emilia spoke quickly, waving her hands in a vain attempt to dispel his embarrassment, "Subaru, you know I really care about you! You don't have to worry about that!"

Unable to discern if it was from confusion, embarrassment, or simply relief, Subaru’s face heated up even more. "O-oh..." his voice staggered out. The boy’s eyes briefly searched for the half-elf before looking aside again, unable to meet her gaze.

Emilia gently touched a hand to Subaru’s cheek and raised his chin so that their eyes could meet. “I know things won’t be easy but, after everything you’ve accomplished and everything you’ve done for me, I believe in you,” she said with a bright smile, “I’ll be counting on you, Subaru!”

The boy’s heart skipped a beat and he felt an overwhelming sense of joy. With those words, he found it in himself to calm down and managed to return a smile of his own, “And I’ll make sure to make you proud this time, Emilia!”

Just as they were having a moment, a familiar voice called out in a polite tone, "It seems I have found you, Subaru. Emilia-sama." The two turned around to see Reinhard standing by the garden entrance. He casually waved with a friendly smile, "Are you ready to go?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah... Yeah!" The boy then turned his attention to the half-elf in front of him with a new look of confidence, "It'll be fine. He said he’s going to protect me and I think I can believe it if it’s from a guy like him."

“Yes, Reinhard is a very strong knight. I believe in him as well,” she nodded in response, "But, stay safe, Subaru. And be good! Don't cause too much trouble for him! Make sure to eat three times each day! Oh, and don't forget to brush your teeth!" she hurriedly lectured.

"You make it sound like I'm a child going to a sleepover party... You don't have to ‘mom’ me, you know..." Subaru slumped his shoulders and grumbled to himself, but his protest went unacknowledged.

"Understood. Please, follow me," Reinhard nodded as he turned to exit the garden.

Subaru nodded and quickly followed after the red-head. As the boy walked along the marble path, he wondered how things might play out from here. Surely Elsa would ignore the mansion residents and, instead, follow him to his new location. There, the knights would be able to put a stop to her plans and this whole thing would be over. It seemed simple enough on paper, anyway...

When they arrived at the front gate, Rem could be found standing by a dragon carriage with an unreadable expression and a large backpack in her hands. She placed the luggage into a compartment and looked away briefly when she addressed Subaru, "Please stay safe."

"I will," Subaru replied confidently. Those few words carried a weight to them, but also a certain determination. The boy looked into her crystalline blue eyes and beamed, “And... Thank you, Rem. For everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Those words prompted the girl’s eyes to finally show some semblance of emotion. After a momentary thought, she finally found it in herself to, although weakly, smile for him. “You’re very welcome. I believe in Subaru-kun, so I know everything will be just fine,” she said, as though trying to convince herself as she spoke.

“You don’t have to worry about me, you know. I’ll be in Reinhard’s care, so nothing can go wrong!” the boy said with certainty behind his words.

Although it was clear from her demeanor that she wasn’t entirely convinced, Rem politely nodded in response. There was nothing she could do to change the current course of events and so she simply stood back and awaited his departure.

Noticing Ram staring from the steps, Subaru let out a soft sigh before shouting loud enough for her to hear from the parked carriage, “Hey, I want to thank you too, you know! The least you could do is come over here to say goodbye!”

“Heh! Why don’t you come over here to talk, then? Are your legs not as strong as your tongue?” Ram fired back with a haughty laugh.

“You just don’t want to have to climb back up the stairs afterward...” the boy grumbled light-heartedly.

“I heard that, Barusu, ” the pink-haired girl huffed, a grin forming on her features, “Next time I see you, I will welcome you with  _ kuding-cha _ .”

“Ehh!? That’s not welcoming at all!!” But as he protested, the maid disappeared into the mansion with a small wave.

Subaru waved a goodbye and took one last look at the mansion. Who knew the next time he might be able to return to this grand, marble building. As his eyes wandered the many windows of the upper floors, he spotted blue-and-pink eyes glaring at him through the pane.

_ I didn’t get to say goodbye to Beako... _ Despite the realization, it was a bit too late to run back inside. He would just have to apologize to her later.

After making preparations, Reinhard opened the door to the dragon carriage, “My home is a little far from here. I hope you do not mind the travel. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Subaru nodded as he climbed into the carriage and sat on one of the plush leather seats.

"If things get a little rough for you, feel free to lay on the seat. It will be a long trip, after all," the knight explained. He sat at the front of the carriage and took the reins for the ground dragon, "Alright then. We shall be on our way now," he said as the carriage began to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, closure on the whole curse thing! And I’m so glad this is moving to an original location to work with. Also note, ‘kuding-cha’ is one of the most bitter teas in existence. (I had a lot of fun filling in Ram’s dialogue.)


	19. Campfire

After several hours of the same endless stretch of dirt road, the sun began to dip below the horizon. Subaru sat with an elbow propped up against the window pane and a bored expression as he watched the trees and the day pass by uneventfully.

At some point during this journey, he had already consumed the lunch box Rem prepared for him and began feeling hungry again. Just as he was about to communicate this thought to the driver, the boy vaguely made out the form of a parked carriage, bathed in twilight, on the side of the road. Leaning against the frame was a man who looked oddly familiar.

But it was Reinhard who made the first comment, “Is that not your companion from the capital? The one accompanying you during the ma-beast attack?” the knight asked as he instructed the ground dragon to slow its travel speed.

Subaru pressed his face against the glass pane to get a better view. Green clothes, a large feather hat, grey hair, blue eyes--that was most definitely the same person he met the evening of the royal selection day. “Yeah, I know him,” the boy acknowledged and, as he did, the carriage skid to a halt.

“He does not look well. We should check on him,” Reinhard declared as he flashed a look of concern to the passenger.

Before any more words could be uttered, Subaru internally agreed and immediately climbed out of the dragon carriage. As the boy neared the parked carriage, he took note of his previous companion’s current state. The merchant appeared incredibly worse for wear and worn down, as though he had not slept in several days. His usually pristine appearance had become disheveled, and a handful of cuts and bruises were scattered about his pale skin. Eyes downcast in pain, the man sighed heavily before acknowledging the nearing footsteps with a subdued, mousy shriek.

“Hey there. Long time, no see, Otto,” Subaru waved somewhat hesitantly with a weary smile, “What happened? How did you get into such bad shape?”

Otto’s sky-blue eyes drifted upward to meet the gaze of the onlooker. As he realized this person was not a threat, he gnashed his molars and looked aside, “B-bandits.” The merchant hesitated to continue, pursing his lips as though experiencing a painful memory, “They made an attempt to rob me but I was able to fend them off. Luckily they failed to procure anything of value.”

“How did you even survive that all alone!?” Subaru gawked in amazement.

The merchant appeared at a loss for words. He knew very well how ridiculous such a story sounded, and so he stuttered through his explanation, “I-I just...managed to flee.”

“You...ran away?” the boy blinked. It was hard to imagine someone like this person would be capable of escaping a group of bandits, but his worn appearance proved there must be some truth to such a harrowing tale.

Sensing the disbelief from those words, Otto nodded and looked down at the dirt beneath his boots as he spoke, “Something like that... I am quite sorry I cannot give you more information, but--”

Reinhard finally made his way over to the poor merchant and placed a hand on his trembling shoulder. “No need to worry,” the red-head spoke in a friendly tone before standing back a step, “I assure you my companion here is content with the knowledge you escaped such misfortune intact.”

Otto frowned as his eyes darted left and right in thought. Suddenly, the merchant’s stomach growled audibly and he wrapped his arms around his waist to stifle the sound. His usually pale cheeks blushed a bright pink as embarrassment set in. “I-I have yet to eat anything since yesterday, you see, and I have had no opportunity to gain any money for food, so I...” he trailed off.

Subaru side-glanced the knight with a hopeful gaze, who gave an approving nod in response. “We have some food with us. Why not accompany us for dinner tonight?” Reinhard smiled as he presented the offer.

“I-If you are absolutely certain, then I--”

“--It’s fine! It’s fine!” Subaru quickly chimed in and wrapped an arm around the shaken merchant’s shoulder in a chummy manner, “Besides, you got the tab last time! We’ve got it this time!” he laughed.

Whether the grey-haired man liked it or not, these two would surely force their hospitality onto him. He knew this for a fact and so he begrudgingly nodded. Besides, dinner sounded like something he could really use help with.

Soon, a campfire burst to life on the side of the road, surrounded by the two dragon carriages. As everyone sat around the warm flames, the knight worked about chopping up vegetables and tossing them into a pot. He briefly looked to the merchant with a warm smile, “I believe we have yet to properly introduce ourselves. My name is Reinhard van Astrea. You may have heard my name around the capital with the title of ‘Sword Saint’ or ‘Master Swordsman’ but please, don’t be intimidated; there is no need to be so formal with me. And may I ask your name in return?”

“I have indeed heard tales of the Sword Saint before, but we had yet to ever cross paths--until the day at the capital, that is. You appear as everything in the stories, and yet nothing like him at all.” Briefly, those words prompted a small chuckle from the swordsman himself, causing the speaker to frown slightly before continuing, “But, as for my name, it is Otto Suwen. I am simply a humble tradesman attempting to live out a dream of building my own shop someday,” the merchant explained flatly as he sat around the fire, sipping from a cup of fresh water.

Subaru sat beside the grey-haired man, drinking his own water before speaking up, “Otto here was kind enough to buy me food and keep me company for a night in the capital. I didn’t know when I’d ever get a chance to repay him for that, but here we are!” He boasted pridefully for the merchant with a bright smile and a small slap to the back which prompted the man to spill his cup on the ground. “O-oh, sorry!” he laughed and hurriedly poured a new cup.

“H-hey!” Otto grumbled but, upon quickly receiving a drink, he instead sighed, “Anyway, Natsuki-san is correct. I asked of his assistance and he helped me no question. I am truly grateful for that.“

“I see. Well then, nice to meet you. I am honored you chose my humble fire to eat dinner at,” Reinhard chuckled lightly with a slight bow of his head. The knight returned to working on the pot of stew, now hanging above the campfire.

Once the stew was complete, and everyone--including the two patient ground dragons--were well fed, the sun had all but vanished and the moon overtook the night sky. Otto let out a soft yawn and commented, “I believe we should be parting ways now.” As his foot touched the first step into the carriage, a voice from behind stopped him from moving forward.

“Apologies for my rudeness, but you are in no condition to go gallivanting around the countryside," Reinhard commented somewhat sternly, “Perhaps you should call it a night.”

Listening to this conversation, Subaru’s eyes lit up with an idea, “Hey, why don’t you stay with us for tonight? I mean, I know you snore pretty loud, but I can handle that!”

“I do no--!!” Otto knit his brows and began to protest but was quickly cut off by the boy’s enthusiasm.

“--And besides, this will make us equal for the night you invited me to stay with you at the merchant camp!”

“B-but I--”

“--No worries,” Reinhard cut in, “I do not mind. Besides, there is no telling if or when more bandits may appear out here. I can protect you both if need be. Better to stick together.”

“I mean, I guarantee you’ll get a better night’s sleep here with us than constantly worrying about being jumped on the road,” Subaru added.

“W-well I... I suppose so...” Otto shifted awkwardly, "I-If you are both really certain I am not intruding--"

“--But of course. As I have stated before, this is my humble fire, therefore what I say goes,” the knight chuckled, “You may think of this as my personal inn, and you have been invited for a free night’s rest.”

Nodding nervously, Otto finally gave in to the offer and went to retrieve a bedroll from his carriage. Each person individually placed their travel beds in a triangular pattern around the tiny campfire. The merchant took a seat in his bed and looked up to the starry night sky.

With little hesitation, perhaps because he held no actual worry that anything might go wrong, Reinhard laid on his back and quickly found sleep. The man’s chest rose and fell gently but no sound escaped from his lips.

But Subaru, anxiety filling his heart, stood aside and stared off into the encroaching darkness. “I’ll...be on watch duty,” he declared to the merchant, who nodded in acknowledgement from his bed. With that said, the boy walked a distance from the two and took a seat on a fairly large boulder at the side of the road. Several minutes passed, allowing him to descend into deep thought as his eyes scanned the dark for signs of anything out of the ordinary.

After some time passed, the sound of grass crunching under boots filled Subaru’s ears. The footsteps drew closer at a somewhat hesitant pace, telling the boy exactly who they belonged to. “Go to sleep, Otto. You need to rest,” he said without turning to greet the merchant.

“I could say the same for you, Natsuki-san. You do not appear well yourself,” Otto commented as he defied the instruction and, instead, took a seat on the boulder beside the boy.

“I--” Subaru began to argue but his voice caught in his throat. There was no way he could deny such a thing. His body still felt as though it had been run over several times and, despite the previously displayed pep, he still lacked a large amount of his usual energy. The constant worry over others; the battles; the torment; the suffering--everything leading up to now had put a huge strain on both his physical and mental wellbeing. “Yeah, I guess so...” he said with a weak smile.

“--So I will watch with you,” Otto tilted his chin upward with a small grin and declared with a determined huff. He clearly wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer. Perhaps, to the merchant, this was the only way he could think to repay for dinner. Unable to protest, Subaru simply nodded his response.

The two sat in silence for several minutes, staring forward into the endless abyss of the night. Although the moon did illuminate some objects on the ground, their vision remained limited. Even so, nothing could be seen or heard around aside from the faint ambient chittering of the evening forest creatures.

"--You have helped me so much," Otto broke the silence with a thoughtful tone, his gaze pointed forward as he continued, “I truly do not know where I would be at this moment if not for your perfect timing in the capital.”

The boy opened his mouth to respond but a shaky, uncertain voice spilled out, “W-well... I didn’t really do all that much. And uh, I kinda hurt you back at the capital too, so--”

“--Do not worry about that, Natsuki-san,” Otto shook his head, finally meeting the boy’s gaze, “I have been informed it was of a power outside your control, therefore I understand it was not your fault. Truly I am just glad the window I fell from was on the first floor above some bushes,” he laughed it off.

But Subaru couldn’t find it in himself to join in that laughter. He looked down at the dirt with an expression filled with guilt.

“You see, Natsuki-san, I have had a thought recently that... Ah, this may sound a little silly, but I think, perhaps in a past life, you and I may have once become close friends,” said Otto with a pleasant smile.

Upon hearing those words, the boy froze. Any semblance of shame he once held melted away with the absurdity of that statement. In that moment of ridiculousness, it required all of his willpower not to burst out laughing. Finally allowing a small snicker to escape, he responded with a grin, “Well, you’re right about the ‘silly’ part!”

“H-hey now! You never know with fate!” Otto added with a pout.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess so," Subaru smiled lightly. His prior anxiety had slowly eased with the company and he quickly found himself relaxing to the point tiredness began to creep in, prompting a yawn.

The two continued to quietly chat about this or that as the bat-like creatures of the forest chirped and the breeze made the trees slightly sway. But the near-silence of the forest was soon broken by the sound of heavy footfalls crossing the dirt path.

With no hesitation, Subaru grabbed a rock and stood facing the direction of the intruder defensively. “Who’s there!?” he shouted. Not receiving an immediate response, he chucked the rock into the darkness.

The heavy stone sounded as though it hit an object with a  _ thud _ , but it clearly had not landed on the ground. A figure stepped out of the shadows and came to a stop in front of the two, holding the rock in hand. “It is just me,” the red-headed man waved with his free hand.

“Oh, uh, Reinhard, sorry about that! So uh, what’s the matter?” Subaru asked somewhat hesitantly.

“You simply intended to protect us. I understand,” the knight shook his head before continuing, “I could not help but overhear you two so I wanted to chat for a moment as well.”

Hearing those words, Subaru sighed a small bit of relief. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the man who had promised to protect him. The boy returned to his previous seat and Reinhard chose to sit beside him. “How are you two faring?” the knight asked with a layer of concern.

“We’re fine,” the boy answered with a small yawn.

“Yes, I believe you have no need to worry, sir knight,” Otto spoke politely to confirm.

“Good, good,” the red-head said with a relaxed smile.

A few minutes of absolute silence passed by. Now only the delicate forest breeze could be heard in the gentle night air.

"This is nice..." Reinhard commented.

Subaru looked to the red-head with a confused expression, "What is?"

"The quiet. I forgot what it was like," the knight’s blue eyes stared off into the endless, twinkling night with a distant look.

"Oh, yeah," the boy nodded in confirmation.

"Never a dull moment. Especially for a knight," Otto commented with a small chuckle.

Reinhard broke his ruminant gaze and looked to the others. "I could say the same for you, mister merchant," he laughed lightly in response.

Subaru smiled for this whimsical conversation. Even with the tense situation hanging over his head and the potential for encountering bandits on this stretch of road, in addition to all of the fears and uncertainties plaguing his heart, he couldn’t help but feel some semblance of happiness.

“During dinner, I believe you stated the oakwood village nearby is your destination, correct?” Reinhard regarded the merchant.

"Oh, yes," Otto nodded, “I heard they are quite in need of some oil and so I have procured a large assortment for their needs...for coin, of course.”

“The village is on our current path. If you would like, we can keep you company for a large portion of your travels. You would have no concern for bandits,” the knight assured, "Additionally, If you need any help, do not hesitate to ask. That is my duty, after all.”

"Really? That would be quite helpful, but I--" Otto hesitated. Even so, having already accepted their hospitality, he found it much easier to accept the subsequent offers. He shook his head and smiled earnestly, “--I would really appreciate that.”

"Sounds like a plan!” Subaru chimed in followed by a loud yawn, “Well then uh, I think we should get some sleep now. We’ve got an early start to the day.”

“Yes, I believe you are correct. If need be, we can take turns watching from the campfire as necessary,” Reinhard nodded.

The knight was the first to stand from the boulder and return to his bedroll. Soon after, the other two followed suit and returned to their campfire beds. Everyone except for Subaru quickly found slumber under the sparkly night stars.

Mind racing, Subaru rolled over onto his side and forced his eyes shut.

“One Puck... Two Pucks... Three Pucks...“ the boy murmured until his voice faded into the brisk night air.

\-----

The next morning passed by most uneventfully. While eating breakfast, the three sat around the campfire chatting about various topics. After cleaning up the campsite, everyone boarded their dragon carriages and began plodding down the dirt road. The travel was long and fairly quiet, green trees passing seemingly endlessly. Through the wilderness and, eventually, deeper into the woods, a gushing river came into view. The excitement of seeing a new vision of nature quickly waned as the flowing water traveled on and on for several hours more. The stream finally ended after some time, bringing the two dragon carriages to a fork in the road.

“I believe this is where we must part ways,” Reinhard informed the merchant.

“That is correct.” Otto smiled from his driver’s seat, “Thank you very much. I really do appreciate everything.” The merchant waved as he instructed the ground dragon to veer down the left fork.

“See ya around! Stay safe!” Subaru shouted. After a momentary silence, the boy spoke up to the driver, “Let’s go.”

"Yes," Reinhard acknowledged, taking the dragon’s reins and facing forward.

Subaru leaned back on one of the plush leather seats with his arms wrapped behind his head and his eyes closed. The carriage made a turn down the right fork in the road and continued following the dirt path for some time more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, more downtime. Don’t worry, the usual dosage of regularly scheduled suffering is coming up in a little while, I promise! Also, I started to struggle with the dialogue types for Otto and Reinhard because they both have a sort of politeness and properness to them, but then I remembered that Reinhard is just a little more laid back. So uh, if it seems a little stilted, blame the characters, haha...


	20. Arrival

The drive was indeed a long one--well over a full day’s time. It felt as though they had been going in circles around the same endless trees all morning, but one could not be too sure. The sun slowly crossed the sky yet again until it began to near the horizon.  _ Two days, huh? _

As the last rays of light vanished from the sky, eventually, the white gates to a massive building came into view. The house itself was made of a mix of wood and stone, but organized in an elegant arrangement. Despite being made of the same materials as a standard home, it held a regal feeling, especially with the expansive lake and manicured yard surrounding it. And that’s not to mention just how massive the structure really was. It wasn’t necessarily comparable to the Roswaal mansion, but it was certainly larger than the standard.

_ This guy must be rich. _

That was the boy’s first thought upon seeing the knight’s home. As soon as the carriage came to a stop at the entrance, the door opened with a  _ click _ . Reinhard offered a smile and an expectant, helping hand, “We have arrived.”

_ How is this guy so cool!? _

Subaru thought this as he accepted the hand and pulled forward to exit the carriage. Now safely on the ground, he walked toward the house with his mouth agape the entire time. As he stepped onto the porch, the boy felt as though he had, yet again, stepped into another world--a world of a different type of rich than a Margrave.

Meanwhile, the knight gathered all of the luggage and followed up the steps. The large hardwood door opened to a massive entrance hall with a surprisingly tall ceiling. One might imagine fancy decorations but, aside from a handful of paintings, the room was fairly empty.

Awaiting their arrival was a gentlemanly butler in a fitted, clean suit. The man looked to be in his mid fifties with greying hair and a well-trimmed beard. He wore white dress pants and a blue-trim adorned white suit jacket over-top a white button up and light blue vest. The cuffs of the jacket were neatly folded back then buttoned up and his white-gloved hands rested patiently at his sides. As the two walked in, his chestnut eyes followed their movements. "Welcome back, Master Reinhard," he bowed deeply and spoke politely.

Reinhard set the bags aside and waved casually, "Barnard, this is Subaru. He will be staying with us."

"Ah yes, Master Subaru, it is a pleasure to meet you," said the butler with another, more honorable, bow.

Subaru stared at the older man with a slightly dumbfounded look, as though entirely unsure how to react. "Uh, yeah. It’s uh, nice to meet you too," he stumbled through his words.

"No need to be so formal," Reinhard chuckled before turning his attention to the butler, “Bernard, please begin preparing dinner.”

“As you wish, sir,” With another bow, the older man turned away and disappeared down a hallway on the right.

“Shall we?” Reinhard gathered the bags and entered a hallway on the left, his guest following not far behind. After a short walk down the hall, they eventually stopped at one room in particular. “This will be your room for the time being. I hope it meets your expectations,” said the knight as he opened the door and carefully set the luggage inside.

Subaru followed and looked around the space. On the opposite end of the room was a wide bed covered in blue sheets and a nightstand with a small candlestick. Beside the bed was a single wooden chair with a blue cushion, and behind that was a small work-desk. A dresser and cabinet lined the wall on one side, but none of it stood out as too fancy or uncommon. All-in-all, the room was fairly plain.

But he also noticed artwork hanging on the wall over-top the bed-frame. A painting of a young man garbed in fancy clothing, yet donning the face of a warrior. There was a sword in the man’s hand that gave off an incredibly heroic aura. The man portrayed himself as refined and courageous and he had dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, swaying in the wind. The portrait was so detailed Subaru was amazed it wasn’t a photo but had, instead, been painted on a canvas. He found himself absolutely captivated by the art.

Reinhard held a pensive look as he watched his guest’s astounded expression. “Well then, I should let you get settled in. I will have Barnard retrieve you when dinner is ready,” he said as he began walking backward toward the exit.

"Uh, sure thing Reinhard. Thanks for everything!" the boy responded with a wide, genuine smile.

"No problem. Do not hesitate to call on me if you need me," said the knight as he walked out and shut the door with a soft  _ click _ .

Left all alone in this strange new place, Subaru wasn’t sure what to do next. Without much thought, he kicked off his sneakers and crossed the dark-blue plush carpet to reach the bed. After tossing the tracksuit jacket over the chair, the boy allowed his tired body to freely fall flat into the comforting sheets before rolling onto his back.

Subaru stared up at the new wooden ceiling and thought about what had happened to lead to this situation. The good, the bad, the terrible, the miserable--everything. So much had happened, but everyone was safe and he had even reconciled with Emilia. Things would be better now, right? Even so, the worries still plagued him. He didn’t want to lose everything he had worked so hard to gain, and so, with that thought and no possible witnesses to his weakness, the boy began to laugh...then cry...

Suddenly, the door snapped open, prompting Subaru to quickly sit to attention. The boy quickly rubbed his eyes until he regained composure and searched for the source of the noise. Standing in the doorway was a somewhat familiar face in a very recognizable uniform. He remembered this person for sure but his memory couldn’t quite place why.

“ _ Mya! _ Someone really  _ is _ in here!” shouted the intruder, their hazel eyes gawking in surprise. They wore the familiar knight’s uniform and had short, flaxen hair adorned by twitchy cat ears.

"...Who are you?" asked Subaru somewhat hesitantly.

“Oh,  _ he _ didn’t tell you!?” the cat-person gave a smug look followed by a bright smile, “Then I’ll just have to introduce  _ meow _ self! The name is Felix Argyle but you can just call me Ferris!” After that introduction, they took another step forward into the room as though the conversation itself equated an invitation. “I got some time off so I came here to see Reinhard since he doesn’t have any work either. Then Ferri heard what happened and that someone named ‘Subaru’ and  _ meow _ y in need of healing could be found in this room. Is that you?”

_ So that’s where... _ Subaru vaguely remembered hearing that name in the capital. It was after the ma-beast attack when he spoke to Emilia; she had said  _ he _ was the ‘best healer in the capital.’

\--Wait...  _ He!? _ The boy took another once-over glance at the effeminate, catty, bright-eyed knight that had intruded his room. By all means, this person did not fit the description, and yet he was certain of the half-elf’s words. There was no way that girl would mix up such a thing, especially about someone she had spoken of so highly.

_ And why does he fill his sentences with meows? _

Regardless of the shell-shock and the thoughts, Subaru simply nodded in response to the question. "I-I think so," he acknowledged hesitantly.

Hearing the confirmation filled with uncertainty, Felix eyed the boy for a moment with a look of apprehension. His first thought was that this person doubted his healing skills, and so the first order would be to build that faith. “Ah, so you got in trouble again!” he said, recalling the person he healed in the capital somewhat recently, “Well, don’t worry, Subaru- _ kyun _ ! They don’t call me the best healer in Lugunica for nothing! When this is over, you won’t even have any scars! That’s a promise!” the cat-boy said with a confident smile as he rushed to the bedside and sat with an energetic bounce, “Okay  _ meow _ I need you to take that shirt off then lay down and relax! And you can take those bandages off--you won’t be needing them when I’m done with you!”

“Why does that...sound like a threat?” Subaru accidentally let slip his thoughts, his mind unable to keep up with this person’s energy.

Felix’s cat ears twitched. “Ferri heard that!” the knight pouted as he spoke teasingly with a grin, “And if you don’t hurry and get ready, I’ll just have to do it myself.”

“Okay, okay... I got it, alright?” the boy frowned as he quickly undid the bandages the twins had neatly wrapped around his chest and shoulder before departure then tossed them haphazardly aside. He followed the instructions given to lay on the bed face-up and eyed the healer cautiously.

Seemingly pleased, the knight rubbed his white-gloved hands together with a wide grin, “This will only take a  _ mew _ minutes!"

_ That meowing is getting really annoying. _

Felix leaned over and placed his hands over Subaru’s abdomen without quite touching him. At first, nothing seemed to be happening. A few seconds passed of pure silence before the boy began to feel a faint sensation flow through his body. It was very light and delicate and he couldn’t help but close his eyes to enjoy it. The warmth radiated from his injured chest and up his aching shoulder, slowly melting away any pain as it closed any and all wounds, both internal and external.

After a few minutes of this, the sensation ceased and the knight sat up straight with a proud smile. Subaru slowly opened his eyes and looked down at his now-healed body. Indeed, not even so much as a scar remained, leaving his skin the same as the day he arrived in Lugunica. “Whoa... You weren’t kidding!” he gawked in amazement, “Thank you, Felix, I really appreciate this!”

“You can just call me Ferris, you know!” the cat-boy pouted slightly before allowing a small smile to return. “Aww, you shouldn’t thank me though. I didn’t do much,” he spoke modestly while standing from the bed and dusting his pristine uniform off.

"No really, this is amazing! I feel so much better! Thank you so much!" Subaru continued to heap on the praise and gratitude.

“Well, like I said, I’m not called the best healer in Lugunica for nothing!” Felix finally gave in to his ego for a moment, smiling proudly at those words, “And you’re  _ meowy _ welcome! Well then, don’t be afraid to yell if you need me!”

"Wait, so are you also staying here too?" the boy asked surprisedly.

"Yep, Ferri'll be in the room across the hall if you need me!" the cat-boy said with a wink then left the room before the conversation could continue.

Subaru sat in silence for a few moments, the wheels in his head turning though finding nothing but haze. A new house...two kind people...one of which was a cat-boy...and the other was the coolest gentleman ever...not to mention a fancy butler--How ever did he end up in such a place?

His mind busy with, at once, everything and nothing, the boy listlessly reached for the black t-shirt and pulled it down over his head then returned the tracksuit jacket to his shoulders and zipped it up.

Feet moving on their own, Subaru found himself staring down a full-length mirror in the bathroom attached to the guest room. His reflection showed faint bags forming under his eyes but, other than that, he now appeared to be in good health. It was all thanks to the mansion dwellers and individuals like Reinhard and Felix that he could continue standing right now. Things were going to be difficult--no, they already were difficult--but being surrounded by people like them helped add a little bit of hope into his heart.

Since arriving, Subaru had only seen three people total. He started to wonder if anyone else also lived there, and so he exited the bathroom and peered down the hall from the bedroom door. Not seeing anyone around, the boy began walking down the seemingly endless hallways in search to sate his curiosity, but never once saw another person.

Reaching the dining hall, the butler could be seen diligently working to prepare dinner. The older man moved back and forth between the kitchen and the seating area, hurriedly setting up plates and flatware. Subaru approached with a cautious wave and weak smile, “Um, excuse me, Barnard was it? Does anyone else live here?”

Barnard stopped his work to give full attention to the boy, "Only Master Reinhard. You and his friend Ferris are currently the Master’s only house guests."

Subaru scratched the back of his neck nervously, “Oh really? Well, uh, which room is Reinhard in?”

“His is the last one on the left.” As he spoke, the butler pointed down the eastern hallway, opposite the guest halls.

“Thank you very much!” he nodded quickly then immediately took off down the hall at a brisk walking speed.

Following the directions, Subaru found the final door on the left and opened it without any thought or hesitation. Inside, Reinhard could be seen lying on a bed with an open book resting on his chest. His blue eyes were directed toward the ceiling in seemingly deep thought, but that was broken the moment the door slammed open. It was then that the boy realized he had just intruded in someone’s room without knocking, prompting him to freeze in place.

"Ah, hello Subaru. I was not expecting you so soon," Reinhard said with a warm smile. He looked his guest once over before speaking again, “I take it you met my friend, yes?”

This man really was too much of a gentleman, not even so much as flinching at Subaru’s inherent impulsiveness. The boy felt as though he could do anything and this man wouldn’t mind at all.

"Ye... Yes! He uh, healed me right up! I-I'm as good as new!" Subaru stumbled through his words as his reddening cheeks showcased his embarrassment at his own intrusion.

"Good, good," Reinhard smiled, completely ignoring the boy’s demeanor. He folded the book shut and pushed it aside then sat up in bed and started with a serious face, "I think it is time we had a talk. About everything."

Subaru was surprised by the sudden tone change. His head now brought back to reality, he stepped into the room and carefully closed the door with a soft  _ click _ . The knight casually motioned to a cushy looking chair and so the boy quietly took a seat.

“I want you to tell me everything you know about Elsa and the witch ritual," Reinhard spoke seriously.

"Everything?"

"Everything," the knight looked expectant but did not bother to press further.

_ \--Everything _ would be a lot of information to process all at once. Indeed, the boy still had yet to completely compile all of it in his own mind yet, much less in a condensed form that could be explained to others.

"Well..." Subaru began with a small sigh as he quickly attempted to sort everything in his head, "I was walking with Emilia in the woods when we heard a scream. A village girl had been attacked by a huge wolf-like beast and I got her away from it. When it saw me, it attacked and dragged me through the woods. Oh! But the girl should be safe, at least!”

"I see. And did this beast have red eyes?"

"Yeah, it did. Man, I really thought it was going to eat me..."

Reinhard nodded then awaited the explanation to continue.

"I was brought unconscious to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Elsa didn’t intend to let me die, so she patched me up. She said she needs me for the ritual. Since she didn’t kill me no matter how much I pissed her off, I believe she really won’t until the ritual is done.”

The knight only nodded as he took in the information.

"Elsa etched in some strange symbols on the wall. I covered them so she couldn’t use them but she carved them in again. Don’t know how she activated them; it was with a weird chant. I saw miasma and felt like she’d stabbed me in the chest with a wooden stake but Rem stopped her before it could finish. She failed so I don’t know how it would have ended...” he trailed off.

"I see. Then we must prevent her from writing the symbols or activating them in your presence. Is that correct?"

"I think so."

"I understand. I will keep this information in mind."

Subaru waited for Reinhard to say more but the man remained silent. "Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" the boy asked.

"Not at this time." The knight’s kind smile returned to his face, "Subaru, let us grab Ferris and go to the dining hall together." 

With the conversation complete, Subaru followed the man out the door and down the long halls. Eventually, the two arrived at Felix’s door. The boy stood back as he watched Reinhard knock on the door, but no amount of rapping resulted in an answer. After several seconds, he opened the door and peered inside.

"Ferris?” Reinhard called the nickname of his friend, “We are going to the dining hall now. I know it is late for dinner but it has been a long day. It would be really nice if you accompanied us."

No answer.

"...Felix?"

_ Silence. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The AI actually didn’t bother naming the butler, so I chose Barnard after “Barnard’s Star” to keep up the series’ naming tradition. Also, I realize narration around Felix usually refers to him as Ferris, but I decided, since this is mostly from AI-Subaru’s perspective and he doesn’t know him well, that I would continue using his given name rather than his chosen. Perhaps, in time, that may change.
> 
> Also, yes, three chapters in one day! I realize it looks like a lot but I had written them then edited them all at once and didn’t see a reason to stagger releases.


	21. Disappearance

“F-Ferris...?”

Reinhard muttered in disbelief as his eyes darted quickly around the guest room. The bathroom door remained open with no one visible inside and the bedroom space, upon first glance, was just the same as any other. Maybe the cat-boy had simply gone to another room in the house? The dining hall? After another quick once over, the knight hurried down the hallway, most likely assuming his other guest would follow suit.

But Natsuki Subaru had a bad feeling about this. Something felt off and left him staring forward into the empty room, completely stunned, as negative thoughts poured forth. The situation was already dangerous with him coming to stay there. As much as he wanted to believe the knight had simply gone off somewhere else in the manor, his gut said otherwise.

_ Not again not again not again... _

Hesitating for fear of the truth, Subaru remained there for several seconds more before taking a wobbly first step into the guest room. The boy’s heart beat rapidly in his chest for fear of what might have happened.

Through the tiny amount of moonlight pouring inside followed by the gentle evening breeze, Subaru could tell the one window to the room currently remained open. The curtains swayed as he pressed his palms to the frame and looked outside, yet nothing notable could be seen through the shadows.

Had the window simply been left open or had it been used to kidnap the knight?

A few more steps brought the boy standing over the desk. Without much thought to his actions, he hurriedly began sifting through the drawers then moving the furniture around. He frantically checked the corners, double-checked the bathroom, and anything that could be pushed or opened was.

All for even the slightest hint of a clue, and yet no amount of searching yielded any results.

Nothing looked out of the ordinary to the point it seemed as though nothing had happened at all. No disturbance, no confrontation-- _ nothing, nothing nothing _ .

\--It was almost  _ too _ clean.

Just as Subaru was about to turn around, the corner of his eye caught a glint of candlelight reflecting off of something on the floor. On the opposite side of the bed, small blood droplets pooled into the plush dark-blue carpet, almost completely concealing their appearance if not for the sheen.

“W-what the hell...!” the boy muttered, eyes wide as beads of sweat poured down his horrified face, “W-what the hell...happened here!?” He placed a palm to his forehead in a vain attempt to organize the current situation and his plummeting thoughts.

As the pieces fell into place, Subaru realized what had most likely happened: Elsa followed them, just as anticipated, and took the cat-boy hostage--much the same way as she had Emilia before. That was apparent by the lack of a scuffle and the tiny amount of blood found in the room. This also meant, despite her perceived injuries from the previous battle, the woman had caught up with them a lot faster than expected.  _ She really recovered in just two to three days!? _ His recovery required the help of one of the best in healing, and she most likely did not have that sort of power.

Why did misfortune always befall those around him?

_ Why did this always have to happen? _

Yet he continued to burden the people around him with his sheer existence. And here he’d just met someone who was kind to him, who helped him out no questions asked, only to have that person ripped from his hands the same day. Conclusion was, no matter where he went, one way or the other, he would always get the people around him hurt or killed.

Subaru grit his teeth at the negative thoughts seething through his skull. No matter how much he attempted to divert his mind, it only piled and compounded until all that remained were the feelings of fear, failure, and shame. No matter how much he willed himself to attempt to think more positively, the endlessly ruthless barrage continued.

_ \--I don’t even know where he was taken! _

_ \--There’s nothing I can do! _

_ \--This is all my fault! _

_ \--Felix is going to die! _

_ It’s not fair... It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair, itsnotfairitsnotfairitsnotfair!! _

Suddenly, the world began to spin. A crushing weight descended on top of Subaru’s lungs, robbing him of the ability to breathe. The boy frantically grasped for purchase on the bed frame then coughed and sputtered as his body began to shake and hyperventilate. No matter how hard he gasped for oxygen, he couldn’t stifle the burning in his chest.

"Please, calm down," came a voice from the hallway. Subaru turned and looked through wide eyes to see Reinhard cautiously entering the room. The man placed a comforting hand on his back and, in that instant, he felt his body gradually begin to relax. He was not alone. He knew that, but...

Slowly, Subaru shuffled to the bed and sat with his arms wrapped tightly around his waist, head hanging and eyes downcast. Several minutes passed as his heart rate decelerated until it was no longer pounding his eardrums and he found himself able to breathe once again. The boy held a hand to his chest as he managed to calm himself enough to momentarily look up and speak, “I think... _ she _ kidnapped Felix...” Even with the potential evidence, there was no way to even know for certain if the cat-boy really was still alive, but that much had to be true.

"I agree," Reinhard nodded in confirmation, "But do not worry. I believe she will try to use him to lure you in therefore he will not be killed immediately. We should have time to react."

Those words helped Subaru relax a little more. "Y-you're right..." he replied, shaking even so. The man, though still holding a look of concern, simply offered a reassuring smile.

Subaru’s gaze dropped to the floor again. He made an attempt to stand but his knees still threatened to buckle from the pressure of the bottled guilt. Just as he was moments from crumpling to the floor, Reinhard grasped his shoulder and straightened him up, looking the boy in the eye. “I apologize, Subaru. I know this is a lot, but we can still save him,” he said with a weighty yet hope-filled voice.

The knight’s grip was strong; Subaru felt the man’s fingers tightly grasp his jacket, trembling ever so slightly. He, too, must have been incredibly pained by this turn of events--the cat-boy was his friend, after all--and, yet, his blue eyes held a look of unwavering determination.

The boy could not break from that resolute gaze, his mind reeling in all of those emotions at once. “Reinhard...” he mumbled under his breath, the cogs in his brain slowly turning and turning and turning--

If their guess was correct, Felix should still be alive so there remained things they could. They just needed to stop wasting time and go to rescue him. Elsa hadn’t won yet, and they shouldn’t let her get away with this.

Though he had lost his cool and fallen victim to panic a moment before, Subaru resolved to try to avoid that from here on out. It could cost him his life and the lives of others, after all. He straightened himself up and took a deep breath to regain his composure.

Finally, properly meeting Reinhard’s gaze, he spoke with a new burning resolve, "Alright. We’re going to find Felix and stop that damn enchantress!!”

From there, the two split up and quickly searched the house top to bottom to be absolutely certain that Felix was no longer present. The wheels in Subaru’s head turned the entire time, the cogs doing their best not to get stuck again. Finally, his thoughts came together to form something tangible.

“I have an idea,” the boy declared as he turned to Reinhard in the main hall.

The knight stood at attention and regarded Subaru, "I am all ears," he replied with a serious expression.

"This is most likely Elsa’s doing and, by now, I think I know how she operates. The ma-beasts took me to her last time. If we go looking for them, I’m sure one would lead me to her. They want me alive, after all. So uh, just hide yourself in the bushes and follow my lead. I can handle the rest.”

“Hmm, I see,” Reinhard rubbed his chin as he considered the idea carefully, “I have to say, I admire your bravery, Subaru.” The man allowed a tiny, brief smile as he praised the boy. Finally, after a beat had passed, he nodded with a serious expression, “I agree to this plan.”

The two nodded affirmatively to each other before heading into the dark woods together.

Subaru sprinted ahead down a dirt path into the evening forest, the overhead moon dimly lighting the way. Meanwhile, Reinhard followed from behind, doing his best to conceal himself in the bushes. Deeper into the woods, the boy reached a clearing and held his arms outstretched as he shouted, “Hey big, mean, and ugly! Where are you!? I know you’re out here!” His booming voice echoed into the distance, earning a response in the form of creatures chittering as they ran this way and that.

Just as anticipated, a large, wolf-like beast with fiery red eyes leaped from the trees, scattering the earth into dust on impact. Following a quick sniff of air, the monster let out a throaty roar, revealing sharp fangs reflecting the moonlight. Its fierce gaze carefully traced the boy’s every movement.

Suddenly, it lurched forward as though about to attack--to take him by force, surely--but, in that same moment, Subaru raised both of his hands in a motion to surrender. "I-I give up! I-I don't want to die! P-Please don't hurt me! I-I'll do anything! P-Please take me to her! I-I'll go quietly!" he spoke rapidly, his teeth chattering with every word.

With a subdued growl, the ma-beast stared with its glowing red eyes locked onto him. The monster looked as though, somewhere deep inside, it might possibly understand the boy’s sudden obedience. It let out a grunt as if considering the request, then suddenly bolted forward.

Subaru screamed in surprise as the beast used its nose to shove him onto its back. No hesitation, it stood once again and started sprinting deep into the woods at a rapid speed. The boy quickly grabbed onto the beast’s fur for fear of being flung off into the grass.

The beast never once stopped to look back, though its passenger did. He looked behind to see that Reinhard was, surprisingly, able to keep up--at least for a little while. Every few steps, the man would fall further and further behind.

Eventually, Subaru’s heart sunk as he watched the red-head fade into the distance, engulfed in the endless darkness of the night. Knowing the direction alone might be enough to catch up, and so the boy held onto that as a small piece of hope.

The ma-beast finally came to a stop in front of a small wooden hut and dropped its passenger right in front of it. He fell to the ground with a grunt and let out a sigh as he stood and brushed the dirt from his tracksuit.

_ Wha... Where...? _ Subaru’s vision was slightly blurry from the strain of the high speed, prompting him to rub his eyes as he stared at the hut in question. Though much smaller, the rickety old wooden building only served to bring back memories of the previous battles against Elsa. Resolutely, the boy decided he wouldn’t let it happen the same way again.

The beast suddenly nudged him forward with its massive nozzle and a murmured howl. It sat there, red eyes trained on him expectantly. "Yeah, yeah, I got it..." Subaru grumbled as he approached the front door and opened it cautiously. He found himself staring at a nearly pitch-black room.  _ So this is it, huh...  _ That was his thought as he walked inside and carefully closed the door behind him.

"Ah, good. You arrived! And in one piece, no less! I hope my puppy didn't give you too much trouble," said a somewhat seductive voice from the other side of the almost imperceptible room.

“Elsa!” Subaru called out her name in the dark and barked, “What did you do Felix!? Where is he!?”

Following that statement, he could hear the clattering sound of chains. With what little moonlight poured in from outside a tiny window, he could just barely make out a figure shackled to the far wall. “S-Subaru... _ kyun... _ ?” the figure muttered dazedly. A second later, it suddenly screeched, “N-no! G-get out of here! Get out before she hurts you!!”

The figure was clearly the missing cat-boy, Felix. Discarding those words, Subaru hurried toward the healer but, the moment he attempted to cross the room, something grabbed at his shoulders and shoved him to the floor. He struggled to get up but found himself unable to move as a faintly shimmering blade appeared in front of his face.

"Don't even think about it," the woman sneered. As the boy instantly froze in fear, she whispered, “Good.” With that, she stepped away and lit a single candle on a small side table.

Finally, the rest of the room came into view. From his seated position on the floor, Subaru could clearly see Felix chained to the far wall. The cat-boy’s previously pristine knight’s uniform was in tatters and his fair skin was covered here and there in tiny cuts. A single, bloody gash had been sliced across his abdomen, dying his white uniform crimson, but it didn’t appear to be fatal. All in all, the cat-boy didn’t look to be in good shape.

The boy’s eyes darted between the knight and the seductive woman who now stood in the way. Subaru knit his brows and furiously shouted, "You kidnapped him to get me to come here, right? Well, I'm here! So let him go!"

Elsa only snickered at the request, "Let him go? How funny. After how much work I did to set this up? I don't think so."

_ Think! Think! Think! _

"I-I came here willingly! I just walked in!! See, I have no injuries!” Subaru outstretched his arms in an attempt to show his current state of being as proof of his false honesty, “S-so, if you let him go, I'll help you...without question..." he trailed off.

"Hmm... Let me see if I understand this. You're saying, if I set this kitten free, you won't try anything funny? You'll obey me without any tricks?"

"Y-yes, that’s right!" he spoke pleadingly.

Elsa looked as though she might actually be mulling it over. After all the trouble from before, having a willing pawn was certainly a lot easier. "Then this arrangement may actually be beneficial. I shall accept your offer," said the woman with a grin as she reached for the side table and retrieved a key. 

As she unlocked the manacles with a loud  _ click _ , Felix immediately collapsed to the floor. “There, you are now free. But know this, kitten, if you try to double cross me, I will not be so lenient next time...”

Felix simply nodded before quickly dashing out the door. Though it appeared a cowardly move, it was anything but. The knight was fully aware of his strengths and weaknesses, and combat was by far not a strength. All he could really do in this situation was move as quickly as possible to find Reinhard before something terrible could happen to Subaru.

Left alone with Elsa, the boy grit his teeth and instinctively snarled.

"Sit in the center," the woman directed and he obediently did as instructed. From the limited vision, he could see there were already symbols etched into the walls. If something did not change soon, this was going to end really, really badly.

_ Where is Reinhard? _

Just as the thought crossed Subaru’s mind, a blur of red burst into the hut. A man clad in a white cape with a large, majestic sword by his hip stood and declared in a stalwart voice, “Stop right there!”

But Elsa just laughed, "Look who it is! The heroic knight is here to save the day, is he?" The woman managed to remain calm in the face of her opponent. Despite the dire-looking circumstances, she appeared completely unphased as she spoke, “I figured this might happen.”

The knight opened his mouth to speak, but Subaru beat him to it, “Elsa, what are you planning!?”

"Oh, nothing special. Well, about now your kitten must be puppy chow..." she trailed off with a giggle.

Reinhard froze, all semblance of the previous chivalry quickly melting away with dread as he spoke in a shaky tone, “W-wait, where is Ferris?”

"She let him go! He ran out the front door! Didn't you see him!?" Subaru explained alarmingly.

Reinhard stared back through widened, blue eyes, “No...”

"Will you go save your friend or will you protect this boy?" Elsa asked of the red-haired knight.

Reinhard found no reason to reply to that. Without any hesitation, he wrapped an arm around Subaru’s waist and spoke quickly, “Hold on!” The knight rushed out of the hut with the boy in his grip, ignoring the surprised yelp that followed.

Elsa watched them leave with a wide grin spreading across her pink lips.

Hurriedly, Reinhard dashed through the woods, dodging trees and bushes on either side. It was unbelievable to think this man had so much strength and speed. He might even be faster than a ground dragon--was he even human!?

The unending darkness did no favors in their search; at least there was still the faint moonlight from overhead. But something seemed off--no matter which way they looked, they never came across any ma-beasts. For as far as they had traveled and as far as they could see, there was no sign of any of the monsters.

Suddenly, Subaru managed to turn his head enough to see a massive silhouette. Despite the potential danger, he immediately flailed his arms to point in the general direction as he shouted, “There!!”

The red-haired man quickly darted his blue eyes until he found the destination and rushed in that direction. As they got near, he dropped the boy on his feet who immediately hurried after.

Closer and closer they moved forward until the moonlight finally illuminated the silhouette, revealing itself as one of the larger ma-beasts. The monster sat staring down the prone body of a certain cat-boy.

Reinhard bravely stood before the beast while Subaru quickly kneeled before the motionless healing knight. He shakily grasped Felix’s wrist and tried his hardest to remain calm as he attempted to find and count a now dwindling pulse. Closing his eyes, he focused his own breathing so that he would not miscalculate.

As the boy sat there, tightly grasping for some kind of hope that the blood-covered knight might possibly be able to be saved, tears threatened the corners of his eyes. But no amount of praying would be answered. Soon, the knight’s pulse ceased as his skin turned a cold, pale hue. “Felix!” Subaru shouted with tears now streaming down his cheeks, but there was nothing he could do anymore--Felix Argyle was no more.

_ No, not this again. No...no...nononono!! _

The ma-beast stared down the two with its menacing eyes of red. Unwaveringly, Reinhard stood up to the beast, a simplistic sword drawn in one hand with the other held up to the creature. “Stay back,” the man spoke surprisingly calmly despite the circumstances. But that did nothing to stop the monster's advances.

With a loud, ground-shaking roar, the beast swung its claws at Reinhard but missed completely. The knight dodged with ease and, no matter how many follow up attacks came at him, he managed to side-step them all without issue, always one step ahead.

But, while distracted, another beast appeared from the bushes and grabbed Subaru in its maw by the back of his collar then dashed off into the forest. The boy screamed but it was too late. He watched helplessly, his arms outstretched, as the fierce battle of red versus red faded away into the distance.

Some time later, they arrived at a small cave and the beast tossed Subaru to the ground with a hard  _ thud _ followed by a loud yelp. There was enough light for the boy to see that someone was standing at the entrance.

“Welcome,” said Elsa as she slowly stepped forward, basking in the moonlight with a wide grin. Everything had been going exactly as she had planned. With Felix gone and Reinhard surely soon to follow, this timeline was already doomed.

Barely stable on his knees, Subaru froze in place, his eyes wide with terror. Even if he could go back, it would not be an easy process; it was always incredibly, miserably, excruciatingly painful. Additionally, he knew better than anyone how sadistic and ruthless this woman could be--she would not just kill him outright, no, she would make him absolutely suffer first.

"It's okay, don't worry. I won't kill you. Not right away, anyway..." she trailed off with a laugh.

Subaru’s eyes widened even more as Elsa approached him. The woman appeared to be savoring every second of his fear as her grin only grew with each step. His soul was screaming out to do something, to act, to resist-- _ anything! _ But all he could do was stare, petrified, as she took small footsteps, moving closer and closer...

As Elsa towered over Subaru, casting a dark shadow over his frightened features, she slowly and softly placed a hand on his forehead. Within seconds, the boy felt an intense wave of piercing pain course through his body, electrifying his veins and twisting his insides. As he shrieked, his body collapsed onto the dirt and he quickly curled up into a ball. It took several seconds for him to realize what had happened--his very life force, his mana, had been drained.

Huffing and heaving, Subaru attempted to get up but quickly found he could not move. All the strength seemed to have already left his body, leaving him with no energy to even think to resist. Slowly, he lifted his head to glare wearily.

Elsa looked down on him with a big, seemingly pleased grin as she made her declaration, "Now we shall begin!" The woman began chanting something incoherent and, with that, the etchings lit up a brilliant yellow. A black miasma creeped from the cave and flowed outward.

Subaru whimpered as a horrible feeling slowly crawled into his body, filling the space behind his gate with a stinging ache. An incredible wave of pain clouded his mind, preventing him from even being able to think straight. Despite a large amount of mana already having been drained, it seemed as though more was being drawn out through his veins. He felt as though his heart was about to be ripped from his chest as his insides twisted and contorted like a pretzel.

Through vision distorted by sheer, unyielding pain and his unending tears, Subaru just barely made out a figure standing at the cave entrance, basked in dimming moonlight. The man shouted his name but he could not hear anymore; the only reason he even recognized it as his own name was from the man’s frantic mouth flaps.

This man, this knight, this  _ hero _ \--gritting his teeth, he pushed through the growing miasma and scooped the boy’s body up into his arms. Just as he rushed for the exit, the abyssal shadows engulfed what little remained of Subaru’s waning vision.

He could no longer see, hear, taste, smell, or even feel. He simply  _ was _ .

_ What just happened? What had happened? What was? What was not? _

_ Who was that? Who am I? Who was? Who is? Who? _

_ Whowhatwhenwherehowwho? _

His thoughts mixed and melded until they became absolute nothingness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big oof ending. Well, it had to happen some time, huh? Did I make Reinhard sound too heroic, though?


	22. Nightmare

A muffled voice, as though knocking from the other side of a very heavy wall, danced into his nonexistent eardrums.

_...What...is that sound? _

The voice became clearer, registering as vaguely familiar, although the meaning of the words resounding in the air were incomprehensible.

_ I think so. _ He found himself trying to respond, but lacked a mouth with which to convey meaning.

No matter how much he attempted to speak, see, or even so much as move, he could not. His mind and body held no form--he existed simply as nothing more than a wisp of consciousness...

Like a crashing wave, Natsuki Subaru’s floating bubble of sentience fell and fell and fell--

“--baru...?”

Reinhard waved a hand in front of the boy’s face and stared at him with a concerned frown and a confused expression. It appeared his guest had spaced out mid-conversation.

Without any thought to his actions, Subaru immediately attempted to stand and take off running but, instead, instantly crashed to his knees on the plush dark-blue carpet. Unknowing why his guest was acting in such a strange way, the red-haired man rushed to his side, voice full of uncharacteristic alarm, “Are you alright, Subaru!?”

The boy’s wide eyes were filled with unimaginable terror as he looked up, as though staring deep into an endless void. His mind raced as he thought of something to say but, as he opened his mouth to speak, a sudden wave of intense nausea struck his trembling, unstable body. “G-get Felix! Now! P-please!” he struggled to say, fear and desperation taking over his features.

Having no knowledge of the previous timeline and the fate that awaited the cat-boy if left unchecked, Reinhard made an assumption based on his guest’s paling complexion that he meant a request for healing. “Understood.” With a quick affirmative nod, the knight hurried out the door and down the halls.

Subaru clutched at his mouth with both hands in a feeble attempt to hold his stomach contents in and slumped over on the floor. Static filled his ears as his eardrums pounded loudly in pace with his rapid heartbeats. Beaded sweat poured down his pale skin as his chest and throat knotted and tightened. A disgusting taste filled his mouth as he struggled with all his might not to vomit--though he somehow managed to hold it all together.

“W-what happened--Oh!” Felix’s voice stumbled out as his eyes caught the pale complexion of the boy writhing on the floor. He quickly realized the state of Subaru’s well-being and kneeled by his side. Hurriedly, the healer went to work by placing both hands over his patient’s abdomen and utilizing water magic.

Slowly, the nausea receded as a warm feeling radiated from Subaru’s stomach and across his body. “F-Felix...?” he rasped out, squinting his eyes in pain. The boy wanted to say how happy he was to see the cat-knight but the words refused to form. As the radiance gently pulsed through his chest, he found himself slowly closing his eyes.

"It's alright, just relax," Felix spoke calmly. He finished the healing magic then turned to the red-head by his side with a nod. Responding with his own affirmative nod, Reinhard picked the boy up and began carrying him down the hallway to his own guest room.

" _ Meow _ then, what exactly happened?" Felix asked curiously, ears twitching as he followed down the hallway with his arms behind his back.

"We were simply talking when he suddenly collapsed,” the other knight explained before inquiring, “Ferris, did you sense any curses or poisons in him?"

"No,  _ nyo _ thing out of the ordinary. Subaru- _ kyun _ should be just fine!"

“I see...”

Reinhard carefully laid the boy on the bed and pulled a soft blanket over him. “Perhaps Subaru may simply be tired after our long travel. Let us bring his dinner to him tonight.” With that, the knights walked together out of the guest room.

Eyes closed, Subaru rolled over in the bed. Despite just being healed, yet again, the boy found his body completely drained of all of its strength. He simply laid there listening as the footfalls of the two knights grew distant. Since his arrival, and even in the previous timeline, they had done everything they could for him. Truly, there was no way he could begin to thank them enough.

Negative thoughts crept into his weak-willed mind. Would they really be alright? They were knights, sure, but he had witnessed each of their downfalls first hand. Unnerving concerns growing in intensity, all he could do was shake in fear for the two who had helped him so much.

Several minutes passed by in silence. Suddenly, the lone butler on duty walked in pushing a rolling cart of trays with assorted foods. It all smelled really amazing, but the scent also brought back his lingering sense of nausea. Hopefully it would go away if he just relaxed and ate something.

Subaru weakly forced his tired body to sit up and watched as the butler placed a tray on the bedside table. The boy grabbed a piece of melon from the assortment to chew on. Strange texture, he thought, but at least it went down fairly easily.

“Thank you, Barnard,” said Reinhard as he re-entered the guest room, now changed out of his knight’s uniform and into plain white slacks and an equally plain blue-colored long-sleeved shirt. That was simple enough, but then the cat-boy entered soon after, dressed in black socks and a long, frilly, light-blue...nightgown? Dress? One could not be too sure, but it certainly had enough bows. If Subaru had any energy to gawk or comment, he might have, but right now he simply stared.

Each of the two carried a wooden dining chair in hand as they entered the room and nodded to the butler. The older man simply bowed in response to them before exiting the room and closing the door with a soft  _ click _ . Meanwhile, the knights placed their chairs around the desk and grabbed trays of food from the rolling cart.

Everyone began eating their dinner without a word. Eventually, Reinhard broke the silence. “How is the food?” he directed to his guest.

"It's fine," Subaru replied dismissively, "Just...fine."

"Let us know if you need anything," the red-haired man said with a genuine smile.

"Thanks..." the boy mumbled as his eyes drifted downward. Guilt for having brought such danger upon these people took repetitive stabs at his heart, making it difficult to look up at either of them.

Before long before everyone had finished their meals. A short while later, Barnard returned to the room to retrieve the dinner cart. He looked to Reinhard and spoke professionally with a bow, “I will be heading home now. Have a good evening, Master Reinhard.”

“Stay safe,” the red-head waved casually with a simple smile, clearly familiar with this nightly routine.

As soon as the butler pushed the trays out of the room, Reinhard walked over and sat on the side of the bed, "Subaru," he addressed his guest simply, receiving only a wordless mutter in response, "It is late. You should sleep. We will still be here if you need anything when you wake up," the man tried to speak reassuringly.

Subaru thought back to what had just happened before and his eyes widened in fear once again. If they left the room, if they separated for even a second, one of them was surely going to be kidnapped. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t watch them get hurt for his sake again. He couldn’t go through that pain again. He couldn’t--

"Reinhard..." Subaru began somewhat hesitantly. The man waited patiently for him to continue, "C-can you two...stay in here tonight?" he shifted awkwardly then averted his gaze with an uneasy expression.

"You are frightened, I see. A natural feeling," the red-haired man nodded in understanding, "Ferris, what do you say?"

"Ah...if it will help Subaru- _ kyun _ feel safer, then of course!" the cat-like knight nodded with a smile.

"Y-you guys..." Subaru replied weakly. He felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes and attempted to blink them back.

"Of course," Reinhard nodded.

"Do you feel safer  _ meow!? _ " Felix asked with a small head tilt.

"Y-yes." Subaru replied with a nod. Somehow, Felix’s odd speech was beginning to grow on him; it was even a little comforting. Now truly feeling a bit more at ease, the boy relaxed in the bed, his arms wrapped behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling and let out a soft sigh.

Suddenly, Felix jumped onto the bed and hid under the covers. “Sleepover!!” the cat-knight declared with a bright smile, his ears twitching as he laughed and bounced happily.

"H-hey now--!" Subaru shouted in surprise, some amount of embarrassment overtaking his voice. Despite his tone, the relief that he would not have to worry about them overnight returned some of his usual pep.

"Well, I'm not exactly opposed to the idea of sharing the bed...but that might be a bit forward of me," Reinhard said hesitantly as he watched the two, clearly having considered a different idea for where to sleep.

"Come on, this bed is like...the size of five king beds! I don't mind. Really," Subaru said as he scratched the back of his neck with an awkward smile.

"If you insist..." Reinhard said as his eyes scanned the bed. It was truly as massive as the boy had described, and each of them would have way more than enough personal space if they decided to share it. Besides, it was better than sleeping in a bedroll on the floor, and it would not even be the first night they had spent together. With those thoughts, the knight walked to the opposite end of the bed and climbed under the covers.

Even though the massive bed had plenty of space, Felix--having fully accepted sleeping in the middle--rolled over uncomfortably close, soon quietly snoring away. Subaru decided to attempt to ignore it for now.

He set his tracksuit jacket aside and pulled the soft covers up over his chest. Despite the discomfort, the boy stared up at the ceiling and tried his best to get some well deserved rest.

_ One Puck… Two Pucks… Three Pucks... _

\-----

Some unknown amount of time later, Subaru found sleep abandon him. With a quick glance to the window, he realized it was still nighttime. Though he felt warm under the covers, no one was nearby, prompting his eyes to dart in search of the other two. The faint moonlight pouring into the room illuminated Felix’s sleeping face as he was curled up on his side under the blankets, snoring peacefully. Meanwhile, Reinhard was asleep lying on his back, his chest rising and falling gently. Everyone was just fine.

The boy sat up and rubbed his eyes. It had been more than a few days since he had any genuine sleep. Despite getting to spend quality time with these people, knowing what could happen if they let their guards down made it so he was unable to truly relax. A frown crossed his lips as he remembered everything that had happened up until then.

It still seemed so unreal.

Well, there was now someone to talk to about the recent events. Someone who knew everything minus  _ Return by Death _ , who would listen with full attention regardless of what he might say. Someone easy-going enough that he felt comfortable spilling his thoughts without any shame.

Subaru shook his head to clear his mind, patted his cheeks once or twice, then stood up. He quietly walked over to the opposite side of the bed and gently shook the slumbering man’s shoulder. “Hey, uh, Reinhard...” he whispered, hoping not to accidentally wake the other knight in the process.

The red-head slowly awoke and stretched with a yawn. He rubbed his eyes and groggily looked up to the boy. “Huh...? Oh, Subaru. Is something the matter?”

"Yeah,” Subaru looked aside guiltily while speaking in a hushed tone, “I would really like to talk about...what’s going on... I can’t get my mind off of it and it’s not letting me sleep." The boy immediately pursed his mouth shut, as if expecting a rejection.

Reinhard paused for a moment then sat up. He stared directly into the boy’s eyes with a serious, attentive expression, "Alright, tell me everything on your mind."

Subaru explained the entire situation from the very beginning--well, everything except RBD and the other loop results. The red-haired man had heard it all before, but that did not change the fact it felt good to get everything off his chest--and in more detail. By the time he had finished speaking, sleep finally began to creep up on him.

Somehow, none of this managed to so much as stir Felix from his slumber. It was a beat and a half before Reinhard spoke again. “I am sorry, Subaru,” he began with a hand on the boy’s shoulder, "But do not worry. You will be safe here."

Subaru nodded, “Thanks for everything, again, Reinhard.”

The red-head smiled and gave his shoulder one last squeeze before letting go, “Anytime, Subaru. You should try to get some sleep now."

"I will. Thanks," Subaru nodded. With that, the boy returned to his side of the bed and laid down with the covers up to his neck. He closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep once again. Even with the conversation, even with having gotten everything off his chest, sleep was still a difficult feat. He tossed and turned as he attempted to relax.

His mind raced and raced and--

\-----

Subaru’s eyes snapped open. Sweat poured down his face and neck as his now wide eyes darted across the guest room. Nothing appeared out of place, but that certain paranoia of someone uninvited being present, standing there, staring from the shadows, all forced him to remain wide awake. He found his senses quickly overwhelmed as he felt eyes watching from all directions. Even though he tried to calm himself, to close his eyes, to still his now rapidly beating heart, he could not. Someone,  _ something _ , was watching him; he just knew it. In his mind, it was a fact.

\--He couldn’t take it anymore.

Spurred to his feet, Subaru quickly pulled his jacket on. He took one last glance around the room and at the two peacefully sleeping faces on the bed before heading out to the hallway. There, bathed in the dim light of a single lantern on the wall, he spotted a decorative sword held up on a wooden frame. He quickly unsheathed it and tossed the scabbard aside before tip-toeing further and further down the halls, holding the blade up in an act of self-defense.

Slowly, quietly, stealthily, he crept through the halls, ready to swing at a moment’s notice. The boy turned a corner and came to a sudden stop. There was nothing there. Nothing at all. He shook his head and continued to move around the house in the darkness.

Suddenly, the sound of echoing footsteps pounded his sensitive eardrums, flooding his hyper-aware senses. He turned around and pointed the sword forward, blade faintly gleaming in the flickering light.

Slowly, slowly, someone was coming.

Who was it? Who was there?  _ Who’s there!? _

Subaru’s breath caught in his throat as he anticipated, anticipated, anticipated. A tap on the shoulder prompted a stifled scream, immediately causing him to hastily swing the sword. The blade sung as it cut through the cold night air and pointed at...nothing. Seemingly nothing. Nothing at all. There was nothing there.

"Shhh," a sound gently whispered into his right ear from over his shoulder.

Subaru let out a startled scream and swung the sword with all his might, the blade ringing as it sliced through the air and collided with a wall. The shockwave followed by the recoil sent the boy stumbling to the ground, his grip on the hilt quickly loosening until he was forced to let go. The weapon fell to the floor beside him with a loud  _ clatter _ and, try as he might, his shaking hands were unable to grasp it again. Hurriedly, he scrambled to stand and, instead, readied his shaking fists for a fight.

However, there was no one present. Nothing but the still night. Nothing but shadows. Nothing but darkness.

As if anticipating an enemy encounter from either direction, Subaru’s eyes frantically darted left and right. He gulped down a deep breath in an effort to calm himself, though it did little to help. After a few seconds, a realization dawned on him--no lanterns in this hall were lit. The hallway was pitch-black to the point he could not even see his hands in front of his face, let alone a potential threat.

He took a step back and the floorboards creaked, startling him.

_ Footsteps... _

Surely the wind. Right?  _ Right!? _

"...W-why won't you leave me alone?" he whimpered, "G-go away. Leave me alone..."

_ Silence. _

"...W-why won't you leave me alone!?" he repeated, his voice booming down the halls, echoing down the many corridors.

Once again, Subaru felt a tap on his shoulder. Instantly, he turned around and, with a rattled scream, threw his fist with all the strength he could muster. It blasted through darkness, shadows--nothing--and hit the wall in front of him, earning a bruised knuckle.

"Ow..." he whimpered as he cradled the throbbing hand. Tears threatened the corners of his eyes as static and alarm bells filled his ears with growing intensity. In the still night air, the only sound remaining in the hallway were the pained murmurs.

Defeatedly, the boy slumped to the floor with his back against a wall and pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing loudly. He started sobbing so hard, in fact, that he did not even notice as a shadowy figure approached. It grabbed his shoulder and his breath caught in his throat.

"Subaru, what are you doing here?" the figure asked.

But Subaru did not answer. He sat there, eyes wide and frozen in terror.

"Is he hurt!? Does he need healing!?" another asked from further down the hallway.

Finally, the words and voices registered in the boy’s mind. He knew these two. They were...safe. They wouldn’t hurt him.

"I-I'm fine... I'm fine!!" he wailed, the bridge of his nose creasing as he attempted to sniffle back the endless flow of tears. Realization dawned that his actions most likely made him look like a lunatic. Now incredibly embarrassed by his own paranoid actions, Subaru enclosed himself even more within his shell, pulling his knees tighter to his chest while burying his face in his hands.

"You are not fine, Subaru," Reinhard retorted with a serious look.

A second later, Felix lit the lanterns in the hallway and all parties could be seen. The boy looked up to Reinhard with tears still streaming down his cheeks. After a brief pause, he desperately tried to explain himself, his words and breath spilling out uncontrollably, "I... I-I thought someone was in the room... T-that’s right!! Someone was watching us sleep! Someone was there! I know they were! Someone was watching me! I--"

"Woah there, Subaru. Take it easy," Reinhard said with a single hand raised before slowly resting it at his side, "Someone was watching you?"

"I-I...think so..." he mumbled, his voice now filled with uncertainty as he began to realize just how ridiculous he sounded.

"Alright. Just stay calm and we will take care of this," the red-head spoke confidently.

The knight helped Subaru up and led him slowly down the hallway. Once they returned to the guest room, he motioned for the boy to sit on the bed. "Stay put. If you hear any noises, do not investigate. Just stay here. Understood?"

"O-okay..." Subaru nodded his head slowly, the paranoia still clearly eating away at him.

Accepting the confirmation, Reinhard turned to Felix with a nod. The two entered the hallway and closed the door behind them as an extra safety measure.

Subaru drew a deep breath and sighed. Using his sleeves, he attempted to clear the embarrassing tears away and regain his composure but it was not of much use. Quickly, shakily, uncontrollably, the boy pulled and yanked at tufts of his own hair. His mind attempted to process everything at once.

After sitting, bathed in moonlit silence, Subaru began to think he might have imagined everything after all.

He took another deep breath and held it in. Then, he released it. Then, another breath. Then release. Breath. Release. Breath. Release. Breathreleasebreathreleasebreatherel--

_ Crack. _

A fist--already bruised just moments prior--collided with the wall, throbbing ceaselessly. Subaru’s brows furrowed as his forehead creased. His sharp eyes folded downward like blades as he grit his teeth. Ignoring the pain, he stood and slammed his fist into the wall once again...and again and again and againagainagain--

\--Then, he stopped the outburst and, instead, paced impatiently back and forth across the room.

Suddenly, the door knob turned and he released an anxious breath in fear and anticipation.

The door slowly opened with a shrill  _ creak _ \--

\--And, side by side, two people entered the room.

Felix was the first to speak, his cat ears hanging low as he spoke in a cautious tone, "Subaru- _ kyun _ ... Are you...alright now?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine now," he answered with an unconvincing frown, rubbing the back of his bruised hand.

"We heard a loud noise and thought someone might have broken in," Reinhard said, closing the door behind him, "I am glad to see you are alright."

The boy’s expression relaxed a little, but his voice was still shaken, “W-was someone...out there?

" _ Nyo _ pe! We looked everywhere but there's  _ nyo _ one else here. Ferri even used magic so it's guaranteed!" the cat-knight replied confidently and puffed out his chest pridefully.

"Ferris is correct. The only ones present are the three of us. No one else is inside this house. I assure you that it is perfectly safe here and you can rest easy now," Reinhard added with a convincing smile.

Subaru slowly nodded his head in understanding then sat on the bed. Immediately, Felix shuffled to his side and grabbed his hands. Before the boy could protest or so much as question the action, he felt a warmth envelop them with healing magic. He pursed his lips, averting his guilt-filled eyes for having made these two worry so much.

\--Even so, he was glad they were there for him.

The pain slowly left his injured knuckle as the skin rapidly healed. Once the healing was complete, he flexed his fingers.

"All better  _ meow! _ " Felix said with a bright smile, proud of his aid in this situation.

Subaru looked aside as he responded quietly, "Thank you, Felix."

"You're  _ meowy _ welcome!" the cat-knight cheered in an attempt to bring his spirit up, “And you can just call me Ferris, ya know!”

The boy nodded in acknowledgement but did not bother to respond to those words. "I'm going to try to...sleep again..." he spoke slowly as he looked to the two with a weak smile, “Thanks...for everything...” 

Not bothering to wait for a response, he laid back on the bed and pulled the covers up once again. Maybe, just maybe, he could possibly get some quality rest now.

The other two nodded and took their previous positions on the giant bed. Before long, they each quickly found sleep.

Subaru stared up at the ceiling one last time before closing his eyes and finally, after much struggling, peacefully drifted off...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is admittedly a chapter I was incredibly looking forward to writing out. The count went from about 2k words on the first draft to nearly 4k by the time it ended. I apologize for the long chapter this time!
> 
> I have my own battles with anxiety so writing things like panicking over the fact that they might be too slow to reach Felix before he gets...catnapped...along with the fear and paranoia of Elsa swooping in on them unguarded was incredibly easy for me to write. I don’t know if that’s something to boast for; it feels akin to the lines of Subaru’s pride on being broke in the beginning, huh?
> 
> The AI managed to hold onto a lot of information this far and I’m truly surprised in the choice of a checkpoint. I felt like it was nearly perfect as it held onto all the character introductions and developments with all the exposition out of the way and presented a new starting point that wasn’t just some bed somewhere.


	23. Daybreak

Comfortably curled up under the blankets, Natsuki Subaru managed to sleep through the rest of the night fairly peacefully.

The first rays of sunlight began to peek in through the window and directly into his face, prompting him to roll over to avoid the harsh rays of light. Nestling into his pillow, it was not long before his consciousness sunk into dreamland once again...

\-----

An unknown amount of time later, a cold, slender hand gripped his shoulder and shook it gently. "Are  _ mew _ awake yet, Subaru- _ kyun _ ?" a familiar voice asked. His groggy eyes slowly opened to see a certain cat-eared knight staring down with a friendly smile.

"It's  _ mew _ orning! You should get up soon. Sleeping all day is  _ meow _ y bad for your health," Felix said with some pep to his voice, leaning in too close for comfort before sitting up.

“O-oh...” Subaru muttered in a tone that sounded affirmative. The boy attempted to keep his baggy, tired eyes open but the cool air stung, causing him to squint. He could no longer peel them open and the relaxing touch of sleep dragged him down to slumber once again.

\-----

A poke at Subaru’s shoulder awoke him with a start. "Ferris and I are going to get breakfast in the dining hall. Would you like to come with us?" said Reinhard, staring down at him with a warm, inviting smile. Even so, it was clear by the concerned look in those blue eyes that the man still held worries from the previous night.

In an attempt to dispel the unease, Subaru formed a weak smile as he stuttered out, “O-okay.”

Together, everyone walked down the hallways and entered the dining hall. Subaru took a seat first, followed by Reinhard across from him, then Felix sat beside the knight on the left. The wooden table between them did not provide much distance, yet was much longer than ever necessary for the few occupants of the house; it could easily seat an entire army.

From the table, they could see Barnard rushing back and forth between the kitchen, hard at work. The butler brought everyone glasses and poured what was most likely the equivalent of orange juice into each. Followed by that, he presented everyone with sandwiches and salads. The food looked more like a lunch than a breakfast, but Subaru was not of the mind to complain.

“This is my own personal recipe. Master Reinhard has asked me to present it to you,” the butler said politely and proudly as he brought each dish to the table.

Feeling the overwhelming anticipation for an opinion on the food, Subaru took his first bite of the sandwich, occasionally looking up to see the butler’s eyes locked onto him. His opinion of the food was middling at best. “It’s delicious. Thank you.” he said, attempting to be as polite as possible, but his tone rolled out somewhat monotonously as his brain was still busy waking up and processing other information at the same time.

Regardless, Barnard appeared not to be bothered by the lackluster response as he smiled in response, “You are very welcome.” The butler simply bowed then left everyone to indulge in their meals while he attended to other chores.

Everyone began eating in absolute silence. An air of uncertainty filled the room as the two knights were unsure what to say or if they should speak at all. Eventually Felix looked up from his plate and beamed, “Subaru- _ kyun _ , this food is great, huh!?”

“--Huh?” the boy breathed as though he was caught off guard. His mind belatedly wrapped around the words and so he nodded with a weak smile, “Y-yeah...”

After everyone had finished eating, Barnard returned to take the dirty dishes away. The butler also made sure to refill everyone’s glasses before vanishing into the kitchen once again. Subaru stared at the orange liquid rolling around in the glass for a few seconds, his mind all at once moving and empty. He blinked before realizing that aloofness was probably strange and took a sip of the citrus juice to wash down his meal.

One could easily feel the tension in the room looming overhead. Subaru felt as though something was off, but he was not entirely sure what. Was it about last night? Was it about the mark on his head? Either way, the negative feelings generated here were all his fault.

With a glance up, he caught Reinhard staring with a concerned look and quickly cast his eyes aside with expressions of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. It was his fault that these people were now in danger. He knew it was risky staying with them, but he had not imagined how badly it might actually end if they failed.

Felix whispered something into the red-haired man’s ear, which prompted a quick look at Subaru and a nod before the two stood from the table. “I am sorry to do this so suddenly, but Ferris has asked my assistance with something. You may return to your room if you would like. I will come visit later,” Reinhard spoke apologetically.

“I... uh, yeah. See you later, Reinhard,” the boy spoke with a small wave. Accepting the confirmation, the two knights waved back and walked away.

Now it was just Subaru in the dining hall, alone once again. He allowed his eyes to wander the room and take in all the details around him. From that, he came across a painting hanging on the wall of...someone in fancy clothing. A woman with long red hair and a long, flowing dress. The boy looked at it for a second before wondering why he was even staring at it. Somehow, he felt some familiarity with the image, as though he had seen her likeness somewhere before.

Subaru stretched and yawned. He stood up and walked out of the dining hall past several doors in the hallway, all closed and all assuredly empty. The boy returned to his guest room with no plan and no idea what to do about the current issues plaguing them. He felt there was nothing he even could do until Elsa acted.

_ No wait--that’s not true. _

The boy shook his head. From previous experience, he knew exactly where her bases were set up and had some idea of how to tackle everything. But how could he possibly hope to explain it to the two knights without mention of his power? Was there even a way he could explain it that would not make him sound like a lunatic?

Subaru took a moment to sit on the bed with his forehead clasped between his palms. His mind churned while simultaneously going nowhere. He attempted to piece things together in a coherent way but, even inside his head, the words failed him. Maybe, just maybe, if he spilled some of these thoughts openly, they might understand...right?

With that, the boy stood from the bed and walked down the hallways in search of the other two. Where might they have gone? They were not in their rooms when he peeked inside each and he could not find them in any of the utility rooms. Hopefully they were, at the very least, still together.

Eventually, he found where the knights had gone--both could be seen sitting on a bench in the garden by the lake. Subaru peered around a marble pillar but did not immediately announce his presence.

Reinhard and Felix appeared to be talking about something in a serious tone.

"--I don't think that’s a good idea..."

"Why?"

"Well, 'cause we could all be killed, first of all!"

"I do not see the issue. Surely she is incapable of doing anything to us.”

"Yeah, but what if she manages to finish the ritual!? We could find ourselves in a  _ meowy _ bad situation..."

"I apologize, Ferris. You appear more worried about this than I am…”

"--Of course I am!! How can you be so calm about this, Reinhard!?"

Subaru pondered whether he should interrupt them in their escalating argument. He feared his words would fail in settling things when he was unsure how to explain it all to begin with.

\--But he also refused to continue standing there, eavesdropping on their important conversation forever.

"Um, hey...you two," the boy said nervously as he revealed himself from around the corner with a small wave.

The two knights stopped their discussion and turned their attention in his direction. Reinhard let out a soft sigh, as though having anticipated such an event, then stood from the bench and offered a disarming smile, “What is it, Subaru?”

"I-I um... I need to talk to you guys about something..." he muttered, shifting awkwardly where he stood.

The red-haired man stepped aside and motioned toward the bench; a polite gesture that was just as good as saying  _ please join us _ . Subaru accepted the seat next to Felix with a small nod. 

"Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, but uh, please hear me out.” Subaru took a deep breath in an effort to collect his thoughts. “Alright, I’m just going to come out and say it,” he said as he patted his cheeks before spilling words in a serious tone, “We know from the capital that Elsa used the ma-beasts to know where I went and...she kinda followed us all the way here from Roswaal’s mansion. And, I mean, we had intended her to follow so we could set a trap for her, but not this soon. Rem injured her pretty badly but I don’t think she’s injured anymore because, if she was, I don’t think she could have made the two day travel to get here as quickly as she did. And uh, I know exactly where her new bases are...”

The two knights shared a glance before looking taken aback at the boy’s words.

"How do you know all of that!? You haven't even left the house yet!" Felix shouted in surprise.

"Y-yeah well, let's just say it came to me in my nightmares..." Subaru nervously scratched his cheek with a small, weak chuckle.

"Huh? Now that's just creepy..." the cat-boy held his elbows and shuddered.

Meanwhile Reinhard, his expression relatively neutral, stared into Subaru’s eyes for several prolonged seconds, as if trying to read his mind. Everything deep inside of the boy was screaming to look away, to avert his eyes, but he believed wholeheartedly in his words and so he knit his brows and locked gazes with the knight.

Eventually, the red-haired man closed his eyes and nodded. “I see. I understand,” he spoke as though all the pieces had fallen into place.

Felix glanced back and forth between the other two with an immensely confused expression, “See what!?” he finally shouted.

“Subaru is telling the truth.”

"What!? Wait, you can seriously tell just by looking at his eyes!?"

Reinhard nodded with a small frown, "Something like that...and it appears our troubles have already arrived. If we are to solve this matter then we must act accordingly.”

Felix let out a heavy, elongated sigh and shook his head at the absurdity of it all. The cat-like knight looked as though he wanted to protest some more but held his tongue. He most likely assumed it to be a futile endeavor to bother arguing anymore when they looked so certain in their words.

"We will need a plan. Subaru, you know the most about this woman. Do you have any ideas?" Reinhard directed to his guest.

"Um, well, I was going to suggest we just storm the place and stop her. I mean, that seems like the best option, right?" the boy offered without much thought.

"Well, it is certainly better than doing nothing, but I had something a little different in mind...” said Reinhard. Subaru was baffled by what that could even mean but, before he could question it, the man continued, "If we send a letter to the garrison, we may be able to enlist the help of some of the others. It should not take longer than a day to receive and a day to respond.”

"But won't that take too long? What if she tries to kidnap one of us in the meantime?" the boy questioned, impatience coloring his tone of voice.

"Then we will deal with it," the red-head spoke sternly.

Subaru recalled what happened last time and grit his teeth. It was not dealt with at all; not in the slightest.

"You look as though you do not believe me," Reinhard spoke solemnly.

"I...wish I could say I did. The thing is...uh, well, I'm weak. She could capture me easily..." he said defeatedly, unsure how else to explain the holes in his words without mentioning the previous loop.

"We won't let that happen!!" Felix chimed in before pointing a figure at the boy and furrowing his brows, “So stop arguing and let us help! Just listen to Reinhard and do what he says!!”

With that loud voice booming into his ears, Subaru squinted his eyes shut and fell silent. He knew better than anyone what Elsa was capable of and he had witnessed first-hand the downfall of these two if they did not act quickly. Although they had believed his ridiculous claims without much questioning, he felt as though the urgency was being ignored.

A beat later, Subaru shook his head as he heatedly began to protest in a shaky voice, "Y-you don't know how strong she is...! And she has some ma-beasts under her control, too! She could break in here at any second and steal any one of us away!!” The boy’s heart began racing as the memories flooded his brain, prompting him to purse his now quivering lips, “I-I've seen--No, I don't want to see anything happen to you guys!!"

Everyone immediately became silent. Felix looked aside dejectedly, his feline ears pointed downward. Reinhard simply stared up at the morning sky with an unreadable expression. It was several moments before the silence was broken.

“Very well,” the red-head finally said as he looked directly into the boy’s eyes, "Subaru, you wanted to take the initiative. Do you have any idea how we might go about it?”

It took a moment for Subaru to calm the storm of emotions roaring inside his chest. He took a deep breath and cleared his head before staring back, his gaze unwavering, ”I do have an idea, but none of us are going to like it," he said admittedly.

"Please elaborate," Reinhard spoke seriously.

"I will act as bait. I'll draw the beasts and Elsa to me. You two just need to go ahead without me and clear the sigils so they can’t be used for the ritual. Unfortunately, you’ll have to split up because there’s two locations, a hut and a cave, and if you don’t, then you’ll be too slow. But if you go ahead and sneak in, you shouldn’t run into any trouble since she’s only looking for me and I’ll have their attention tied up further away,” the boy explained, “Once that’s done, we can all confront her together.”

"That's insane! You'll be slaughtered!!" Felix suddenly shouted.

"I can handle it," Subaru attempted to speak assuredly but it came out in a stern tone, “Besides, she wants me alive, remember? There’s no way she would just kill me on the spot.”

"No, no! That plan is suicide!" the cat-boy furiously shook his head. He looked up to Reinhard and pleaded desperately, "Please, tell him we're not doing that! There has to be another way!"

Reinhard remained silent, his arms crossed in deep thought. After some consideration, he finally nodded understandingly and spoke, “We are going with your plan. But if you sense mortal danger, you must shout for us. We will come running immediately."

Growing confidence now fueling his determination little by little, Subaru returned the nod with a smile of his own, “Got it.”

“It seems Ferri’s words have fallen on deaf ears...” Felix mumbled and grumbled to himself with a defeated pout. He sighed and looked down dejectedly, his ears drooping.

"Hey, it'll be fine," Subaru tried to say reassuringly. The cat-boy looked back and nodded slowly. It was very easy to tell he did not believe it one bit but he had never-the-less resigned himself to the plan.

Parchment was fetched and Subaru attempted to draw some rather crude maps of their destinations. Felix would be going to the cave while Reinhard would take the potentially more dangerous hut. The plan had been settled.

Everyone hurried to gather their things and prepare for battle. When they were ready, they reconvened in the main hall.

Subaru looked between the two knights by his side with a nod before stepping forward and opening the front door, basking in the sunlight with a determined smile.

“Let’s do this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t comment on it before but I just realized something. Emilia had given Subaru two things to do and he did neither. One was to eat three meals per day (he had two the previous day) and the other was to brush his teeth (which he was too weak to get out of bed for). I suppose, even to an AI, Subaru doesn’t do what Emilia tells him to do...haha.


	24. Checkmate

_ Time to do this. _

With one deep breath, Subaru dashed into the middle of the forest with his hands cupped around his mouth, "Hey, Elsa! I know you're out here! I know you have eyes and ears everywhere! I want to talk to you! So uh, just show yourself!"

A few minutes went by with no response as the boy’s feet plodded across the grass. Then, suddenly, he began to hear howling off in the distance. One by one, the familiar, massive red-eyed beasts appeared from the bushes and trees, slowly closing off the few exits the forest offered. They howled in unison, more and more appearing from all around, surrounding him on all sides.

"Ah, crap..." Subaru muttered as he came to a halt in the middle of a clearing. He cautiously darted his eyes left and right, sweat pouring down his brow.

The creatures circled slowly, making it absolutely certain there would be no paths of escape. One of them let out an earth-shattering roar, blazing eyes locked on him. Fear immediately crushed the boy’s heart as the beast dashed forward with its paws outstretched. Even so, he managed to raise his fists in self-defense, prepared for a fight to the death as he bellowed out, "Here I am! Come and get me, you ugly monster!"

The ma-beast accepted the challenge, leaping with a fierce roar before pinning him to the ground. In an attempt to preserve himself, Subaru kicked but the weight bearing down on him was too much, preventing his strikes from doing little more than aggravating it. Suddenly, the boy let out a pained yelp as the beast dug its fangs into his left leg, blood pouring down his injured limb and quickly pooling on the ground. Despite the damage, it was clearly not intended to be a mortal wound.

Just as suddenly as the ma-beast began attacking, it stopped and stared him down with a blank expression.

“H-huh...?” Subaru muttered between ragged breaths as he winced at the pain radiating from his wounded leg.

"My my... Did you really miss me that much?" a sultry voice reached his ears from nearby, "Ah, sorry about that. My puppies can be a bit restless from time to time."

"Elsa..." Subaru grumbled out her name as he pushed himself to sit up.

The woman in question stepped out of the shadows, dressed in her usual revealing black dress and feather cape. "Hello, Natsuki Subaru. We meet again." She offered a small bow and continued speaking as she looked down upon him with a sly smile, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Her smile made Subaru’s skin crawl. He knew Elsa well enough to know that she was enjoying her position of power over this situation way too much. "I'm so happy you finally came to me willingly," she said as her heels slowly tapped across the ground.

Uncertain what the woman’s next actions might be, the boy frantically attempted to crawl as fast as he could. He flailed, kicking his battered leg in an attempt to shuffle away, but she harshly grabbed his head and pressed his face into the dirt, causing him to sputter. Next, she placed a heel on his spine as she pinned his arms behind his back. No matter how much he struggled to break free, her grip was much stronger.

Dust flew from Subaru’s mouth as he grumbled into the dirt, “Let...go!!”

"I don't think so. You see, right about now, my puppies should have found them. Your friends’ lives are now in my hands,” she grinned, “If you don't give up, they will perish."

"You're...bluffing..." he groaned, turning his head to the side in an attempt to look up at her.

"Enjoying the view, are you?" She shoved his face further into the dirt with her heel then twisted his arms, "Tell me, do you want to see your friends alive again?"

Subaru was at a loss for words.

The beasts were too large to enter the cave so Felix would be safe inside there, and Reinhard would surely have no issues dealing with them in the first place using his swordplay. Then they had surely completed what they set out to do, right? This woman held no power over the situation, right? She was just bluffing, unknowing that they held the upper-hand...right? Hopefully, at the very least, he might be able to hold her attention long enough to guarantee their success. If he fell here, if they really were still out there completing their duties, then they would surely be next.

"Please...let go..." he whimpered.

“Hmm, have you given up hope on your foolish friends yet? You believe they will succeed in removing the sigils in my hideouts, correct? I saw them move ahead, you know. I know exactly where they are, and where they were headed. I’ve already prepared for such an event, you see...”

Subaru’s eyes widened as realization dawned on him--she most likely knew their entire plan, then. At this very moment, the other two were surely in danger. He grit his teeth as memories flashed through his mind of the previous loop--Felix dead, Reinhard panicked, hurt, pain, fear, miasma, fear, horror, fear, tragedy--

"Let...go...!!" he roared angrily.

But Elsa simply smiled at the change of tone as though the sound was music to her ears. She immediately kicked the boy in the stomach and he let out a loud grunt. "Well...it seems I got my answer. Good night, Natsuki Subaru," she spoke coldly.

The woman released his arms and kicked him in the back of the head. Stars filled his dwindling vision as the world faded to black.

\-----

Subaru had no idea how long he was out for but, when he reawoke, he felt a gushing pain course throughout his skull. His first thought was to grab his head and try to quell the pain, but his arms refused to obey the orders.

"Ah, you're awake. Good," echoed a sultry voice from seemingly everywhere at once.

The boy’s vision was hazy at best as he attempted to look around. He knew this place--the sigil cave. Realization now dawned as to why his arms refused to move--they were restrained by chained shackles. So, too, were his legs, although he could barely feel the left one from the damage done to it by the ma-beast earlier.

_ Where is Felix? _

Clearly the healer had failed in his task or this event would not be taking place.

_ If he’s not here, then-- _

"Now then, since you're conscious, we should begin," said Elsa as she lit a candle and set it in the center of the cave. The woman looked down upon him with a grin before she began chanting something incoherent.

The boy’s eyes widened in horror as he recalled what would surely come next. "No, please wait!" Subaru shouted frantically in a desperate plea to stop the proceeding events.

But his words fell on deaf ears. The candlelight flickered on and off as the woman mumbled her incantation. An unearthly gust of wind blew through the cave and the temperature dropped rapidly. Despite the jacket covering his sleeves, the boy found his skin tingling from the cold bite of the air.

With the additional help of the flickering candlelight, Subaru was able to make out the form of another person in the cave nearby.

_ Felix!? _

The cat-eared knight’s uniform was torn and his body appeared to be covered in many bloody gashes, far worse than the previous loop. Hearing the healer’s murmured breaths said, somehow, he was just barely alive. The knight struggled to remain awake through what was surely an enormous amount of pain.

A dark aura crept up on Subaru as his surroundings slowly became darker and darker. He looked to the wall to see dozens of symbols of power light up a brilliant yellow.

This was it. This was the real nightmare--the moment he could never stop, no matter how hard he tried.

But he could not allow things to end this way. There had to be something, something,  _ something _ he could do! 

And so, with all the remaining breath held inside, he shouted at the top of his lungs, “REINHARD!!!” His thunderous voice reverberated throughout the cave. All he could do now was hope his call out had somehow reached its destination.

The woman stopped chanting. She invitingly held her arms outstretched to either side and the dark shadow of growing miasma engulfed her form entirely. A loud, shrill scream could be heard as the two beings seemingly fused together. Finally, Elsa’s body slumped to the ground as the miasma coursed around her body like blackened electricity.

As Subaru laid there on the cold cave floor, a sharp pain suddenly pierced his body like a drill, lifting him slightly off the ground. A string of black miasma leached from his chest, draining his mana--his very life force. He let out a horrible scream as the ice cold mass dug further into his body, seemingly tearing him apart from the inside out. Pain criss-crossed his abdomen, as though rewiring all of his internal organs. His body quickly weakened yet he somehow managed to remain conscious.

Wispy whispers tickled his ears, rapidly increasing in frequency and intensity as they repeated but one word:  _ Love _ .

_ Am I...hearing things? Was that...the wind? _

The voice repeated and repeated and repeated--

_ W-wait... This is like...that time when-- _

Subaru suddenly let out another pitiful scream.

His heart beat rapidly at first then slowed as his life force left him behind. Vision hazily fading in and out, he could just barely make out the form of a shadow entering the cave from outside. The figure moved like a blur and severed the miasma’s connection with a single swipe of its hand.

With a groan, Subaru’s body slumped over to the ground. He clutched at his chest and coughed as he weakly attempted to stifle the pain. His vision darkened more and more with every passing second.

Somehow, the boy realized he was likely in the process of dying. His body felt as though it was slowly shutting down--his lungs, his heart, his mind,  _ everything _ . But death was not what really frightened him. What scared him the most was the thought of what might happen to this timeline and these people once he abandoned it. These people were his--

\--Subconsciously, Subaru began to panic. The rattling sound of chains filled his ears but he did not have the strength to break free. With all the willpower still residing inside his heart, the boy attempted to hold himself together even though he was internally falling apart. Although he tried to let out another scream, it came out quietly--if even at all.

Suddenly, a bright white light engulfed all that was in the cave.

_ R-Rein...hard...? _

Indeed, Reinhard, basking in the brilliance, grasped the white light. The Sword Saint’s blessing of swordplay held firmly in hand, with one slash, Elsa vanished. The miasma, too, had all but dissipated to nothing. Even the shackles, the sigils, the candle--all of it disappeared as though banished from existence.

Immediately, the red-haired man dropped the slowly disintegrating sword with a  _ clatter _ and rushed over to Subaru’s side. “Wake up, Subaru!” he demanded in a voice so concerned it was nearly unthinkable to have come from him as he desperately shook the boy’s shoulders.

_ I am...awake... _

At that moment, the boy realized he could not move his mouth to respond. He could not even so much as open his eyes to look up, instead only seeing solid black. No amount of willpower would allow his body to move. He was completely paralyzed.

_ This is it...then. This timeline...has failed... _

"Subaru, talk to me!" Reinhard shouted distraughtly. Another inconceivable voice.

No matter how much Subaru tried, nothing came out. As much as he wanted to say  _ thank you _ for trying to save him and quell the knight’s outpouring distress, no voice could reach out.

"N-no... I was too late..." the man gripping his shoulders desperately whispered in defeat.

A glance around and Reinhard realized he was not alone--there had been one more person inside that cave. “Ferris!” he shouted as he rushed to the cat-knight’s side.

"H-hu...huh..." Felix’s eyes fluttered open in a daze. He did not look well--the several bloodied slashes and bruises on his body had robbed him of his complexion. Though he made an attempt to stand on his own, the healer stumbled as though his legs were jelly and fell onto his knees.

"W-we need to...help him..." he panted out desperately, "Y-you got her... I-I don’t think...she’s coming back... So...help Subaru...before he dies...from the mana drain... Help me...get to him..." The cat-knight took a deep breath, "I-I'll...be fine... I...promise..."

Reinhard took a moment to glance back and forth between the two. He nodded and hurriedly picked Felix up then gently placed him beside the fallen boy.

The healing knight immediately went to work summoning what little mana was left in the atmosphere. A blue light emitted from his fingertips but it was incredibly weak. The leg wound slowly closed up and stopped bleeding, but the energy was by far not enough to heal everything.

"I-I can't do this...by myself... Reinhard, give me...a hand..." Felix said. With no hesitation, Sword Saint slowly extended his hand and the healer immediately grabbed it.

"Since my attack drained the atmosphere of mana, you are going to transfer our life force to him? Do you really think this will work?" Reinhard asked.

"We promised...to protect him...didn't we...? We have to succeed...here and now... Any other outcome...is unacceptable..."

"I know... A knight's duty, correct?"

"Yes..."

"Very well, then. I believe in you," Reinhard said as he took a seat beside the cat-like knight, "Take all that is necessary. And Ferris, don't overdo it."

"I won't do anything...that will cause you pain...my friend..."

The two knights gripped each other’s hands with Subaru’s, forming a circle. Felix closed his eyes and attempted to concentrate on pulling the necessary mana from them and shifting its direction into his patient’s body. He had to carefully calculate the quantity of mana so that the boy would have enough to survive while the two donors would hopefully not become overburdened by offering too much. Needless to say, it was no easy task, especially for someone in his current condition.

Conscious though the others may not have realized it, Subaru felt their energies twist and turn through his hands, down his arms, and into his chest. At first it was a stinging pain as it filled his veins like static electricity but it quickly dissolved and became relaxing. As their mana continued to transfer into him, he experienced a peaceful sensation radiate from within. His body felt lighter, as though a great burden had been lifted off of it, and the pain melted into nothing.

Suddenly, he gasped as fresh, crisp cave air flooded his stinging lungs. Somehow Subaru had failed to realize he had even stopped breathing. He drew in more air, exhaled, and repeated until his respiration stabilized. The feeling of relief was indescribable.

Somehow, he was alive, he was going to live, and everyone else was too. A small sense of relief filled his burning heart--but only briefly.

Subaru’s entire body had been healed but it felt incredibly cold and numb. No matter how much he willed himself to, the boy could neither move nor hope to communicate. He tried and tried to open his eyes and look around to no avail.

Felix suddenly let go of the connection and began to speak in a shaky voice, “I-I’ve...done all I can...” Tears rolled out as his face fell into his hands, sobbing loudly. A mixture of blood and tears dripped off his cheeks as he wept for the fallen boy.

Reinhard stood up and brushed himself off. "Subaru is still breathing. He will wake up again..." he trailed off with a twinge of uncertainty behind his voice.

"Y-yeah..." Felix agreed between sobs, wanting wholeheartedly to believe in the man’s words. The Sword Saint helped him to stand before picking Subaru’s frail body up in his arms.

Felix, with what little strength he could gather, balanced himself against his friend’s shoulder as they wordlessly walked out of the cave together, through the woods, and ultimately back to the house. The sun was now threatening to set, although the visionless boy could not discern that for himself.

As Subaru swayed in Reinhard’s arms, his consciousness faded in and out. Random thoughts invaded his brain but he could not make much sense of any of them as his mind was a haze.

A door opened and shut a few times, then the boy felt his body touch a soft mattress before being covered in a comforter. His cold body felt warmth envelop from all directions as he finally relaxed.

Then, a few moments later, someone was there. He felt a cool, gentle sensation rest on his forehead before the footsteps faded away once again.

Whatever was going on, Subaru’s oxygen-deprived mind could not keep up with it, and so his mind faded as he drifted off into oblivious unconsciousness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote out and edited this and Daybreak together because I thought they would be one chapter (I mean, that chapter is just Subaru getting himself together and getting the others organized to act with a plan), but then I saw the word count and realized it would be better to split. Besides, I feel better about letting this one stand on its own.
> 
> Also, I actually thought this might become a final battle of sorts and the story might end here, but the AI surprised me with its choice of ending for the fight. So uh, yeah this happened. I guess the AI decided it wanted to do a fate worse than death since Subaru can just revive.


	25. Empty

Natsuki Subaru awoke in a cold sweat.

His body was laid flat on its back with his head resting comfortably on a pillow, completely cleaned up and dressed in a robe. The blankets were pulled up over his chest and pressed evenly to either side of his form by his unmoving arms.

As he attempted to open his eyes to look around, he was reminded of how he could not. Even as he managed to twitch his lips and wiggle his tongue a little--surely enough for drinking and breathing, at the very least--when he attempted to speak, no voice would come out.

The boy’s tired mind frayed. In a panic, he attempted to scream, but still no sound would escape his lips. His mouth opened and closed several times as he let out a flood of air. A numbness had taken over his entire body, paralyzing his muscles and nerves. Fear and terror ran through his veins as he failed to understand what was happening, what had happened, or where he even was.

Nothing like this had ever happened before and he had no idea how to handle it.

Suddenly, Subaru heard a familiar voice echo inside his mind; it was at once both gentle and soothing. The source was indiscernible but he followed the words as the voice was compelling.

"You are safe now... Everything is going to be alright..."

He felt a wave of calm wash over and his breathing evened out. "You are safe now..." it repeated until he could fully relax.

At that moment, he realized someone’s hand had been pressed against his chest. A warm, magical feeling enveloped him, radiating through his abdomen and down his limbs.

"--Please...answer me..." the voice spoke meekly, now much more clear, "I-I know you're still in there...Subaru- _ kyun _ ..."

"Ha..." Subaru managed to spit out the world's most pitiful laugh in the form of a deep, gasping breath, "Ha...Ha...Ha...Ha...Haah...Haah..."

The healer jolted at the response and jumped to stand, "Subaru- _ kyun _ !? Can you hear me!?” As the shock wore down, he found himself pleading with teary eyes, “P-please, answer me! Say something!!"

Even so, the boy could not form any words with which to speak, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he tried.

"P-please..." the cat-boy buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

"Ferris..." Another other voice slowly emerged from a distance. It was easily recognized as belonging to Reinhard. "Do not push yourself so hard," he said with a layer of concern over his otherwise stoic tone.

"I-I...I don't know what to do..."

The red-head walked over to the healer’s side and held a hand over Subaru’s mouth, “He is still breathing.”

“I-I know but... I-I’ve tried all of my healing spells. There’s no curses or poisons in his system. His mana was drained, but he has plenty now. I even cleaned up his gate, so there’s nothing wrong with it,” Felix spoke in a dejected tone. He looked to the boy, tears still dripping down from his chin as he raised his voice, “There shouldn’t be anything wrong with him! He should be fine! I-I... I’ve done everything correctly! I-If even I can’t do this...t-then...” Not wanting to finish that sentence, he pursed his lips shut as his ears drooped.

Reinhard shook his head but offered no words of consolation. The man’s crystalline blue eyes trained on Subaru’s frail, seemingly unconscious body. A million thoughts must have crossed his mind as he listened to Felix’s outburst of emotions.

If even the best healer in Lugunica could do nothing for this boy, then no one could, right? Without knowing the specifics of what a dark ritual like Elsa’s might do to a body, they currently had no hope in finding a cure.

It would be terrible to watch him wither away like this. If no one ever figured out a way to solve this, assuming anything could be done at all, then this boy was effectively just going to suffer endlessly until he perished...

\--The red-haired man suddenly spoke in a grim tone, "I suggest you leave this to me."

"Wha...what are you going to do?” Felix questioned, but it was clear he had some idea of what the other knight was thinking. The cat-boy decided he wasn’t just going to stand by and allow another tragedy to unfold, not after everything they had been through together, “We're friends, we're supposed to help each other!”

Reinhard looked down upon Subaru with a listless gaze, "This is a fate worse than death, and I...I am willing to bear the responsibility of the executioner. I will merely be putting an end to his suffering." With that declaration, he drew a sword from a wall decoration. For someone like him, that should be more than enough for the task.

Felix’s knees locked in place. His feet refused to budge as he watched helplessly, a hand outstretched as he pleadingly shouted, “No!!”

The Sword Saint held the blade to the prone boy’s throat. Resolve filled his eyes, but it was constantly at war with his sense of morals. A hero never abandoned those he could save, right? But, this was the only way to truly save Subaru, wasn’t it? This was the only way...wasn’t it?

"Ferris... I...” he spoke weakly, voice cracking under the pressure, “I cannot...watch him suffer like this...”

"Reinhard, no! P-please, just stop! I-I’m sure that...t-that there’s another way! S-so please!!" the cat-knight shouted as he attempted and failed to stop the stream of tears pouring down his face.

"I am sorry, Ferris, but this must be done. It is...the only way...”

Felix whimpered with a final plea, “P-please...”

Reinhard’s conflicted but stern eyes were trained exclusively on the unmoving boy in the bed. His brows furrowed in disgust at his own behavior. “I-I am so sorry, Subaru... I... I promised to protect you and...and yet, I failed in my duty... I am truly...a terrible knight...much less a hero..." he whispered as a single tear ran down his cheek.

Subaru attempted to scream, shout,  _ anything _ \--but no voice would form. All he wanted to do was announce his presence, that he was still there, that maybe--just maybe--they had missed something that would solve all of this. He wanted to believe in this timeline, everyone had survived after all, but that hope was quickly shifting into despair.

The sword was so close; Subaru felt the cold of the blade as it rested against his neck, threatening to undo this world in a single swipe. The boy took a deep breath and anticipated as the Sword Saint struggled with this decision.

Time stood still, until--

_ Clatter. _

"No," Reinhard finally uttered as he dropped the sword to the floor. "I am sorry... I could never forgive myself if--" As his voice trailed off, he brought a shaky hand to his face to clear away the tears. With one last glance at the two, he exited the room without another word.

The moment the door shut, Felix ran to the bedside and frantically shook the boy’s shoulders, "Subaru!? Can you hear me!? Can you speak!? P-please, just answer me!!"

\--But he still failed to communicate. Though his eyes refused to see, Subaru knew very well what that crying face surely looked like, and it pained him to even imagine it.

Felix yelled in a shrill voice, gripping the boy’s shoulders tightly, "Please, p-please, just  _ say _ something! Do you know who I am!? P-please, just  _ tell _ me!!"

_ Silence. _

The healer let out a pained scream and slumped over Subaru’s unmoving body, sobbing loudly into the bedsheets.

_ I'm sorry, guys...for being so useless... _

_ I'm so sorry... _

It all felt so unreal. If this continued, he would surely be as good as dead. Would he simply lay there suffering for all eternity? Or would Reinhard crack first and have mercy on him?

Elsa had been defeated but this timeline was now a doomed failure. All he could do was wait for whenever it came to an end.

_ Silence. _

Subaru laid there awaiting his inevitable doom but it never came.

At some point, Felix had exited the room, leaving him all alone once again. For now, the only thing he could do was rest and so he did his best to fall asleep.

\-----

An unknown amount of time had passed when Subaru next awoke.

Though sight failed him and he was still unable to move, that did not mean he was unable to hear or feel. All around, if any sound occurred, it would be amplified. Because of this, he could clearly hear the footsteps of each person as they moved up and down the halls. But that was not all--after a short amount of time, he even found himself able to distinguish  _ who _ those footfalls belonged to.

Throughout his time locked within, the boy became fully aware that it was Felix who took the most care of him. Barnard, the butler, paid a visit here and there to push a cart in or help with changing the linens and laundry, but he was relatively inactive. Instead, it was the healer who did the most work, such as helping him at meal time or to drink water, turning him in the bed every so often, and sitting by his side to fill the empty void of silence with various words.

Where an act of strength was required, such as lifting his incapable body out of the bed, then Reinhard would take over, but those times were fairly minimal compared to the rest. The man would occasionally come to sit in the room but he rarely ever spoke. The few times he did were simply repeated apologies.

If this was what it felt like to truly be waited on hand and foot, then Subaru wanted none of it.

Even so, he had no way to argue. All he could do was lay there and accept that these people were doing their best to help him in every way possible.

_ \--Hello, Natsuki Subaru... _

Suddenly, a voice filled his mind with these seductive words, echoing endlessly _. _ It was the same voice that had hurt and killed the people closest to him, that had tortured him mercilessly, that had put him in this situation.

_ \--I’ve been waiting for you... _

Subaru attempted to push all the painful memories, all the built-up heart-wrenching agony, from his mind. Over time, he did his best to adopt a blank slate; it was the only way to remain sane, after all.

How much time would he have to spend suppressing these feelings?

How many days? Weeks? Months? Years?

Would he... Would he have to wait forever...?

_ Silence. _

Subaru couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe it was the inability to do anything; maybe it was the invading thoughts and memories; maybe it was the lack of hope. Whatever the reason, everything was becoming too much to bear.

He wanted to survive. He wanted to live. This should have been the right timeline, dammit!!

The boy took a deep breath and, with everything he had, with his very soul, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Let me live!!" The voice was so loud it rattled his skull--but no one could hear it.

\-----

Time went by so painfully slowly. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. How many days had already passed him by? How long had he been like this? How much longer would it be until--

\--Suddenly, Subaru felt a different presence than the usual looming over him.

"Na...tsuki...san?" a familiar voice whispered, drenched in pure bewilderment, "...Natsuki-san, what...what happened to you...?"

_ Otto...? _

Although a face could not be seen, Subaru knew exactly who this person was. 

Shaking his head to dispel the previous train of thought, Otto opened his mouth to speak again more clearly. “I-I... I did as promised, you know,” he spoke with a shaky voice, words outpouring as though hoping a normal conversation might rouse a normal response, “Although my dealings at the village did not turn as big a profit as I had hoped, I would like to think them a success. When I finished my rounds, looking to take upon your offer, I immediately traveled here. And... Well, the others have filled me in on your predicament.”

Subaru felt a deep pang in his chest. No matter how much he wanted to respond, he could not. This conversation was going to remain one-sided, with the other party simply speaking to the equivalent of a wall.

“I normally only offer my services for a fee, you see, but I...” the merchant paused and a brief silence filled the air, “Listen, I have offered to retrieve Emilia-sama from the Margrave’s mansion.” Otto spoke somewhat hopefully, though sadness still wove into his tone, “The others believe we should not keep her in the dark, and perhaps...perhaps you will be better by the time she arrives. It will be a long trip, but I am now well equipped. I will...accomplish this much.”

Otto paused for a moment before squeezing Subaru’s hand with a tremulous mix of resolve and regret, “...You see, I--”

As the merchant continued to speak, Subaru’s mind became a muddy mixture of worries. Emilia was going to see him in this condition. What would she think? How would she react? It was surely going to be painful to witness.

Additionally, with Emilia present, all hope of a potential mercy kill went right out the window. He was now doomed to live out his days as nothing more than a useless husk that required round-the-clock care.

The many negative thoughts filling his head increased in volume, drowning out the visitor’s voice until it could be heard no more.

Louder and louder and louder--

\-----

Consciousness slowly brought Subaru’s sense of awareness back. His heart raced as sweat poured down his brow. He found himself shaking and gasping for air. Eventually, a small sense of relief washed over and his body relaxed, but the residual pain in his chest remained. The nightmares in his head might have been gone, but the nightmare of his new reality was still very much intact.

How long had it been? What day was it? What time of day was it?

How many days had passed him by, unchanging from the last?

Two? Three? Four? A week?

As these thoughts swirled in his mind, he felt a damp coldness briefly wash over his forehead. “It’s alright now, Subaru- _ kyun _ ,” spoke a voice he had grown very accustomed to by now.

“Ferri has been researching what to do to help you and  _ might _ have some ideas. I’m going to try my  _ meow _ y best!” said Felix with a bit of pep as he went about what had become a normal daily routine. The sound of the cart rolling into the room followed by a tray clicking on the table were the usual sounds heard around meal time.

“You need to rest, Ferris,” followed another voice into the room, “Please, try to look after yourself more often.”

“ _ Nyaa _ ! I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!” the cat-knight attempted to say energetically but his words were followed by a loud yawn.

“I see,” Reinhard spoke all-knowingly as he lifted Subaru to sit with his back against the headboard. “Well, at least allow me to help a little more often. I am sure I can be of more assistance than just this, and you can rest a little more,” the man said as he moved to stand out of the way.

“It’s fine, really! You already have so  _ mya _ ny responsibilities to worry about, so I... Ferri doesn’t mind this!”

“I could say the same for you, Ferris. What will Crusch-sama do without you by her side?”

_ Silence. _

“Crusch-sama is...” Felix sat on the edge of the bed, his hands tightly clasped in his lap with his feline ears and head down, “Crusch-sama is waiting patiently. I know, alright? But... I-I can’t just leave him like this...” The cat-boy inhaled and attempted to wipe away the tears threatening his eyes, “Reinhard, if he...if he doesn’t recover in the next week, I’m taking him back to the capital. May...maybe someone there can help...because I... Ferri has...”

For a brief moment, only the cat-like knight’s sniffling could be heard. Reinhard paused briefly to consider his friend’s words before nodding and speaking again, “I understand.”

“Reinhard...”

“Ferris, you are a wonderful person. Do not think less of yourself. There may be times where you try your utmost and still fail. It is...only natural,” he spoke somewhat pensively. After a brief pause, he regarded his friend again, “But Subaru is still alive. You believe in him, do you not? I...admit I acted hastily that day, but now I...want to believe as well. So if you think taking him back to the capital will help, then you should.”

After inhaling a deep breath, Felix finally raised his head and looked up. “Y-you’re right. I will,” he said decisively. What he was referencing was all at once his decisions and his self-esteem. With a nod, the cat-knight smiled, “Thank you, Reinhard. I think...Ferri’ll have to take you up on that offer. Could you help Subaru- _ kyun _ for tonight? I’m gonna go take a cat-nap,” he said with another loud yawn while stretching his arms over his head.

“Of course,” Reinhard nodded. He stood aside and waved as Felix left the room. Then, basking in the silence, he sat at the edge of the bed and looked over the food tray. Nothing but easy-to-consume options rested on the silver platter, such as soup broths and jelly. These were the only things Subaru could safely handle at the moment.

The knight turned to look at his motionless patient sitting on the bed. He moved a hand to gently wipe away the boy’s tears. “I see you heard all of that, Subaru. I am deeply sorry...for all of this.” He then moved to grab a bowl from the assortment as he spoke with uncharacteristic remorse, “Ferris is blaming himself. But, if anyone should...it should be me. I cannot say I know what you are thinking; all I ask is that you...do not hate me...”

Another brief moment of silence followed.

_ I could never hate you, Reinhard. It’s not even you guys’ fault! _

_ So don’t... Don’t go saying things like that... _

As much as Subaru wished for those words to be heard, they still refused to sound.

Cold metal touched his lips, and he knew then that the one-way conversation was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to really resist titling this something like “suffer” or “suffering.” Low-hanging fruit is not always the best option! 
> 
> Also, this is a plot that I could completely imagine happening to Subaru in canon. I wanted to scream the entire time I filled out the contents of this chapter. This is one time where the AI gave me so little to work with that my personal word count is probably triple what it started with. A lot of the latter end dialogue is completely new from me since it mostly skipped around it.


	26. Shell

One by one, days passed by in a blurry haze. The only way to keep track of the passage of time was by attempting to count the amount of meal times that had gone by, which--by now--had totaled at least ten.

_Is that... Four days...?_

Four days since when? When had he even begun to count? The day he lost his ability to move? The day Reinhard almost mercy killed him? The day Otto left for Roswaal’s mansion? 

If he could not even remember the day he began counting, how much time had truly passed him by, wasted away encased in his own form?

And, thinking back, Otto had definitely left within that time. Surely he should be returning with Emilia by now, right?

A new wave of fear and shame welled up within Subaru. It was already hard enough listening to Felix’s attempts to sound optimistic as he went about wearing himself down with various daily chores, or Reinhard’s consistent self-deprecating guilt-fueled apologies. Now, the most important person in his heart was on her way there, and she would--

Before his thoughts could continue, hasty footfalls rang down the hallway, growing in volume as they neared the guest room door. He could recognize each individual in the house by the sound of their footsteps alone, yet he did not recognize these.

"Subaru!" shouted a familiar voice. Her bell-like tone enveloped the boy’s waning heart as she rushed to the bedside and wrapped thin arms around his shoulders.

_Emilia, I..._

The half-elf broke from the hug and sat on the edge of the bed with his hand held in hers. "I heard what happened from Reinhard," she said solemnly with a small pause before speaking more assuredly, "Listen, you’re just having a bad dream." Gently, she stroked his hair with her other hand, “I’m here for you, Subaru.”

Uncontrollable tears broke free and rolled down Subaru’s cheeks. Surprised by the reaction, Emilia let out a surprised gasp, “You...you really can hear me!? You’re really still in there! Subaru, I--” The half-elf paused and shook her head to clear the negative thoughts from her mind. "...You don't have to speak. I understand. I know you're still in there. Just... Try to get some rest, okay?"

With that, Emilia tucked him comfortably into bed and stood aside. "This time, I will be the one to save you," she said in a determined tone before leaving the room. The sound of her footsteps slowly faded into the distance.

_Emilia..._

That was the last word Subaru heard in his head before sleep swept him away once again.

\-----

\-- _You know, you’re so cute when you’re scared._

A disgustingly sultry voice laughed throughout his mind. It echoed and reverberated as though enclosed in a tiny, metal box.

_\--Now you be a good boy and stay put._

_\--I’m going to savor the screams as these girls watch you die._

Images flashed of a certain pink-haired maid as her hands dropped to her sides lifelessly, of her little sister being slashed, of all the blood pooling the floor and staining the room--and his vision--a crimson hue.

_\--You’re either going to help me...or die right here._

_\--I like you, you know. You have a certain...pitiful atmosphere about you._

The voice breathed seductively into his eardrums, taunting him at every corner. No matter which direction he attempted to veer, the sounds continued to pummel his weak heart, constantly reminding him of how powerless he truly was.

_\--Ah, it seems I’ve found the rat._

_\--Oh, that hurt, did it?_

_\--You’re so cute like this, you know..._

The horrible laugh slowly grew louder and louder until it was the only thing he could hear. Pain enveloped his very being with burning and singeing and searingly hot agony.

Through flicking sparks of fire light, that sinister smile of hers remained prominent.

_\--Good night, Natsuki Subaru._

The nightmares continued to ceaselessly barrage Subaru’s frail mind. Sweat poured from his skin as his breathing quickly became labored. His mouth opened and closed weakly as his body attempted to gather enough oxygen to regulate itself. Though his head was pounding so hard he felt it might explode any second, he still remained trapped in the endlessly pitch-black dream world.

Suddenly, something gentle and warm enveloped both of his hands. The pain slowly melted away as his breathing stabilized and his tense body gradually relaxed.

A few moments later, a familiar voice roused him from the horrific dreams. “Subaru-kun...” the visitor spoke as though in pain before tears enveloped her angelic voice, “...What did she...do to you...?”

“That woman took Barusu’s last good brain cell and he became like this. Heh! Pathetic...” said another voice from his left. The tone was simultaneously insensitive but jokingly so, yet also somewhat somber. From the tone alone, he surmised that this person must be Ram, and the other must be Rem.

Usually Subaru would be annoyed by the pink-haired maid’s attitude but found he actually missed it a little. Although she liked to hide the true meaning of her words with seemingly mean-spirited comments, he could tell this was at least an attempt at a joke--the same kind of banter they would often share around the mansion. It created a small sense of normalcy, as though everything was as it should be.

Ram’s attempts at some semblance of commonality; Rem’s tear-filled unfiltered despair--Subaru’s fragile heart couldn’t take it. But all he could do was lay there and listen.

After what felt like several hours, Ram finally placed a hand on her younger sister’s shoulder, “Come on, Rem. We should leave Barusu to rest for now,” she spoke surprisingly straightforwardly.

“Nee-sama... Y-yeah, you’re right...” Rem spoke dejectedly but agreed none-the-less. Quietly, hand-in-hand, the two left the room and softly closed the guest room door.

_Please... Someone..._

_I... I need to go back..._

_Just...kill me, already..._

But that ending would never arrive.

That was what made this universe so cruel.

\-----

"It's time to wake up, Subaru..."

The boy awoke to a sweet, bell-like voice whispering into his ears. He felt her slender hand gently rub his shoulder, the surprise touch prompting him to exhale a small gasp.

The girl, Emilia, took this reaction as confirmation he was currently conscious. She carefully moved his unable body into a sitting position.

This wasn’t normal; this wasn’t the usual. The only people who ever did this to him were Ferris and Reinhard, so what was Emilia going to do? He wanted to believe in her, that she had a reason for this, but a strange sense of fear began gnawing at him.

As he opened his mouth to tell her to stop--he wanted to sleep more, just leave him alone--only a flood of air escaped. Tears threatened the corners of his eyes, slowly dripping down his cheeks for how pitiful he was.

Then, he felt something cold touch his lips.

"Drink this."

Emilia had pressed a cup to his lips. He strained to open his mouth but she helped him do even that. As his throat was so dry, he gladly accepted the drink. Some kind of juice? Or tea? It was at once sweet, bitter, and cold. Whatever it was, he savored the taste on his tongue before it quickly faded.

A moment later, Subaru felt his back placed carefully down on the bed. The covers were moved over his shoulders and gently tucked in around his arms.

Several minutes passed by in pure silence.

“You should be able to move now, Subaru,” Emilia spoke somewhat optimistically, “That’s what I was told.” She waited patiently as more silence passed by.

Confused, Subaru attempted to move his limbs to no avail. He parted his mouth, but that was yet still all he could accomplish. As if to signal to her in some way, he breathed out a heavy sigh.

Emilia watched his motions carefully, her hope dwindling with every passing second, "...W-why?" the half-elf mumbled in a shaky voice, "W-why...isn't this working?"

Footsteps slowly distanced themselves from the bed.

“I... I-I thought I...could use this...to save you... But I... I-I was wrong... I-I’m so sorry... Subaru...“

Emilia could be heard sniffling as she opened the door, followed by the sound of her footfalls pitter-pattering as she ran off into the distance.

_...Emilia! No! Come back!_

But his words still refused to form. Subaru helplessly listened as the girl stormed off in tears, cursing his own powerlessness.

\-----

An unknown amount of time had passed by since Emilia left the room. Subaru’s thoughts raced ceaselessly, confusing his hazy mind as to if he had been awake or asleep the entire time.

As he pondered this, a familiar voice broke the silence, “--I am sorry...”

Otto was sitting in the chair by the bed, his hands clasped together over his knees with his head down and his hat set on the side table. “I understand if you think me to be a...a terrible friend..." he spoke dejectedly. “You were there for me. You saved me...multiple times. Yet, I...I was not present when you needed me most...”

Subaru’s heart wrenched in his chest. He wished with all his might that he could reply yet he could not. All he could do now was listen.

"I-If you..." he started, but his voice croaked under the weight of the guilt, "If you could just...r-return to normal...I know I could do better next time..."

The momentary silence was followed by sniffling.

"If... I-If you c-could just... I..." the merchant gasped between sobs. He reached a hand up in an attempt to clear his face of the seemingly endless tears, "...P-please... Please, j-just wake up!!"

Otto attempted to calm himself with a deep breath, but it did nothing to help. He dropped his head even more and spoke in a hushed whimper, "I-I...d-don't want to be alone...anymore..."

_Y-you’re not alone. I... I’m right here!!_

A beat of silence passed by.

"I-I have been...invited to stay here... So I-I... I will be here...if you require any assistance... I-It’s the...least I can do..."

Silence filled the room yet again, and no more words were said. Subaru could not be sure if Otto had even chosen to leave the room or remain as he heard no sounds following those words.

Eventually, sleep crept up on the silent boy yet again, pulling him down to slumber.

\-----

Time continued forward at a snail’s pace. Nothing had changed. As usual, he was left alone in the dark with only the sounds of his breathing for company.

_If this keeps up, I'll be trapped like this forever!_

Inhaling a deep breath, Subaru attempted to calm and focus his mind. With all the time in the world to reflect on everything, he found himself thinking all the way back to the beginning--back to that fateful day, long ago, when _that girl_ pointed her finger at him and everything changed.

_Emilia... I will... I have to...do this..._

Subaru’s mind echoed back from that day, filling his heart with a new resolve. But if he did go back, could he really hope to defeat Elsa again? Wouldn’t the outcome be the same? Though uncertain, he realized the only option remaining was to go back and pray for a usable checkpoint. There was nothing left for him in this timeline; he had to go back.

_I... I’m going to do this right!!_

But how? Reinhard had considered a mercy kill but backed down. If he had better control of mouth, perhaps he could rip out his own tongue? But he could barely move it, and he required the other’s assistance to so much as drink water, much less such a task.

He pondered for a while until he came to a conclusion--he could simply stop breathing. That should be enough, right? It would be difficult, and it would surely be painful, but...he had to do it. He had no other choice.

With that resolve in mind, Subaru concentrated. Expelling the remaining air from his chest, he pursed his lips shut. He focused and attempted to feel nothing at all. Consciousness faded in and out as the stream of oxygen was cut off at the source. Then his body started to fight back against his attempts to suppress it. His lungs tried to gather air but he would not allow it. A loud gasp escaped as he forced his throat shut again.

Suddenly, the door slammed open. "He's not able to breathe!?" Felix yelled as he rushed to the bedside, hurriedly readying his healing magic. A quick press to his abdomen caused Subaru to gasp again, but the mana pouring into his body only served to aid in removing his chest pain.

Soon after, Emilia rushed into the room. She watched the attempts at preserving the boy’s life and quickly realized it was doing nothing to help. “Please, step aside,” she instructed.

Felix looked up to her. He wanted to believe he could save Subaru, but it was clear this was doing nothing and, with the resolve on the half-elf’s expression, he decided to oblige her request.

With a quick nod, Emilia moved to the bed and immediately pressed her lips to Subaru’s.

_W-what are you doing!?_

A rush of air entered the boy’s body, stifling any and all attempts he had been making to suffocate himself. He felt her delicate hands press down on his chest, forcing him to accept the oxygen filling his burning lungs.

_Stop! Stop, I need to leave this world!_

Subaru gasped and wheezed as his body refused his wishes, desperately gulping down more oxygen to stabilize itself. Eventually, the repeated chest compressions halted and he finally gave in, allowing his lungs to draw in any and all air they required. Now weak and tired from the attempt to leave this timeline, he simply laid there and shakily breathed in and out as sweat poured down his forehead.

As she watched the boy’s labored breathing normalize, the half-elf let out a small sigh of relief, "He'll be fine now..."

Felix simply nodded, unsure of what to even say or do. He was completely speechless at his own powerlessness in the situation. _What a useless knight. What a poor excuse for a healer._

Emilia broke the cat-knight’s train of thought, "We have to save him. There has to be...something we can do..."

"...But, what are _nya_ gonna to do? I-I’ve tried everything! I don’t think there’s anything left we can--"

"--There has to be! I’ll...I'll think of something... I refuse to give up..."

_Silence._

The two exited the room without another word.

Now left in complete solitude yet again, the sounds of Subaru’s breathing, his heartbeat, and his mind all rang out full blast. The only thing he could feel was the fear and uncertain anticipation of what might come next.

If he remained in this timeline, then what was even left for him? If the best healer in the land failed to heal him, then how was he to hope for a recovery? If this was how his days would pass by, then--

Subaru took a deep breath and focused on his heartbeat. His mind began to feel heavy. Though he attempted to fight it off, he eventually gave in as his mind drifted down into unconsciousness...

\-----

The clock ticked on endlessly.

Morning arrived again. At least, he thought it was morning.

Subaru tried to move but found it, as expected by now, impossible. He attempted to yell but it was as though his vocal cords were sewn shut. He never thought he could ever be in a state so terrible and pitiful. All he could do was continue to lay there and accept what he was--a shell of his former self.

Voices rung from the hallway. The door swung open and the clatter of cups hitting a table echoed through the empty room. The boy felt a tiny hand touch his. It was...familiar.

She had abandoned her post at the forbidden library? Just for him?

"I see," Beatrice mumbled, "I will do what I can, I suppose..." The librarian walked past and sat in a chair by the desk. She took a breath and exhaled as though the task she was due to complete was just that exhausting.

"Will this really work?" Reinhard’s voice suddenly entered the fray.

"It would have worked sooner if Emilia-sama had just asked for help instead of trying to do everything by herself, in fact!" Beatrice barked her complaint at the half-elf.

"S-sorry..." Emilia responded meekly.

"Hmph!"

Only the sounds of glass tapping against wood and liquid pouring out could be heard. What was she even doing over there?

The room fell silent of voices as the other two in the room watched and waited for the results of Beatrice’s efforts. Eventually, the short girl finished the project she had been working on. "Here, give him this. It should negate some of the effects the ritual cast on him, I suppose," she said with a small huff as she passed something to Emilia. "...And don't spill it, in fact!" she added with a snap.

Subaru felt his body being lifted up to a seated position--most likely Reinhard’s doing. Emilia sat on the edge of the bed. "Subaru, here..." she spoke calmly. He then felt the cold touch of glass press against his lips, "Please, drink this." She helped open his mouth similar to last time, and he did nothing to resist. Suddenly, a surprisingly hot liquid poured into his throat, stinging on the way down. He coughed in response but still managed to finish the entirety of it.

Once the liquid was gone, Emilia moved the cup away from his mouth. A few moments later, Reinhard moved his body to lay down once again and smoothed the sheets around him.

Beatrice took the cup back and tossed it onto her tray. She kicked the chair under the desk and stomped out of the room with a “Feel better, I suppose!” followed by another huff.

Not long after, the other two nodded affirmatively to each other, wordlessly agreeing to leave Subaru to relax on his own, before exiting and closing the door with a small _click_.

Time passed in perpetual solitude.

What was that? A potion? Some kind of medicine?

He could trust Beako, right? She wouldn’t give him something to hurt him, right?

How long had it been? Wasn’t he tired of trying to count time yet?

He thought about these questions but quickly discarded them. An unknown amount of time later, he found consciousness waver as sleep took him away once again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throughout working on this, I’ve come to realize I am terrible at planning the length of chapters. Just when I think I’ve got it, one chapter becomes too much and must be split into two. And here, between this and Empty, it has happened yet again. The word count literally doubled from my first draft, much less from what the AI gave me, haha...
> 
> Also, between these two chapters, I had to move a lot of things around to make it flow. It tried to organize events in ways that didn’t make sense for them to occur, so hopefully this is a lot better.


	27. Potion

Natsuki Subaru awoke to the sound of shallow breathing. Was the sound coming from him or from someone else? He attempted to open his eyes and look to see but everything remained black. Though he thought to move his arms, they remained at his sides.

If that was true, then nothing had changed. Still resigned to an endless torment, Subaru let out a heavy sigh.

"T-this sucks..."

It took several seconds for him to realize where the words were coming from.

“...W-wait...”

The voice cracked as though it had never been used.

It was... _ his own voice _ . He could  _ speak! _ Though sight and movement still failed him, he could, at the very least,  _ communicate! _

After the initial shock of that realization wore down, Subaru took a deep breath before calling out, “Hey!! Anybody!!” His voice was so loud it rattled the windows as he desperately shouted, “Emilia!! Rem!! Ram!! Beatrice!! Reinhard!! Felix!! Otto!! Is anyone there!?”

Moments later, someone responded from further down the hallway, “Natsuki-san!?” Immediately, the source of the voice slammed the door open and stuttered in disbelief, “D-did my ears just deceive me!? O-or did you...d-did you just call my name!?”

"O-Otto...?" Subaru spoke in a raspy voice, as though utilizing it was difficult for him, "I d-did. A-and, for the record you...you did nothing wrong...so you don’t have to blame yourself."

“Y-you... I-I--” the merchant hastily fumbled with his response, but stopped as he noticed tears welling up and dripping down Subaru’s cheeks.

Unable to hold back the flood of emotions building up deep inside, the boy had begun to cry. His joy for being able to communicate with the outside world after so long had overwhelmed his heart. Try as he might to quell it, the tears continued to pour out ceaselessly as he sobbed.

Otto quietly took a seat in the chair beside the bed and set his hat on the table with a small, understanding sigh. Several minutes passed as the merchant sat in silence, his hands crossed over his lap and his head hung forward, waiting for Subaru to calm down.

Once the boy’s tears had finally dried up and he managed to recompose himself, Otto lifted his head and cautiously began to speak, “What...happened to you?”

"W-well, this is probably gonna sound crazy, but...a woman named Elsa used me for a witch ritual that included absorbing my mana until I was on the verge of death. Reinhard showed up to defeat her, but...” he paused momentarily, as though reflecting inwardly, before continuing in a quieter tone, ”...It was too late; the damage was already done. Felix was hurt pretty badly too and he still...he still prioritized saving me... After that I just...I think everything shut down. I can’t see, I can’t move, and I almost couldn’t even breathe...”

Subaru took a deep breath before continuing, tears threatening the corners of his eyes again, but for a different reason, ”I made them worry. I got everyone hurt. All this because I dragged them into my mess...” The boy gulped down the sobs attempting to break forth from his shaky voice, “P-pathetic, I know... T-that’s all I’ll ever be...”

"--No! You are  _ not _ pathetic!" the merchant retorted, “Do not casually spout such rude things about yourself as if they are true!”

"But...it's the truth..."

Otto couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The merchant’s hands balled into fists in his lap and he grit his teeth, "It is  _ not _ the truth! I will not allow you to think in such a way!"

But Subaru continued to speak in a dejected tone, "I-I'm sorry, but I know what I am...I--"

"--Do not speak such! You obviously survived the harshest of circumstances! We are going to figure out a way for you to recover!"

A moment of silence followed those words. The boy pursed his lips into a hard line as he thought back on everything.

“Felix already tried everything. He said so himself. I don’t even know why I’m able to speak now, but it’s gotta be some kind of miracle or--” Subaru explained but cut his own words off as a memory returned to him, “--Beatrice. What she gave me... Was that...some kind of medicine?”

As Otto listened, an idea struck, prompting him to begin digging through his pockets. Maybe, just maybe he might already have something to fix everything, and then this argument would need to happen no more.

After a few moments of searching, the merchant shuffled to the bedside and hurriedly propped Subaru’s body into a sitting position--earning a surprised yelp in response--then demanded, "Drink this! It will hurt a little, so be prepared!" Without any hesitation, he forcefully pressed a vial of mysterious liquid to the boy’s lips.

Though confused and completely caught off guard, Subaru did not bother protesting as he swallowed the strange, bitter liquid in one swift gulp. Instantly, his stomach began to churn as a sharp pain ripped through his chest. Sweat poured down his brow as his body was quickly overtaken by extreme nausea.

_ Poison!? _

"G-get away from me...!!" Subaru rasped as his body collapsed sideways. He uncontrollably curled into a ball of pure pain as he wailed in agony. Somehow it felt as though he had been hit by a truck and set on fire at the same time.

Otto, with no access to healing magic and no idea how to handle the mess he had just created, frantically attempted to soothe the boy’s pain by rubbing his back while speaking calmly, "Relax. I promise this will work."

"...I feel like something's...crawling under my skin..." he whimpered in response.

The merchant’s words had done little to ease his mind and symptoms. In fact, it made him feel more nauseous to the point he began to dry heave. "G-get away! I'm going to--" That same instant, Otto shrieked and, in a panic, hurriedly backed away from the bed. But though Subaru heaved several times, nothing came of it. A few more moments later and his stomach, somehow, had settled down a little. He groaned and took in a deep breath.

“I am truly sorry to have made you feel sick. But! I do promise it will all be worth it!” Otto attempted to speak positively as he returned to the bed and began rubbing the boy’s back again.

Had he actually been poisoned? Or was it really something helpful? Bitter medicines tended to be terrible, but this was beyond the worst. Even so, Subaru wanted to believe Otto would never do anything to intentionally harm him.

Several minutes passed before either of them spoke again, but the first sound came from the merchant. "Try to take deep breaths," he advised in a calming voice.

"How do you...know this...will work?" the boy asked in between pants as sweat poured down his face.

"I, uh, had a similar experience once before. Due to certain circumstances, I became incapable of moving my legs. It is quite a...very long tale...” Otto said, his sky blue eyes drifting aside in deep thought.

Subaru decided not to bother digging for that story. Instead, he focused on taking slow, deep breaths. "I'm...so tired..." he groaned.

“I promise you will feel much better soon. Just hold on a little longer,” the merchant said in a hopeful tone.

“Easy...for you to say--”

"--And do not fall asleep! If you lose consciousness, the potion will cease to function and you will have to restart!" Otto explained pointedly.

Subaru had no energy to argue one way or the other. The effects were so draining, if he even decided to scream, he most likely would be incapable of it. Slowly, very slowly, despite the warning, his breathing began to stabilize as he started to drift off...

\--Instantly, hands grasped his shoulders and shook them violently. "Natsuki-san! I have already explained that you cannot sleep! Did you not hear me!?" Otto spoke frantically.

"Huh...Wha?" the boy mumbled as reality slowly set in. Just then, a new wave of nausea washed over his body and he started desperately heaving. Again, nothing came of it, most likely because his stomach was currently fairly empty. He took a few deep breaths to settle down before attempting to respond, "I...really hope this works..."

"Do not be concerned! You will only have to hold on for the next hour!”

"W-wait... H-hour!?" He had to suffer through this for another hour!? This was torture!

Another wave of nausea crashed into Subaru’s frail form and he started to shake. All of his muscles tensed up and he felt as though his body might actually break in half any second. Even so, he somehow managed to hold it all down.

_ Just how strong was that potion!? _

"Otto..." the boy muttered out weakly, "Tell me...how the potion works..."

"...Huh?" Otto responded with little more than a breath, as though he had been caught off guard by the sudden question.

Subaru opened his mouth and shouted angrily, "I want to know...how the potion works!! How...does this work!?"

“Eek! W-well, you see, it is a magical potion. I began carrying it after the incident mentioned before. Normally, if a part of your body is paralyzed, a drop or two would work well enough. But uh... Well, your entire body was paralyzed, correct? So I...intended to give you a little more than simply a drop and... I-I may have...given you the remainder by mistake...”

Subaru groaned at what he had just heard, though Otto seemed to take that as a cue to continue his explanation, "Usually one may only feel some pain and occasional nausea as the potion circulates and attempts to wake the nerves, but much of your body is paralyzed and you consumed more of the potion so the effects will be amplified. Please, just try to endure it!”

"...You mean...to tell me," the boy began, "That...that was...the entire potion?"

"Yes, that is as I explained, and you--"

"--I drank...the entire potion?"

"Ahh... Mhmm..."

"...Otto...you know...you could've told me all of this...ahead of time..."

"I-I am sorry! I simply wanted to help as soon as possible!" the merchant frantically replied.

As the potion flooded his bloodstream, Subaru’s stomach rumbled and churned. He tried his best to ignore the feeling and, instead, concentrate on breathing, but a spasm shot through his entire body and down his spine. Each nerve ending felt as though it was on fire, prompting him to scream out in agony.

Witnessing this, Otto felt the need to add in another distraught apology, "I-I am truly sorry, Natsuki-san! I realize it is far too late for that but I... Y-you consumed the entire potion at once a-and it...it happened so fast!"

The boy continued to shake and writhe on the bed. If only Felix had been present; he could have healed the pain with his magic. That thought made Subaru realize something was...off. "Where is...everyone else...?" he rasped out.

"T-they are not present. I am fairly certain they left to look for a cure, and the knights have asked me to keep watch of you while they run an errand. The head butler has already left for the day so I believe I am the only one remaining here,” Otto quickly explained.

"Otto, you--" 

"--Ahh, I-I am deeply sorry about this but I must leave your side for a moment. Please, do not fall asleep before I return!" he said before hurriedly running out of the room.

It took all of Subaru’s focus not to lose consciousness from the storm wracking his body. A fever had formed, causing him to sweat even more in an effort to cool down. His heart rate increased to the point it pounded his skull and the nausea was ceaseless. If he remained conscious for too much longer, he felt as though he might go into shock.

Otto returned much faster than expected. Subaru could hear the hollow sound of a bowl as it clacked against the table. He felt his body unwillingly shifted to a different position as he was forced to roll over until face-up. “H-hey! W-what are you--!?” The boy attempted to argue but his words were cut short when a cold, wet towel pressed across his forehead, dropping his fever bit by bit.

“I had almost forgotten this! You will need it to stave off the fever,” Otto explained before trying his best to sound reassuring, “Now relax, Natsuki-san. It will be fine.”

Subaru steadied his breathing and attempted to hold himself together. Through the haze slowly engulfing his mind, one name stuck out to him. If only she were present in this moment, things might be easier. Even though the question had been asked before, he felt the need to speak of it again, "Otto...where is...w-where is...Emilia...?"

"Everyone is researching for a way to help you, remember? Please have some patience," Otto said as he took another seat in the bedside chair. The boy opened his mouth to most likely ask another question, but was cut off before he could utter a sound, “Do not speak. You must conserve your energy.”

Periodically, Otto would flip and change the towel with a fresh one. The cool temperature slowly eased Subaru’s fever until it was no longer an issue. Focusing on the coolness helped to hold his tremulous body together and, soon, even the fogginess in his mind had faded a little.

Eventually, a little over an hour had passed by, yet he still failed to move his limbs and the storm of misery still held his tired body captive.

"Otto... Are you...are you sure about the time...?" Subaru asked weakly.

"Uh, well... I uh, my estimate may have been a little...inaccurate..."

"You..." the boy trailed off with a small growl. He was way too worn down and in too much pain to bother responding.

Minutes passed by in a blur of discomfort. Subaru became increasingly aware of the dryness in his mouth, to the point it became almost unbearable, "Otto... Can you...get me some more water...please?"

"Uh, right!" said Otto before hurriedly leaving the room. Just as quickly, he returned with a new pitcher and filled a cup with ice water. Then he moved to sit Subaru up and pressed the cup to his lips.

Some amount of relief washed over the boy as the cool liquid filled his mouth. After the water was all gone and his body was returned to the comfort of the sheets, he mumbled out a small, “Thanks...”

"If you require any more assistance, I will be present," Otto said as he set the cup on the table and returned to his seat in the chair.

Silence returned to the room once again as Subaru chose not to respond. Through the muscular spasms and the mounting stomach cramps, he held but one thought:  _ At least there’s someone to talk to. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new potion rules coming into play are interesting and something I haven’t seen in the actual series at all so I have to wonder where the AI got the idea. This chapter also adds some hindsight to what Beatrice had given to him before and why it failed to work (spoiler: it's because he fell asleep). I had a lot of fun filling in the banter and arguments. They almost feel natural to me somehow.


	28. Remedy

Despite the statement of only having to wait one hour, it had been woefully inaccurate.

Several more hours of unimaginable excruciation had passed by in a flurry of stomach cramps and searing muscle pain. As the time ticked on, Subaru’s symptoms began to lessen bit by bit, but he was still far from feeling better.

At some point, Otto had quietly dozed off in the chair. The boy couldn’t really blame him--after all, if he could sleep through the effects of the potion, then he certainly would.

As time progressed, hunger began to cloud his senses. Should he just request more water? Or could he risk it? After a momentary pause in thought, he came to a decision.

“Otto...” Subaru spoke with a hushed tone in an attempt to not startle his slumbering caretaker.

A few seconds later, the merchant recognized his name was being called and frantically scrambled to sit up in his seat, “H-huh!? W-what happened!?”

Ignoring the panic, the boy spoke in a neutral tone, “I’m...I’m feeling a little better... I think I...might even be able to handle more than water now. So I... Something to eat would be--”

"--Splendid!" Otto cheered joyfully, clearly relieved to hear those words. "If that is the case, then I believe it is now dinner time for the both of us. I shall be back shortly,” the merchant declared as he stood, newly rejuvenated, then walked out into the halls.

Soon, Otto returned with a simple meal for himself and an assortment of easy to consume options for the boy. Though Subaru could speak now and thus possibly handle solid foods, his stomach would likely refuse the offer. Therefore, he gladly accepted the broths and jellies being spoon-fed to him. Luckily none of it made any of his symptoms any worse.

Once Subaru was done with his meal and a fresh, cold towel had been replaced on his forehead, the merchant moved to sit at the desk with his own dish of food. The dinner had grown cold in the amount of time it took to help but he did not mind as he was unfortunately used to worse meals from his travels.

The entire time passed in relative silence. After Otto had finished his meal, he gathered everything and vigilantly cleaned up before returning to the room as quickly as his feet could carry him.

Every now and again, nausea would rear its ugly head, but each time it did, Otto was by Subaru’s side with everything necessary to handle it. If he felt increasingly terrible, the merchant would rub his back and offer words of consolation.

These were things a certain type of person might do. Someone like a--

Lying there with nothing to really occupy him besides his own mind, Subaru thought back on all the things his current caretaker had done for him from the first day they met until now.

If not for this person, he would have been all alone in the capital and who knew how that might have gone. Besides, this same person had been the one to rush head-long into battle with his cart and attempt to carry him to safety away from the ma-beasts. While the beasts may have found a way to single him out regardless, without the help, he surely would have been captured that day. Additionally, though his memory was spotty, he was confident this guy had attempted to save him from the curse before being mercilessly flung out a window. Later on, they even reunited on the road and the merchant insisted on keeping watch with him so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

\--And now, here he was doing his utmost best to help.

Everything could have ended in loneliness or even disaster, but it didn’t because of Otto.

"I-I..." Subaru mumbled dejectedly, "I-I don't deserve this..."

Otto’s eyes widened and he paused, simply resting his palm on the boy’s back, "Now now, Natsuki-san, what has brought this on?”

"...I-I'm always doing...stupid things that get me in trouble... Dragging everyone...into my messes... I always...drag everyone down with me..."

"I have yet to witness any of these sorts of things about you. Misfortune comes in many forms but you cannot hope to control it all. And besides, you have helped me so much! I would like to return the favor if I can!”

"I got-- ...I almost got Reinhard and Felix killed... And Rem... And Ram... And Emilia... Everyone... Because of me...they--"

“--They are still present, are they not!?” the merchant retorted but quickly returned to speaking in a calm manner, “Everyone is just fine. Do not be so concerned.”

"Y-you... Y-you're the only one...w-who doesn't think I'm a screw-up...” Subaru mumbled followed by a self-deprecating laugh, “Heh, I bet even Emilia does..."

“I would not be so certain of such. You see--”

"--I'm still a screw-up,” the boy cut in before Otto could finish speaking, “How unlucky...can one guy get? Just hope I don't...bring everyone's heads down with me..."

The merchant’s hands began to tremble. Frustration from the inability to get his point across flooded into his shaky voice, “D-do not speak in such a way!”

"I-I'm a burden...to everyone... That's all I'll ever--" But, before he could finish his words, Subaru groaned. A new wave of nausea crashed into him as his stomach waged a war with itself. His body forcibly twisted itself into the fetal position as a nasty taste filled his mouth, causing him to retch.

Having witnessed this several times now, Otto knew exactly what was about to happen and so he hurriedly grabbed a bucket. Quickly, he held the helpless boy over it who immediately lost the remainder of his dinner in a matter of seconds. Moments after, the merchant found the need to apologize, as though he assumed his words might have prompted this kind of response, “Oh no, I...I am so sorry, I--”

"--No, it's fine. I-- I..." Subaru grunted painfully. He felt a towel cross his mouth to wipe anything that might remain. Some water was given to help relieve his symptoms, then his body was gently placed comfortably back on the bed.

Though the gestures were kind and considerate, Subaru felt a growing pain of a different variety fill his chest--helplessness, powerlessness, a pitiful burden of self on others. No matter how many times he tried to help, he always found himself so deep in the crossfire that he ended up either dead or, like now, something much, much worse.

"...I-I'm so...useless..."

"Do not... Do not say that! You are _not_ useless!” Otto argued back. The merchant had remained sitting at the edge of the bed with his tremulous hands resting in his lap. His sky-blue eyes darted downward in shame as he continued, “Listen, I am the one at fault. Though I had intended to help, I mistakenly offered you too much. So you have no reason to blame yourself. Just focus on your recovery.”

"...I-I can't... I'm so weak... I--"

“--You are _not_ a weak individual, Natsuki-san, you are simply sick. And you will certainly feel terrible until the potion wears off, but then you will surely be able to move again,” Otto fired back, balling his hands into fists.

"...I-I'll never be...s-strong enough to--"

"--You need not worry! I am certain the people you wish to aid are simply happy you want to help! That is enough, is it not?”

"...B-but I'm so rash...and hot-headed... I-If I had been patient...if I had just...listened to Reinhard to begin with... T-things right now...things would be different..."

Otto let out a heavy sigh. “Natsuki-san, you--”

“--I-If only I could go back...” Subaru mumbled as tears dropped down and blotted the pillow under his head, “T-things would be better... I’d d-do it right next time... I c-could...I could change things... I--”

\--But, before he could accidentally wander into taboo territory, the boy’s voice was cut short.

"That is where you are the most mistaken, Natsuki-san. You cannot change the past, but you _can_ create a better future,” Otto lectured in a hopeful tone. The merchant paused momentarily then pursed his lips together in a flat line before speaking in a calmer tone, “That is what you have already been doing, is it not?”

Yes...striving for a better future--that was what he had been trying to do all along.

Subaru became silent. Otto’s words had dug right into his soul.

In that moment, something deep inside of him changed. This person’s words had cut so deep that it carved a realization into his heart--of thoughts and feelings he should have been clamouring to hold onto all this time, and of words he should have already said.

"...T-thank you...for everything...Otto..."

Otto, caught off guard by the sudden tone shift, blushed at the gratitude and offered a bashful smile, "Oh, it was no big deal! That is what _friends_ are for, correct?”

“ _Friends_...” the boy mumbled under his breath, as though testing an unfamiliar word for its elasticity. The merchant did not appear to hear him or else he might have commented on it. Regardless, he took a deep breath and released it slowly, “Okay.”

" _Okay_ what?" Otto repeated in confusion.

"...I think I'm ready to face this now."

Though Subaru was unable to see it, his caretaker found reason to pleasantly smile for those words.

\-----

Several more hours passed by and, yet again, Otto had dozed off in the chair, faintly snoring the time away.

No matter how tired he felt, Subaru knew he couldn’t allow himself to fall asleep until the potion worked its magic. But a wavy, drifting sea of comforting slumber threatened to drown him in its sweet release. He struggled to remain conscious but, after yet another hour had passed in silence, his willpower finally shattered.

It was at that moment Natsuki Subaru decided to say the one word that was completely unthinkable of his own voice, something he was totally unused to saying, something normally only reserved for the absolute last possible option, to be avoided at all costs--

“Help...”

His voice escaped his throat at barely above a whisper. A moment of silence passed without response.

"Help...please..." he repeated meekly, attempting to sound louder. But try as he might, he heard no shuffling to come to his aid. Hopelessness began to creep into his heart. He did not want to have to repeat all of this from the beginning.

Just as his body was about to give into its desires, he jolted awake from the feeling of a hand tightly grasping his shoulder. “Natsuki-san! You must remain awake!” a very groggy-sounding voice shouted. The sound of that voice was enough to bring him back from the brink of unconsciousness.

With that done, the merchant sat back in the chair with a heavy sigh.

"Took you long enough..." Subaru chuckled lightly in a _that was way too close_ kind of tone.

"M-my apologies!" the merchant stuttered out.

Though his form could not be seen, Subaru thought he already knew what Otto may have looked like in that moment. The merchant’s cheeks were likely more pale than usual. After working so hard and being unable to sleep properly for so long, the corners of his eyes were probably sunken into his face. He was likely sitting with his head tilted slightly as though it was difficult to continue holding up. The smell of coffee in the air suggested that was what he had repeatedly left the room to retrieve in an effort to remain conscious.

Though the mental assessment was accurate, Otto continued an attempt to uphold high spirits. “Perhaps we should, uh, chat for a bit?” he said in an effort to break the silence.

_He’s trying way too hard._

Yet Subaru welcomed the change of pace with a singular word, "Sure."

Having not pondered so far ahead, the merchant found himself briefly at a loss for words. "How to begin?” he mumbled before a thought came to mind, “Ah, how are you currently feeling?"

The boy considered the question for a moment before responding, "A lot of pain in my joints, like I’ve been running nonstop or something but I haven’t even been moving. And the nausea is still bothering me, but it's not as bad as before. But...it's nothing I can't handle, I guess,” he let out a sigh, “Eh, at this rate, I don't even think the potion will wear off before nighttime..."

"Night is already upon us. It has been so for some time now," Otto informed him, "It is currently darksun. We are within earth time."

_Past midnight, huh?_

"Oh..." Subaru mumbled in response. He should have had a bigger reaction but his mind was way too tired for it.

With that, the conversation could have simply ended. Otto was unsure what to say next but decided it best to simply move on, "Shall we chat about something else to ease your mind?”

"Okay..." the boy responded hesitantly.

The ball was now in his court but the merchant had to think extra hard of what to ask as he did not want to step on any toes. Finally, he tossed the first question that came to mind, “How about... Where are you from? When last we spoke, you said it was very far away. Gusteco, perhaps?”

Subaru paused to think of how to answer such a question. Certainly he couldn’t just blurt out _from another world_ or else he might trigger the taboo or, worse, appear to be crazy. Then again, even if he did say that, this person would likely accept it as a joke. Eventually, he decided on a response that was almost as vague, “From? Well, as I said before, I’m not exactly...from around here. Don’t know anything about Gusteco or about this place, honestly.”

“Ah, I see, I see...” Otto muttered out an equal non-reply.

This conversation was going nowhere fast.

But the merchant finally realized just how odd Subaru’s words were, "...Wait, what do you mean you know _nothing!?_ Do you not currently reside in Lugunica!? And here I believed you to now be a resident of the Mathers estate."

Subaru responded without thinking his words through, "I really don’t know. I only just...woke up in this place."

“Just...woke up here?” Otto repeated the words incredulously. He thought back on what the boy had said before about having a spotty memory. Even so, it lacked sense. Did something strange happen to him in the past for him to lose his memories? Perhaps some sort of strange magic wiped them away? But that still did nothing to explain his dark hair color and strange fashion sense.

With those thoughts in mind, the merchant decided to press it, “I do not understand.”

"I... I don’t know how else to explain it. I mean, if you’re wondering where I live, that’s one thing--yeah, I live at Roswaal’s place. But, I’ve only ever been there and the capital...and here, I guess. I don’t know anything else,” he explained before throwing in another thoughtless response, “I mean, thanks to Ram I only even learned how to read and write recently."

Otto’s eyes widened as he listened to the explanation. His mind attempted to wrap itself around those final words but struggled to make sense of it. How could someone go so much of their life without even learning how to read or write? And there was also the strange _wake up_ part on top of it all--what did that even mean?

“Huh?” the merchant finally allowed for a small puff of air as a response.

But Subaru stopped his explanation without going further. Why did he even allow himself to divulge so much of this information to Otto? Was it due to the effects of the potion? Or perhaps he actually was beginning to see the merchant as some sort of--

"--So you know nothing about the rest of this world?” the merchant asked apprehensively.

Subaru took a breath before responding in a completely honest tone, "No, I really don't."

Otto rubbed his chin as he pondered for a moment. “Well,” he began with an energetic voice, “I suppose you will have a lot to learn from a merchant such as I! Do not be concerned--I promise this will be fun!”

From there, the conversation became a one-sided lesson as Otto spent the next several hours talking at length about the world through his eyes. His explanations went into the four major kingdoms of the world--Lugunica, Kararagi, Volakia, and Gusteco--along with a brief starter on their intergovernmental politics. He explained, in depth, about the covenant with Volcanica the dragon, the rise and fall of the Lugunican royal family, the royal candidate selection, along with the economic situation and hierarchies in the capital city.

Though it was sometimes difficult to keep up, Subaru somehow managed to retain most of the important pieces of information. It may have been a little boring at times to listen to, but he could finally say he was a bit more knowledgeable about the things going on around him.

By the end of the learning experience, the sun had begun to peak in through the guest room window. Subaru remained fully exhausted but Otto appeared completely reinvigorated by the conversation. “I hope my explanation has been informative!” he said with some pep before trailing off, “Though I am uncertain of what else I could say or do now...”

"You've done more than enough. Believe me," the boy said with a small laugh.

Otto smiled then held his hand over his mouth to stifle a yawn. Despite his sudden enthusiasm, it was clear he too was still fighting to stay awake.

\-----

Occasional waves of muscle cramps and pain still coursed through Subaru’s body but, over time, they had become much more manageable. The most difficult part remaining were the pangs of nausea. If only that had not been a part of the symptoms, then the effects may have been easier to bear.

Suddenly a sharp pain crossed through his abdomen. The boy felt his whole body twist in pain as his ears rang like alarm bells and time appeared to slow down. “O-Otto, I think I’m gonna--”

Hazily, deliriously, nestled into the darkness he had long become trapped within, Subaru began to see something take shape. Red. Red outline. Red light. Red...eyes...

A reminder.

An illusion.

_\--Focus!!_

"Oh, good grief! Not another one!" Otto complained loudly but acted none-the-less. He hurriedly returned to the side of the bed with the now-familiar bucket, then held the boy’s head over it. This had become routine to the point he managed to perform the aid with the finesse of a master.

Instantly, Subaru lost whatever he happened to have left of the dinner and water from the previous night. Once his stomach settled and the initial cleanup in the room was complete, his body was placed comfortably back on the bed as usual. Otto made sure the boy was fine before rushing everything to the kitchen to clean for future usage.

This had repeated enough times to break anyone’s spirit but, with Otto’s help, he found the willpower to endure it.

Eventually, a realization hit him; though faint, Subaru could feel the nerves in his limbs tingling. He laid there in silence for several seconds before slowly attempting to move his right arm. By his will, though wobbly, it slowly raised up off the bed.

The potion really was working!? It hurt like hell and buried him under a mountain of despair, but it really did work.

With renewed vigor, Subaru placed both hands on the bed and attempted to muster the strength to sit up, but failed to move far. Even so, surely he would be able to move around on his own in no time. All he could do now was rest and allow the potion to finish circulating.

Otto must have been drained after all the exhausting efforts and the lack of sleep. Still, he diligently worked and hastily returned to the room, “I-I really am sorry for taking so much time!” he bumbled out as he entered the guest room with a clean bucket and some fresh towels, “I--”

"It's fine... You don't have to...keep apologizing," Subaru mumbled then weakly offered a small wave of his hand.

The merchant’s eyes widened as he watched the gesture then shouted in surprise, "It...it is...working!?"

"Yeah... I can feel it. The potion is working..." he muttered followed by a brief sigh.

Although his face was still shrouded by the darkness of the inability to see, Otto’s bright, cheery smile could be felt by his words as he triumphantly cheered, "I was correct!"

The boy immediately frowned, "You said it would only...take one hour..."

"Ah, I suppose I did say that..." Otto responded nervously.

There was a moment of silence before the both of them began to laugh.

"Hey Otto. I'm...glad you're my friend," Subaru spoke with an honest smile.

Otto looked completely surprised. His face turned bright red as he made to respond, adding a bit of a joyful sob to his voice, "M-me too..."

\-----

Over the next hour, the numbness that had previously held his body captive slowly released him from its grasp. He could eventually move his arms and legs and even wiggle his fingers and toes. It might have been excruciatingly difficult, but he had to wonder where he would have been without Otto accidentally forcing him to take the whole potion.

Subaru mustered all the strength in his arms to unsteadily push himself to sit. He curled his legs and rested his elbows on his knees with his forehead held in his palms. Exasperated breaths poured out as his lungs rapidly attempted to stabilize his weak body. Despite such a simple action, it had drained him completely. “It’s...over...” the boy declared.

His friend appeared to understand what those words meant. He sat there in silence for several moments, attempting to think of what to say, when he took notice of one issue that still remained. He began to speak in a low tone, “But, your eyes...”

"I know. Well, I mean, I don't know why they won't open..." Subaru pushed his back onto the bed and sighed as his arms rested outstretched. Eventually, he curled up on his side and pulled the covers around himself.

Otto thought for a moment before leaning back in the chair, “Regardless, this is a lot of progress. You have had a difficult time, but now you can rest easy.”

“I could say the same for you,” the boy added with a small chuckle.

“Ah, I suppose that is true,” the merchant responded with a small laugh of his own, “Well then, Natsuki-san, I believe it is time that we both receive our due rest. I shall remain here. If you require my assistance, feel free to wake me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks a lot, Otto,” Subaru said as he nuzzled his head into the pillow and got as comfortable as possible.

Silence filled the room once again until the sounds of their snores drowned everything out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, as anticipated, I am absolutely terrible at judging the length of chapters. Potion should have been both of these, but became split yet again.
> 
> That said, Otto is forever Brotto, even to an AI.
> 
> Also, I added the points about darksun/earth time because the AI simply had it as late/evening/midnight. For any anime-onlies that are confused by this, the world runs on a different time system than what we’re familiar with. Basically, the day is sectioned off into two halves (brightsun and darksun) and further divided into quarters of 6 hours each that point at different elements, with earth time being the equivalent of “midnight” (12am to 6am). It’s mentioned in the books from time to time, but not so much in the anime from what I recall (except some chibi shorts).


	29. Respite

“Hopefully Subaru- _ kyun _ wasn’t too much of a handful! Did  _ nya _ nything happen while we were away?”

“Ah, yes, about today--er, yesterday, you see--”

Subaru awoke to the sound of familiar voices conversing in the guest room. Though the boy could now speak and move freely, he still could not see. Even so, he easily identified the two voices. Currently, Otto seemed to still be sitting in the bedside chair, while Felix had likely just entered the room. For the moment, he decided to simply listen to their conversation.

“--I heard Natsuki-san call my name and ran as fast as I could. He informed me of what happened and I remembered about a paralysis potion I tend to keep on me. I thought perhaps it may help him and so I offered it...and he consumed it all at once. It worked, but...”

“But?” The moment that word left the feline knight, realization dawned and he let out a loud gasp, “...Oh no, a potion like that--”

“--Exactly... I realized it a bit too late,” the merchant spoke in a low tone filled with a sense of guilt.

“But he...he looks perfectly fine now!” Felix shouted, completely ignoring the fact that someone in the room may be asleep, “Are you also a healer!?”

Otto offered a small, awkward chuckle, “Nothing of the sort, I assure you.”

“Then--”

“--I’m fine,” Subaru finally spoke up. He pushed himself to sit with his back against the headboard. “Otto might not be a healer, but he--” the boy paused to think, “--He’s damn good at running fast.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” the merchant shouted both in surprise and exasperation.

But Subaru did not miss a beat, “It means you helped me a lot and I really appreciate it.”

“O-oh...” As that small breath left Otto’s throat, he looked aside and blushed in embarrassment at both the praise and for having jumped to conclusions.

Felix pondered the conversation for a moment before speaking up again, “Ferri-chan is really surprised to hear your voice,  _ nya _ know! I really didn’t think a potion would work because the complications were directly related to the mana of the witch ritual, and it would have been even more difficult on your body, so it was never considered. But it worked!”

“It did, but...” Subaru trailed off momentarily, not bothering to bask in the excitement, “...I still can’t see.”

The air in the room came crashing back down with those words. Felix’s ears twitched as he listened and the gears in his head began to turn, “Then  _ myaa _ ybe a blindness potion is all you’ll need. Though, I don’t really know any apothecaries that specialize in it. The affliction is pretty rare, after all.”

“Hmm...” Otto hummed to himself as he thought back on his travels, “Unfortunately, I cannot say I know of any either. The one I purchased my paralysis potion from may be able to help, but I do not know of what else he offers.”

“We’ll just have to ask then!” the cat-like knight spoke up, “But, for now, Subaru- _ kyun _ just needs to recover. We can handle the rest!”

“Yeah, um, by the way,” the boy sitting on the bed began. Seemingly embarrassed, he twiddled his thumbs as he thought of the words he wanted to finally say to the one who had cared for him for a week straight without complaint, “Thanks for everything, uh, Ferris.”

The knight froze in place as he heard the nickname spoken. Until that point, Subaru had only ever called him by his given name, not his preferred name. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he appeared to recognize the implications of grown respect in that change of language.

Immediately, the cat-eared knight ran over and gave Subaru a big hug. “I-I’m so happy...you’re still here! Waaaaah!!” he blubbered out, burying his teary face in the boy’s shoulder.

“Whoa! Hey now! C-calm down! I--” Subaru stuttered out, his face turning red, before finally slowing down, “--Y-yeah, me too...”

\-----

Another day had passed by when Subaru next awoke at a time unknown. At first he simply laid there, dwelling in the silence and darkness. Occasionally, the boy would speak to see if anyone happened to be present, but there was never any response. Eventually, the impatience grew unbearable, compelling him to sit and place his feet on the floor.

Though wobbly at first, Subaru managed to stand and balance his body with the help of the headboard. After a few minutes of testing his stamina, the boy decided he was well enough to walk about. 

Cautiously, he took careful steps down the halls. This being the first time Subaru had left the guest room in well over a week, he had no bearings of his surroundings. Even so, he trudged down the hallway in search of only one person while calling out her name in a meek voice, “Emilia?”

Every few steps, the hand tracing the wall would find another door then he would knock and await a response, but never received one. Though he called out her name, not a single voice resounded in kind. Nothing but pure silence filled the oversized house; not even distant idle chatter could be heard.

Frustration and fear began to overtake Subaru’s heart, and he soon found himself hurriedly opening door after door without knocking first, endlessly calling out her name.

_ Where did everyone go...? _

_ Emilia? Where are you? Did something happen? _

Subaru had no idea what room he had barged into nor who it might have belonged to, and he didn’t really care anymore. He just needed somewhere to stop and attempt to clear the negative thoughts beginning to weigh down on his heart.

As the boy stumbled about the room in the ever-black, he found his hands running across a warm windowsill. With his elbows resting against the frame, he basked in the sunlight pouring into the room. Surely, if he simply waited here, someone would notice and be able to clear things up. That was all he could do in the present, after all.

But time passed in unknowable increments and impatience hammered at the boy’s knees. Subaru, tired of thinking of the worst case scenario and weary of waiting for the inevitable, slumped to the floor under the window with his back against the wall and his knees pressed to his chest. He buried his head in his arms, cursing his inadequacies, and attempted to empty his mind.

\-----

After some time, Subaru heard the  _ click _ of the door before it creaked open. Footsteps hesitated before carefully crossing the room. Wordlessly, the visitor took a seat beside him. A small silence filled the air before a bell-like tone spoke up, “Subaru, why are you in here? Are you...okay?”

He turned his head to the person, as if expecting to be able to see. His meek voice stuttered out, “Emilia... You’re here... I-I thought someth--”

“--That’s right. I’m right here,” she cut in with a certain softness, forcing him to drop his train of fearful thoughts.

Emilia was present and she sounded as though everything was clearly alright. Even so, his mind would not ease and his heart refused to rest. Subaru lifted his head, his bottled up thoughts threatening to burst from his shaky voice, “I...I’ve been looking for you. And I-- I need to--”

"--S-slow down,” she spoke worriedly before calming her voice, “What's wrong, Subaru? Is it something I can help with?"

But despite her calm tone, the boy’s voice only sped up as he hurriedly stumbled through his words, “I still can’t see. And everything has-- I-- You--”

“--Now, now, calm down!” Emilia cut in yet again. She gently instructed him, “Take a moment to breathe.”

With a small nod, Subaru took a deep breath and exhaled before he began to speak again, his blended mind pouring out piles upon piles of words, “I... I want to say... Look, a lot has happened, and I’m sorry I dragged you into it. I made a mess and you tried to clean it, and then I made it even worse by just...being there. And here I thought agreeing to Reinhard’s help would be better, but I just made a bigger mess for him and Ferris to clean up too. And now you’re here with everyone, picking up the pieces. I’m just... _ I’m _ the mess...”

As his thoughts continued to spew from his mouth, he found small tears threatening to form, “I realize I sound stupid right now. Elsa is gone, right? I mean, I hope she is, but I don’t even know for sure. I can’t be confident of that after last time. And, here I am, I can’t even see, and I just...I keep making everyone worry, and making you worry, and I hate this so much. What if I...what if...I can never see again. I don’t want you going off to do something dangerous to fix me--I don’t deserve that kindness. And I probably look so weak and so uncool right now, but I... I... I don’t even know why I’m saying all of this. I just... I feel so lost... I don’t know what to do...”

As he spilled his bottled thoughts and feelings, Emilia listened patiently. Hesitating at first, the half-elf eventually found the words she wanted to say, "I know what it's like...to feel lost... It feels like forever since I found my way...and I'm not even sure if I'm on the right path... W-what I'm trying to say is...I'm sure everything will be okay. We will find a way to help you see again, and it won’t require anything dangerous. And, you’re not weak. If you hadn’t thought so fast and gotten hurt for my sake...I might not be here right now. You really saved me, so...I’m thankful for that."

After she finished speaking, the two sat in silence for a while longer.

Subaru attempted to turn away from the half-elf’s general direction as he covered his face with both hands. He didn’t want her to see him like this, completely vulnerable and definitely not manly. But Emilia wasn’t going anywhere, and the embarrassment of having even slightly begun to show this side to her started to overwhelm him, “I-I’m sorry. F-forget what I said. I...“

“Hmm, hmm,” Emilia breathed out defiantly as she shook her head, “You don’t have to hide, Subaru. You can rely on me. I can’t say I know what happened to you here, but I know...it’s been difficult.”

The tears he had been trying so hard to halt because of their unsightliness began to slowly pour down his cheeks. Emotions he had been holding in all week--no, for a few weeks now--tore his heart asunder. He quickly broke down into sobs, burying his tear-strewn face in the sleeves of his robe.

The half-elf carefully wrapped her arms around his shoulders and soothingly ran a hand through his hair. He felt like a small child curled into a ball, crying over seemingly nothing. Slowly, the tears began to cease as Emilia’s embrace helped ease the negative feelings locked onto his heart. "T-thank you..." he finally spoke meekly.

To this, Emilia smiled gently as she spoke, “I know things haven’t been easy, but I’m here for you whenever you need me, Subaru.”

He lowered his head and nodded slowly as he attempted to use his sleeves to wipe the tears away.

"Here, let me help you with that," the half-elf said as she momentarily reached into her pocket for a handkerchief then wiped his face clean. "All better," she spoke somewhat cheerfully.

Her silky voice echoing sweet words, her compassionate gestures, the touch of her delicate hands--all of these things that made up who Emilia was to him created a strong emotion that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Positive thoughts of his first days in the new world, his time at the Roswaal manor, leading all the way up to now--all the moments spent with this one girl--flooded his mind and warmed his heart.

Subaru dearly wished he could see her face; her sparkly blue-violet eyes; her cute nose; her blush cheeks; her pink lips.

All he wanted to do right then was see that bright, beautiful smile of hers...

_ Curse this blindness! _

"...Subaru?" Emilia asked as she noticed he had seemingly begun to space out.

"...I love you," he blurted out. To Subaru, that was the most natural thing he could have said. And somehow, despite everything, he hoped she might feel the same. It may not have been the first time he had ever said these words to her, but it was the first time he had ever said them so straightforwardly.

"E-eh!?' the half-elf gasped as confusion overtook her features, causing her cheeks to lightly blush, "S-Subaru... Where is this...coming from?"

"...I love you, Emilia," he repeated more confidently.

Emilia’s face began to redden as she gently grabbed at her chest in an attempt to calm her now rapidly beating heart. “W-well I... I care about you a lot,” she spoke somewhat shyly.

The two became silent for several seconds.

Finally, Subaru found it in himself to smile at her, "Then that's enough for me."

"E-eh!?" said the half-elf. She was still very much flustered and confused, "...I-I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," the boy shook his head, "If you care about me right now then that's enough for me."

"But--"

"--If it's just the beginning then I'm fine with that."

"Subaru..." the girl mumbled.

"If you're happy, then I'm happy, Emilia-tan!" the boy said with a cheeky smile, his heavy heart now much lighter.

\-----

As he left his guest room once again and walked down the halls with his spirits held high, Subaru hummed to himself as though something amazing had happened earlier that day. Even his pitch-black vision wasn’t really a bother anymore as he nearly found himself skipping with each step.

_ DING - DING - DING _

However, the sudden piercing sound of a bell ringing rattled his ears, startling him. The boy yelped as he tripped over his own two feet before spectacularly crash-landing face-first into the ground with an  _ oof _ .

With his hand tracing the wall, Subaru weakly attempted to stand but became completely disoriented. His lack of sight did no favors as he quickly found himself rolling around, trying to get his bearings like a flipped turtle.

Suddenly, the boy felt a hand touch his shoulder, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to rise in fear.

“Need some help, Natsuki-san?” a familiar voice asked.

A moment passed before he recognized who the voice belonged to. He finally responded in a fearful tone, “O-Otto?”

As the merchant removed his hand, he spoke frantically, "S-sorry! T-that was probably weird of me!"

Subaru slowly turned his head as though expecting to see the person beside him, “No, no, I just...wasn’t expecting you to be there, is all.”

“I too am staying within this house, you know!” Otto shouted as though offended by those words.

But the boy ignored that and continued, “What was that sound?”

"About the bell--ah, well, just follow me!"

With that, the merchant offered a hand to help Subaru stand up then the two hurriedly walked down the halls together. The boy had to wonder where he was being taken in such a rush. Realizing the grip on his arm was tight only made him cautiously worry it may not be something good. "Otto..." he breathed out in a concerned tone but continued none-the-less.

"Just follow me!" the merchant commanded.

Subaru made a small attempt to pull away but the grip refused to loosen. Finally, he asked with some hostility, "Where are you taking me?"

"Just wait and see! ...Well, not see!” Otto stumbled through his brief explanation, “You will understand!"

When the two arrived at the destination, the boy was guided to sit in a wooden chair. Another seat was taken beside him, presumably by the merchant, and several other chairs creaked across the room. The sounds of various footfalls along with porcelain and metal  _ clacking _ filled the busy space.

In that very moment, Subaru finally realized where he was--

"Subaru- _ kyun _ is going to eat dinner with us!?" Ferris yelled in surprise from the other side of what seemed to be a dining table.

The sounds of plates and bowls  _ clinked _ as they were set about the long table. Soon after, an array of various foods were added at the center. Thinking back, Subaru realized the bell must have signaled dinner was ready.

Everything smelled absolutely amazing, but Subaru could not discern what any of it was by scent alone. He found himself picking at the food while everyone else ate.

Otto recognized this and spoke up, "Alright now, take your first bite!" the merchant declared as he grabbed the boy’s wrist and forced him to shove the fork into his mouth.

“What the--mrff--!!” Though Subaru attempted to back away, it was too late. The food hit his tongue and all he could do was attempt to hurriedly chew and swallow whatever it was.

After he finally managed to wash it down with some water, realization dawned as to what it even was--some kind of rice, chicken, and pea casserole. It was hardly something Subaru would have considered eating since he wasn’t exactly a fan of peas. “Otto, aren't you a little too excited for this!?" he shouted.

"W-well...uh... I-It is because I...I--" the merchant stumbled through the words then hurriedly covered his red cheeks with both hands as he sheepishly blurted out, "--I made dinner tonight!!"

_ Why is he so embarrassed about that? _

In any case, those words prompted Subaru to finally begin eating his meal. Not wanting the taste of the green peas to linger, he finished the whole dish fairly fast. The boy’s face twisted from the increasing flavor of the mushy, bland mixture and so he quickly washed it all down with his entire glass of water.

"D-did you...like it?" Otto asked, hesitant of a potentially negative response.

Not wanting to let that hopeful tone down, the boy nodded in response and exclaimed, “Wow, Otto! It was amazing! I didn’t know you were a chef!”

Having recognized the massive difference between Subaru’s expression while eating and his exhilarated tone, the merchant shouted back, “Is that not a bit too much enthusiasm after making such a face, Natsuki-san!?”

Even so, the conversation concluded with a laugh shared between the two.

\-----

Eventually dinner time concluded. Somehow, the butler appeared to be missing from the mix. “Say, Reinhard. What happened to Barnard?” Subaru asked.

“Ah,” the knight breathed out in realization that the news had not reached, “I have sent him on a small vacation, you see.”

“Vacation?”

“Yes,” another voice joined into the conversation, “Nee-sama and I have taken over his duties for the time being.”

“Rem!? Eh, why!?” Subaru questioned.

To that, another more stern voice spoke up, “Rem requested it. Besides, we deemed it too dangerous for that man to remain here with your idiocy, Barusu.”

“Ow, that stings, _onee-sama._ But you’re not exactly wrong...”

Ram crossed her arms and scoffed, “Hah! Barusu is beginning to recognize his own stupidity, I see. Truly scary.”

“Hey now, that’s not what I meant!” Subaru shouted, waving a fist in the air.

In the midst of all of this, another voice spoke up with some excitement, “Natsuki-san, I assume you are excited for tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” the boy questioned.

“Have you not heard? Tomorrow is the day Beatrice stated she would return. She has informed us that she has discovered a recipe for a potion which may cure your blindness!”

"Whoa really!? Are you serious!? Wait... Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this!?" Subaru shouted.

“I’m really sorry, Subaru,” Emilia spoke up from nearby, “I was supposed to tell you, but then we--”

“N-no need for an apology, Emilia-tan! I-I understand!” Subaru hurriedly spoke to cover up her explanation. He worried her too-honest nature would spill the conversation they had earlier in the day.

"The potion should help Subaru- _ kyun _ see again!" Ferris said happily as he joined the ever-growing circle.

"We really must celebrate once it is over," Reinhard added.

After everything he had seen, every terrible thing that had happened, and yet this group of people was still standing, safe and healthy, all Subaru could think was how grateful he was. If not for these people, he certainly would not be having this moment. He would either have reset to fight the woman all over again, or he would have been locked within himself, destined to whittle away to nothing.

"Why don't we just...celebrate right now?" the boy spoke somewhat hesitantly.

"What a splendid idea!” Otto chimed in. The merchant wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulder and smiled brightly.

Thus the rest of the evening was spent in shared festivities including eating, drinking, and talking with everyone over word games Subaru had seemingly created right on the spot. As the time became late, the maid sisters went about cleaning everything up while Emilia returned to her room to rest. The boys all ducked into a random guest room to get out of the way and continued their chatting and games.

Eventually Subaru passed out on the floor of someone's room of exhaustion.

\-----

Still unable to see his surroundings, Subaru felt around and realized he had somehow ended up in a bed. Someone must have carried him back to his own room the previous night.

Emilia had already gone to bed, and Ram would never do such a thing to help. Ferris may have tried, but he doubted the knight could have accomplished it. Rem certainly could have; Reinhard as well. Otto did not appear to be strong enough, so he was ruled out immediately.

_ At least now I’m back in my favorite clothes! _

_... _

_ W-wait, does that mean--!? _

As the boy pondered with a blushing face who it might have been, he heard a knock at the guest room door. Before he could speak up, the frame slammed open and a familiar voice scoffed, "Why are you always breaking down, in fact!? I'll just have to fix you again, I suppose..." 

“Bea--!?”

"--Drink this! Not a drop less, in fact!” the librarian shoved a cold bottle of some strange liquid into his hand. She began to explain with a huff, “It will take time to work and it will be painful, so don’t panic! Then you can see again, I suppose..."

"Beako...!" exclaimed Subaru, elation filling his heart. He was so grateful and excited that the warnings she had explained went right over his head. Thus, he immediately popped the cork and hurriedly downed the unfamiliar concoction.

As the potion worked its way through his bloodstream, the boy began to feel the effects. A searing sensation welled up in his skull, concentrated on the sockets behind his eyes. He wailed in agony as his trembling hands instinctively dug at them in a vain effort to ease the pain.

A tiny grip quickly pulled his hands away. “Cut it out! Do you want to remain blind, in fact!?” Beatrice yelled.

The burning sensation continued to singe his eyes, growing in intensity throughout his head. He felt as though his brain may boil from the sheer heat. As Subaru shakily reached with both hands to grab his head, his body began to tremble.

"So weak! Hmph!" the librarian scoffed at his frail constitution.

"Bea...ko... Bea...trice...!!" Subaru angrily shouted in response.

"Betty did warn you, in fact! Besides, you've had something like this before, I suppose!? You should be better prepared than this; it's not Betty’s fault that you’re so fragile, in fact! HMPH!" Beatrice crossed her arms and looked aside, glaring at the boy from the corner of her eyes. She turned away completely and made her way out of the room without another word.

As soon as he heard the door slam shut, panic began to wash over Subaru. He felt the burning sensation between his eyes pulsing, threatening to burst his eyeballs from his face. No matter what he did to stifle the aching, it refused to cease. This was going to be just like last time, except now he was all alone. The boy curled up into a ball as hot tears ran down his cheeks.

\-----

Hours had passed quietly as nothing but unending, searing excruciation. No matter how much time had gone by, Subaru felt no relief from the barrage of scorching flames roaring throughout his head as he writhed in agony for what felt like forever. Sweat poured down his burning skin as he curled into a ball of endless torment.

Finally, the door slowly creaked open. "Bea...trice..." Subaru moaned through the endless sea of pain.

But the person on the other side of the door was someone else. "Subaru...?" he heard a bell-like voice speak cautiously. When she finally realized what had happened, the girl hurried to sit on the side of the bed and spoke quickly, "Where does it hurt?"

Subaru was unable to find the words to speak and so he simply pointed to his temple. The half-elf appeared to understand as she softly placed her hands there. Instantly, he felt a warmth envelop his body. It wasn’t as potent as Ferris’ healing magic, but it was enough to reduce the elongated agony, allowing him to finally relax a little. "Emi...lia..." he murmured.

Slowly and carefully, Emilia moved to sit with his head in her lap. “Yes, it’s me,” the half-elf said as she carefully ran a hand through his hair.

The boy felt himself drifting away, but he remembered what had happened last time. He couldn’t sleep or else the entire process would have to restart--and who knew if Beatrice would be so kind as to remake the potion for him. "Why does this...always happen to me...?" he whimpered.

"It’s going to be okay now,” the half-elf said as she softly caressed the boy’s head.

"Emilia..." he breathed out.

Slowly, she leaned in, and Subaru--sensing her looming presence over him--felt his heart racing. The half-elf kissed him on the forehead and a new wave of tears ran down his cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything,” she promised.

_ Emilia really is an angel. _

After some time passed in silence, Subaru finally thought to ask, “Where is...everyone?”

“Ah, well, I haven’t seen Beatrice in a while so I don’t know where she went. Reinhard and Ferris went out to do something, but I don’t know the details. And Ram and Rem said they were going to get ingredients for dinner tonight. So the only one’s here right now are myself and--”

The door creaked open once again and in walked a young man with long, grey hair and bright blue eyes. "Ah, Emilia-sama! I was wondering where you went!" The merchant then noticed Subaru’s state of wellbeing, "Oh no, not again!"

Subaru began to mutter in response, "Otto... Emilia is--"

"--I used some magic to block the pain. He's going to be weak for a little while but he should be okay soon enough," Emilia finished the explanation.

"Ah, what a relief!" Otto sighed loudly. The merchant glanced at his friend one last time before nodding to the half-elf, "I'll leave you to it then, Emilia-sama."

"Yes, you can count on--" 

\--But, before Emilia could finish her words, the window exploded and a figure landed in the shadows of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little longer than I would have liked to complete. I blame the release of the game, amongst some other things. In my planning, this was supposed to be two chapters, so I have effectively done the opposite of my usual. Basically, a lot more was supposed to happen, but it either didn’t make sense or was completely unnecessary/not enjoyable to write out or read so it was cut, and having to sort that only took more time.
> 
> In the 1v1 with Emilia, the curse could have been brought up and I almost did allow it but I felt like it would ruin the moment. Besides, I’m sure by now Subaru has long since buried that in the past. Also, I like how various different characters keep making dinner and the maid twins have taken over the kitchen. They’re all just going to run the butler out of work.
> 
> Bonus to any keen eyes that noticed I went back and re-titled a few chapters (mostly by removing words in them). I realized I had created a pattern of single-word titles and it felt better to just organize everything by that.


	30. Misery

The sudden crackle of glass shattering followed by a loud  _ thump _ some distance from the bed caused Subaru’s blood to chill and his body to freeze in fear. Time stood still as an eerie silence filled the air before being broken by a voice.

"...Oh, so  _ this _ is where you were. I guess  _ she _ was right after all!"

\--Though the person’s face was unseeable, the voice registered as female. 

“Wow, you look  _ really _ pitiful, Mister!”

\--Young, childish, it teased him with almost playful words.

“Well that’s too bad for you, now isn’t it?”

\--Wait, the voice was...familiar.

Emilia carefully moved aside from Subaru and stood from the bed. Fully intending to shield him from harm, with her arms outstretched to either side, the half-elf hurriedly placed herself between the intruder and the boy. Meanwhile, Otto shared a quick glance with her before hastily shuffling out of the room.

“You...” Subaru mumbled out followed by a pained groan. Without Emilia’s healing magic to aid, the searing ache in his head had returned at full force. He clutched his forehead with both hands and grit his teeth as he muttered, “Y-you’re--”

"--Don't worry, Subaru. I'll take care of this. I will...protect you this time..." Emilia attempted to sound reassuring but her voice was noticeably shaken. She slowly walked closer toward the threat and put a hand up to prepare her ice magic.

“Oh, Miss, you want to play? Then let’s play!” the childish voice shouted with glee. Following that innocent-sounding declaration was a spine-chilling roar. The wooden floor rumbled with the loud reverberations bouncing off the walls.

_ A... A lion!? _

Without hesitation, Emilia released her ice spell. As each crystal sang through the air, they pierced the side of the ma-beast, causing it to yelp in pain. Blood poured out, but the beast did not back down. It roared again and leaped forward, swinging a powerful paw toward the half-elf, which she just barely managed to dodge.

"Scared?" sneered the small girl from a different corner of the room.

"N-not even...!" Emilia said as she hastily fired off more blasts of ice, each now missing their intended target. The beast weaved left and right, its fangs shining as it dashed forward with its paws outstretched. Without much space to maneuver around the room, the half-elf quickly found herself cornered.

“--Emilia!!”

_ Whump _

Violet eyes widened. The girl helplessly watched from the side as the boy she had been intending to protect slammed into the floor and rolled, bleeding out from three slashes to his left hip. He had taken the merciless claw attack for her and was now clutching his wound with a pained yelp. “No! Stop!” Emilia shouted in despair as she found herself unable to accomplish what she had once promised.

“Guh...” Subaru groaned as he kneeled on the ground. Before he could finish reeling from the attack, a loud rumbling was heard overhead as many spears of ice filled the air about the room.

Without allowing any time to think, Emilia shouted, “Come on!” She grabbed Subaru’s free hand and yanked him into a run from the room. Even with the boy’s inability to see, the throbbing headache, and his fresh injury, he somehow managed to keep up.

As the magic ripped through the foundation, the ceiling in the guest room cracked and splintered. Under pressure from the sheer force of power, it collapsed inward, completely destroying the room with an earth-shattering rumble. Even as the door shut behind the two, the loud pained roar of a lion found its way down the halls.

Emilia continued to pull the boy down the corridor, not taking any chances on a possibility the enemy may have escaped in time. Meanwhile, Subaru’s head was still on fire, throbbing from the potion’s effects. His stomach knotted as though it wanted to betray him, but he did his best to hold himself together. Despite it all, he continued running forward on sheer will, heaving with every step.

"This way!" a familiar voice shouted. It took him a moment to register it as Otto. “W-we cannot hope to defeat her by ourselves! Fortunately, with the time Emilia-sama has bought, I have prepared an escape plan!”   


As the three hurried outside, the boy quickly found himself yanked into the back of a dragon carriage. Before he could fully wrap his mind around what was happening, the dragon yawped and took off running.

Subaru attempted to sit up straight but, due to the pain coursing through his body, he couldn’t. Instead, the boy found himself lying on one of the seats, clenching his teeth at the pulsing aches neverending in his head. His hand weakly clutched the fresh wound as he prayed it would stop bleeding soon.

"It's all right, I'll heal you! Just hold still!" said Emilia. She hurriedly placed her hands over the injury and focused on utilizing her healing magic. A few moments later, the bleeding ceased and the pain in his hip faded away. "There. I managed to close the wound," she declared.

Suddenly, a loud bellow rang out from behind. Subaru felt a cold chill run up his spine as fear washed over. Unable to do anything with his current afflictions, the boy could only entrust his hope in Emilia and Otto.

\-- _ Can a lion-like ma-beast really outrun a ground dragon? _

Just as that thought crossed his mind, the earth began to rumble. Galloping stomped into the dirt and skid, throwing the carriage around in the process. The ground dragon yowled as it met its opponent face to face, but a shriek of panic sent the carriage suddenly rolling sideways. As the cart toppled over, its passengers were flung outward.

Subaru landed in the dirt with a loud grunt, coughing and choking on the mixed scents of pine and blood. Without his sight, the boy had no idea where anyone else may have landed, and so he slowly crawled across the cold grass in search of the others.

Footsteps approached. Freezing in horror, Subaru held his arms over his head and braced himself.

“N-no...”

_ Thwack. _

\-----

Nothing but pitch-black filled his field of view. Was he awake or asleep?

With that thought alone, Subaru realized he had regained consciousness. Disoriented from the previous events and still without the ability to see, the boy had no idea where he currently was. The only thing he could be certain of was the fact the potion had failed.

_ Beako is going to be mad at me again... _

Subaru attempted to move his limbs only to find resistance. As he pulled with his arms, he realized they had been chained to the ground, allowing very little room to maneuver. Quietly, he felt around for a way to remove the shackles but found no latch or keyhole.

Unsure of his current situation, Subaru decided it best to remain quiet for some time. His mind now much clearer without the potion’s barrage, he was able to think back. The last thing he remembered was the carriage flinging him into the forest and footsteps approaching, so it must have been the girl with the beast that had taken him captive. Because it seemed the ma-beast was willingly cooperating with her, she most likely had an ability to control them.

After digging deeper at his memories, Subaru finally recalled exactly where he’d heard that little girl’s voice before. One of the village kids had been attacked by ma-beasts in the forest, and he’d hurried to her aid. As he ran with her in his arms, the beast managed to catch up. Soon after, she disappeared, and he’d heard no news of what might have become of her. In hindsight, she had most likely acted as bait to draw him into the forest to be captured in the first place. 

\--In other words, he had been played.

Stifling his anger at having fallen for such an obvious trap in the past, Subaru instead decided to focus on gathering more information. He slowed his breathing and sharpened his usable senses in an attempt to gather a mental image of his current surroundings.

His hands found dirt and craggy stone. A faint crackle could be heard nearby along with the scent of burning wood, so he assumed a campfire had been set up. The quiet yet echoey sounds in the cool air suggested he might be inside a cave. When he stopped moving, he heard light shuffling from nearby along with shallow breaths. Was someone else present?

Some time passed in absolute stillness as nothing happened. Should he call out? Should he attempt to reach out to the person nearby? It could be Otto or Emilia, but he had no idea if it even was either of them.

As he opened his mouth to speak, footsteps approached.

"Ah, you appear to have finally awoken..." spoke a sultry voice, “It seems Meili had her fun after all. She did such a good job; I’ll have to give her my thanks later.”

_ Meili? Is that the name of that girl? _

"These chains are quite sturdy. You would be a fool to try to escape them," the woman taunted.

"Elsa! Let me go!" Subaru demanded.

“What makes you think I would do such a thing?”

“My friends are a whole lot stronger than you, ya know. If you don’t let me go, you’re gonna lose the battle--just like last time!” the boy said with an attempt at a confident smile but it was mired by his growing frustration and fear.

"Hmm... When they come to save you, I'm sure they'll try. It will be dull for them, but  _ oh so _ fun for me! I get to test out my  _ new powers _ , after all!" Elsa said, clearly ignoring his warning.

“New...powers...?” said Subaru, dread finally overtaking his features.

“Yes. You see, even without the ritual being complete, I gained  _ something _ from it.” With her cold slender fingers, the woman grabbed the boy’s chin, causing him to reflexively flinch. He could feel her hot breath on his ear as she whispered with a hiss, "And I’ll use it to get my revenge..."

With so much unknown about how the ritual worked, her boast could either be the truth or a lie. Because Subaru could not discern between them, he was left at an impasse. Sweat poured from his brow as panic swelled up in his chest, forcing his heart rate to rapidly increase.

This woman was not going to let him go so easily. He already knew that, so how could he ever hope to escape this situation?

Some form of determination finally spoke up for him, "Y-you’re just bluffing! T-they're gonna stop you!"

"My my, well, no matter to me. I don’t fear them, after all," Elsa laughed, her voice trailing off as she walked away, "Speaking of friends..."

"N-no... P-please..." a familiar voice pleaded, “I-I beg of you--!” His plea was swiftly met with a loud  _ smack _ .

_ Otto!? _

Hearing the merchant’s pained voice and not being able to see anything, Subaru was falling more and more into despair. He was chained down, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t see; all he could do was wait and hope and pray and--

"Is this one of your so-called ‘friends?’ Ah, this'll be so much fun!"

"S-stop! N-n-no!!" Otto screeched, “Aaahhh!!!” The sickening sound of a  _ crunch _ was followed by a truly pitiful shriek.

Rage built up inside, prompting Subaru to roar, "L-leave...him...alone!!"

As he flailed his useless limbs around in a vain attempt to break from the shackles, Subaru felt his muscles burning and his ears ringing. The boy’s head started throbbing as his heart rate continued to increase and adrenaline flooded his bloodstream.

He couldn’t stop moving. He couldn’t just sit there and listen any longer--not when his friend was being hurt for his sake.

"Hah! You really think you can save him!?" Elsa mocked with a laugh, "But it's too late for him now..." As the woman’s voice trailed off, another loud  _ crunch _ was met by another shriek and a whimper.

Those words, those horrible sounds, drove Subaru to continue his struggle. He yanked and pulled with all his might, but no amount of effort would allow him to break free. His body became weaker and weaker as he continuously pushed himself, but it all resulted in nothing.

As his strength finally gave out, the boy rested his forehead against the dirt and stone, cursing his own powerlessness. Without any willpower remaining, he could do nothing more than listen as she ignored his friend’s pained cries.

_ Emilia, where are you? _

As the thought crossed his mind, Subaru felt even weaker. He couldn’t rely on anyone but himself, but he couldn’t rely on himself either. Truly a useless man, he was. Useless.  _ Useless. _

“I see you finally understand your position,” Elsa said with a sneer before turning to Otto. The woman kicked him in the stomach and he weakly cried out in pain. "You're lucky, you know. Though I really want to see what’s inside that soft tummy of yours, I’m merciful enough that I'll stop right before I kill you...for now." 

Immediately following those words, Elsa held a dagger to the merchant’s throat, seemingly awaiting something. "Go on..." she demanded.

"Please..." Otto gasped, his voice raspy.

"I can't hear you..."

"P-please..." he said a little louder, coughing.

The woman pushed the blade closer to his throat, drawing a small amount of blood.

"--Ah, ah!! P-please...do not k-kill me!!"

"That's more like it," she grinned.

Subaru could only listen as a terrified and broken Otto begged for his life. The boy’s eyes still could not see but they were filled with tears none-the-less. Though he tried to dry them, more continuously poured out.

Suddenly, Elsa changed her tone of voice and spoke directly, "Hmm, how about this: If you can give me a good reason not to kill you, I'll spare you."

"Wh...what?!" Otto questioned, dumbfounded.

"I need a reason. If you can come up with a good one then maybe I won't slice you open. What can you do? Think up something good."

The merchant gulped down deep breaths as he attempted to quell his rapidly beating heart and think straight. His mind must have been going in overdrive, "I...I...I...I--"

"--I'm waiting."

"I...I can...offer you a thousand gold coins!"

"Hmm... Are you really trying to bribe me? Unfortunately that won’t work for a person like me. Now then, what can you do? I want to know what you can do for me...”

With his one fail-safe idea out the window, Otto had nothing else to fall back on. He began to panic, "A-anything!! I-I would do a-anything if only you were to spare me!"

"Anything? Anything at all?" the woman asked somewhat eagerly.

He may have recognized the trap, but it was by far too late to back out, "Y-yes...?"

Elsa slowly removed the dagger from his throat. "Then this is what I want you to do for me. I want you to hurt your friend. I want to watch as you slowly rip him apart, piece by piece. But don't kill him yet," she said as she handed the blade to Otto.

"Wh...why?" he asked between chattering teeth.

"Because I want him to know true despair," she grinned as she removed the shackles on the merchant’s limbs.

Subaru could practically feel his friend’s gaze. There was a moment of hesitation, a small silence, before Otto’s footsteps slowly neared him.

"Otto... Y-you don't have to do this..." the boy pleaded.

"I do not...want to die..." he spoke sadly as he knelt down, "I-I am sorry... I-I am truly so sorry, Natsuki-san. I am...such a terrible friend..."

Subaru couldn’t really blame him. Wouldn’t anyone do the same thing in his position? It was only natural to want to preserve one’s own life, after all. With those thoughts, the boy realized he most likely would not be able to stop Otto from making this decision.

With a sigh and a shaky breath, Subaru had resigned himself to his fate. After all, this timeline was most likely doomed. With his limbs locked down, in the face of true evil, there was no chance of escape. All he could do was wait for the inevitable to pass.

"No, you're not. You're really not. I understand and...I'm not mad at you for your decision. Do what you have to do," the boy said quietly as he hung his head forward in defeat, "I won't ever...judge you for this..."

Elsa had Otto wrapped around her finger, and there was nothing that could be done about it. No amount of words would be able to change this situation.

_ Hurry up and just kill me! _ As much as he wanted to shout, Subaru’s mouth remained shut.

\--Was there...really still some hope in this tragedy?

"I...I-I..." the merchant bit his lip, still at an impasse between self-preservation and harming his friend. Sky blue eyes darted back and forth between the boy and the cold blade of the dagger in his hands. He tested the handle in his tremulous grip and gulped hard as his mind attempted to reconcile which action he should take. As the blade flickered in the fire-light, reflecting his pathetic-looking face, he clenched his teeth.

_ Shunk _

Immense, searing pain shot through Subaru’s thigh, causing him to cry out in agony. The dagger had pierced a deep cut into him and warm blood flowed endlessly down his leg. Immediately after, the merchant’s own guilt forced him to yank the dagger out, prompting a loud yelp as the boy clutched his new wound.

"I-I am so...sorry..." Otto repeated, now choking on his words.

"Good, good!" Elsa spoke contentedly, "Now keep going. I want him to suffer! But remember not to kill him."

Subaru screamed as he felt the blade enter his left shoulder, digging into the soft flesh. He winced in pain and clenched his teeth, but refused to give any more of a reaction.

Seconds later, he felt the hot breath of the murderous psychopath on his neck. "That's it...squeal for me..." she purred in his ear.

"P-please! Stop this! It’s useless!" Subaru yelled desperately, his haywire mind attempting to bring this to an end as quickly as possible.

But the woman ignored his pleas and instead spoke indirectly, "He should be thankful, shouldn't he? I won't allow him to die from this, after all..."

There was a momentary pause as Otto hesitated to continue. The merchant sat on his knees, his hands trembling as his wide blue eyes reflected the flickering flames nearby.

What was he doing? Why had he allowed himself to do that? Why did he go so far? Did he really care for himself more than his friend? Even if he lived through this encounter, it would be for nothing, right? He’d just be all alone again, right? This woman was a psychopath, right? She’d just kill him sooner or later, right?

If he retaliated, he would surely perish.

If he did as she said, he would surely perish.

\--Suddenly, Elsa let out a yelp of surprise. The dagger that had been in Otto’s grip was now dug deep into her hip. Brows furrowed in pure anger, the merchant let out a warcry as he ripped the blade from her flesh and attempted to stab her again.

“Otto, no! She--”

\--But, before Subaru could finish his warning, the woman had already made her move. She easily grasped the merchant’s wrist, shattering the bones in an instant. He let out a shriek and dropped the dagger to the ground with a  _ clang _ .

_ Shunk _

Before he could even so much as think, Otto found another blade buried deep into his back. “Aaahhh!!!” he wailed in agony as the dagger dug into his spine, shutting off the nerves controlling his lower body. Having lost control of half his bodily functions, the merchant helplessly slumped over onto the ground.

Though Subaru couldn’t see, the horrible sounds were enough to set him off. He screamed at the top of his lungs, “Otto!! No!!”

The woman ripped the dagger from Otto’s back, prompting him to let out a shrill yelp. She mercilessly kicked him over until he was face to face with her. Black eyes smiled down at his prone form, “If only you had just done as you were told. Not that I am one to complain,” she began, her grin widening as she licked her lips, “I get to finally see your entrails, after all.”

“N...n-no!!” Otto yelled, holding his hands up in a weak attempt at self-defense. But that did nothing to deter Elsa from slashing his abdomen open with her blade. The merchant screamed as blood pooled his organs, causing him to gurgle on his voice. He breathed heavily and rapidly for a few seconds before his strength finally began to fade.

As his vision grew dim, with his last few breaths, he rasped, “N-Natsuki-san... S-sorry...“

“Otto!!” Subaru shouted from nearby but there was nothing he could do. In the growing despair, all he could do was listen as the last light of life left his friend, leaving him all alone to the will of this woman. Even if he did happen to survive this hopeless situation, it would be useless without having guaranteed the safety of everyone.

The boy’s shouts only prompted the psychopath to laugh maniacally, “You were quite fond of him, I see. Well, he is no more. But his insides are quite wonderful, aren’t they?”

Subaru realized, if he did not go back, Otto would remain dead. He had to go back. No matter how far he ended up, he couldn’t let his best friend die like this. And so he hurriedly moved his hands around the ground, looking for the dagger that had been dropped.

_ Crunch _

“--And what do you think you’re doing?” said Elsa as she stomped on one of his hands with her heel. “Are you, perhaps, looking for this?” she grinned as she held up the fallen dagger, “Well, if you ask nicely, I may consider giving it to you.”

“Elsa!!” Subaru desperately shouted. With that, his last hope of quickly resetting the timeline was out the window.

Suddenly, the brush of cold steel touched his neck, causing Subaru to freeze in place. “It is futile to fight back, you know,” Elsa remarked, “Now, if you do as I say, perhaps I won’t kill you this instant.”

Elsa wouldn’t kill him until the ritual was complete, this much he knew for a fact, thus her words were clearly a bluff to get him to act as she wanted.

This was his one chance to go back, to redo everything. Even so, Subaru remained frozen in place.

Dying was not easy, it never was. No matter how many times he had repeated the act, willingly or not, it never became easier.

As his breathing turned to gasps, his heart raced and his skin beaded sweat. An image formed in his mind, built upon the horrible sounds of pain and loss that had just occurred. Words upon words flooded his brain--

_ I have to do this. I have to go back. I have to do it. I have to. I have to save everyone. I have to save them. I have to protect Emilia. I have to save Otto. _

Bracing his mind for impact, Subaru forcefully pushed his neck forward, plunging the blade deep into his throat and immediately severing his windpipe.

Elsa gasped. “No... No, no, no! How dare you!” she shouted, her voice finally showing some semblance of true anger. The woman stood back, her black eyes seething as she watched the boy helplessly writhe about the ground.

Subaru unconsciously attempted to grasp for his throat but the chains rattled, holding him in place. Crimson spewed from his lips as the boy fell forward, choking and gagging on the blood pooling his airways. His lungs begged for relief, pumping into overdrive to make up for the loss of air, but it was all to no avail. Searing pain filled his chest as his body could no longer regulate the flow of oxygen throughout his system. 

\--Footsteps cautiously approached from somewhere nearby, “W-what happened, Elsa?”

The woman immediately turned her attention to the other person, “You! Meili, do you know healing magic?”

“No, of course not! Don’t be ridiculous!” the girl brushed her request off before letting out a hum, “But you really killed him, huh?”

“I didn’t intend to! But now there’s nothing I can do about this. If I initiate the ritual now, he’ll die before it’s complete,” the woman responded, biting one of her nails in frustration.

Meili shrugged, “Boo hoo... Sucks to be you, I guess.”

“Meili.”

“Yes?”

Elsa’s dark orbs glared at the small girl, “Your presence is no longer necessary.”

“Hey now, what do you mean by that!?” Meili responded. The taller woman stepped forward, bloodied dagger in hand. “Elsa, cut it out!” As the shorter girl shouted, Elsa loomed over her, “Hey, this isn’t funny! I said cut it out!” And--

“Guh--” The beast tamer fell to the ground with a hard  _ thud _ and--

Subaru’s consciousness faded in and out like a flickering candle, just barely comprehending the events unfolding around him. As his desperate gasps became shallow breaths and his lungs finally ceased to beg for air, his mind abruptly came to a halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I titled this Misery because it was painful to write (in a good way). If I’ve passed even a tiny amount of that pain onto you, the reader, then I believe I have done my job as a writer.
> 
> Anyway, new character get! It’s a Meili! And I am definitely not confident writing for her, but I hope it was okay? I thought of adding her to the character tag list but I think that would ruin the surprise so, at least for the time being, I want to keep this a secret from anyone who hasn’t caught up yet.
> 
> But wow, 30 chapters!? I can’t believe it’s come so far!


End file.
